My Husband and Sleep Apnea....I need you help

I know i did not realize how bad my apnea was getting, I was like your husband is now. Finally I had several family members who I rarely see, tell me they were worried about me, and they only saw how bad I was for a few days. Thank God I have people that cared enough, I think for me it was the number of people who told me I had a problem. If 1 person says something, its kinda like, yeah whatever. But when you start having 5 different people, not just saying, hey I think you have sleep apnea, but finding the time to sit down with you and have a honest open discussion about it, thats what woke me up.

Also, if you search youtube, there are videos people have posted, some of those may help. just search for OSA, or sleep apnea.

GOOD LUCK

frtwome wrote:They tried the cpap mask on him, he had a terrible time with it, and made the tech remove it. She then tried the nasal mask on him, and the tech said that he did sleep slightly better. But, he should be wearing the mask. He refuses.

Maybe suggest to him to try a dental device as they are much much easier to tollerate. Not nearly as good as CPAP but better than nothing.

frtwome wrote:Who do I purchase this nasal mask from?

https://www.cpap.com

BlackSpinner wrote:Shock therapy?
Buy a nice black dress with hat and hang it in front of the closet. Buy a nice bathing suit and put around singles cruise literature. Explain you are planning your widowhood. Open your own bank account and ask him how much you can start putting away for the cruise to find your next husband. Ask him for suggestions as to which of your male friends to avoid after he is dead.

I love your creativity!! Truly LOL : )

mdintx wrote:Wear your CPAP, capiche????

<holding my sides> Too absolutely funny!

My experience and some things you might mention. At my sleep apena diagnosis, my always low blood pressure was 210/110 or maybe 215/110, enough my new doc almost hospitalized me. He looked at me and asked if I was exhausted as I looked...I nearly cried, a doc who recognized my exhaustion! My blood chemistry was completely nuts and stayed that way for about a yr as I recall. I had to go to a cardiologist to verify my high blood pressure and apnea hadn't damaged my heart...no fun, I'm still going for periodic checks. I date the start of my apnea to the yr before I gained 50#s for no reason (I always ate the same diet because I'd been trying to lose for a long time, I was already fat). My doc at the time was clueless; he had several opportunities to diagnosis sleep apnea and missed the symptoms. I had to get up and pee 8-10 times a night. Exhaution was everything; I was bone-deep weary and so tired I could fall asleep standing up leaning against something. I fell slept in movies, watching tv, reading books, at parties...so I quit doing those things. I stopped writing fiction. I stopped cooking anything that required memory; I forgot how to make gravy (I'd been doing this for 35 yrs!); I burned food (something I'd never done) because I lost the ability to pay attention to several pots at the same time; recipes were too complicated for my foggy brain. I lost my sense of humor. My short-term memory is still damaged into my third yr of CPAP therapy; it is slowly getting better. I never remembered dreaming and I used to have vivid, lifelike dreams that I valued (they are returning). My mood was consistently sarcastic and I was mean to everyone who as far as I was concerned were deliberately trying to make my life more difficult -- I was a hyper-irritable first class bitch and it's no wonder no one wanted to be around me which suited me fine I was in such bad shape (figuratively and literally). Everything was too much trouble. If I could just get some sleep was all I thought about -- all of that is gone and I'm pretty much back to my cheerful optimistic self. I cried a lot because I felt so bad all the time. I was always late to work and even working overtime did not make up for missed meetings I was expected to attend; my bosses did not understand until I had one whose hubby had sleep apnea. The mistakes I found in my previous work as I recovered were both embarassing and frightening...I was grateful I found them and corrected them. I could sleep 16 hrs and wake up more tired than when I went to bed. I never snored unless I was badly congested and then it was as one described it profound, no gasping, no choking. I had many, many hypopneas (airway narrowing) that resulted in multiple oxygen deprivation episodes throughout the night...that's what caused the hypertension. These nightly episodes of hypertension caused the nocturia (nightime peeing)...the brain's way of trying to reduce the extreme blood pressure. During my sleep study, the little over 2 hrs that my brain let me sleep wearing the mask was the best sleep I'd had in almost a decade and it convinced me that whatever it took I was going to deal with as I was determined have good sleep again...I'd forgotten what it was like.

On night 1 of CPAP therapy, I quit needing to pee at night and that little symptom is now ancient history. Nights 1-4 were from hell because every time the machine went to full pressure, I woke up. Night 5 I slept the entire night without waking up once. I wore a pillow mask which has these fat prong-like things that sit at the end of the nose and deliver the air; mine was the Respironics OptiLife mask and it's probably one of the most minimal of masks. It's pretty comfortable and easy to adjust...I wore that mask for the first 23 months of CPAP therapy.

