Way to go Rested Gal! I agree with you 100%. Got my BiPaP, got my mask, then got my OWN BEDROOM with a "Do Not Disturb" sign. Makes for some peaceful nights.
Gilda
I am ready to scream!
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wading thru the muck!
- Posts: 2799
- Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2004 11:42 am
Hey Kristi-
Why don't you take that rope you are "at the end of" and wrap it around his neck??? Then you can tell him that his gagging is keeping you awake. It sounds like you are trying to be very considerate of him and are not getting the same in return. Tell him this is a very real medical problem and you could use some serious understanding - - and some serious slack. Best wishes for sleep and sympathy!
Dan
Why don't you take that rope you are "at the end of" and wrap it around his neck??? Then you can tell him that his gagging is keeping you awake. It sounds like you are trying to be very considerate of him and are not getting the same in return. Tell him this is a very real medical problem and you could use some serious understanding - - and some serious slack. Best wishes for sleep and sympathy!
Dan
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If it is the exhaust air that's bothering him, the Fisher & Paykel mask will work. I have one and the exhaust air is difused. You can put your hand out about 2 inches in front of the exhaust vent and not feel or hear it. I just couldn't tolerate the nasal mask. I use the Breeze which puts our a pretty strong exhaust wind but is really quiet. I just moved to another bedroom long before the cpap treatment. Probably not the ideal solution for everybody but if he falls asleep after sex and my cpap treatment wakes him up, he gets up and moves and leaves me alone. Hope you find a happy solution.
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Guest
Guys,
This is odd, posting as Liam's Wife. But, when a spouse is unhappy, like Kristi's is, perhaps you should (as much as you can in your sleepy states) try to have a little sympathy.Let me give a spouse's point of view.
It isn't easy being the spouse. Before you kick him out of bed, try a role reversal. Let him wear the mask and you get in similar positions in how you normally sleep, and see what the noise level is. Does it vary and sound like a leak to you? Obviously, if he is complaining, he is hearing it. If he is hearing it, HE isn't sleeping either! His sleeplessness is just as valid as yours.
You may be having difficulty resigning yourself to a lifetime of mask wearing and equipment, but so is he. He doesn't have to wear the mask, but his wife is. Perhaps he is scared for you. (I was so relieved to know that Liam wasn't suffering from lack of Oxygen while sleeping).
Perhaps the mask isn't sexy. Well, unless you are into role playing and you are a Star Wars Geek, AND you have a thing for the bad guy, it isn't. Until Swift comes out with a cuter, lacy mask... Oh well, it will never be sexy. But, if that is one of the problems, give him an opportunity to ravish you before you put the mask on. Make certain that you have kissed and hugged and such BEFORE you put on your apparatus. You are dependant on the apparatus, but it is a definitive SHIELD between husband and wife. The nasal pillows let me kiss Liam, but not much. And he can't talk, so no pillow talk. There are certain things that disappear from your marriage when one person has to sleep with apparatus on. If all you relied upon was spontaniety, that is going to be gone.
I would advice talking a lot (exhaustively) about what might be bothering him, what he is missing since your new diagnosis. Stress what he will receive with it... A rested, happier wife, a healthier wife. And then, when you have the energy, let him reap some reward.
Best of luck to you, Kristi.... I'm certain that you two will work through the frustration. The key to problem solving is to identify what his problem is. If it simply is noise, like he is saying... Perhaps you could find some white noise. If it is 'wind', perhaps a body pillow between you will give enough space so that it isn't hitting him (I haven't been bothered by either noise or by wind). If it is fear that you have lost that valuable connecting time in bed before sleep, do your best to give it back AND be true to your treatment. If he KNOWs that you are trying, it will be worth more than getting it back. If he is simply frustrated, maybe just you accepting his frustration might help.
Good Luck,
Janet
This is odd, posting as Liam's Wife. But, when a spouse is unhappy, like Kristi's is, perhaps you should (as much as you can in your sleepy states) try to have a little sympathy.Let me give a spouse's point of view.
It isn't easy being the spouse. Before you kick him out of bed, try a role reversal. Let him wear the mask and you get in similar positions in how you normally sleep, and see what the noise level is. Does it vary and sound like a leak to you? Obviously, if he is complaining, he is hearing it. If he is hearing it, HE isn't sleeping either! His sleeplessness is just as valid as yours.
