PROPOSAL FOR ALL SEASONED MEMBERS:

chunkyfrog wrote:And here I am. This thread seems to be going in a productive direction,
but my thought is the less we do or say when feathers are ruffled, the better.
We are here to share and help, not to feed our egos.
Those who still need to do this may need help, but this forum is not a mental health site.
OMG, no. Mental health--here? We are mostly normal; but we have our warts. (Not my fault)

I'm with Chunky on this...

but since it was asked of her to say more, I'll go ahead and say more before being asked.

1) the question as stated in the first post is backwards from Janknitz intended idea, as she pointed out. (first post should be edited) as it's written, (telling people to shut up because they may have offended someone) I don't think it'll do any good at all... people who only come here to harp on others don't see themselves as being part of the problem, they carry the flag of self righteousness and are more than happy to stab it into anybody they trod on who doesn't meet their standards. I'd say "you know who you are" but, it's pretty clear that they don't. add to that, some people just LOOK for reasons to be offended.

as to Janknitz's original idea, which was quietly telling the offended person NOT TO RESPOND, DON'T FEED THE TROLLS... (essentially) I believe that has merit... if the offended person can rise above and ignore the troublemaker.

2) I think that it's an impossible goal. as it stands now, there's no way to get rid of people who never contribute anything but strife, there's no way to get rid of those (fill in the blank) people that have multiple logins so they can reinforce their own bad behavior... if the forum software were modified to report multiple usernames from the same IP for logged in people, as well as guests, then it'd help.. but not totally prevent the situation. (I'd love to see how many usernames came up along with 'ems', given s/he admitted to using multiple names... )

there will always be conflict in any situation where you've got more than one human involved... and the more people, (and their multiple personas) the more likely conflict will happen.

I think that the only feasible thing now is just to ignore as best as possible the trolls/righteous/whatever you want to call those that lust for power and are trying to stomp on everybody that doesn't BEHAVE the way they want.

I'm sure I'll get some assholish replies from those known troublemakers that love to jump on everything anybody says, but, ya know what? I don't care, I've got a foe list and I'm not afraid to use it. after my last go-round with Michelle-oh, I'm working harder on ignoring the controlling personalities (not meaning to say anything about Michelle-oh there), who contribute nothing worthwhile to the forum, and just focus on the technical questions, and try to help people get the most out of their cpaps.

I can only do whatever it is I have already been doing. I'm retired, happily so. This is it.
My cpap experience has been more positive than negative, so I cannot always identify with problems unfamiliar to me.
I hope others remember this as well, but I also understand this is not always possible.
Human nature is not always a source of pride, but awareness of this is often lacking where it would do the most good.
I accept that I cannot change this in others, but trust the forum will continue doing good.

SleepyEyes21 wrote:
So- two questions for my fellow forum members:

1. Do you agree to the use of 'crickets' as a means to signal a member that they may be offending to someone else? YES or NO

2. Are you a forum member that wants to work with other members to find solutions to keep cpaptalk.com functioning without conflict? YES or NO

Thank you for your prompt response!

I've been a member of this board for longer than most. I haven't posted a lot but I have been pretty consistent at checking in to see what's up at least two or three times per week since I first joined.

I've read, and re-read the hot threads that precipitated this thread. And I've tried to give it some thought before posting on the issue.

First, to answer the questions asked in this thread: 1) no. It won't do anything ... that is unless what this means is to simply ignore the flamers. That, I'm always in favour of. Use of the foe button is recommended. 2) Not sure what is intended here. Keeping things civil is a simple matter practicing good manners. I think all of us try to show good manners, although some of us might have slightly different opinions on what that might be. In this, the golden rule is probably a good guide.

Personally I haven't seen much change to the board over the 8 years that I've been a member. As others have written, things flare up every now and then, but it's never permanent. As numbers of participating posters and numbers of daily posts have grown over the years, the frequency of flare-ups has increased, but as a percentage of total posts, the flare ups haven't increased at all.

Personally, my take on this issue is that what we see on this board is pretty much a cross section of who we are as a society. Some people are blunt when expressing their opinions, others are pretty meek. A few have downright abrasive personalities. And others are very sensitive and easily offended. No manner of policing of the board will change that mix of personalities - that is unless some are driven away or somehow kicked off the board. Isn't one of the concerns here that the flame wars are driving posters away?

A few rules of thumb that might help and which can be followed by all of us:

1) go easy on new posters. They are usually new to cpap and are seeking help. They may be sleep deprived and therefore not thinking too clearly. Think of them like the new neighbour that you need to get to know a little better before telling them a dirty joke.

2) try to practice the golden rule. We all know what that is. It sounds hokey but it truly can make things run a lot smoother.

3) before posting re-read your post to make sure that it really communicates what you want to say and cannot be misconstrued somehow. This has been a recommendation for written communication of all sorts for decade. Few seem to practice it anymore.

4) it's always a good idea to wait 24 hours before posting a reply to something that angered you. Take a chill pill before hitting send. Often this will give you a clearer head to understand, perhaps, that the slight you first read was really not a slight at all, or to realize that a flaming reply will not gain you anything at all.

5) There are far better venues for posting on the truly hot button topics of our world. This is a health support forum. It's also a vibrant community of friends. Let's not poison it with flame wars about things such as politics, religion, and oh-you-name-it. There's lots of better places for those types of discussions. If you must, then at least have the courtesy to post OT in the subject line.

