I don't really know any myself, but I would sure like a good laugh! The best I can come up with is rather weak> 'what's the best mask accessory money can buy?' 'Panty-liners' (you need to have read the comfort curve thread to get that one!)
Please - do better than my feeble attempt!!!!!!!
sir_cumference
Any good CPAP jokes?
How about some silly ditties :(
Yup this is simple but it is a start. I am sure with the talent we have here we can come up with some really clever ones. This can set the ball rolling ...
There was an old man from downunder
Whose snores were louder than thunder
He'd stop breathing at night
Waking wife up in fright
So with CPAP she had him sleep sounder
Cheers
DSM
There was an old man from downunder
Whose snores were louder than thunder
He'd stop breathing at night
Waking wife up in fright
So with CPAP she had him sleep sounder
Cheers
DSM
xPAP and Quattro std mask (plus a pad-a-cheek anti-leak strap)
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sir_cumference
- Posts: 240
- Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:47 am
- Location: UK
I’m not sure that a topic of discussion about the humor (or lack thereof) is appropriate to this forum. I’ve only recently begun to visit this site, but it has helped me a great deal. My doctor is deaf, so all of my knowledge comes from his writings/notes (which can cause problems, due to improper pronunciations on my part).
When my doctor indicated I had a sleep disorder I wasn’t too concerned as I thought a little more sleep would solve the problem and having a documented medical excuse to take a nap at work couldn’t hurt.
I first began to worry when he told me I was going to have to be titrated (new word to me that I saw as tit-rated). Well, I know I’ve put on more pounds that I care for, but I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about having them rated. There are some things that men just don’t want to be known as having something smaller than other men.
He told me that after my titration (another new word seen as tit-ration) I would be provided with a CPAP or an auto CPAP. I was becoming very alarmed. Being married for 40+ years my wife and I have had a long standing agreement that I can “look” so long as I don’t “touch”. I sure as heck didn’t like the idea of having my “outside the home looking or my in home touching” rationed.
During my married years, I’ve seen my wife periodically go for a PAP and NEVER did I hear her say a good word about the experience, so you can imagine the thoughts and pictures that flashed through my mind as I wondered about a CPAP. After asking a few questions, the doctor decided I would be prescribed an auto CPAP. When he said the insurance company would be checking to see how many hours I was using it I asked for another written note to my employer so I could use it as work so I would be refreshed and could extend my fishing hours in the evening.
The next part of my experience just might meet the subject of this thread as I found that I either had to laugh or cry about what happened next.
I am a military retiree with TRICARE health insurance. This means that Tricare told me which DME the doctor should fax my prescription to. In a few days a respiratory therapist calls and sets up a time for an in home visit. At the appointed time she arrives with a Remstar auto with C-Flex, hose and mask (small). When I queried her about the size of the mask I was informed that almost everyone wears a small so that is all she brings with her to a home visit. She adjusts it loosely to my face and has me sign a paper that I have been shown how to properly adjust the mask.
The next morning I call her and state the mask leaks. I explained about the number of tries I made to get it to fit without leaking or squeaking. I also mentioned awakening once with a dry throat when the pressure got up to 18.5. She said I could drive (75 minutes each way) to her office for fitting for another mask, but not to worry about hurrying as my insurance wouldn’t pay for another for at least 90 days. When I asked about being fitted properly the first time she reminds me that I signed a paper that I had been fitted!
To offset this bad news she said my insurance would pay for a heated humidifier.
I didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. She then called asking how I was enjoying my heated humidifier. When informed I didn’t have one she said that didn’t seem possible as she had ordered one for me. The next day a delivery truck delivered a heated humidifier. Before I let the driver leave, I opened the package and saw a lot of machinery that didn’t look anything like the humidifier for the REMstar. I refused the shipment.
I got tired of fiddling with the mask and emailed their corporate offices. A few days later “David” called and came very close to apologizing without actually do so about how I had been “fitted”. He offered a new mask at no cost if I would drive to their offices. I did and was provided with a full face mask due to my pressures of 14-18 as a norm. I was also provided the proper heated humidifier for my REMstar.
