Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

"Partner friendly" might be a useful rating; but for many of us, the right fit is elusive enough already.
Unfortunately, air disturbance seems to be one of the last things considered
(along with more sizes, commensurate with face sizes)

1720a519 wrote:So after two years I am back to my original mask. CPAP.Com has about 60 Nasal masks, there have got to be some which vent differently. I don't mind buying a couple masks out of pocket to try different ones, but I don't know how I even know which to try.

Maybe you should start a new thread with this specific question?

I find that my two Philips Respironics masks have a larger surface area for the exhaust vent than my Aloha, therefore the exhaust comes out with less force, and is less objectionable. Overall, I still prefer my Aloha Nasal pillow, but it does have the narrow short tube, with the corresponding smaller exhaust vent. Now if only my Aloha had a larger surface area for the exhaust, it would be one step closer to perfect!

The Ultramirage FF (that I use) and the ZZZ masks both vent higher up on the masks than the angle between the mask and hose...

In addition to the Eson nasal mask, the F&P Zest Q and Lady Zest Q nasal masks say they come with air diffusers. Doesn't seem to be a feature on any other masks, though

Partner and I are still in very early adjustment stages with CPAP. He hasn't found a set up that seems to work for him and since he started using it, I haven't had a decent night of sleep. If he had a solution that improved his sleep and health, I wouldn't mind that I'm sleeping in the living room for it. Since it doesn't work for him yet, it's hard not to feel like this (purposeless) evil machine has forced itself between us.

I am currently sleeping on a mattress in our living room due to the noise and exhaust keeping me up. I sincerely hope he gets a machine/mask setup that improves his life --- he has gone from a very high functioning person to someone with debilitating sleep issues. I won't be able to cohabit with him any longer if we don't figure something out though --- his sleep machine keeping me up is going to put my career at risk, which I can't have. If he finds a CPAP solution that really improves his sleep, we will likely need to move to a bigger house so we can have separate bedrooms. I think our relationship can survive that, but I also don't know that I want to marry a man who can't wrap his arms around me at night.

imdreaming wrote:Partner and I are still in very early adjustment stages with CPAP. He hasn't found a set up that seems to work for him and since he started using it, I haven't had a decent night of sleep. If he had a solution that improved his sleep and health, I wouldn't mind that I'm sleeping in the living room for it. Since it doesn't work for him yet, it's hard not to feel like this (purposeless) evil machine has forced itself between us.

I am currently sleeping on a mattress in our living room due to the noise and exhaust keeping me up. I sincerely hope he gets a machine/mask setup that improves his life --- he has gone from a very high functioning person to someone with debilitating sleep issues. I won't be able to cohabit with him any longer if we don't figure something out though --- his sleep machine keeping me up is going to put my career at risk, which I can't have. If he finds a CPAP solution that really improves his sleep, we will likely need to move to a bigger house so we can have separate bedrooms. I think our relationship can survive that, but I also don't know that I want to marry a man who can't wrap his arms around me at night.

Don't know if you've tried earplugs? I've been sleeping with earplugs for years for other reasons, and now I have an even better reason. I agree that without them I wouldn't be likely to be able to share the bedroom with my CPAP, I'm a very light sleeper myself. My wife doesn't need earplugs, she's a great sleeper *smile*. The ones that I use are foam, and you compress them, put them in your ears and they expand to fill the shape of your inner ear. Not expensive, took some getting used to, but makes sleeping much easier for me. The exhaust can also bother me, I don't have any idea why they don't direct it better, but in general they don't...just adjust the blankets for that one.

Take care, and don't give up yet, there's a solution for each problem that you're motivated to solve *smile*. May take a little adapting and/or creativity, but they're all solvable.

What machine does he have? Where is it located? Moving it a little might reduce the noise. Most new machines are very quiet. I can't hear my machine. I hear my exhaust from a full face mask, and that is only noisy if the air is hitting something. But it is really quiet. My mom uses the same machine and mask, and recently at a hotel, I had to to wave my hand in front of her mask because I thought her machine was turned off. I couldn't hear it at all.

imdreaming wrote:Partner and I are still in very early adjustment stages with CPAP. He hasn't found a set up that seems to work for him and since he started using it, I haven't had a decent night of sleep. If he had a solution that improved his sleep and health, I wouldn't mind that I'm sleeping in the living room for it. Since it doesn't work for him yet, it's hard not to feel like this (purposeless) evil machine has forced itself between us.