As to the wt loss, you might mention that losing 75#s means gaining an inch of penis length if the wt is lost from the gut! It's true and given most men I know will will grab their attention. It took me 9 months as a hosehead to have the energy to do more than 3-4 minutes on my exercise bike without feeling exhausted but then I went from 10 mins to 40 within a week. I complained about my slow progress and my sleep doc and cardio doc both insisted they believe that when I lose my excess wt, my apnea will likely disappear (remains to be seen) and that some folks don't see any benefits for a yr...made me glad I wasn't one of them. My docs still assure me that my sleep apnea might disappear...they might be humoring me, but the pressure required to stent open my airways has gone down along with my wt so they might be right. Sleeping with equipment that blows air up my nose is a small price to pay to stay alive while I recover from the mangling that apnea has wrought on my body and while I lose wt.

I wish you well on your effort; a doc sympathic to my exhaustion who said it was fixable was the key for me. A family intervention with all of you ganging up on him might help. Would your doc be willing to join in? One of the really sad side effects of untreated apnea is that within 5 yrs of onset if cardiovascular events haven't killed or permantently crippled you is that it will trigger the expression of diabetic genes, so many apneics end up diabetic too. The diabetes might be reversible if the apena is treated soon enough, sometimes drastic dietary changes made to reduce carbohydrates, and excess wt lost.

I believe it is almost impossible to get someone to do something they don't want to do.

If you have sat with him in a doctor's office that has made it clear to him what the hazards are if he is not compliant with his apnea therapy, and still he doesn't want to, then that is scary. Also, depending on your relationship, maybe all the energy you are expending on his behalf is taking the place of him feeling like he needs to do anything. In other words, you are doing enough for both of you. Perhaps if you give up (if only for a time) and stop mentioning it, he will begin to look at the issue himself.

And, if after that he does nothing, you have your answer. He doesn't want to take care of himself. This would make me wonder if he understands that by taking care of himself he is loving you. That might be a good conversation to have.

Best wishes!

James Skinner!!!!! Gasp!!!! O'm'goshes, it is SO GOOOOOOOOD to see you two posting!!! James we've missed your wonderful smile! And, Gasp, ah, Gasp, you KNOW how much I love your avatar!!1 Welcome back, guys, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS, even if a bit early!

frtwome

You are between a rock and hard spot. At least he has a cpap so at some point there was a realization that something was wrong. There is alot of non compliance due to mask issues, some people do not tolerate them very well. Is the mask the only issue does his machine have an exhalation relief? I know for myself it would have been more difficult for me to have tolerated cpap without it. You as a wife may have done all you can but keep trying. He will have to get more involved in solving this problem. If he could get that one nights sleep where he wakes and finds his sleep was much better he would be hooked. Keep trying, my wife never quit with me and after years of sleep issues I finally got tested and have been on cpap since 11/25/09 and I saw immediate benefits, it has changed my life.

good luck
cotech

No, I don't have the machine or anything yet. I have been online trying to figure out what I will need for my husband. I'm researching it, but it is confusing. I'm not sure why his doctor didn't give him a prescription for it, ( probably because my husband lept saying that he was not going to wear one) I believe that we have to have a prescription to buy the machine. We were at his doctor at the end of August, And the doctor did talk with us about his sleep apnea, and how bad that it is. But didn't bring it up about writing the prescription for it. We will be at his doctors office on the 16th of Dec.
Judy

Gerryk wrote:I agree with getting some articles together for him. He probably won't be able to read it because he will fall asleep, but it's worth a try and something to start on.

Do you have a machine? If not you will need a machine.

Is your husband a sports fan? Have him read this article.

http://www.medpagetoday.com/PrimaryCare ... orders/298

Thank You, I have printed out a lot of articles for him to read, I first new he had a problem in March 2008, we were sitting out at a campfire with some freinds, everyone was talking, I glanced over at David to see why he was quiet, and he was dozing. Well we had been working a lot of ours for the previos months. And I thought he must really be exhausted. The next day is when the daytime naps started, I let him nap as much as he wanted, because I thought that he needed to catch up from being so tired.
When I realized that the naps were not helping him to feel less tired, I knew there had to be another problem. He has high blood pressure (has for many years) I made him a doctors appointment, the doctor checked him out. Changed his medicine a little, sent him home and told him to get some rest. Well, as time went on, I knew he has definately got a sleep problem, he was talking & yelling in his sleep, waving his arms, gritting his teeth. That's when I was online trying to find his problem myself. And determined that he has sleep apnea. When I tried to discuss this with him, he told me that I was nuts, that I read too much. I wanted him to find another doctor that would get him into a sleep study. And to tell us what we need to do. But, with him being so stubborn and cranky with me, I couldn't talk him into doing anything. I left articles in front of him regarding sleep apnea, and he knows that his symptoms matched these.
In Dec. 2008 I made him an appointment with another doctor, I went in with him, and I told the doctor the symptoms that he has been having for over a year. This doctor did to a lot of different tests, to rule other things out. And, finally I ask the doctor to make him an appointment to go the sleep lab. I already knew this is what he had. But, David never thought that I could be right, but after the results came in. He has severe sleep apnea. His doctor has him convinced that if he loses a lot of weight, he sleep apnea condition will greatly improve. I have had him on a diet, he is not losing weight quick enough, it's hard for him, because he is not active.
I know he must lose this weight, but he must have help now. That's why I keep begging him to try the mask, try anything. I just wish that he wanted help as much as I want him to get help. And I know he is sick & tired of me always nagging him. But, it is very lonely & depressing to watch someone that you love just do nothing but sleep. We were so busy doing things together before this, and I miss that. Sorry, I didn't mean to make this so long. Judy

