OT: Daily Funny bone

Two elderly friends arrived in heaven on the same day.

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda.

WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

SYLVIA: I froze to death.

WANDA: How horrible!

SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.
What about you?

WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

SYLVIA: So, what happened?

WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.

I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.

I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't first look in the freezer -- we'd both still be alive.

ChicagoGranny wrote:

Snoopy needs to use his CPAP.

I can so relate to this! For so many years I thought I was allergic to morning. Each morning when I woke up. I used to think I could do with a tank full of oxygen to wake me up. Amazing what the body will tell us if we would only listen. Maybe that's one of the first questions we should ask ourselves when wondering about sleep apnea. Or, a question our docs should be asking us. However, after three years of using a CPAP every night, this morning I woke up an hour before the alarm was due to go off, feeling wide awake. Yet it was only 5 AM! I'm sure there is a balance somewhere. I just have to find it…

Couples counseling: It’s the little things that matter

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that she knows the main problem.

She stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand up and gave her a long, slow great big hug. Then she looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"

The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"

Try it today -> http://www.google.com

Very relaxing.

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."


Sheriff

Senior moments:

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries at my local supermarket, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me".

Making a mental note, so I could complain to the manager, the corporate offices and my local police department about this running amok security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card.

Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors - I hate this getting old stuff.

A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated!!!!!!

100% Vegan, Organic, Free-Range CPAP

ChicagoGranny wrote:100% Vegan, Organic, Free-Range CPAP

Wait a minute here !

Is that a "pot" plant she is carrying in that box?

The terrarium looks like acrylic. I was not aware they made that stuff in organic!

chunkyfrog wrote:The terrarium looks like acrylic. I was not aware they made that stuff in organic!

leather straps?

ChicagoGranny wrote:

A little something special for 9-11 eh? In memory of the government workers who gave their lives.