Any good CPAP jokes?

rpalmer · Post by **rpalmer** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:22 pm

No, Lori, don't tell him to stop, I'm lovin' reading sir_cumference's jokes, particularly why the hosehead didn't cross the road.

And Chuck, I'm a Kotter fan, too. But I'm not here to correct you, but to praise you. I think you got the quote & attribute exactly right. Lori's right, we must all be at least old enough to remember when John Travolta was Vinnie Barbarino (before he got his pilot's license). I must be the oldest though, cause I'm older than everybody!

I posted one for RG earlier on a different post after she was talking about doctors with God complexes:

What's the difference between God and a doctor?
God doesn't think He's a doctor.

Sometimes just reading screennames is funnier than anything else. I've always meant to ask Sleeping_With_The_Enemy if that's a reference to herself (or himself?) or their spouse. That Great American Philosopher, Pogo (now I'm really dating myself), used to say: "We have met the enemy, and he is us!".

Sleep tight, y'all...
Rol

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:26 pm

What do you call a sleepwalking hosehead?

A yo-yo!

sir_cumference (aka Bionic Nostrils)

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:59 pm

Well, this is not exactly a joke...more like quirky dark humor, which I like. I've seen it in post signatures when lurk-reading a sleep tech message board. I think someone here (Sir_C? ufo13? NitroDan?) used it a few times:

"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming like the passengers in his car."

ozij · Post by **ozij** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 11:27 pm

One bright day at the pearly gates the line of saintly VIPs wanting to get in was longish, and everyone was given a thorough test. All of a sudden, this person with a white coat rushes by, stethoscope dangling, pushes people aside, and is let in. "What is going on here? How come you let that one push his way in? " asked one, whose patience of a saint had just about worn out. "Him?" said Saint Peter? "Oh, that was God playing Doctor..."

O.

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:00 am

It's great to read these other posts - i'm loving them! Keep it up - it's good to laugh.

A CPAPer, an APAPer and a Bi-Leveller walk into a bar ... well, they wouldn't have done if they weren't still wearing their masks - they just didn't see it! (groan - the old ones ....)

sir_cumference (occasionally sane )

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 2:47 am

sir_cumference wrote:It's great to read these other posts - i'm loving them! Keep it up - it's good to laugh.

A CPAPer, an APAPer and a Bi-Leveller walk into a bar ... well, they wouldn't have done if they weren't still wearing their masks - they just didn't see it! (groan - the old ones ....)

sir_cumference (occasionally sane )

It's great to see the humor. What do they say? Laughter can be the best medicine?

And anyone with the username of "sir_cumference" HAS to be a stitch! That's plenty funny enough for me!! (Sorry, not nice to laugh at a username, is it? especially since mine sucks)

That's the beauty of topics. If you want to talk humor, you can. Or if you want a different topic say, on masks or the shoe sizes of sleep doctors, you can. Chatting, whether serious or silly, is a form of support. And as for me, there are times when if I couldn't laugh about this horrid freakish condition, I would cry. So keep 'em coming, y'all. And sir_cumference? .... you can insanely shock me anytime! (figuratively speaking, of course... no cattle prods please).

Linda (insanely envious of sir_cumference )

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 3:14 am

Dear Linda - Thanks for the encouragement.

Here's a little poem for hose-heads - not very funny - but fun!

A Good Night on CPAP by sir_cumference

Plug in machine and push on the hose,
Wash your face and blow your nose,
Creep in the bedroom, you’ve taken to long,
Stub your toe – with curses strong,

Fiddle with straps, pull them in place,
Check all the bits surrounding your face,
Lie down to start, re-adjust the hose
Push the start button – the pressure grows!

Take a deep breath, then remember the light
Knocking over your water was none to bright!
Clean up the mess, your partners annoyed,
You couldn’t really make much more noise!

At last it’s time to lie down and then,
You start breathing deeply pressure ramping again,
But what’s that squeak, that whistle, that noise!
It’s 6 in the morning, and awake are the boys!

Any poems are very welcome on this thread - short or long - we've already had a least one other!
sir_cumference (never knowingly overslept!)