You may be having difficulty resigning yourself to a lifetime of mask wearing and equipment, but so is he. He doesn't have to wear the mask, but his wife is. Perhaps he is scared for you. (I was so relieved to know that Liam wasn't suffering from lack of Oxygen while sleeping).
Perhaps the mask isn't sexy. Well, unless you are into role playing and you are a Star Wars Geek, AND you have a thing for the bad guy, it isn't. Until Swift comes out with a cuter, lacy mask... Oh well, it will never be sexy. But, if that is one of the problems, give him an opportunity to ravish you before you put the mask on. Make certain that you have kissed and hugged and such BEFORE you put on your apparatus. You are dependant on the apparatus, but it is a definitive SHIELD between husband and wife. The nasal pillows let me kiss Liam, but not much. And he can't talk, so no pillow talk. There are certain things that disappear from your marriage when one person has to sleep with apparatus on. If all you relied upon was spontaniety, that is going to be gone.
I would advice talking a lot (exhaustively) about what might be bothering him, what he is missing since your new diagnosis. Stress what he will receive with it... A rested, happier wife, a healthier wife. And then, when you have the energy, let him reap some reward.
Best of luck to you, Kristi.... I'm certain that you two will work through the frustration. The key to problem solving is to identify what his problem is. If it simply is noise, like he is saying... Perhaps you could find some white noise. If it is 'wind', perhaps a body pillow between you will give enough space so that it isn't hitting him (I haven't been bothered by either noise or by wind). If it is fear that you have lost that valuable connecting time in bed before sleep, do your best to give it back AND be true to your treatment. If he KNOWs that you are trying, it will be worth more than getting it back. If he is simply frustrated, maybe just you accepting his frustration might help.
Good Luck,
Janet
Lucky Liam
Liam,
Boy are you lucky. You're wife is smart, sensible and caring, as well as everything else you've said about her.
Debbie
Boy are you lucky. You're wife is smart, sensible and caring, as well as everything else you've said about her.
Debbie
Re: Lucky Liam
She kind of had to be, considering in the span of a year she made me question my all-consuming conviction that I'd never get married again, begin thinking of it as not COMPLETELY out of the question, then as possible, likely, looked forward to, and finally an actual event. Yes, in just a year.snoozin' wrote:Boy are you lucky. You're wife is smart, sensible and caring, as well as everything else you've said about her.
She is an amazing woman, my wife, and very intelligent.
Liam, who made a MUCH better life-partner choice this time than he did in 1992.
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Kristy,
You may be interested in reading my recent post asking "How real is the chance of dying in your sleep from apnea", then let your husband read it too. I recieved many helpful insights from others here.
I am very lucky that my husband refuses to have me go to another room. Says it feels weird to wake-up and not have me there. Before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, he voluntarily brought home a pair of earplugs in order to sleep through the snoring and whale like gasps for air. Not sure if your husband is bothered by the noise or air coming from your mask?
How does he feel when he hears you stop breathing and then gasp for air? Does that not bother him?
I wish you the best of luck working through this with your hubby. Stay Strong!
You may be interested in reading my recent post asking "How real is the chance of dying in your sleep from apnea", then let your husband read it too. I recieved many helpful insights from others here.
I am very lucky that my husband refuses to have me go to another room. Says it feels weird to wake-up and not have me there. Before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, he voluntarily brought home a pair of earplugs in order to sleep through the snoring and whale like gasps for air. Not sure if your husband is bothered by the noise or air coming from your mask?
How does he feel when he hears you stop breathing and then gasp for air? Does that not bother him?
I wish you the best of luck working through this with your hubby. Stay Strong!
Re: I am ready to scream!
tell him to go to Motel 6 and keep the light on for himself, till he ''gets it'' that you've got a treatment plan to help you help YOUR HEALTH.
Kristy5550 wrote:I finally have a mask for my CPAP that I can tolerate so I am wearing it all the time now. My problem is .......HUBBY! He keeps waking me up saying "You are leaking"! Well, I can feel and hear it if the mask is 'leaking' and 9 times out of 10 it is NOT! I don't know what to do. Maybe I will come in here in moms room and sleep on the floor! Any suggestions?
