My Husband and Sleep Apnea....I need you help

[frtwome]

I have to do something now, my husband has severe sleep apnea, he has had it for a couple of years, but was just diagnosed in August 2009. He went to the sleep study in July. They tried the cpap mask on him, he had a terrible time with it, and made the tech remove it. She then tried the nasal mask on him, and the tech said that he did sleep slightly better. But, he should be wearing the mask. He refuses.
He is getting worse, and I am getting more scared. I am going to get at least the nasal mask for him, and hope that it will help some. Where do I start?
Who do I purchase this nasal mask from? Do I need to get a prescription from his doctor? Does health insurance cover this, or do I need to just purchase it. I don't mean to sound so stupid, but I just need to know where to begin. I have to do something, and hope that it will help him. I would love to have my happy, sweet husband back.
Thank you,
Judy

[dsm]

Judy

I can't comment re the mask purchase as I think (? anyone in US) the law may have (or about to be) changed on this.

Re hubby's attitude. He sounds like he needs 'shock' therapy on how quickly he will decline if he stays in denial (which
it seems he is in).

One possibility is to print off any articles (anyone got any really good 'shock' links) that highlight the morbidity of not
dealing with OSA. Try to get him to read as many as you can feed to him. The hope is it will eventually sink in that
he has his life & well-being firmly in his own hands & he can do something about it and part of that something is making
cpap therapy work.

Good luck

DSM

[Bearcat42]

Have you thought of videotaping him while he sleeps? You could let him see for himself what it looks like.

[frtwome]

Thank You, He gets mad at me anytime that I try to tell him what can happen if he doesn't get help.
He is very cranky, and I understand because I know how tired that he really is. But, I am only tring to help him, he calls it nagging. So, that's why I decided to stop listening to him, and I will do something about it myself.
If he had any clue just how much he has changed, and how bad it really is, I do believe that he would try to help himself. But, he can't see it for himself.
Judy

Judy

I can't comment re the mask purchase as I think (? anyone in US) the law may have (or about to be) changed on this.

Re hubby's attitude. He sounds like he needs 'shock' therapy on how quickly he will decline if he stays in denial (which
it seems he is in).

One possibility is to print off any articles (anyone got any really good 'shock' links) that highlight the morbidity of not
dealing with OSA. Try to get him to read as many as you can feed to him. The hope is it will eventually sink in that
he has his life & well-being firmly in his own hands & he can do something about it and part of that something is making
cpap therapy work.

Good luck

DSM

[BlackSpinner]

Shock therapy?
Buy a nice black dress with hat and hang it in front of the closet. Buy a nice bathing suit and put around singles cruise literature. Explain you are planning your widowhood. Open your own bank account and ask him how much you can start putting away for the cruise to find your next husband. Ask him for suggestions as to which of your male friends to avoid after he is dead.

[tattooyu]

If you haven't already... break down and cry. Another user did that as a last resort, and it worked. Maybe that's what he needs to know you're serious and you care.

[frtwome]

I haven't actually video taped him sleeping, but I have told him so many times, what he does when he is sleeping. We also have had friends over that spent the night, and they told him too. I thought that he would believe them, more than his wife. And, I think that he does believe it. But, I cannot get him to have the will power to help himself, We are only 53 years old, he is 80 lbs over weight, with absolutely no activity. He is always tired, so I can't get him to do anything, he just dozes all day long. It's terrible.

Have you thought of videotaping him while he sleeps? You could let him see for himself what it looks like.

[frtwome]

My gosh, If only you knew how many times that I cry and beg him, he says he tired of hearing it, and he just ignores me, and next thing, I hear him snoring. That's why I say, I am going to do something, I love him. He needs me, I just have to start somewhere, and I am going to purchase the nasal mask. He has a doctors appointment Dec. 16th. I will get the prescription then.

If you haven't already... break down and cry. Another user did that as a last resort, and it worked. Maybe that's what he needs to know you're serious and you care.

[KatieW]

This is a tough situation, and I feel your desperation. We can all be very resistant to accepting that we have a serious medical condition like sleep apnea. Can you enlist other family members/friends to back you up with this? Or a family doctor, or spiritual adviser? Or, can you be tough and give him an ultimatum, and are you prepared to follow through if he refuses? You know your husband best, as to what strategy would work.

Unless he accepts this, I don't see how you can "get him to wear a mask". Even for those of us who are highly motivated to succeed with this therapy, it is awkward and uncomfortable in the beginning.

As far as buying a mask for him, does he already have a cpap and you just want to find a different mask for him? I think you would need his cooperation on this, because the right fit is very important.

Here is a link to the 7 stages of CPAP:

wiki/index.php/Seven_Stages_of_CPAP

One last thing, take care of yourself and your own health and financial needs. Best of luck to you.

[Slinky]

Now THERE is a thought! Do you know any insurance agents you could have come out to the house to increase his life insurance policy? And INSIST that he start giving you some extra money each payday to put in a savings/retirement account for YOU. Insist on going over all your joint and his financial matters to be sure that you are FULLY PROTECTED as the SOLE beneficiary. No salting any more away for the kids. You do NOT want to be a drain on THEIR finances after he is gone.

If you can't set up a video of him sleeping at least set up an audio tape recording of him sleeping. You can buy the small tape recorders for as little as $25 now. Buy a couple of extra tapes so you can tape most of the night.

Talk to his doctor ahead of his appointment and see if you can enlist his aid in convincing your husband of the need for CPAP and risks if he doesn't. Hopefully your doctor is slim enough he can get on your husband's back about that extra 80 lbs and its effect on his sleep and overall health. Your husband is young enough ask his doctor to bring up OSA's effect on your husband's libido. Ask him to discuss your husband's OSA effects on YOUR libido! Who is all that interested in sex if your sleep is continuously interrupted by his snoring and stopping breathing on and off all night long?

And - if you are willing to do so - move out of his bedroom so that YOU at least can get some sleep!!! That would really help if you DON'T have an extra bedroom and you have to go out and buy another bed or bedroom suite. And if you do, buy something REALLY neat that you will want to pass on down to your kids when you are gone from this earth.

Hey, drastic situations call for drastic measures!

[nobody]

You know you need a machine for the mask too, right?

[mdintx]

Wear your CPAP, capiche????

[KatieW]

I wanted to add this link, to a support group for spouses:

http://www.apneasupport.org/forum-24.html

[pmcall57]

One last thing, take care of yourself and your own health and financial needs. Best of luck to you.

May I second that?

My own experience trying to get someone else to face up to their serious medical problems has taught me two things: First, people have to want to help themselves, and sometimes they choose not to despite all the love and encouragement one can offer. And second, I've gotta take care of myself, no matter what. Maybe that sounds heartless, but I'm going to toss it out there anyway.

Best wishes,
Pam

[Gerryk]

I agree with getting some articles together for him. He probably won't be able to read it because he will fall asleep, but it's worth a try and something to start on.

Do you have a machine? If not you will need a machine.