Wasting away again in ketogenic-ville

Chew on some nice fresh garlic cloves?

BlackSpinner wrote:Chew on some nice fresh garlic cloves?

DreamStalker wrote:Unsustainable is relative .... unsustainable to your lifespan or hers?
I'd opine that your biggest downside has been the complete lack of support from your wife.

Today's discussion about what to have for dinner...

Wife: "I want some real food today"

Me: "like what?"

Wife: "Meat and potatoes"

leptic wrote:

DreamStalker wrote:Unsustainable is relative .... unsustainable to your lifespan or hers?
I'd opine that your biggest downside has been the complete lack of support from your wife.

Today's discussion about what to have for dinner...

Wife: "I want some real food today"

Me: "like what?"

Wife: "Meat and potatoes"

You: "Here honey, have an extra serving of some real potatoes" ...

You Again: Ahemmm .... are you going to eat the left over fat from your steak?

Potatoes are not my problem. Mine is having to bake. Blueberries are in season, it is one of the few fruits my sister can eat. I am baking at least 2 Gluten free pies a week as well as biscuits and cookies. At least 1/3 of my flour mix is almond flour so that reduces the carb load a bit.

Just remind her there is nothing stopping her from eating those potatoes, however after cooking for fussy eaters I also know how annoying it is to make dinner and have someone pull up their nose and refuse to eat it. Do compensate her for that or you will have issues over other things. It can come to represent everything that could possibly be wrong in the relationship and it might end up with "You always.....!" screamed in your face. (Been there, done that, don't let it happen)

BlackSpinner wrote:Potatoes are not my problem. Mine is having to bake. Blueberries are in season, it is one of the few fruits my sister can eat. I am baking at least 2 Gluten free pies a week as well as biscuits and cookies. At least 1/3 of my flour mix is almond flour so that reduces the carb load a bit.

Just remind her there is nothing stopping her from eating those potatoes, however after cooking for fussy eaters I also know how annoying it is to make dinner and have someone pull up their nose and refuse to eat it. Do compensate her for that or you will have issues over other things. It can come to represent everything that could possibly be wrong in the relationship and it might end up with "You always.....!" screamed in your face. (Been there, done that, don't let it happen)

Yeah I'm going to have to ask myself if this is worth my marriage. Probably best not to go into details but tonight was pretty rough.

leptic wrote:

BlackSpinner wrote:.... It can come to represent everything that could possibly be wrong in the relationship and it might end up with "You always.....!" screamed in your face. (Been there, done that, don't let it happen)

Yeah I'm going to have to ask myself if this is worth my marriage. Probably best not to go into details but tonight was pretty rough.

at some point, you might need to ask yourself if your marriage is worth your health....

leptic wrote:
Yeah I'm going to have to ask myself if this is worth my marriage. Probably best not to go into details but tonight was pretty rough.

Balance is everything. Do some of the cooking. Alternate diets. Make it easier for her instead of harder.

Remember food represents a lot of things besides fuel ; love, security, comfort, responsibility, bonding. Women have had it hammered into them that their gender role is to provide nurturing and food, take that away or challenge it and for a lot of women you undermine their essential femininity and their role in their marriage. It is hard to go against early conditioning. Also you have agreed upon roles within your marriage that you are now trying to change, in essence you are trying to re-write your contract.

BlackSpinner wrote:

leptic wrote:
Yeah I'm going to have to ask myself if this is worth my marriage. Probably best not to go into details but tonight was pretty rough.

Balance is everything. Do some of the cooking. Alternate diets. Make it easier for her instead of harder.

Remember food represents a lot of things besides fuel ; love, security, comfort, responsibility, bonding. Women have had it hammered into them that their gender role is to provide nurturing and food, take that away or challenge it and for a lot of women you undermine their essential femininity and their role in their marriage. It is hard to go against early conditioning. Also you have agreed upon roles within your marriage that you are now trying to change, in essence you are trying to re-write your contract.

