Help getting wife to use her CPAP

BobF4 · Post by **BobF4** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:37 pm

My wife was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea. After failing to finish her second (titration) sleepover, the local Sleep Disorders Center prescribed her a CPAP, that auto-titrates, thus giving them the information they need to determine the prescribed pressure. My wife refuses to put on her mask and use the machine. Does anyone have any tips for coaxing her to use the machine? I have had a CPAP machine for 4 years, and didn't have this issue.

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:13 pm

Bob,

Since she has seen you do this for 4 years, she knows this is a lifetime (ad)venture and she may just be dreading taking that plunge. I doubt that she's refusing to do it, just not yet. Since this is old hat to you, be mindful to not trivialize whatever she is going through. Everyone deals with it differently. Tell her you love her and you're concerned about her health. Ask her to do some reading if she's not convinced it is really necessary.

Don't know what your relationship is like or if this would work for you, but maybe buy something (or write something) that would be meaningful to her and wrap and seal it. Tell her you know this is hard for her, and if she will make an effort and complete X number of hours on the machine to ease your concerns for her, you want to show your appreciation for her efforts. Then leave it in view for her to see as a goal. I know my curiosity would make me do it just to find out. (Gift certificates for a manicure, pedicure, massage, etc. are special treats for some, or tickets to anything she's wanted to do.)

If this wouldn't work in your household, maybe suggesting you guys increase your life insurance coverage and add long-term care would be a reality check for her.

Just don't badger her until her doing it would mean she gave in. Frame your discussions with "when" not "if". She'll come around.

Kathy

brackstone · Post by **brackstone** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:41 pm

BobF4 wrote:My wife was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea. After failing to finish her second (titration) sleepover, the local Sleep Disorders Center prescribed her a CPAP, that auto-titrates, thus giving them the information they need to determine the prescribed pressure. My wife refuses to put on her mask and use the machine. Does anyone have any tips for coaxing her to use the machine? I have had a CPAP machine for 4 years, and didn't have this issue.

_________________

As what most of my male friends describe me as too "touchy feely" I felt to weigh in on my apprehensions when I first received the mask.

Everynight before me and my Fiance` would goto bed we would always joke around or talk and do something. Wearing the Apena Mask and having the pressure on made it difficult to talk, or to cuddle, or just play around (pillow fights etc.). I always enjoyed this a lot as it would sort of wind me down after a long day and let me get to sleep Earlier.

Now I can't enjoy them anymore as we always have to "call it a night" when it's time for me to put my Apnea mask on. One night I had it on and my Fiance` went to touch my face and she knocked her hand on the mask. She recoiled her arm and that made me feel horrible. I know it's not my fault, and I know it's not her fault because it's just a natural reaction but it made me feel less human somehow.

I don't know if you have any bedtime rituals or experiences like I shared above but that is something to possibly consider as well.

BobF4 · Post by **BobF4** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:28 pm

When my wife failed to complete her titration study, it was due to not being able to breathe with the mask on. Originally, I thought this was to do with the original pressure on their machine (it was set to 5). When they set her up with the auto-titration CPAP machine, they set the minimum pressure at 8, due to just that issue. They fitted the mask (a gel mask) to her head, and she assured them it fit very well (I was present at the appointment). They even showed her how to fit and adjust it twice. When we got home, she left the machine setup to me, since I've had the experience with my own. Since then, its a battle to get the mask on her.

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:41 pm

What are her reasons for not wanting to wear the mask -- now that the pressure is up higher?

If she has claustrophobia, maybe she can wear the mask while watching TV -- just to get used to it.

Has she tried your mask -- it might be smaller and less confining than her's.

She simply might not be ready yet. Once she gets tired enough, or gets sick of the morning headaches, maybe she'll come around.

I can only assume you've tried to get her started prior to you coming here and asking for help. You probably just need to be patient and leave her alone about it. She'll make up her own mind to do it, and then will approach it with a more positive attitude.

I have a sister-in-law that's stubborn as a mule if it's someone else's idea. It has to be her own, before she will do it.

dieselgal · Post by **dieselgal** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 3:58 pm

Why did your wife have the sleep study in the first place? Was she super tired , exhausted or just snoring? Was it her choice to do it or yours?
Usually once someone is desperate enough for the sleep study they are ready to help themselves.

