Trying Hard Not to Commit Suicide

49er · Post by **49er** » Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:01 pm

Boxed In,

What did you do for a living before you lost your job?

49er

Todzo · Post by **Todzo** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:39 am

BoxedIn wrote:UPDATE: I think I'm leaning towards NOT committing suicide and will tough it out. I will stay alive.
Having said that, it looks like the next few years of my life are going to be hell and I cringe at the thought.
I talked to my landlord today and explained things to him. He told me he is sorry to hear that and wishes me well,
but it's not his problem and if I don't pay the rent plus a late fee, he will begin eviction proceedings very soon
and sue me in court. I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time before I have no home.

I will try to go to a homeless shelter, even though it will probably be tough in there! I would also imagine my CPAP
machine would probably get stolen there... after all, even used, the machine and mask can fetch maybe $500 or so.
Chances are one of the homeless people there will notice it and try to get some cash by stealing it.

I'm trying to be realistic. A very tired guy in a homeless shelter, it just sounds like
a miserable existence. I also don't know what to make of my loans... some are in default already. I've talked to some
banks and they have reduced and extended some of my loans, but that only goes so far before I default on those too!
I also have a few thousand left in federal student loans, which cannot be discharged in bankruptcy and are in default too.

So my credit score is shot and if I go bankrupt it stays on my report for 10 years!

I want to work. I'm 31, and I have a college degree. I'm not stupid. But my sleep apnea makes me really tired most of the time.
I cannot hold and keep a job. You need energy to work. When you feel so tired, you can't. Furthermore, most jobs also require
transportation, and I try not to drive much. I feel that if I drive a lot or have to commute a lot, I might crash due to being so sleepy.
But even if I took a bus or worked from home, I'm still too tired to do it properly.

Realistically, it looks like my life will now be living homeless, bankrupt, nasty credit score, too tired to work or do much of anything.
Yes I've decided to live and not commit suicide, but God have mercy on my soul if this is my new existence. A few years ago I was
a happy, college educated, middle class guy making $60k per year and even had a nice girlfriend. Now, it looks like I'll be a pauper
fighting to stay alive with barely a penny to my name and feeling so tired that I can't do much to change it.

Hi again BoxedIn!

Well young man (I am almost 59!) you have a lot ahead of you. They are just starting out learning how to treat Sleep Apnea so you will profit from what they learned with me and during those years and the years ahead.

Right now I think the best thing you can do is take a walk or two, or run, or cycle. Lumbering walks, intense walks or runs, cycling for pleasure. You need to get the mind off the possible hard future, you need exercise, you need a broader perspective.

Life has good times, life has boring times, life has hard times.

If you were up to $60K+ you will likely go above that in the future. Due to current bad health it is hard for you to see that now.

Go have some fun!

Todzo

Sheriff Buford · Post by **Sheriff Buford** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:23 am

spam...

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:52 am

Sheriff Buford wrote:spam...

It is not spam. This is what collapse looks like in slow motion, from an individual perspective. BoxedIn is not the only one going through this process and he certainly will not be the last.

snuginarug · Post by **snuginarug** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:57 am

BoxedIn wrote:I will try to go to a homeless shelter, even though it will probably be tough in there! I would also imagine my CPAP
machine would probably get stolen there... after all, even used, the machine and mask can fetch maybe $500 or so.
Chances are one of the homeless people there will notice it and try to get some cash by stealing it.

I've been homeless. It's just another life circumstance. People see it as the end of the world, but it's not.

As for your equipment... yes, they will most likely be happy to lock it up for you when not in use.

Everything else... listen to the good people on here. Reach out for help, you may be able to stave off eviction or organize some affordable housing to transition into. Get medical help to rule out a lot of other (potentially serious) causes of fatigue. Most importantly, call a hotline or 911 if you start feeling suicidal again. The people on here can be as helpful as possible, but we are not trained professionals.

It's hard to problem solve when suicidally depressed. People can help you problem solve. But you need to connect with the people in your area, not random people on the internet. I do not live in your area therefore cannot tell you "There is X program you can apply for." If you lived here I would refer you to a particularly helpful organization that has helped me. But you don't live here. Only someone in your area can tell you these things. Waiting until you are evicted to get connected with local resources makes no sense. That's like waiting to clean a cut until after it is infected.

Be proactive, call 411 or United Way or social services.

DreamStalker · Post by **DreamStalker** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:21 am

snuginarug wrote:
BoxedIn wrote:I will try to go to a homeless shelter, even though it will probably be tough in there! I would also imagine my CPAP
machine would probably get stolen there... after all, even used, the machine and mask can fetch maybe $500 or so.
Chances are one of the homeless people there will notice it and try to get some cash by stealing it.
I've been homeless. It's just another life circumstance. People see it as the end of the world, but it's not.

As for your equipment... yes, they will most likely be happy to lock it up for you when not in use.

Everything else... listen to the good people on here. Reach out for help, you may be able to stave off eviction or organize some affordable housing to transition into. Get medical help to rule out a lot of other (potentially serious) causes of fatigue. Most importantly, call a hotline or 911 if you start feeling suicidal again. The people on here can be as helpful as possible, but we are not trained professionals.

