Way to go - APOLOGY ALSO

So as you can see, this is my first post. I am 51 and diagnosed with Sleep Apnea during a sleep center test in November, so I am 2 months into this. I have read a lot from this forum and have learned a ton, so Thank you ! I know how forums go, and they can get off path and even personal, but please always remember that there are people like me who don't have any knowledge or the benefit of 3000 plus posts. The purpose is to help and encourage each other, and remember that there are always new members looking on. I find the knowledge here incredible! So perhaps I could change the direction of this massive thread and ask all of you some questions.

1. I am 8 weeks into therapy
2. I am now on my 4th mask. 1. Wisp Mask 2. Dreamwear Mask 3. Amara View 4. Simplus

I have discovered through this process that I am a real nasally sleeper,(never knew). I fight the nasal options, so I decided to go to FFM. I am a mustache/Goatee male. The Amara View is awesome, but leaks a lot and very little room for my mouth to move. I started the Simplus just last night. Incedibly comfortable, despite the bulkiness. My Dreamstation said that my leakage rate was 92% (meaning 8% leak?), but my AHI was 8.8 which is high for me.

I need to settle into a therapy without switching. I believe that the FFM is best for me, and the the Simplus is probably best, but need to get the leaks worked out, and AHI figured out.

Any input would be appreciated.

Thank you all !...........Gary

Welcome, Gary! It's really nice of you to try to change the direction of this thread, but may I suggest you start a new thread all your own. A lot of people AREN'T reading or responding to this thread, trying to let it die a good death (meaning it will fall to other pages). So you won't get as complete answers here as you will in your own thread.

Just copy your post and start and new thread, and more people will see it to offer help.

BTW, thanks for trying to calm this thread down--your heart is in the right place.

Well here goes, first time for this on the internet. Fingers crossed. Gathered from you posts today that caught my eye, we will see if I can figure out why.

"Compassion....why is it so hard to give to someone"
There are as many reasons as there are minutes in a day. Depressing isn't it. Such a simple thing, compassion. Also Known as empathy and for this there is a test. My guess is that you are quite high on the scale. I am 132 out of 135, it can be painful at times and people lower on the scale tend first to be hurt that this stupid test scored them so low, and then when/if they find out what it's like to be high on the scale they want none of that, why would anyone think that is important. They basically chop off the top of the scale (anything above them) and move themselves to the top where they and all sane people belong.

from 3 different posts (IIRC)
"I admit it and I know what caused it but it isn't so easy to fix
That was done to me and let me tell you...that hurt me deeply
Yes it does indeed but sometimes even when we know what the brain is doing it's something we can't fix no matter how much we want to"
This leads up to
"None of my choices that I see at this time are particularly attractive at the moment
Perhaps there are other choices that I just can't see at this time due to the pain"

It sounds like the sniping and bickering hit a nerve, it may or may not have been intentional, but hit it did.

"Why now did that last straw get so heavy? I really can't see anything being different. Pretty much same old stuff day in and day out.
because there's not anything he can do about it from 1000 miles away"

Something penetrated your defenses and the person that also seems to be high on the empathy scale is not around right now.

"If they can perceive things their way and respond in whatever manner they choose....why is it not okay for me to do the same?
seems they think it is okay for them to do it but not me."

Well this is the way it is but a big STFU to them. Seriously. Right now you are taking up ONE thread out of THOUSANDS, I don't care if it bothers them, take the thread.

Something hit hard and your support is out of town, along with that, the "rules" here say you are not allowed to even get pissed about it. On top of this you are usually the one helping others and perhaps you are not so comfortable getting support from people other than your husband. Why did the last straw get so heavy? Because it went right to your soul.

I assume that at some point your husband will be back and he will know just what to do and not do to help like he always has. Perhaps some contemplation as to just why this one thing penetrated so hard. Perhaps just an acknowledgement that you have indeed been wounded and that you are allowed to heal, deciding other things later. Treat yourself well, what do you do to comfort yourself? A hot bath, hot coco, hang out with the horses, groom them, look through a photo album or just relax for a while.

Sometimes naming a thing is the hardest thing to do. It's also hard to fix something that you have not yet named.

PS. of course I could be all wrong, I gave you my best 132.

Janknitz wrote:Welcome, Gary! It's really nice of you to try to change the direction of this thread, but may I suggest you start a new thread all your own. A lot of people AREN'T reading or responding to this thread, trying to let it die a good death (meaning it will fall to other pages). So you won't get as complete answers here as you will in your own thread.

