PROPOSAL FOR ALL SEASONED MEMBERS:

The idea sounds nice, but the real problem is that those people who are rude often do not see themselves as rude, so they are just going to be offended and continue to do it anyway. During the past year, there have been several big spats, and in my personal opinion, some of the worst people in those spats were the ones trying to stop the others from being rude. In other words, a few people were snarky, a bit too rude, and the the others came in and tried to bully everybody into better behavior. Those people will never recognize that they are making the problem worse. And they can be pretty mean and snarky themselves.

I still read the forum on a daily basis, and I try to help when I can. But I do not post as often. I have been here over 3 years, and the main problems have only been in the last few months. I have noticed in many forums over the years that certain times of year get worse, and people tend to go. I figure I can stick it out. Things will get better.

My suggestion is more along the lines of operant conditioning for rude people. Nobody is going to point out their rudeness because you are right, they won't agree that they are rude or out of line. I suggest we just aren't going to give them any attention for being rude. There's no fun in a lack of response.

I've done this effectively. So and so says "Janknitz, you're a jerk. You don't know what you're talking about." I'm gone from that thread. End of battle. And So And So hasn't won, because everyone can make their own conclusion about who the jerk is.

Janknitz wrote:Janknitz, you're a jerk. You don't know what you're talking about.

+1

Just kidding. Janknitz is one of the good ones that offers sound advice.

Lol, you came THIS close to being marked as my foe ;o)

Janknitz wrote:Lol, you came THIS close to being marked as my foe ;o)

Mine as well.
Hey...I was wondering if the Foe list has a numerical number limit...anyone know?
Mine's getting a bit crowded these days.

Janknitz wrote:My suggestion is more along the lines of operant conditioning for rude people. Nobody is going to point out their rudeness because you are right, they won't agree that they are rude or out of line. I suggest we just aren't going to give them any attention for being rude. There's no fun in a lack of response.

I agree with Jan's thoughts.
People who are being jackasses either don't care or can't see it and pointing out the fact that they are a jackass won't accomplish anything but more pissing in the pissing contest.
It's no fun being in a pissing contest if you are the only one doing the pissing....
Sending crickets will just fuel their bladders so they can do more pissing.

Perhaps trying to defuse the situation privately with the newbie or perhaps not so new but still clearly upset with what was said (and I am thinking people like Klutzo who wasn't a newbie because I figure the long term forum veterans can handle themselves and don't need help to piss in that contest unless they want to) let that be our response. Ignore publicly and try to fix privately if possible.

Hi Everyone,

I do want to participate in the forum community's efforts to make the forum a safer and more informative place for new people. I am very new myself.

However, as for number 1, this might be a problem. I agree with Pugsy that most of these nasty people would not take the hint. They have found a forum that allows them to vent their anger mercilessly onto others, often others who are the least able to withstand it. They know what they are doing and they do not care. All they will do is just find another person to attack, if anyone is so bold as to send them "crickets". Most of us who have been called names and made fun of have already seen these same people do the same to many others. We knew it was just a matter of time before it would happen.

I have been on this forum for about 4 months now and I already know all of the people I will eventually need to add to my "foe" list. And, you know, I really don't care as long as I do not have to read their sick posts. Of course they have all sorts of justifications for why they unload their anger on others, "the other person is acting like a baby, they are not listening to what I say", etc. A real good one is that the newbie is not showing me enough deference. It just goes on and on. They claim they are only trying to help, but since when is an insult EVER a source of help???

What we all need to realize is that these are really sick people. They are to be pitied. All bullies are really insecure. It is this realization that makes us have compassion for them. Since they crave attention above all else, what we need to do is just IGNORE them. This is what they hate the most. That is why I find the "foe" button so appealing. I can make it so they just don't exist. And I am NEVER tempted to even be curious about what they might have said, since I can do well without their opinion.

LollyD wrote:This board has been a big help to me in learning and adjusting to use CPAP faithfully. Thank you to everyone who writes helpfully.

We do all need to police ourselves and do our best not to offend others. Some days our skins are thicker or thinner than others, possibly due to whether or not we slept well, have had morning coffee, or fought with a spouse, etc.

