Way to go - APOLOGY ALSO

How about a sticky for new visitors, how the forum works (or not) and a tutorial about the foe button. Then in the thread we can just respond by referring them to the sticky.

Back a few years ago, we had Dori. Dori was the "mom" of this board and if Dori got on you, you backed down because, well, she's "mom" and you never backtalk or disobey mom.

We need Dori back, which I know won't happen. And to be honest, some of the personalities now probably would have driven Dori away too.

QUOTE: "Maybe quietly pm'ing anyone who decides to get involved in the thread to "foe" the perpetrator"

Some have tried that ... all it did was get a post in the original thread :

" YFI, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO?"

and then the trouble really got going

Lucyhere wrote:

Janknitz wrote:Seems like there should be some way to form a "posse" when someone really gets out of line.

Maybe quietly pm'ing anyone who decides to get involved in the thread to "foe" the perpetrator. That way, the perpetrator will eventually be met with nothing but silence, and that's not much fun.

I have "foe'd" a few people on this board, and they are no longer very active if at all (even if I don't see their posts, I can see evidence of their posts, or lack thereof)--I suspect because others did the same instead of continually poking them.

And especially PM'ing the newbie who gets caught in the crossfire to let them know that this member is out of line and suggest that they foe that person.

Marking a person as a foe means you won't see their posts any more--no reason to be irritated at them. And they won't know you have done so, so there's nothing to try to retaliate. Eventually, though, the silence will be deafening.

Brilliant... seriously!

The more I think about this the better it sounds! For sure, no one has come up with a better solution. I'm going to do this from this point forward. Thanks you.

Janknitz wrote:Seems like there should be some way to form a "posse" when someone really gets out of line.

Maybe quietly pm'ing anyone who decides to get involved in the thread to "foe" the perpetrator. That way, the perpetrator will eventually be met with nothing but silence, and that's not much fun.

I have "foe'd" a few people on this board, and they are no longer very active if at all (even if I don't see their posts, I can see evidence of their posts, or lack thereof)--I suspect because others did the same instead of continually poking them.

And especially PM'ing the newbie who gets caught in the crossfire to let them know that this member is out of line and suggest that they foe that person.

Marking a person as a foe means you won't see their posts any more--no reason to be irritated at them. And they won't know you have done so, so there's nothing to try to retaliate. Eventually, though, the silence will be deafening.

I know............we should invade you with the Canadian army!

Sticky is a good idea, poolQ. Maybe with screen shots about how to do it. ETA: JDS' post here would be good for the sticky as well: viewtopic/t110025/A-Modest-Proposal.html

The trick is talking some of us veterans in to using our foe buttons. We tend to want to set the person straight (but that's generally NOT going to happen).

But I suggest we go quietly in pm's to remind people, so that the person who is out of line won't have anyone to attack and eventually all that person is going to have is crickets.

Oooh, crickets! Yum!
Some people that were once on my foe list, settled down, and I removed them from the list.
Sometimes they just need to get over what's bugging them offline.
(I just said "bug"--stop me!)

Pugsy, I am dumbstruck!! You have been my lifeline here! And so many others have told me how much you are valued here. I can understand your leaving, the nastiness can really get to you after awhile. I came here to get help and I got it - at least enough to get me sleeping successfully with CPAP every night. I would have been lost without it.

I am fairly new here, but I did notice early on that there was a lot of nastiness here among certain people. I always liked that you could say what was on your mind here, but that has a downside also. I was PM'd by a member who told me that she did not like to post here because she always got picked on because she continued to have such a terrible time with her CPAP. Of course, I was not able to help much because I am so new myself. It really seemed odd that a forum that was supposed to be so dedicated to helping new people was driving them away in droves. This is sad because there are people who genuinely wish to help on the forum.

When someone makes fun of me or calls me a bad name, I put them in my "FOE" list. I don't do this to punish them. I do this to help control my OWN behavior. I know that I have a lot of anger inside and I don't want to take it out on anyone. So if I cannot SEE a nasty comment, I won't be tempted to respond to it in kind. It is always so much easier to vent our anger on some defenseless, struggling person than to confront that which is really making us angry. Just something for us all to think about.

Pugsy wrote:I will be phasing out my participation on this forum because I simply cannot stomach the way things are now.
Yesterday 80% of the posts were shit slinging name calling and had nothing to do with helping anyone except the person trying to get the last shovelful of shit thrown.

Anyone want to take on the job of being the home for unwanted cpap stuff?
I am done with it.
I probably will have a final clearance thread and be done with the unwanted cpap stuff job.

Common sense and common courtesy have long sense been abandoned here.
It makes me very sad because it used to be a place that welcomed people and was a fun place to come to.
Just because a person can say anything they want to doesn't mean they necessarily should but if it is more important to be the last shit slinger here....go for it.