I tried the full face mask for 3 nights and it now makes a nice paper weight on my desk as it fits even worse that my nasal mask. I called and pointed out to the young lady that fitting a mask to look like it fits and actually fitting under a pressure of 14-18 is altogether different. This seemed to come as quite a surprise to her, but she informed that that she now carries TWO masks in her car when she makes home visits and thanked me for helping her in that regard.
My DME doesn’t have a card reader or the software to read the smart card. So when they picked it up they had to send it off to be read. 2 weeks went by and she called and asked me to push a couple of button on my machine as my doctor had prescribed a CPAP setting of 14.
This is when I learned the REMstar had FOUR mode settings. I had been titrated using auto without C-Flex. Upon the Drs. order she had me set it to CPAP without CpFlex with a range of 14-18. (She thought the Dr should have given me a range of settings instead of just 14). When I asked for a ramp from 10 she got very confused. Then she had me set it to a pressure of 14 with a ramp from 10.
AND THEN I FOUND CPAPTALK.COM. My life has improved, my DME dislikes me, my Dr. doesn’t know what to make of me and my insurance company knows me by my first name!
Oh, and my REMstar is set to APAP WITH C-flex at 2 and a pressure of 10-18 WITH a ramp.
Life is now good and getting better daily.
P.S. As an aside, Tricare now agrees to let me buy my own equipment from CPAP.com or any other source and send in for reimbursement. This means I will no longer have to pay a 20% deductable as they will allow what they normally pay a DME before I have to pay any copay. e.g. $118 (plus my $23 copay) for a $47 dollar CPAP.com mask. If there are any other users of Tricare don't talk to the normal folks. Don't let them send you over the Medical Management. DO talk to the claims department. They will tell you how and where to get the proper forms on-line. It is more money out of pocket up front but NO money out of pocket down the road.
P.P.S The agreement I now have with my DME and Dr is that I will set the machine the way I think is best. Then I inform my DME who in turn will contact my Dr. who will fax the DME a prescription/order for the settings that I am using. This keeps everyone happy!
_________________
CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): auto cpap, humidifier, hose, cpap.com, C-FLEX, news, Titration, Awakening, CPAP, DME, Ramp, Prescription, auto, APAP, Smart Card
When my doctor indicated I had a sleep disorder I wasn’t too concerned as I thought a little more sleep would solve the problem and having a documented medical excuse to take a nap at work couldn’t hurt.
I first began to worry when he told me I was going to have to be titrated (new word to me that I saw as tit-rated). Well, I know I’ve put on more pounds that I care for, but I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about having them rated. There are some things that men just don’t want to be known as having something smaller than other men.
He told me that after my titration (another new word seen as tit-ration) I would be provided with a CPAP or an auto CPAP. I was becoming very alarmed. Being married for 40+ years my wife and I have had a long standing agreement that I can “look” so long as I don’t “touch”. I sure as heck didn’t like the idea of having my “outside the home looking or my in home touching” rationed.
During my married years, I’ve seen my wife periodically go for a PAP and NEVER did I hear her say a good word about the experience, so you can imagine the thoughts and pictures that flashed through my mind as I wondered about a CPAP. After asking a few questions, the doctor decided I would be prescribed an auto CPAP. When he said the insurance company would be checking to see how many hours I was using it I asked for another written note to my employer so I could use it as work so I would be refreshed and could extend my fishing hours in the evening.
The next part of my experience just might meet the subject of this thread as I found that I either had to laugh or cry about what happened next.
I am a military retiree with TRICARE health insurance. This means that Tricare told me which DME the doctor should fax my prescription to. In a few days a respiratory therapist calls and sets up a time for an in home visit. At the appointed time she arrives with a Remstar auto with C-Flex, hose and mask (small). When I queried her about the size of the mask I was informed that almost everyone wears a small so that is all she brings with her to a home visit. She adjusts it loosely to my face and has me sign a paper that I have been shown how to properly adjust the mask.