dsm wrote:Judy

I can't comment re the mask purchase as I think (? anyone in US) the law may have (or about to be) changed on this.

Re hubby's attitude. He sounds like he needs 'shock' therapy on how quickly he will decline if he stays in denial (which
it seems he is in).

One possibility is to print off any articles (anyone got any really good 'shock' links) that highlight the morbidity of not
dealing with OSA. Try to get him to read as many as you can feed to him. The hope is it will eventually sink in that
he has his life & well-being firmly in his own hands & he can do something about it and part of that something is making
cpap therapy work.

Good luck

DSM

He has severe sleep apnea. His doctor has him convinced that if he loses a lot of weight, he sleep apnea condition will greatly improve. I have had him on a diet, he is not losing weight quick enough, it's hard for him, because he is not active.

Be aware that his weight issue maybe because of his sleep apnea and not the cause of it. Lot of skinny people have it too. Plus it is very difficult to lose weight if your OSA is not being treated. My weight issue was caused by the fact that I spent the last few years sleeping in front of the tv and nibbling to keep awake at work.
Maybe the concept of using the machine (as a crutch so to speak) in order to be active and lose weight might get him using it. Once he is hooked on feeling better he will stay the course.

I have been in with him at all doctors appointments, and all tests there were taken, I talked with his sleep study tech. We were both there and we both received the doctors opinion on how bad this is, and how David needed treatment imediately. I have been bugging him for such a long time now, and seem to get nowhere, I seem to be taking on more of his chores, thinking that I am helping him, but just pushing him further away from me if anything. We have been together for 34 years. It's hard to just keep my mouth shut for awhile about his health, but if I thought for a second that it would work, I would do it.
I wish that he was the kind of person that would be willing to do this for me (if not for himself) out of 34 years of togetherness & love. But, obviously he is not. And, I don't hpw to make him. All I know to do is get the breathing equipment that he needs to use. And beg him to use it. He should know by now, after all these years, I can't give up on him. He will just have to stay mad at me.
Judy

gasp wrote:I believe it is almost impossible to get someone to do something they don't want to do.

If you have sat with him in a doctor's office that has made it clear to him what the hazards are if he is not compliant with his apnea therapy, and still he doesn't want to, then that is scary. Also, depending on your relationship, maybe all the energy you are expending on his behalf is taking the place of him feeling like he needs to do anything. In other words, you are doing enough for both of you. Perhaps if you give up (if only for a time) and stop mentioning it, he will begin to look at the issue himself.

And, if after that he does nothing, you have your answer. He doesn't want to take care of himself. This would make me wonder if he understands that by taking care of himself he is loving you. That might be a good conversation to have.

Best wishes!

Judy,

You mentioned that both of you are 53. My sister at 48 had a massive stroke and died after a week in the hospital. During that week I had many discussions with her doctor and was informed that if she had used her Cpap that this might not have happened. I was diagnosed with severe OSA with my blood oxygen levels dipping into the 50’s and would probably be dead myself if I didn’t use my Cpap. No longer do I fall asleep at the drop of a hat and I can concentrate better on whatever is on my mind without losing my thoughts. Your husband needs to realize that the consequences of ignoring his problem will lead more health issues and a shortened life.

Your husband MIGHT want to consider this.

Dental Device Therapy has helped a plethora of people that can't tolerate the CPAP machine. There is a CPAP combination therapy that combines CPAP therapy with Dental Device Therapy. This is used for the severe cases of Obstructive Sleep Apnea ... it allows you to get rid of the mask portion of the CPAP ....you keep the hose and the machine and it works together to treat the obstructive sleep apnea. The dental device is used to help open the airway with a no-mask option. This can be a good option because usually if someone wants to stop using the CPAP is because they are uncomfortable with the mask on their face. Dental Appliance Therapy is worth looking into, medical insurance also is covering it! To find out if you have covergae call your medical insurance company and ask if you have DME under your plan. You would want to ask your MEDICAL insurance if you have code E0486 under your plan and then go from there! For a dentist in your area go to the American Academy of Dental Sleep Medicine to look up a trained dentist that has had specific training in dental sleep medicine in your area.