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 3:53 am

Say, sir_cumference!! You're really good at this poetry thing!

I think you should take it on the road!

Linda

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:55 am

Sir Cumference writes:

2) CPAP and the over-weight = pump a lump (that’s me )

Awww, but such a nice pump-a-lump you are (and funny, too).

I don't understand where you're getting these from...I vote for keep going. At least I think that you're very clever.

Hope Senorita Breeze is still making your nights wonderful. Did she stay together last night?

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:18 am

Got a tummy ached last night - so no mask would stay in place because I wouldn't stay in place - that's why there are so many posts from me - I was up ill! Having said that my beloved breeze did indeed hold my nose is nocturnal bliss when I actually managed to stay in bed for any length of time! I hope all continues well with you and your love affair with the swift? But be warned, I've heard that swifts are very flighty!

And as for the funnies ... I'm scraping the barrel now ... but here's some more!

What do you call a hose-head whose treatment actually works?

A happy CPAPer! (groan)

C-FLUX = C (it) Feels Like U Can (exhale)

And especially for LDuyer as I know how much she likes intelligent words

Hosology = giving advice on a CPAP forum

Hosologist = someone who gives advice on a CPAP forum

Hosolojing = getting advice from a CPAP forum

Hosolification = the state where by a hose-head realises they know more about OSA than their doctor and treats themselves!

C(R)AP = receiving bad advice from a CPAP forum (winces and hope he offends no one!!!!)

What do you call a hose-head who keeps collecting accessories = a KPAPtamaniac!
(think about it)

What do you call a medical health expert that understands OSA, listens to their patient and does everything they can to make their treatment work?

A miracle – also known as a figment of your imagination or wil ‘o the wisp!

Getting high! = actually having a good night’s sleep!

I had a little OSA
I thought it was quite funny
They stuck a hose right up my nose
And now it’s kind-a runny!

Cool new mask = blows cold air at your partner no matter how hard you try to stop it!

Don’t worry folks – I’m going away tomorrow morning and won’t be back for 4 whole days – time enough for sanity to return!

sir_cumference (Hosologist and flexible friend to the poor and unknown!)

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:29 am

But be warned, I've heard that swifts are very flighty!

Serious groans on that one...(it was funny, though, after I stopped groaning).
Sorry to hear you were ill last night. You have to stop partying so much before bedtime. It can make you ill !!! At least it happened now, rather than when you're on holiday later on this week.
Have a great time. We'll all miss your humor on this site??? Oh, I meant to put a period at the end of that sentence. Sorry .

sleepy gal · Post by **sleepy gal** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:40 am

Sir cumference....you have me laughing so hard I am just about falling off my chair and have tears in my eyes!!!! Thank you, thank you , thank you!!!!!

And all of you for being here!

Nan

LDuyer · Post by **LDuyer** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:46 am

Nan, you're not the only one falling off their chair from this nut.

Thank god this critter is taking some days off.
It will give me some time for my butt to recover from the bruises of falling off my chair so often. ..... ouch .....

Linda

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:31 am

sir_cumference wrote:He was just embarrassed I owned him! Have you ever seen an embarrassed dog!

Yep, injured dignity is the best description I can come up with.

OTOH, the latest addition to our pack (after losing 2 within 4 weeks of each other this winter) enjoys wearing my Tilley Endurable T3 hat (Aussie style expedition hat). She has good taste; it is a fantastic hat!

If I remember I'll put the picture up somewhere for all to see.

Sir_cumference, keep the jokes coming if you can. I'm loving every one!

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:46 am

WAF:

So sorry for your loss of two dogs this past winter. My best friend who lives in GA has two 13-year-old dogs and one was just diagnosed with cancer and had her spleen removed. She still has another tumor in the liver which they can't remove due to location or some other reason and the poor dog is undergoing chemo right now. She loves her dogs like they are her children since she never had kids and is seeking out holistic remedies, too, to try to decide what would be best for her "child."
Anyone who has ever owned and loved an animal knows that it's like losing a human member of your family, so to lose two dogs in such a short time of each other must have been unbearably heartbreaking. So sorry to hear that news. But sounds like your other dog who wears the hat is a real asset to the family .

Mask