I just don't think she can shake the conviction that the keto diet is about eating 'greasy crap' as she calls it (and it's not like I'm eating bacon and stuff - mostly I'm following the recommendations of my dietician with minimal carbs and not buying low-fat products). She keeps saying I've refused to adopt a 'healthier lifestyle' which in her mind means eating smaller portions (which I am actually doing) without any of what she considers to be 'gimmicky exclusions', as well as exercising (I'm biking 12 km/day including long slogs up and down Mt. Royal so don't know what more I'm to do).

The cpap has also been difficult for her - she is almost as skeptical about that as about the low-carb diet. As far as she's concerned, I didn't snore or (apparently) have apnea three years ago and she's make it clear that she's disgusted that I now need the crutch of cpap (she seems to consider it a shameful geriatric affliction like having a walker or wearing adult diapers - no offence to anyone who uses either). I still sleep in the basement, which is obviously not helping the marriage (but she's made it clear 'the machine' is not to go in our bedroom).

Maybe I should re-read some of the threads on 'dealing with change'. She keeps saying stuff like 'I don't even know you anymore' since I've adopted this apparently flakey diet and started my weird breathing therapy.

leptic wrote:I just don't think she can shake the conviction that the keto diet is about eating 'greasy crap' as she calls it (and it's not like I'm eating bacon and stuff - mostly I'm following the recommendations of my dietician with minimal carbs and not buying low-fat products). She keeps saying I've refused to adopt a 'healthier lifestyle' which in her mind means eating smaller portions (which I am actually doing) without any of what she considers to be 'gimmicky exclusions', as well as exercising (I'm biking 12 km/day including long slogs up and down Mt. Royal so don't know what more I'm to do).

The cpap has also been difficult for her - she is almost as skeptical about that as about the low-carb diet. As far as she's concerned, I didn't snore or (apparently) have apnea three years ago and she's make it clear that she's disgusted that I now need the crutch of cpap (she seems to consider it a shameful geriatric affliction like having a walker or wearing adult diapers - no offence to anyone who uses either). I still sleep in the basement, which is obviously not helping the marriage (but she's made it clear 'the machine' is not to go in our bedroom).

your wife seems to be a raging thing that rhymes with 'stitch'.

cpap is just as much a crutch as glasses.

Breathe deep and arrange for couple counselling.

This kind of thing is very common when one person has been "sick" and takes control over their situation. Others in the relationship have a vested interest in things staying the same. They don't want to change the comfortable way of relating. It is the same whether it is addiction, alcoholism, or physical / mental health. The other member can no longer be a hero.

Like I said you have changed the unspoken roles of the relationship. It is one of the problems with straight couples, everybody assumes they know the roles and rules and don't talk about them. Then it is hard to open the dialog.

A relationship is a dance and now you both have to learn a new tempo, new steps.

Looks like leptic changed the subject line yet again... very creative, keeps us on our toes Last week I gave my old old Atkin's books to the little free lending library down the street. No takers yet and I don't suppose there ever will be. Boy, that book was hot back in the day Once hot, now snot - as the saying goes.

Leptic, your wife and you seem to be on different teams. Maybe time for couple's counseling or whatever.

Sir NoddinOff wrote:Looks like leptic changed the subject line yet again... very creative, keeps us on our toes Last week I gave my old old Atkin's books to the little free lending library down the street. No takers yet and I don't suppose there ever will be. Boy, that book was hot back in the day Once hot, now snot - as the saying goes.

Well if nothing else the low-carb thing has demonstrated longevity...

Leptic, your wife and you seem to be on different teams. Maybe time for couple's counseling or whatever.

I think our last counsellor was pretty traumatized...

Leptic, I'm sure it's no surprise to you, but this is not really about food choices. It's about a marriage that appears to be lacking in mutual support and respect. You could give her all the peer reviewed evidence in the world and she can see the benefits right before her eyes, but she doesn't support and respect you. This is rarely one-sided, so you may need a counselor to help you explore how well you are doing in the respect and support department, too. And of course, love must underpin it all. Does it?

Please don't answer ME, it's none of my business. But if you can't find a way to communicate this to your wife, it's definitely time for some help.

So sorry. A marriage is what you make it, but it takes two.

leptic wrote: I think our last counsellor was pretty traumatized...

That is what they get paid for; Fifty minutes of challenge, the danger, the adrenalin rush! You give their life meaning!