I get the distinct impression that I may be "speaking" to the choir here. But at least this is now off my chest.

palerider wrote:1) the question as stated in the first post is backwards from Janknitz intended idea, as she pointed out. (first post should be edited) as it's written, (telling people to shut up because they may have offended someone) I don't think it'll do any good at all... people who only come here to harp on others don't see themselves as being part of the problem, they carry the flag of self righteousness and are more than happy to stab it into anybody they trod on who doesn't meet their standards. I'd say "you know who you are" but, it's pretty clear that they don't. add to that, some people just LOOK for reasons to be offended.

as to Janknitz's original idea, which was quietly telling the offended person NOT TO RESPOND, DON'T FEED THE TROLLS... (essentially) I believe that has merit... if the offended person can rise above and ignore the troublemaker.

2) I think that it's an impossible goal. as it stands now, there's no way to get rid of people who never contribute anything but strife, there's no way to get rid of those (fill in the blank) people that have multiple logins so they can reinforce their own bad behavior... if the forum software were modified to report multiple usernames from the same IP for logged in people, as well as guests, then it'd help.. but not totally prevent the situation. (I'd love to see how many usernames came up along with 'ems', given s/he admitted to using multiple names... )

there will always be conflict in any situation where you've got more than one human involved... and the more people, (and their multiple personas) the more likely conflict will happen.

I think that the only feasible thing now is just to ignore as best as possible the trolls/righteous/whatever you want to call those that lust for power and are trying to stomp on everybody that doesn't BEHAVE the way they want.

I'm sure I'll get some assholish replies from those known troublemakers that love to jump on everything anybody says, but, ya know what? I don't care, I've got a foe list and I'm not afraid to use it. after my last go-round with Michelle-oh, I'm working harder on ignoring the controlling personalities (not meaning to say anything about Michelle-oh there), who contribute nothing worthwhile to the forum, and just focus on the technical questions, and try to help people get the most out of their cpaps.

OH! DEAR! GOD!

Pale Rider's post pointed to another type of user (abuser?) of this forum that I had forgotten about when I wrote my earlier post. That is, trolls. The best way to deal with these types is to NOT rise to their bait, or to use the vernacular, "crickets".

Hose_Head wrote:As numbers of participating posters and numbers of daily posts have grown over the years, the frequency of flare-ups has increased, but as a percentage of total posts, the flare ups haven't increased at all.

I haven't collected the data, but my general impression is that per capita "flare-ups" have actually declined.

There was a sleep professional who posted here under many different names and loved to cause many flame wars. I don't see him anymore, but it could be he is posting under a userid that I don't recognize.

But, it might be that Pugsy's complaint is more about how some newbies have been treated and not as much about the flame wars.

Cereal Killer wrote: But, it might be that Pugsy's complaint is more about how some newbies have been treated and not as much about the flame wars.

True enough. But isn't that just a case where a "flamer" has taken aim at someone who is new, unable or maybe disinclined to fight back?

Hose_Head wrote:But isn't that just a case where a "flamer" has taken aim at someone who is new, unable or maybe disinclined to fight back?

Can you cite an example?

Not speaking of you, but it seems wrong to make a general complaint without citing examples.

This thread reminds me of a neighborhood meeting where residents were complaining about criminals in the neighborhood. There were two houses where criminal activity was going on, but no one was willing to point these houses out or report them to the police. Therefore, it went on for years.

It seems only the troublemakers are willing to do the "pointing".

Cereal Killer wrote:

Hose_Head wrote:But isn't that just a case where a "flamer" has taken aim at someone who is new, unable or maybe disinclined to fight back?

Can you cite an example?

Not speaking of you, but it seems wrong to make a general complaint without citing examples.

This thread reminds me of a neighborhood meeting where residents were complaining about criminals in the neighborhood. There were two houses where criminal activity was going on, but no one was willing to point these houses out or report them to the police. Therefore, it went on for years.

It seems only the troublemakers are willing to do the "pointing".

No. I'm not going to start pointing fingers. It's not my job and I'm uninterested in calling anyone out. Also, part of the problem is there's just too much finger-pointing going on.

Here are some ABANDON THREAD gifs that are absolutely free, come in a variety of colors and are fine for expressing your feelings when your feelings are "Get Me Outta Here!" on those threads where there might be a melee or tussle happening and you really don't want to get involved. These are also great if you want to express your abhorrence regarding someone's stupid inept behavior, but really would like to avoid a knucklehead confrontation.









Just paste one of these beauties in a post and fugget'boutit.

GettingBetter wrote:Here are some ABANDON THREAD gifs that are absolutely free, come in a variety of colors and are fine for expressing your feelings when your feelings are "Get Me Outta Here!" on those threads where there might be a melee or tussle happening and you really don't want to get involved. These are also great if you want to express your abhorrence regarding someone's stupid inept behavior, but really would like to avoid a knucklehead confrontation.









Just paste one of these beauties in a post and fugget'boutit.

I like these pictures GB. Great idea.

49er

Those are great!

Yes, by all means, let's hog up the bandwith, with animated gifs, maybe you can finish CPAPTALK off for good. Jim

It's about time you got this crap out of your heads, and got on with your lives. Take a laxative, move on! Your Cures are more of the problem than your preceived problem.

Get up on the wrong side of the bed today did we?

Goofproof wrote:It's about time you got this crap out of your heads, and got on with your lives. Take a laxative, move on! Your Cures are more of the problem than your preceived problem.

+1

I'll say!

Goodnight moon, goodnight thread!