BobF4 · Post by **BobF4** » Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:20 pm

My mask is bigger, and she seemed to like it better than the one she was given.

Her main reason is that I didn't help her put it on Monday night. When she went to bed, I had a few friends over, and was watching Monday Night Raw. I didn't want to be rude to our guests, but when she started pitching a fit (her mask came apart slightly, and she called it broke), I went in to help, and fixed her mask.

Im approaching the problem now as you did with your sister-in-law - going to let her decide she wants to wear it, then letting her approach me then. Before I got married, my in-laws warned me she was very stubborn. I now fully understand what they were telling me.

And, it was my doctor's idea she have the sleep study, since she wakes up with goofy migraine headahces at times, and doesn't sleep well at all. Oh yeah, she snores too.

BrianRT · Post by **BrianRT** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:30 am

not to be all Dr. Phil here or anything, but it sounds like she's going to need a little extra attention/encouragement and TLC.

Certainly it's an inconvenience, especially when your bros are over for 'rasslin' night, but the extra attention could make a huge difference.

If she sees that YOUR commited to her therapy too, it can certainly help with her commitent to it.

sleepylady · Post by **sleepylady** » Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:57 am

BobF4,

Can you return the mask for another one? The reason she didn't get the titration might definitely have been the pressure. She could have also had an underlying problem with the mask as well.

Even if you can't return the mask for a refund, it might be worth it to have her check out other masks and find one she can feel more comfortable with. That was my biggest problem in the beginning, finding a mask I felt I felt comfortable wearing AND that didn't leak and wake me up. For me, using the Aura with the rubberband trick and putting my hair in a ponytail at night does the trick. I don't spring leaks when I'm sleeping anymore.

Best of luck,

Melinda

BobF4 · Post by **BobF4** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 2:20 pm

Well, she and I had another argument last night about the machine. She tells me she needs help, but she doesn't ask for it. In her words, "If I have to ask for help, I don't want it." And this was when I went into the bedroom maybe a minute after she did.

Not sure if the mask can be replaced or not, but a different mask is a worthy consideration, at this point. I don't think that this will help, however, since she keeps saying "I can't breathe with it (the mask) on." I find that hard to believe, since she tried it on when she got her machine, and told the tech there she could breathe fine, AND she knew how to put the mask on.

A week or so before we picked up her machine, I had her try my mask on. She said it was very comfortable, and that she could breathe with it on, indicating the pressure was at a level she would have been OK with.

I will try giving her some extra added attention over the next few days (we both have the next two days off). Maybe I can be successful in getting her used to the mask, as someone suggested, by having her wear it around the house during the day, whether it be playing on the computer, watching TV, or doing housework.

blowfish · Post by **blowfish** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 2:28 pm

blowfish · Post by **blowfish** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 2:37 pm

BobF4 · Post by **BobF4** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 2:58 pm

LOL thanks for the suggestion! But, if I did that, she would be able to use my machine full-time! I certainly wouldn't need it where she'd send me, if I used the "pillow method"!

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 3:50 pm

Bob, if she could breathe with her mask at the DME's but not now, maybe you should check her machine to make sure the ramp or starting pressure isn't too low. Maybe it wasn't set right, or something.

What is her Auto set at? And is she using the ramp? (assuming she has a ramp on her machine).

Just saying that if her starting pressure or ramp is too low, they she will feel like she can't breathe.

Sorry about the "big fight".

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Sat Apr 07, 2007 3:59 pm

And is the equipment in your profile her equipment or yours?

Yes, you should be able to return the mask if she doesn't like it. They get plenty of money for this equipment, and usually they will switch out a mask up to a month.

Maybe she would be happier with a nasal pillow interface.

And how is your own therapy going? Are you able to access any data with your smartcard? Or, will the DME download the "full detail" reports for you?

Help getting wife to use her CPAP

Help getting wife to use her CPAP

Wife's reluctance to use machine

Re: Help getting wife to use her CPAP

Mask	Humidifier

Additional Comments: 15,332 hours on old machine (RemStar Pro with C-flex; received 3/3/2003, retired 10/5/2010)