OT: Time out and/or Duke it out thread

[Pugsy]

Would something short, along the lines of:

"I know you have a wealth of experience and knowledge. Besides what you just wrote which doesn't help the OP, is there anything you would like to add to specifically address the OP's problem?

Knowing how people are and putting myself in the offenders shows...I would have a problem with "what you just wrote which doesn't help the OP" if I was on the receiving end of it. Now I know it's true but that implies that I have judged them and I want to avoid sounding like I am judging what they say. These people are already seeing red as it is and won't take kindly to what they perceive as someone judging them.

It's going to take walking a fine line. That's why I am trying to come up with something that is non judgemental, no name calling (no matter how much it is deserved) and just be polite, calm, reasonable and ask politely to simply take the rest of the discussion elsewhere in an effort to avoid derailing the thread.

[Stormynights]

Pugsy, would you like to have some lightning bolts? I have extras if that might help.

[robysue]

Pugsy,

I know you have tossed out the idea of trying to find a way to politely "invite" offending posters to move their disagreement to here or a start a new OT thread and leave the helping thread alone.

I think you've got an excellent start with:

So and so we know you have some differences of opinions but how about you take the rest of the discussion over to the Time out Thread...or create your own...or maybe use private messages so that the original intent of this thread which was so and so's question/problem doesn't get derailed and lost in the heat of where this discussion seems to be heading.

The Southerner in me would make the suggestion to change "you" to "you all" or "y'all" so as to make it clear that both (all) the "so and so's" who are having the argument understand that nobody is being singled out, but rather that everybody involved in the heated discussion should take the argument somewhere other than the helping thread so that the helping thread can get back on topic.

You also write:

Something along those lines..I don't want to make a point of calling them names or anything like that. Even if someone is being an obvious first class asshole/bully/jerk/dick...we don't need to point that out...I guarantee everyone already knows that fact. Don't turn into what it is you are wanting to stop...you are likely to end up with the 2 offenders both joining forces and jumping down your throat.

Exactly.

[Pugsy]

Pugsy, would you like to have some lightning bolts? I have extras if that might help.

Sometimes I would. Especially when the 2 X 4s don't get their attention.

[Pugsy]

The Southerner in me would make the suggestion to change "you" to "you all" or "y'all" so as to make it clear that both (all) the "so and so's" who are having the argument understand that nobody is being singled out, but rather that everybody involved in the heated discussion should take the argument somewhere other than the helping thread so that the helping thread can get back on topic.

Good point and should be easy for me...born in Arkansas and all that.
Southerner and redneck all rolled into one.
I certainly know that taking an accusatory tone is just likely to poor gasoline on the flames.
Gotta kill them with kindness so they can't come back calling me a bully/jerk/asshole/dick too.
I also won't be quoting the ugly comments. No sense...we all know they are there anyway.

This composition stuff sucks and it's even more important to get it just right in this situation.
You are so good at this stuff...any ideas running through your mind lately?

[Stormynights]

We cover our ash holes for a reason. No one wants to see or hear from them.

[robysue]

The Southerner in me would make the suggestion to change "you" to "you all" or "y'all" so as to make it clear that both (all) the "so and so's" who are having the argument understand that nobody is being singled out, but rather that everybody involved in the heated discussion should take the argument somewhere other than the helping thread so that the helping thread can get back on topic.

Good point and should be easy for me...born in Arkansas and all that.

I gotta ask: Where in Arkansas?

Both my parents are Arkansans. And we went "home" to Arkansas every summer and I and my brothers got dropped off at an Aunt's house for weeks at a time so that we'd grow up knowing all our extended family members.

My mother was from Little Rock and my father is from West Point, which is a small town east of Searcy. I still have a lot of extended family in AR. Don't get to see them very much anymore. But a bunch of them came to Va for my dad's 90th birthday party this June and we're hoping to make a trip down there after Christmas this year.

This composition stuff sucks and it's even more important to get it just right in this situation.
You are so good at this stuff...any ideas running through your mind lately?

I'm thinking. But I haven't come up with anything polite, but clear enough to make the point that the heated discussion is threatening to take over the helping thread.

And that use of "threatening" just made me think of something that still gets to me after 30+ years of marriage to a NJ boy:

You know how Southerners use "fixin' to" as a short hand for "getting ready to" as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store"? In NJ the expression is "threatening to". Hubby is always telling me he's threatening to go to the store or threatening to go on a bike ride. I tease him about quite a bit.

[palerider]

The Southerner in me would make the suggestion to change "you" to "you all" or "y'all" so as to make it clear that both (all) the "so and so's" who are having the argument understand that nobody is being singled out, but rather that everybody involved in the heated discussion should take the argument somewhere other than the helping thread so that the helping thread can get back on topic.

Good point and should be easy for me...born in Arkansas and all that.

I gotta ask: Where in Arkansas?

Both my parents are Arkansans. And we went "home" to Arkansas every summer and I and my brothers got dropped off at an Aunt's house for weeks at a time so that we'd grow up knowing all our extended family members.

My mother was from Little Rock and my father is from West Point, which is a small town east of Searcy. I still have a lot of extended family in AR. Don't get to see them very much anymore. But a bunch of them came to Va for my dad's 90th birthday party this June and we're hoping to make a trip down there after Christmas this year.

I'ma 'fraid I'ma have to ask you folks to take this heartwarming discussion elsewhere, it really is totally inappropriate for this thread, and is detracting from the point....

SHAME!

[Pugsy]

I gotta ask: Where in Arkansas?

Born in Mtn Home...lived there some and just down the road in the teeny tiny spot in the road Norfork on the banks where the White River and North Fork merge.
Moved to Missouri when I was 12...spent some time in Alabama and then came back to Missouri.
I am pretty much a true Ozark Hillbilly. If you heard me talk there would be no doubt as to my roots.
I still have some cousins in northern Arkansas.

[Stormynights]

Several years ago I worked for a woman from Norfork. We were very close friends for several years.

[grayghost4]

I have spent some time Fishing in Bull Shoals ... very nice country there and good fishing

This thread is getting way to civil

[SleepyEyes21]

Hi Pugsy, I agree with DanceDiva in that if you can keep it as short and to the point, the message might be better received. What about something like:

'Dear (Member) & (Member), would you kindly move your discussion to the OT: Time Out thread, so the OP in this conversation can get the Help they need instead?' Saying it in a way like this, no one is assuming they are having a fight or war or even anything 'heated;' the message is short and to the point, and it rhymes which does make it easier to remember (for some.)

(Pugsy said) I think that a non aggressive, non threatening, non judgemental (if we can get all that accomplished) "suggestion" to both parties (I would do it in one post) saying something like...

(Pugsy said) I still haven't come up with exactly what I would say or when I would decide it needed to be said. I think this is where common sense and maybe just a wee bit of patience might be in order...sometimes things flare up quickly and die just as quickly and if we go jumping in immediately we might actually feed the flame war more.

Is this something you would like all Members to use when you decide on it? If so, could you post at the top of the page when ready please? Thanks

[Lucyhere]

Once we've figured out the 'best' thing to say when a thread gets derailed, we can change it up. We can respond differently, but essentially say the same thing in the same tone. We don't have to use the exact same words.

[wm_hess]

Pugsy if you're trying to not sound judgemental, consider a thread not called a time out thread? [WHITE SMILING FACE]️

-Bill

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk

[jnk...]

Did somebody say "hillbilly"?

I'm an Eastern Kentucky hillbilly who lived in that state until age 19.

So I reckon Ima fixin' to call this thread the McCoy-Hatfield Hangout.