I told him to get ear plugs, but that didn't get me very far. He told me "You don't have to wear that all the time". Well, my Dr. seems to think differently. It makes me SO stressed. I am doing what I am supposed to do and I get yelled at!!
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Sharper75
Your unsympathetic husband
Hi Kristi,
I have been using a cpap for over 13 years now, still happily married and still sleep in the same bed as my wife.
Yes, occasionaly she does wake me to complain my mask is leaking, or that the air is cold on her, but, not very often, and not in a manner which is abrasive. I simply turn over.
One of the tricks I've used, is this: We have a nightly ritual, in which my wife goes to bed before me, (She has always been an early riser, so she has always gone to bed alot earlier than me). BUT, I do go in with her to bed to "Tuck her in", and spend some time with her while she drifts off to sleep.
An hour or two later, I retire.
This works for us, and doesn't take away from our sex lives or closeness, and allows her to get into a good-nights sleep..
I have been using a cpap for over 13 years now, still happily married and still sleep in the same bed as my wife.
Yes, occasionaly she does wake me to complain my mask is leaking, or that the air is cold on her, but, not very often, and not in a manner which is abrasive. I simply turn over.
One of the tricks I've used, is this: We have a nightly ritual, in which my wife goes to bed before me, (She has always been an early riser, so she has always gone to bed alot earlier than me). BUT, I do go in with her to bed to "Tuck her in", and spend some time with her while she drifts off to sleep.
An hour or two later, I retire.
This works for us, and doesn't take away from our sex lives or closeness, and allows her to get into a good-nights sleep..
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Nenetx2004
- Posts: 144
- Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:01 pm
- Location: Albany, New York
Hey Kristi,
I'm not sure why he insists on waking you up as abruptly as he does. It does no one any good and makes for bad feelings.
I'll share my story with you. My boyfriend and I had broken up for about two months (unrelated to sleep apnea). He's a very light sleeper and my snoring had been a bit of an issue. Two weeks after we got back together, I got my machine. I thought that was the end of our relationship. I was sure I would keep him awake. That wasn't the case. He was very supportive but did complain about the mask blowing on him. However, he did discover that if he just pulled the blanket up over his shoulders, he no longer felt the air.
Like others who have posted, we have our "cuddle" time before I put the mask on and so far things have been great. I'll often fall asleep for a bit before the lights go out and start snoring. He'll gently wake me, remind me to put my mask on and we'll turn out the lights. Like Liam, I have a very understanding and wonderful sleep partner.
Good luck and know that you've got the support of your fellow CPAPers!
Jeanne
I'm not sure why he insists on waking you up as abruptly as he does. It does no one any good and makes for bad feelings.
I'll share my story with you. My boyfriend and I had broken up for about two months (unrelated to sleep apnea). He's a very light sleeper and my snoring had been a bit of an issue. Two weeks after we got back together, I got my machine. I thought that was the end of our relationship. I was sure I would keep him awake. That wasn't the case. He was very supportive but did complain about the mask blowing on him. However, he did discover that if he just pulled the blanket up over his shoulders, he no longer felt the air.
Like others who have posted, we have our "cuddle" time before I put the mask on and so far things have been great. I'll often fall asleep for a bit before the lights go out and start snoring. He'll gently wake me, remind me to put my mask on and we'll turn out the lights. Like Liam, I have a very understanding and wonderful sleep partner.
Good luck and know that you've got the support of your fellow CPAPers!
Jeanne
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The Fisher & Paykel Flexifit HC 405 and the Flexifit 407 are both top drawer and not that well known. They are both nasal masks that have a glider system. This enables the mask to stay in place as you roll from side to side.
The 405 usually runs kind of big top to bottem, meaning between your eyes to between your nose and top lip. The 407 seems to fit most I've seen much better. Both of them come with two sizes of cushions so make sure to take a look at the size of the mask frame. The 405 vents via a diffuser while the 407 vents via a series of little tiny pinholes.
Hope it helps.