Just copy your post and start and new thread, and more people will see it to offer help.

BTW, thanks for trying to calm this thread down--your heart is in the right place.

Thanks ! Will do.

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Cman writes...
I realized my limitations for this group long ago. I left long ago.
No drama.
I still check in everyday. Most of the people I came on board with
and the one who helped me save my life are gone. Hard to let go of something
that had such a profound affect on my life.
Truth be known, all those that have "left" in grand fanfare are still out there,
peaking in the window.....for any number of reasons.
Such is the internet. Such is life.


Cman, good to see you post.

I still check the forum a few times a week. I got so much great info from the original gang (most gone from the site for quite a while). And, I have gotten some useful info from the one and only Pugsy. I see it as a form of payback to lend a hand here and there, if only on an infrequent basis.

Also, I have an interest in rarely reported symptoms and success stories. There used to be more of both, but that's what I tend to look for and it's a big reason I return from time to time. That won't change for me.

As far as the incivility in tone from some of the posters, I wonder why some especially snotty peeps could not just be "voted off the island."

Regards all.
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Hi Pugsy,

You are one of the sincerest, hardworking, compassionate people I have met to date interacting within the health information arena. You are up early in the morning responding to posters before your morning coffee often continuing later into the evening. I’ve seen you tell us when you will be unavailable during the holidays and even when you need to leave your computer to go shopping. You ask for nothing in return. Who else in this world does this? Your commitment to those you are helping is rare and your depth of information and willingness to share is incredible.
Had it not been for you and this forum I would have been out the door throwing my brand new autoset in the garbage one week into treatment. This is true.

Take a long deserved break and take care of yourself the way you take care of us. You deserve the best.

Pugsy wrote:Something is still really bugging me though and I have struggled with how to respond without becoming the very thing that I hate. I can't get it straight in my head how to do it.....or maybe I shouldn't even do it...but it is really bugging me very much so. So I know first hand how difficult it is not to point out what I think (notice I said what I think) was unacceptable comments that led to the last straw that broke this camel's back.
That's my struggle right now...become what I hate or letting things that sicken me slide.

I've been through similar things before. My advice is to, at least occasionally, drastically cut back on your posting and participation. No need to completely disappear, but cut way back.

It's harder than it sounds. It's a bit addictive, soft of like drugs or other addictive behaviors. We tend to forget this because your posting here is a good activity, there is a dark side to your need to spend time here.

I dealt with some issues like this on some other boards where I was a moderator. One board involved things where people could get themselves in serious real world problems with other board members. I had to try and help some of the victims reduce the damage and patch things up. The temptation to overdo it was strong. Luckily, I was able to find a better balance and quit spending so much time on the board. I've drastically cut back on my participation, but I'm still on the boards, but not moderating.

In a lot of ways, the "angel" members on boards like this are a bit like people who rescue animals. You can do some real good. It feels good. However, you do have to be sure you don't end up being a crazy cat lady.

Pugsy, I didn't realize till page 11 of this thread how much this has affected your emotional well being. I thought you were just royally pissed and fed up with all the jerkery (is that even a word?) going on. So sorry to hear that the turmoil has so sorely affected your well being. How about postponing a decision until your heart is settled on it? How about saying you're here until you're not and see how you feel over time? I think the greater part of your experience on this forum is good, which is why it's hard to just walk away. Surely at some point your heart will know one way or the other. Hugs to you, and be careful out there on that ice.

Wow. I have been away from the board for a couple of months and I was a newbie then. Life just got very busy and I come back and all of the veterans who helped me so much are leaving or have left. I have missed a lot. This is a sad day for me and a lot of there. Damn.

CaptainRaven40 wrote:all of the veterans who helped me so much are leaving or have left

Maybe there's a Powerball winner or a generous millionaire here at CPAPtalk. Maybe they could put Pugsy on retainer... Say, one hundred dollars for every post or reply she makes. Oh well, we can dream, can't we... I mean, look how much doctors and psychiatrists make!

archangle wrote: In a lot of ways, the "angel" members on boards like this are a bit like people who rescue animals. You can do some real good. It feels good. However, you do have to be sure you don't end up being a crazy cat lady.

I love that analogy!!!

Pugsy has carried a lot of weight when it comes to helping people.