The next morning I call her and state the mask leaks. I explained about the number of tries I made to get it to fit without leaking or squeaking. I also mentioned awakening once with a dry throat when the pressure got up to 18.5. She said I could drive (75 minutes each way) to her office for fitting for another mask, but not to worry about hurrying as my insurance wouldn’t pay for another for at least 90 days. When I asked about being fitted properly the first time she reminds me that I signed a paper that I had been fitted!
To offset this bad news she said my insurance would pay for a heated humidifier.
I didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. She then called asking how I was enjoying my heated humidifier. When informed I didn’t have one she said that didn’t seem possible as she had ordered one for me. The next day a delivery truck delivered a heated humidifier. Before I let the driver leave, I opened the package and saw a lot of machinery that didn’t look anything like the humidifier for the REMstar. I refused the shipment.
I got tired of fiddling with the mask and emailed their corporate offices. A few days later “David” called and came very close to apologizing without actually do so about how I had been “fitted”. He offered a new mask at no cost if I would drive to their offices. I did and was provided with a full face mask due to my pressures of 14-18 as a norm. I was also provided the proper heated humidifier for my REMstar.
I tried the full face mask for 3 nights and it now makes a nice paper weight on my desk as it fits even worse that my nasal mask. I called and pointed out to the young lady that fitting a mask to look like it fits and actually fitting under a pressure of 14-18 is altogether different. This seemed to come as quite a surprise to her, but she informed that that she now carries TWO masks in her car when she makes home visits and thanked me for helping her in that regard.
My DME doesn’t have a card reader or the software to read the smart card. So when they picked it up they had to send it off to be read. 2 weeks went by and she called and asked me to push a couple of button on my machine as my doctor had prescribed a CPAP setting of 14.
This is when I learned the REMstar had FOUR mode settings. I had been titrated using auto without C-Flex. Upon the Drs. order she had me set it to CPAP without CpFlex with a range of 14-18. (She thought the Dr should have given me a range of settings instead of just 14). When I asked for a ramp from 10 she got very confused. Then she had me set it to a pressure of 14 with a ramp from 10.
AND THEN I FOUND CPAPTALK.COM. My life has improved, my DME dislikes me, my Dr. doesn’t know what to make of me and my insurance company knows me by my first name!
Oh, and my REMstar is set to APAP WITH C-flex at 2 and a pressure of 10-18 WITH a ramp.
Life is now good and getting better daily.
P.S. As an aside, Tricare now agrees to let me buy my own equipment from CPAP.com or any other source and send in for reimbursement. This means I will no longer have to pay a 20% deductable as they will allow what they normally pay a DME before I have to pay any copay. e.g. $118 (plus my $23 copay) for a $47 dollar CPAP.com mask. If there are any other users of Tricare don't talk to the normal folks. Don't let them send you over the Medical Management. DO talk to the claims department. They will tell you how and where to get the proper forms on-line. It is more money out of pocket up front but NO money out of pocket down the road.
P.P.S The agreement I now have with my DME and Dr is that I will set the machine the way I think is best. Then I inform my DME who in turn will contact my Dr. who will fax the DME a prescription/order for the settings that I am using. This keeps everyone happy!
_________________
CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): auto cpap, humidifier, hose, cpap.com, C-FLEX, news, Titration, Awakening, CPAP, DME, Ramp, Prescription, auto, APAP, Smart Card
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Sleepless on LI
- Posts: 3997
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 6:46 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Craig,
WHAT A STORY!!! I am amazed you have any sense of humor left at all. Talk about nightmares!!!
But like everyone says, this site is a Godsend. You will learn more here than probably at 99% of the doctors' offices. And that woman RT with the small mask only ought to be...well, I can think of a few things in my head but won't put them down on paper.
I hope you are now having better nights. You will definitely learn a lot here about people's experiences with masks, machines, humidifiers and loads of other topics too numerous to list.
I hope you are doing well now, but don't lose your sense of humor. We are all here for you to vent to and lean on. Good luck.
WHAT A STORY!!! I am amazed you have any sense of humor left at all. Talk about nightmares!!!
