Any good CPAP jokes?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:59 am

I don't know, bionic notrils does have rather a ring to it don't you think? But then again maybe if it's got a ring it should be pierced nostrils?

Glad to hear you are doing so well - on a serious note, you need something under the straps that doesn't have a hard edge to it - a smooth edge of some kind would stop the lines from forming so deeply - am still trying to think of something.

In the meantime, here are my last lot of ...

More CPAP terms re-interpreted:

CPAP mask = advanced form of nasal contraception

Gel = now we’re getting desperate

AHI – Abandon Hopes of Intimacy

Velcro strap adjustment = whatever happens DON’T BITE YOUR NAILS or you’ll never get the blasted thing off!

Velcro strap adjustment (alt.) = Ensure en-suite is built and extended hose is purchased before use as there is a significant risk of ‘accident’ while trying to find release tabs!

That's it, I've just about run dry!! Can anyone else take up the challenge to laugh at ourselves?

sir_cumference

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:03 am

Registered user who continuously gets guested = Prat!
sir_cumference

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 11:24 am

Sir Cumference, Bionic Nostrils or Pierced Nostrils, whatever your nickname is today, you are a riot! Thanks for keeping the mood light on this site. It can be rather serious most of the time. And I really think that therapy is keeping your wit rather sharp!

Thanks for trying to think of something to take away my Swift lines, but I did try padding the straps last night with something that made them un-sharp and thicker, but the lines were there again this morning. I guess I will just keep trying different things, like tonight's large "gauze" pads, until I find something that works or run out of suggestions. My mom suggested putting ice on the lines in the morning, but I don't know if that would do anything for indentations. And who wants to freeze their cheeks first thing in the AM? Summer, maybe. Winter? No way, Jose.

Well, as always, SR, BN or PN, it's been fun. Keep getting your good nights sleeps with that Breeze of yours...

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 11:48 am

Why did the CPAPer stop when his machine broke?

Because he only works under pressure!!

You have my permission to groan!

sir_cumference (a knight of the ROUND table)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 12:13 pm

Glad to hear you are both doing well with your interfaces and getting good sleep. IT'S NOT HOW YOU DRIVE- IT'S HOW YOU ARRIVE!!!!!

Best to ALL!!!!

steve,
ufo13

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 12:37 pm

sir_cumference wrote:Why did the CPAPer stop when his machine broke? Because he only works under pressure!!

Great thread! I'm starting to think of these jokes as:

"Knee Slappers for CPAPers"!!

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:03 pm

Thanks guest - here's some more knee-slappers for CPAPers

YET MORE TERMS EXPLAINED!!!!

Medical insurance = daylight robbery

Prescription = rough guess at what might actually be the problem

Consultation = excuse to get every penny they can out of you

Deductions = sucker!

C-Flux = A & B-Flux didn’t work!

Aura = ?? Whatever man!!

Humidifier = guaranteed to dribble water up your nose

Heated Humidifier = as above but works much faster

Accessories = more ways of draining your bank account

Software = the perfect gift for a geek

Ramp = an annoying period of time before the machine actually starts doing what it’s supposed to do!

Smart Card = The stupid card wouldn't sell! So we renamed it 'smart card' to sell as a geek friendly accessory (see above for explanation of accessories)

International voltage range = attempt to ensure you don’t realise you need a socket adaptor when you travel to another country!

OK so I though of a few more, but this time … I’ve really run out of ideas … probably … well I think so at least! Aura! (see above)
sir_cumference

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:46 pm

Anonymous "Guest" writes:

"Knee Slappers for CPAPers"!!

I like that! Should be the topic name for this thread.

Steve/UFO13, thank you for your sweet words, as always. Hope you are doing well, too.

And by the way, Sir Cumference (guess you chose to stick with that name after all-good choice), where are all these coming from? Do you have a book of wise-crack terminology for CPAP users? You keep saying you ran dry, but here you are again with more...I think the Breeze is doing more than getting you a good night's rest.

CharlesJ · Post by **CharlesJ** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:14 pm

Up your nose with a rubber hose!!!

Chuck

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:19 pm

LOL!!! But where did that expression first come from? My halfsheimers is kicking in...

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:22 pm

Dearest Sleepless on LI (doesn't Li stand for lithium?) I have no idea where all these stupid things are coming from! I took the dog for a walk and spent the whole time giggling to myself as I came up with ever more stupid ideas. Other people gave me very strange looks! And as for my dog! He was just embarrassed I owned him! Have you ever seen an embarrassed dog!

I hope I'm not offending other people - if I have - please accept my apologies, I'm just trying to find the brighter side of something that can, if we're not careful, get rather heavy!

Why didn't the CPAPer cross the road?

His hose wasn't long enough!!

Please continue to groan and not be offended.
sir_cumference (a knight of the ROUND table)

And as for CharlesJ's idea!!! I refuse to chuck-up my nose with a rubber hose because it sounds very painful (in the uk to chuck-up means to be sick - ).

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 3:04 pm

Why didn't the CPAPer cross the road?

His hose wasn't long enough!!

I think this was the best one you thought of so far. NOW STOP IT!!!! ~

CharlesJ · Post by **CharlesJ** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 7:05 pm

First time I heard "Up your nose with a rubber hose!" was on the "Welcome Back Kotter" show in the seventies. Arnold Horshack (sp?) said it first I think. But then all the "sweathogs" adopted it. Bet there's some hose-head that is a "Kotter" fan that will correct me.

Bed time for me now. Alarm goes off at 04:45. Up my nose with the rubber hose.

Chuck

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 7:21 pm

Ah, a Welcome Back Kotter fan. Guess that puts us in the same age range, or thereabouts. So that's where I must have originally heard that...thanks!

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 10:15 pm

Why should you never believe anything anyone says about the Aussie heated hose?

Because it’s nothing but hot air!

MORE TERMS EXPLAINED

1) Aussie Heated Hose = Slumber Wonder Number from Down Under

2) CPAP and the over-weight = pump a lump (that’s me )

3) CPAP = Dumb pumping

4) APAP = Smart pumping

5) xPAP = Living in another country to the one you were born in

6) Paprika (pronounced PAP – REEK –AH!) = Not washing your mask for a month!

Does anyone actually think these are worth reading? Or am I just making a fool of myself?

Sir_cumference (a knight of the ROUND table)

Any good CPAP jokes?

To Lori & sir_cumference........