I am currently sleeping on a mattress in our living room due to the noise and exhaust keeping me up. I sincerely hope he gets a machine/mask setup that improves his life --- he has gone from a very high functioning person to someone with debilitating sleep issues. I won't be able to cohabit with him any longer if we don't figure something out though --- his sleep machine keeping me up is going to put my career at risk, which I can't have. If he finds a CPAP solution that really improves his sleep, we will likely need to move to a bigger house so we can have separate bedrooms. I think our relationship can survive that, but I also don't know that I want to marry a man who can't wrap his arms around me at night.

This is called being a drama queen. The vast majority of cpap machines make much less noise then an air conditioner. And if all marriage means to you is arms wrapped around you at night he would be well rid off you, because your attitude will screw up his treatment to no end. You are healthy, you have the option to sleep in another room, you have nothing to whine about here because it is not all about you, it is about his life. "Dear, I am having a heart attack". "Oh, look I broke a nail, How am I going to be seen in public this way? This is a disaster." "Dear, I am having a heart attack"." I have to go out and get a manicure!!!"

I agree with BlackSpinner. It takes time to adjust to CPAP and get the mask fit right. If you love your partner then you will be understanding and supportive in this battle for his health. If he has not written for help with his problems encouage him to do so. You- take a sleeping pill for a little while and sleep in the living room. My partner and I cuddle with her arms round me and my head on her shoulder until she falls asleep or I start to get sleepy. Then I turn over and don my mask and start the machine. I sleep turned away from her unless we have a pillow blocking the mask exhaust. I wish you both luck, it will be worth hanging in and being supportive rather than complaining about his positive efforts to save his health. This can be literally life or death for him. I'm sure he'll love you more for your support than your complaining. CPAP is certainly not "purposeless". Though I do sympathize with you, please bite the bullet for a bit.
Mary

If cpap is a deal-breaker, then you're "not that in to him".
Leave now, before you screw up his whole life.

I wanted to chime as someone who is more noise sensitive than the average person and has been that way for as long as I can remember. By the way, noises that don't bother alot of people feel like an assault to me. Just saying.

Anyway, in my opinion, this is not about the OP being a drama queen, being selfish, or any other negative connotations that people want to attach to her.

It is about making sure that everyone's needs get met so that her partner gets what he needs and that her health does not deteriorate from lack of sleep which can result in impaired functioning and things like high blood pressure. I mean, the OP can't be the supportive partner that you demand if she is always tired, right?

I am just very disappointed that everyone assumes that because they don't experience something, if someone else has a different experience, that they are making it up and thus have a bad attitude and don't give a damm about their partner. That seems very harsh and and unfair to me.

I am stepping down from my soapbox.

49er

+++++what chunky frog said. You really do sound like a "ME, ME, ME " person with your comments. Give the guy a break, it takes time and EFFORT to get this therapy going. What would he do if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was YOU that had sleep apnea. Either get with the program and just love the guy for who and what he is....or ............
Tell him please, to ask any questions he needs to ask to get his therapy on the right track......there are no stupid questions here, we have all been there at one time or another and will answer any questions.

At approx. 24 dB the latest generation machines are more silent than a room fan or air conditioner, but if you are one of the people who can't bear those either, or if you can hear spiders crawling up the wall in the next room, you may need earplugs.

That said, you can get used to sleeping in different positions so that air is not vented directly on you from the mask. The most obvious is to sleep back to back, or for the one wearing the mask to face away. Experimentation is in order, when you get around to sleeping in the same bed. As someone else mentioned, romance etc can take place BEFORE sleep and BEFORE the mask goes on. The mask doesn't need to go on until he's ready to sleep.

If having your partner's arms around you is essential to your sleep, you'll find a way. Or you won't. Where there's a will...

chunkyfrog wrote:If cpap is a deal-breaker, then you're "not that in to him".
Leave now, before you screw up his whole life.

+1
I was very disappointed to learn that I would wear a Cpap mask for the rest of my life. After experiencing the improved rest with a cpap, there's no way you could take it away from me. If a woman asked me to choose between her and my future health, I'd have to say "see ya"...