MelMel
The 405 usually runs kind of big top to bottem, meaning between your eyes to between your nose and top lip. The 407 seems to fit most I've seen much better. Both of them come with two sizes of cushions so make sure to take a look at the size of the mask frame. The 405 vents via a diffuser while the 407 vents via a series of little tiny pinholes.
Hope it helps.
MelMel
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Guest
Re: I am ready to scream!
Maybe, just maybe, he's not referring to your CPCP mask!Kristy5550 wrote:I finally have a mask for my CPAP that I can tolerate so I am wearing it all the time now. My problem is .......HUBBY! He keeps waking me up saying "You are leaking"! Well, I can feel and hear it if the mask is 'leaking' and 9 times out of 10 it is NOT! I don't know what to do. Maybe I will come in here in moms room and sleep on the floor! Any suggestions?
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Yoga
Mel Mel,
I have never tried the Flexfit 407. However, I have a F&P 405 & do not have a large face. I tried on the Acclaim (the predecessor to the Flexfit) and found it to be too long as well as not having as good a swivel as the Flexfit. Have you tried both the 405 and 407 yourself? I find that with the 405 I had the feeling of not gettinng enough air so I replaced the foam in the elbow with nylon net and it was better. (I checked with F & P first). If you have tried both masks, do you get the same feeling regarding adequate air since the 407 has the little holes?
I have never tried the Flexfit 407. However, I have a F&P 405 & do not have a large face. I tried on the Acclaim (the predecessor to the Flexfit) and found it to be too long as well as not having as good a swivel as the Flexfit. Have you tried both the 405 and 407 yourself? I find that with the 405 I had the feeling of not gettinng enough air so I replaced the foam in the elbow with nylon net and it was better. (I checked with F & P first). If you have tried both masks, do you get the same feeling regarding adequate air since the 407 has the little holes?
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Sleeping With The Enemy
- Posts: 454
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 11:54 pm
- Location: Minnesota
Kristy,
I just want to correct what Wader said about my husband. My husband did say once that the air was blowing on him, that is all.
He is very supportive of my treatment. He is frustrated that there is not a real cure for OSA, but I'm not going to go into that right now--will respond in another post as promised.
At first, when he was still my boyfriend, he thought it was funny that I snored so much. Then he noticed that I quit breathing when I was sleeping, this was over 7 years ago. I didn't realize that it was that serious until a caring MD told me I needed to have a sleep study done. I was experiencing a severe depression back in November and just thought it was that blue time of the year.
Needless to say, had the sleep study and walla--SEVERE OSA. I quit breathing 67 times every hour. I woke up sometimes up to 7-8 times a night. I'd go to the bathroom, switch loads of laundry, tuck everyone in, you name it--I worked the night shift in my own home.
Now I'm on APAP, I sleep at night. Can't put a load in before I go to bed anymore--don't really wake up enough to switch it and then no one has dry clothes!
So, hang in there! I think maybe its just a grieving stage--denial??? I don't know, but you have to take care of yourself. Once he sees that you are feeling better, hopefully his attitude will improve.
Best Wishes,
Heidi
I just want to correct what Wader said about my husband. My husband did say once that the air was blowing on him, that is all.
He is very supportive of my treatment. He is frustrated that there is not a real cure for OSA, but I'm not going to go into that right now--will respond in another post as promised.
At first, when he was still my boyfriend, he thought it was funny that I snored so much. Then he noticed that I quit breathing when I was sleeping, this was over 7 years ago. I didn't realize that it was that serious until a caring MD told me I needed to have a sleep study done. I was experiencing a severe depression back in November and just thought it was that blue time of the year.
Needless to say, had the sleep study and walla--SEVERE OSA. I quit breathing 67 times every hour. I woke up sometimes up to 7-8 times a night. I'd go to the bathroom, switch loads of laundry, tuck everyone in, you name it--I worked the night shift in my own home.
Now I'm on APAP, I sleep at night. Can't put a load in before I go to bed anymore--don't really wake up enough to switch it and then no one has dry clothes!
So, hang in there! I think maybe its just a grieving stage--denial??? I don't know, but you have to take care of yourself. Once he sees that you are feeling better, hopefully his attitude will improve.
Best Wishes,
Heidi