But like everyone says, this site is a Godsend. You will learn more here than probably at 99% of the doctors' offices. And that woman RT with the small mask only ought to be...well, I can think of a few things in my head but won't put them down on paper.
I hope you are now having better nights. You will definitely learn a lot here about people's experiences with masks, machines, humidifiers and loads of other topics too numerous to list.
I hope you are doing well now, but don't lose your sense of humor. We are all here for you to vent to and lean on. Good luck.
L o R i
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sir_cumference
- Posts: 240
- Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:47 am
- Location: UK
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rested gal
- Posts: 12881
- Joined: Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:14 pm
- Location: Tennessee
Great story, Craig. Well told!!
And I do so love a happy ending...
And I do so love a happy ending...
ROTFL!!P.P.S The agreement I now have with my DME and Dr is that I will set the machine the way I think is best. Then I inform my DME who in turn will contact my Dr. who will fax the DME a prescription/order for the settings that I am using. This keeps everyone happy!
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sir_cumference
- Posts: 240
- Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:47 am
- Location: UK
Craig wrote:I’m not sure that a topic of discussion about the humor (or lack thereof) is appropriate to this forum. I’ve only recently begun to visit this site, but it has helped me a great deal. My doctor is deaf, so all of my knowledge comes from his writings/notes (which can cause problems, due to improper pronunciations on my part).
<snip...>
Craig,
Not sure where the humour part is put I sure read a happy part.
As so many of us here have discovered, cpaptalk.com is possibly the best cpap talk forum in the world.
The welcome from folks here really makes one feel that people care - the really nice part is it is true.
I enjoyed hearing your story & congrats on showing you have what it takes to assert sensible control of your own OSA therapy.
Cheers DSM
xPAP and Quattro std mask (plus a pad-a-cheek anti-leak strap)
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sir_cumference
- Posts: 240
- Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:47 am
- Location: UK
Terms re-interpreted:
Activa = needing to use all your energy to stop leaks
Swift = leaks really fast
Snapp = effect on your sanity
Comfort = annoying
Curve = drives you round the bend
Breeze = very complicated
Classic = didn’t work then, doesn’t work now
Ultra = we aren’t going to spend any more on R & D to try and get it to work
Flexifit = you can flex, but no matter how much you try it won’t fit
Mirage = fooling yourself that something actually works
Aclaim = don’t believe what we say!
Aclaim 2 = still don’t believe what we say!
Profile = probably designed to fit a horse
Simplicity = totally confusing instructions supplied!
Serenity = guaranteed to annoy
Vista = you can’t see anything when it’s on
Nasal Prong = auto nose-picking device!
Elite = Expensive
Headgear = vice-like contraption designed to produce unexpected bald patches on women and men and who aren’t already bald
Easy disassembly to clean = what ever you do don’t take it apart because you’ll never get it back together again
Never wash in anything but pure soap = we know you can’t buy pure soap, so once you’ve cleaned your mask the warrantee is void!
Come on you lot – give us some more!!!!!!
sir-cumference
Activa = needing to use all your energy to stop leaks
Swift = leaks really fast
Snapp = effect on your sanity
Comfort = annoying
Curve = drives you round the bend
Breeze = very complicated
Classic = didn’t work then, doesn’t work now
Ultra = we aren’t going to spend any more on R & D to try and get it to work
Flexifit = you can flex, but no matter how much you try it won’t fit
Mirage = fooling yourself that something actually works
Aclaim = don’t believe what we say!
Aclaim 2 = still don’t believe what we say!
Profile = probably designed to fit a horse
Simplicity = totally confusing instructions supplied!
Serenity = guaranteed to annoy
Vista = you can’t see anything when it’s on
Nasal Prong = auto nose-picking device!
Elite = Expensive
Headgear = vice-like contraption designed to produce unexpected bald patches on women and men and who aren’t already bald
Easy disassembly to clean = what ever you do don’t take it apart because you’ll never get it back together again
Never wash in anything but pure soap = we know you can’t buy pure soap, so once you’ve cleaned your mask the warrantee is void!