Let's keep it going, please!!!!

Hi Lolly, thanks for joining in I think there are many of us that would agree with your points of view also.

The forum will continue to be here as far as I know!

GettingBetter wrote:

I've been on a few forums where the west was wild, but it wasn't a forum that offered some help to keep people using their medical equipment.

Some of the posts are getting really close to a Thunderdome (I love that movie) kind of set up on the forum. Seems pretty silly when everyone just wants a good nights sleep.

This is too cool, GB - is this really from a movie?

To PEF - "I really don't care as long as I do not have to read their sick posts. Of course they have all sorts of justifications for why they unload their anger on others, "the other person is acting like a baby, they are not listening to what I say", etc. A real good one is that the newbie is not showing me enough deference. (something I can't remember ever seeing anyone say or even allude to here) It just goes on and on. They claim they are only trying to help, but since when is an insult EVER a source of help???

"What we all need to realize is that these are really sick people. They are to be pitied. All bullies are really insecure. It is this realization that makes us have compassion for them. Since they crave attention above all else, what we need to do is just IGNORE them. This is what they hate the most. That is why I find the "foe" button so appealing. I can make it so they just don't exist. And I am NEVER tempted to even be curious about what they might have said, since I can do well without their opinion."

Why does this bother me at least as much as some of the postings we're trying to deal with? I find your attitude to not only show a complete lack of understanding about people (nasty bullies they might be), especially as the wife of a doctor who one might imagine to have some real insight into people obviously unhappy and full of anger, but downright elitist and possibly even cruel. The answer to people who you don't like to hear is just to ignore them, yes, but making it "so they just don't exist" I find a little scary.... considering you think we should have compassion for them - never being tempted to be curious about what they say makes me wonder how you view other people all over the world with whom you may have some issues. And if you choose to Foe me because of this, feel free. But it would be nice if instead you debate what I said and possibly try to see outside of your apparently safe little box into people or places that don't rise up to your standards.

Janknitz wrote:Whoa!

This:

On 1... I agree to pming the member if they are attacked, but don't think it will do a bit of good to pm the offender.

NOT this:

. Do you agree to the use of 'crickets' as a means to signal a member that they may be offending to someone else

Signal the person being trolled, baited, attacked, etc. that the best defense is "crickets" (silence). The offending member is unlikely to be amenable to any suggestions to cool it.

I guess crickets is similar to "Don't feed the troll" but done privately so the troll doesn't get the satisfaction of response.

The point is to support the attacked, not "police" the attacker.

Oh Jan, I apologize again.. I misunderstood your meaning/ use of the word 'crickets.' I do understand what you mean now by operant conditioning!

I would like to leave the question the way it is for now, however (and I take full responsibility for it), so that all forum members have a chance to answer and voice their opinions, without repercussion. Yet, I think it would be a good idea for you to ask the group about 'crickets' in your format next. Thanks!

PEF wrote: these nasty people ... vent their anger mercilessly onto others ... they do not care.

I already know all of the people I will eventually need to add to my "foe" list. ... I really don't care ..... their sick posts. .... these are really sick people.... They are to be pitied. All bullies are really insecure ..... they crave attention above all else ... they hate the most.

That is why I find the "foe" button so appealing.

Now there is some real nastiness and arrogance.

Good catch, Julie.

PEF wrote: I already know all of the people I will eventually need to add to my "foe" list. That is why I find the "foe" button so appealing.

What are you waiting on?

zoocrewphoto wrote: During the past year, there have been several big spats, and in my personal opinion, some of the worst people in those spats were the ones trying to stop the others from being rude. In other words, a few people were snarky, a bit too rude, and the the others came in and tried to bully everybody into better behavior. Those people will never recognize that they are making the problem worse. And they can be pretty mean and snarky themselves.

lol There is truth in what you said.

Question for the forum - someone has PM'd me suggesting that I somehow embarrassed PEF by writing my note (just above) and asked that I delete my note, and I replied that I didn't see how I could embarrass someone else for what they chose to write. Anyone want to say what they think here?