Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

LSAT wrote:Wouldn't be ironic if "unknown" was diagnosed with SA and had trouble adapting to her mask.

Or.......would she be in denial and refuse to use the therapy?


Den

.

Unknown wrote:There was no implication. I agree that is is a life saver and necessary and makes for a better night sleep. Those points were not argued. The OP was told that her sleep is not as important, that is why I asked my question. Is it necessary to attack someone for simply speaking differently than you do? Couldn't we have been answered with kindness and courtesy? We did not put anybody down, or say that the CPAP is not important. We simply said it is an adjustment, like it is for the wearer...not more or less important.

Why all the meanness, insults, and anger?

Honestly, when somebody's cpap therapy is successful, it benefits the partner too. They don't have to be disturbed by snoring, snorting, etc. And they don't have to worry about the person dying in their sleep. I sleep alone most nights since I am not dating or married. But I do sometimes share a hotel room with friends or family. Everyone of them has been impressed with how quiet my machine is. My sister was thrilled that I no longer snore and keep her awake. I just spent the weekend at her house, sleeping in the next room. Before cpap, I would have kept her awake most of the night. Now, we both sleep quite well. The first time I shared a room with a good friend, I warned her in advance that I snore badly (this was shortly before before my sleep study). She said no problem. The next morning, she asked me how soon I was doing my sleep study. I asked if it was really that loud. She said no, but it was scary.

My mom and I both have the same machine. It is so quiet that I cannot hear my mom's machine. I will put my hand in front of her mask to feel the air flow to make sure that it is on.

I understand that partners do have some adjustment problems, especially if the person wearing the cpap is having trouble. Leaks make noise, air flow may need to be adjusted, etc. But how the person looks, not being sexy? That's just plain stupid. Once the lights are out, who cares? When I first got my cpap, I was nervous about sharing a hotel room since the others would see me. But I realized that wearing a mask is less embarrassing than apologizing for ruining their sleep all night with my horrible snoring.

A lot of couples who started sleeping in different rooms are actually back togethger in the same bed - because of cpap. They can now both sleep comfortably. The partner without sleep apnea had to sleep in a different room to maintain their sleep quality. Now they don't have to.

Lots of people on this forum have gotten advice to help partners benefit from the cpap treatment rather than suffer from it. A lot of times, the response is based on the attitude of the questions.

zoocrewphoto wrote:Lots of people on this forum have gotten advice to help partners benefit from the cpap treatment rather than suffer from it. A lot of times, the response is based on the attitude of the questions.

And because personal interaction, i.e., body language, is absent in written exchanges very often the writer unintentionally expresses thoughts in a more harsh or negative form than they plan, desire, expect, or want to. This can be the result of limited vocabulary, poor sentence structure, poor choice of words, or a habit of being straightforward and blunt, or other reasons.

On the other hand, the reader reads the comment from his/her own perspective and paradigms and thus often reads meaning into the words that are not intended. The key to successful discussion in written form like this forum is understanding and tolerance on the part of both writer and reader.

Unknown wrote:The OP was told that her sleep is not as important, that is why I asked my question.

dredging up old shit from a couple years ago just to start an argument....

priceless.

I have no idea what Is being discussed here as regards "venting", but then again I have only ever used one type of mask at home _ a cloth nasal mask from Sleepweaver where, according to the previous post, venting is not an issue, provided you can conquer leakage issues, which I admit, took me a few nights.

So perhaps get him to try a Sleepweaver mask? I only slept (or TRIED to sleep) one night with a plastic mask - at the sleep disorder clinic - and that experience made me determine to find a better solution. That's how I ended up with a cloth mask.

Iamemjay wrote:So perhaps get him to try a Sleepweaver mask?

He should use what works well for himself. Don't let the selfish spouse interfere with his therapy.

ChicagoGranny wrote:

Iamemjay wrote:So perhaps get him to try a Sleepweaver mask?

He should use what works well for himself. Don't let the selfish spouse interfere with his therapy.

This - it would be like saying "I don't like the look of a wheel chair why don't you try crutches?"

Or "too bad you had a stroke but you really need to learn to smile better because I don't like the way you look"

Or "too bad you had a stroke but you really shouldn't use Depends because it bothers me"

Or "Don't use that insulin needle in public because it embarrass me"

Or "That puffer for your asthma is so gauche - don't let people see it"

I would be tempted to borrow a sap from the Sheriff, and give him/her a knot over each ear-as a "reminder".

My hubby got his CPAP six years ago (I just got mine a few weeks ago). I remember how poorly I used to sleep, hearing him stop breathing again and again, counting to 10 and poking him so he would breathe. When he finally got his CPAP was when I could sleep well because I was no longer worrying about him dying in his sleep. That rhythmic CPAP sound is music to my ears because it is keeping my favorite person alive. I would NEVER think to complain about it.

mariejeanne wrote:That rhythmic CPAP sound is music to my ears because it is keeping my favorite person alive.

You are an enlightened and, no doubt, loving spouse, mariejeanne!

mariejeanne wrote:My hubby got his CPAP six years ago (I just got mine a few weeks ago). I remember how poorly I used to sleep, hearing him stop breathing again and again, counting to 10 and poking him so he would breathe. When he finally got his CPAP was when I could sleep well because I was no longer worrying about him dying in his sleep. That rhythmic CPAP sound is music to my ears because it is keeping my favorite person alive. I would NEVER think to complain about it.

It seems so obvious to most people that mariejeanne's attitude is the correct and natural one. That being said, I suppose their are other issues within Unknown's relationship and that this was the easiest peg to hang her grievances on (at this point in time). Beginners of CPAP can be very vulnerable, IOW, easy pickins for mean spirited jibes. One hopes things mellow out in that household.

I know I posted about this near the beginning of the thread but it bears repeating in light of the recent posts:

I wanted to chime as someone who is more noise sensitive than the average person and has been that way for as long as I can remember. By the way, noises that don't bother alot of people feel like an assault to me. Just saying.

Anyway, in my opinion, this is not about someone who complains about the cpap noise being a drama queen, having the wrong attitude, or any other negative connotation this board like to attach to people in this situation. It is about making sure that everyone's needs get met so that the partner gets what is needed for successful pap therapy and that the spouse's health does not deteriorate from lack of sleep which can result in impaired functioning and things like high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. I mean, the spouse adjusting to the partner's cpap can't be the supportive partner that you demand if she/she is always tired, right?

Again, I am just very disappointed that everyone assumes that because they don't experience something, if someone else has a different experience, that they are making it up and thus have a bad attitude and don't give a damm about their partner. That seems very harsh and and unfair to me.

I am stepping down from my soapbox.

49er

Hi - it wouldn't have happened that way if she'd taken a different tack - take another look at her first sentence of the OP... not someone saying she wants to help (but needs sleep herself), but just downright nasty.

49er wrote:I know I posted about this near the beginning of the thread but it bears repeating in light of the recent posts:

I wanted to chime as someone who is more noise sensitive than the average person and has been that way for as long as I can remember. By the way, noises that don't bother alot of people feel like an assault to me. Just saying

then that's YOUR problem, YOU fix it.

wear earplugs.

it's insufferably arrogant to expect everyone around you to cater to your issues.

I have trouble sleeping with sounds around me, my solution isn't to demand silence from everybody else... I wear earplugs.

Extreme sensitivity to sound is definitely a "thing".
My youngest son has it.
He avoids noisy environments and wears industrial ear muffs while using any noisy equipment.
It is a sensory disorder for which there is no cure.
Ear protection is the next best thing to becoming a hermit.