Come on you lot – give us some more!!!!!!
sir-cumference
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Sleepless on LI
- Posts: 3997
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 6:46 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Sir Cumference,
I'm telling you, the sleep you're getting now with that Breeze is really stimulating your creativity. I read those and truly laughed out loud. Are we thinking of going into stand-up??? And why should the rest of us rack our brains for more comical cpap jokes when you're doing just fine on your own for all of us???
By the way, how was night 3? Hope it's still going great.
PS: I take offense to Swift leaking really fast. I'm still happy to report, NO LEAKS!!! YEA!!!!! And still loving it...slept till just shy 10 AM today. What happens when I have to go back to work tomorrow??? I swear, I'm making up for all the lost sleep for the past two years.
I'm telling you, the sleep you're getting now with that Breeze is really stimulating your creativity. I read those and truly laughed out loud. Are we thinking of going into stand-up??? And why should the rest of us rack our brains for more comical cpap jokes when you're doing just fine on your own for all of us???
By the way, how was night 3? Hope it's still going great.
PS: I take offense to Swift leaking really fast. I'm still happy to report, NO LEAKS!!! YEA!!!!! And still loving it...slept till just shy 10 AM today. What happens when I have to go back to work tomorrow??? I swear, I'm making up for all the lost sleep for the past two years.
L o R i
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sir_cumference
- Posts: 240
- Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2005 10:47 am
- Location: UK
Night 3 on the breeze was .... a breeze!!! It really is a complicated unit, but it's so stable and leak free for me. Having said that I did manage to have the front half separate from the back half for a while, put the seal on my nose was so good it wasn't until I actually tried to turn over that I realised that I must have bionic nostrils - it still stayed in place while I re-attached the two halves.
Do you think I ought to change my nick from 'sir_cumference' to 'bionic nostrils'?
How was night 3 for you with the new gear?
sir_cumference
Do you think I ought to change my nick from 'sir_cumference' to 'bionic nostrils'?
How was night 3 for you with the new gear?
sir_cumference
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Sleepless on LI
- Posts: 3997
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 6:46 pm
- Location: Long Island, New York
Sir Cumference/Bionic Nostrils writes:
My third night was incredible AGAIN. Swift and I are getting married since it seems we were made for each other. I can't even imagine changing once in awhile to the Activa again. This is just too perfect for me. I wish I could stop the lines on my face. Tried some type of medical stick to itself type of bandaging last night wrapped/padded around the straps, but still lines on my cheeks this morning. Tonight I have two large semi-gauze type pads I bought to try to put under the straps to see if that will work. But other than the lines, it's fantastic. Slept till almost 10 AM this morning, looked at the clock and said, "Holy ****, better get up and see what the rest of the family has been doing!!!"
So I guess we are both happy with our respective interfaces right now. Doesn't that feel great? And you should definitely change your name to Bionic Nostrils...NOT!!!!
Absolutely, unequivocally, YES! Now I am really laughing. Talk about the Breeze being made with you in mind...it separated and you didn't even lose pressure or start to leak? That is mind-blowing. Boy, did you find your interface! I used a little paper medical tape to stop that separation, and in a lot of other places on that contraption to keep things from happening. And as you know all too well, but much to your advantage, it didn't work for me. I am so happy, though, you are really getting good use out of it.Do you think I ought to change my nick from 'sir_cumference' to 'bionic nostrils'?
My third night was incredible AGAIN. Swift and I are getting married since it seems we were made for each other. I can't even imagine changing once in awhile to the Activa again. This is just too perfect for me. I wish I could stop the lines on my face. Tried some type of medical stick to itself type of bandaging last night wrapped/padded around the straps, but still lines on my cheeks this morning. Tonight I have two large semi-gauze type pads I bought to try to put under the straps to see if that will work. But other than the lines, it's fantastic. Slept till almost 10 AM this morning, looked at the clock and said, "Holy ****, better get up and see what the rest of the family has been doing!!!"
So I guess we are both happy with our respective interfaces right now. Doesn't that feel great? And you should definitely change your name to Bionic Nostrils...NOT!!!!
L o R i