Any good CPAP jokes?

SnoreNoMore2005 · Post by **SnoreNoMore2005** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:10 pm

I may be a poet but but know-it

Here's my entries:

There once was a man named McKnight
who had trouble breathing at night
his snores were like thunder
they could hear him down under
So his poor wife got up and took flight

- - - - - - -

There once was a man named SnoreNoMore
loud sleeping his wife did abhor,
the reason was that
he was too fat
so he lost weight and now dreams galore

- - - - - - - - -

OK... one more

There once was a very nice chap
who at night used an auto CPAP
he slept like a bear
wearing no underwear
and his hose laid across his chin strap

SnoreNoMore2005

neversleeps · Post by **neversleeps** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:32 pm

Hmmm...

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By a man who'd like to grow old;
He dons his gear and turns on his heated hose
For without it, the air would blow cold;

The bedroom nightlight had seen strange sights
But the strangest it ever did see
Was me on the bed with a mask on my head
As I tried to remember to breathe.

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:34 pm

Thanks NS, I'd forgotten about the first part of that verse. I guess I need some (quality) sleep!

JimH · Post by **JimH** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:30 pm

Here is a little 5th grade humor!!

What is the difference between the hose and a can of beans??

The hose blows air in one end while the beans blow it out the other.

Its way to late to be posting.

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:37 pm

Whew... you're all such fun.

CPAP - Creative Poetry About Pressure....

O,

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 3:23 am

Lori et. al. way to go! We’re all really laughing here, and my sons are now convinced that we are the saddest people in the known universe! So now my latest post. I have a confession to prove how sad I really am – I actually worked on this one for over an hour and a half – my wife was not amused as I crept into bed really late!!!!! Hope you enjoy.

The Bumping Grumping Haffalump - by sir_cumference

The heffalump did need a pump
To help him sleep at night
But in a grump the heffalump
Fare shook when he saw the pipe!

‘I need that not!’ As a glance he shot
At the hose so long and wiggly
‘I have my own I shall not disown
For the others would never forgive me!’

Then with a sigh, at first he tried
To stick his trunk into it
So behind a bush, he pushed and pushed
But the fan just cut straight through it!

‘What shall I do?’ Now feeling blue
‘This pump won’t let me be!’
‘What heffalump can have a trunk
That’s only 1 foot 3?’

Then with a sigh, tears in his eyes
He saw the hose he’d rejected
Then moving fast, an idea he grasped
As super-glue he collected

And now at night, his sleep is bright
As the others look on with envy
For 7 foot 3, it seems to be
Is his trunk so long and bendy!

sir_cumference (lost in space)

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:09 am

O.

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:40 am

Did this turn into one of the greatest threads ever posted? YES!!! (IMHO).

Sir, you have become unbelievable poetic as your verses have emerged. That last one would be a classic in CPAP history (as Ozij put it, Creative Poetry About Pressure-good one O!!!)

This has been a really fun thread to follow. It's interesting, too, to watch who does more serious poetry, lymerics and downright Dr. Seus. Thanks to all for making my days and nights filled with laughter. It's nice to know we all haven't loss our sense of fun through it all.

sleepy gal · Post by **sleepy gal** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 11:11 am

You guys have made my day!!!!

Wonderful!!!!!

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 12:54 pm

SC, I don't care what your wife says, that was worth the effort of the late night! I have tears in my eyes and my family is wondering why I'm howling!

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:24 pm

So cute Flowers! Are we related? Flower51 ....Terry

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 2:39 pm

Do you remember H R Puff n Stuff (is that spelt right?)

I wonder if he had OSA - it sure sounds like it but I think they would have a problem finding a mask to fit him?

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:20 am

Flower51 wrote:So cute Flowers! Are we related? Flower51 ....Terry

I was going to ask you that last Monday on the chat, but you logged out just after I noticed you there.

If you're a blooming idiot like me, then we're related!

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:47 am

I like to look at myself as a blossoming poet on this thread anyway, or if I forgot to wash my canulla...a stinkweed some mornings. I'm just Flower51 because I love flowers and nature and the garden (a good excuse to play and dig in the dirt like a little kid) and 51 for the yr of my birth. Is Flowers your real name?

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:30 am

Not only is Flowers my true name (vague reference to a V. Vinge story for any SF buffs -- any here?) but my paternal grandmother's nickname was Rose even before she married my grandfather.

Personally I wonder if she became Rose Flowers just because she liked the name. My mother has the same name as a florist shop near her which makes ordering flowers for her a lot of fun!

Mask

Any good CPAP jokes?

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