49er wrote:I just don't understand why people are driven to do this.
Also, how do you know someone is De-Nile because other than what they post on this forum, you don't know the whole story.
As one who has been chastised by 49er, I'm inclined to acknowledge he does have a point. But that just shows how complicated this whole thing about human relations really can be. What is a strong positive for one, may be a strong negative for another. The problem is knowing who is who. Let me give an example.
Recently I listened to a director of a local area home for abused children. They limit their home to adopted children, both domestic and foreign, who have been abused, physically, mentally, and/or sexually, by their adoptive families. I was shocked to learn how many adopted children, especially of foreign birth, are abused by one or both of their adoptive parents. But I was almost more shocked to hear the director say one of our everyday actions to demonstrate our liking, appreciation, or love, for another person, hugs, are absolutely forbidden. Yes, hugs, including an arm around the shoulder, are forbidden. Why? Because physical touching is the basis of the abuse that child received, and physical touching, even in love, can cause all sorts of negative reactions within that child. Now, after years of counseling and being in a group that demonstrates love, that aversion can be, and usually does get, changed to acceptance.
The human psyche is extremely complicated. Tough love works, and for some people that is exactly what is needed. But I am sure there are others for whom a tough love comment is the catalyst to cause an explosion of feelings of being hated, disliked, abused, ridiculed, and so on. Why? Because those kinds of comments are the basis of the verbal abuse they have suffered. The question is, who is who?
So let's all of us, on both sides of the issue, recognize the validity of each others opinions and understanding. All of us are right, maybe even most of the time, but none of us is right all the time. And conversely, none of us is wrong all the time, but all of us are wrong sometimes. It is especially difficult to discern when we may be wrong because of the absence of body language.
Let's keep going forward, and when we get it right, be happy, and when we get it wrong, apologize, and move on. And those who have felt wronged, please understand and accept the reality that we're doing the best we can within the limitations God, or Mother Nature if you prefer, has imposed upon us.
Love and peace to all.