Nooooo!!! Say it ain't so, Pugsy! You are the single best thing about this list! All your invaluable support here is something I do not believe I can do without. I am sorry that you have gotten so "over it," but I do understand. There have been so many times I have just refrained from jumping into the fray, reminding myself that I am here to learn, and hopefully help, on the subject of sleep apnea and its treatment, and not to put forth nor defend my unrelated, personal views.

Sigh! I hope you will reconsider, but whether you do not, I thank you, for all that you have done.

Peace,
Jill

chunkyfrog wrote:Oooh, crickets! Yum!
Some people that were once on my foe list, settled down, and I removed them from the list.
Sometimes they just need to get over what's bugging them offline.
(I just said "bug"--stop me!)

Too funny, Chunky! Let's all learn to like crickets! Yum, yum!

It could be our code word. PM people and say "hey, let's give X crickets." Just a gentle reminder.

Janknitz wrote:Sticky is a good idea, poolQ. Maybe with screen shots about how to do it. ETA: JDS' post here would be good for the sticky as well: viewtopic/t110025/A-Modest-Proposal.html

The trick is talking some of us veterans in to using our foe buttons. We tend to want to set the person straight (but that's generally NOT going to happen).

But I suggest we go quietly in pm's to remind people, so that the person who is out of line won't have anyone to attack and eventually all that person is going to have is crickets.

Jan, it has already been done on the "qt" and all it has accomplished is to piss off the person who has been tattled on when they were told about it. The other problem is that when someone dislikes another person, they go ahead and pm newbies to stay away from that person and there is no viable reason to do that in the first place. Its like when we were in grade school and there were "hall monitors", those monitors took it upon themselves to make sure the students they didn't like got many detentions.... deserved or not. We are all adults here (at least supposed to be) and we have come across this kind of behavior here before.... many times in the almost 6 years I've been here. I'm sure no one wants a forum made up of "hall monitors", since we are all adults we should just ignore it, it will soon die all on its own. Most of the offending members here have been run off before and they still consider themselves the hall monitors but for some reason can't see themselves in the mirror.
Just my 2 cents on the subject of forum police.
Nan

Nan, you may be right. But it's worth a try again. Seems better to me than sitting here cursing the way things are, with nothing to do to improve the situation--better to light a single candle.

I already see "crickets" in another thread, so for the moment at least, that's working to help that thread not become a multi-paged mud sling.

Nobody has to be heavy handed or self-important monitors. Adults are going to behave how they are going to behave, childish or not. If a gentle reminder from someone who has a care at that moment doesn't work, then it's on the ones who keep on poking the dragon. At least newbies will get some reassurance that they don't have to be treated that way.

PoolQ wrote:The forum owner has clearly stated how they want the forum to operate-unmoderated.

Hi PoolQ- here is what Johnny G. stated about moderating the forum in his post on 1/15/16:

"Howdy,

I don't think you really want me to do what you ask. It assumes I can use a heavy hand to "fix it". I can't. It'll be more broken and less free.

The only way to win here is to be vigilant and have better ideas.

I think CPAPtalk waxes and wanes. I've watched with great displeasure at some comments, but I've also seem strong rebuttals. Good has always won in the past and it'll win here in time.

My job is to keep it free. Your job is to make sure good triumphs in message and spirit.

In conclusion and respectfully, no, I won't change the shape of CPAPtalk just because we're having a bad month. They don't get to have that impact on us.

Johnny


We are the community we build and choose. Nothing more or less. If there's a hero to ride in and make things better, it is you.

Johnny"


My interpretation of Johnny's message is that HE doesn't want to moderate the forum in this way, but there's nothing in his message saying that we can't moderate ourselves; in fact, I think he's encouraging it. The Goodmans are already moderating some things in this forum because we now have the SPAM and TWITTER buttons (what is that one about?)

I think the 'sticky' idea is great for newcomers, however, would recommend keeping it brief so they don't feel overwhelmed with rules. The info on the Foe button with pics would be great too!

So, let's generate some more productive ideas.. what are some things that work or are helpful on other boards or forums/ groups that others belong to, when there are conflicts? * Note: nothing is being decided here and my intent is not to form a posse' or group against any other member. I am offering my help to be a part of the solution

I guess "forming a posse" is a poor choice of words, but what I meant was that instead of joining in on the mud slinging we who feel motivated to do so could just provide a reminder of an alternate approach in pm's.

I know I could say "crickets" to some people and get this type of response: [URL=http://s1101.photobucket.com/user/ ... .jpg[/img]
[/url]

But it's worth a try. If even a few people give crickets it will slow down the vitriol.

Jan... could you please give an example of "crickets" in the context you are using it?