It's hard to problem solve when suicidally depressed. People can help you problem solve. But you need to connect with the people in your area, not random people on the internet. I do not live in your area therefore cannot tell you "There is X program you can apply for." If you lived here I would refer you to a particularly helpful organization that has helped me. But you don't live here. Only someone in your area can tell you these things. Waiting until you are evicted to get connected with local resources makes no sense. That's like waiting to clean a cut until after it is infected.

Be proactive, call 411 or United Way or social services.

I agree completely.

Obviously your internet is still available. Use craigslist and ebay to sell your possessions which you will lose anyway if you have no place to store them ... get some cash for them while you can. Keep only those things that will help you survive and that you can carry with you. I too have been where you are at one point. Back in the late 1980's, I camped out at a state park for a couple of months with everything I owned at the time (mostly camping gear) until I got admitted into grad school to restart my life anew (I was 29 then). Started out with student loans then got research assistantships and eventually a whole new career. I'm in my 50's now and I'm preparing to restart my life all over again. Life is challenging, when it's not, it's boring.

Drowsy Dancer · Post by **Drowsy Dancer** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:06 am

BoxedIn wrote:I will try to go to a homeless shelter, even though it will probably be tough in there! I would also imagine my CPAP
machine would probably get stolen there... after all, even used, the machine and mask can fetch maybe $500 or so.
Chances are one of the homeless people there will notice it and try to get some cash by stealing it.

If the facility can't lock your CPAP up for you during the day, carry it with you! The units are small enough to make this feasible. If you had to jettison anything, you could try to just hide the humidifier part somewhere, although that's a pretty important comfort feature for many.

HelpMeBreath · Post by **HelpMeBreath** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:16 am

More than likely you are tired because you are depressed. I had OSA for a long time, got tons of help from the people on this forum - then I lost 50 lbs and did not need a CPAP anymore. The fatigue came and went, was clearly related to depression. Go get help.

nanwilson · Post by **nanwilson** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:24 am

Folks, I have to agree with the sheriff... only instead of "spam" I say "troll" or our favorite troll Calist or whatever name he is going by now.

If I were in a like situation, I definitely would have had my internet connection cut off for non payment..
I would have sold my computer by now...
to keep my apartment I would at least have a room mate to share costs or moved to a smaller rooming house.....
I would have sold my car.........
I would have sold whatever I had that wasn't nailed down or totally essential........
Why would I bother to fill in my profile if I were just here to start this thread and so messed up I was considering suicide - this
this thread took a lot of pre-thinking!!
deleted the rest of my reply.. you would only shoot me anyway.......

chunkyfrog · Post by **chunkyfrog** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:30 am

Anybody can use internet at the public library--for free.
(but that occurred to me, too; and OP has not posted for a while . . . )
Thinking about some of our "old friends', one of them could be yanking us around.
AGAIN.

johnthomasmacdonald · Post by **johnthomasmacdonald** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:03 am

Boxed-in: What part of the US are you living in? Maybe someone in your area knows of a job or some other form of help you could get. I assume that you'd be willing to move.

cosmo · Post by **cosmo** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:25 am

Even if he were a troll, all of these post might help someone else....

OSA can cause depression. Depression does cause tiredness and lack of motivation. Both needs to be addressed in his case.

khauser · Post by **khauser** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 10:35 am

cosmo wrote:Even if he were a troll, all of these post might help someone else....

OSA can cause depression. Depression does cause tiredness and lack of motivation. Both needs to be addressed in his case.

Well said. If we start treating everyone we don't personally know as a troll, we're going to make mistakes in the wrong direction.

Assume the best in people ... I always try to do this. Have I been taken advantage of? DEFINITELY! It doesn't change my outlook because I don't want the bad behavior of person A to change how I look at person B. That's my choice. I wish it was everyone's.

Todzo · Post by **Todzo** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:29 am

cosmo wrote:Even if he were a troll, all of these post might help someone else....

OSA can cause depression. Depression does cause tiredness and lack of motivation. Both needs to be addressed in his case.

Hi cosmo!

Your point is well taken.

I am one whose carrier of over a quarter of a century was taken by Obstuctive Sleep Apnea (OSA). I know how confusing it is. I know it harms not only the ability to work but ones relationships as well (see: “Obstructive Sleep Apnea Executive Functioning”).

Anyone who seriously studies OSA in the medical literature knows very well that OSA is very well documented to have serious negative effects on job and relationships (quality of life). This was well understood going back to the 90s at least! Not new stuff.

The "spam" and other derogatory calls here reflect the very systematically oppressive attitudes of our American society toward the poor, which too often lead the world (provides a bad example in this case).

Hopefully this will change.

There is no need and certainly it is very uncompassionate to derogatorily speculate here. You might well lead to an unnecessary death and the blood would be on your hands.

May those who would be systematically oppressive here be like chaff before the wind.

Todzo

chunkyfrog · Post by **chunkyfrog** » Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:35 am

Sometimes bankruptcy works in your FAVOR.
Why do you think so many millionaires have done it--more than once?
The thing they don't tell you is that you cannot file bankruptcy again for seven years,
and that makes you a much better risk than you were prior to the bankruptcy.
Bankruptcy is another thing the little guy is being LIED to about!

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Humidifier

Machine	Mask