My husband is an a$$hole seriously!

I also agree with Black Spinner on this as well. Of course she can vent her frustrations here! Where would there be a better place??

This is an anonymous forum. We don't know the OP's husband and are not likely to ever meet him so what does it matter if she syas what she feels here?

The OP needs to vent and I welcome and encourage her venting her because we know how dealing with cpap is. As the replies have shown, she is not alone and we can help and support her.

We're here. She doesn't need to suffer in silence. Here she can let it all out!!

I am sorry if i offended anyone by airing my "dirty laundry" i was very hurt and betrayed still am. I was in utter shock that a man i have been married to for 6 years could say something so harsh to me. I mean especially with how much :ease: he was able to say it... "If you haven't died yet, i highly doubt you will" i am sure i got that some what wrong as it's hard for me to even re read what he said to me. For someone to tell you that this "machine" that is saving your life is a waste of money is beyond hurtful and makes me sick to even think he said that to me. You think of your spouse as a person that would be there for you regardless. He has not been involved in any of this with me. Actually the 1st night of the machine being at home i had just asked nicely if everyone including my kids not to touch the machine or put beverages near it especially opened ones.. i was afraid of something spilling and breaking it. Honest worry right? Well that night i went in my room to grab something as he was napping before work. I found a open bottle of beer right next to my $1500 machine to say i was mad would probably be an understatement but i had a talk with him i thought he understood and 2 days later he put a water bottle in the same spot. It's like he doesn't care and is just plain disrespectful. He actually asked me to figure out a different place to put my machine so he could continue to put his beer and water there... he said that is why i have a carry bag. Yes i have a carry bag but who wants to take apart their machine every night including dumping the water, unplugging stuff and put it away all so that he may have his 1 spot for beer in our bedroom.

I talked a little about it today with him and made him know how hurt i felt and he is like i do care yeah i don't know about that anymore.. he said he just thinks it's a waste because i told him i am still having episodes so he automatically thinks the machine isn't working i explained to him like taking tylenol it make help relieve some symptoms but you are likely still going to be in some sort of pain.. i mean am i right? He hasn't really said much more about it anymore today. I did show him my original report from the sleep doctor to read and he kind of skimmed it like he couldn't be bothered or it was me making up another ailment. I hear everyday how i am always sick and tired i feel like he will never understand. I try not to use my medical reasons for my complete forgetfullness, tiredness, and laziness at points but it is hard not to when i just don't feel rested ever. Honestly we have been contemplating divorce for some time.... the more he treats me this way the further away i move from even liking him anymore. I only wish i could have a spouse as supportive as some of yours, do you know what i would give for that?? I feel alone and on my own with this whole thing. The couple things i can count on is YES an online board of people i don't know in real life but that can offer me that support seeing as we are all going through this same thing. Also my best friend has been my rock she knows all too well the way my husband is and let's just say she isn't a big fan. This really has nothing to do with race.. i brought up his african descent because i think in his home country they believe in herbs and more traditional medicines and not pills and machines. I just don't understand though because when he is sick he takes tylenol, or a special blend for his joints, or even things like flexeril from time to time, fish oil as well.. Just wanted to reply to this thread i didn't forget that i wrote it... been upset and tired very very tired. I have a stomach virus and my asthma is flaring up as well right now

You have every right to feel as you do and to come here for understanding and support. This is not "airing your dirty linen". This is getting it out because it is probably tearing you up.

I am one of the very fortunate ones here who has a very supportive spouse. He has been there for me as I deal with Rheumatoid Arthritis and sleep apnea. We have been married for 35 years and he is the best! I know that I am very lucky that this man is my husband but I know that there are many out there who are not supportive. I told him about your post and he was very angry that you are being treated this way because of something you have to live with. His comment was - "would your husband rather you died than use this machine that you need? What kind of person is he?"

You will find support and understanding here. Please know that.

mzlaura, I was hoping you'd check in again and I'm so glad you weren't intimidated by the criticisms about "airing your dirty laundry." Most of us strongly disagree with those criticisms.

I think it's incredibly brave of you to stand up for yourself and your health no matter what. By doing so you ensure that you'll be around for your child for a long time -- married or not. I'm so sorry about your history with your husband -- it is often true that when a relationship is stressed, it becomes moreso when there is a crisis such as a serious medical condition. That's when love, commitment and unwavering support are really put to the test. I'm so sorry that your husband isn't coming through for you.

We may be your 'virtual' support people, but I've seen some beautifully written messages of support here for people going through all sorts of personal and family crises and there's no doubt in my mind that those are heartfelt messages of support and caring.

Best wishes, and keep being part of this community.

You certainly didn't offend me. My numerous vents on this forum have saved my sanity more than once! Who better than the folks here can understand? I have had many kind and heartfelt responses. Our situations are different but I went through periods of resentment and anxiety(still do ocasionally), wanting to run away from this whole sleep apnea business and my ongoing role as caregiver. What about me?? I don't know your husband but I wonder if he's feeling some fear of the future and unsure of what his role is as the husband of a wife with a "disease"? Can you leave some articles about OSA and some of our success stories around that he might be curious enough to read? He really needs to be educated about this disorder and realize that your success will give him back a healthy, happy wife and mother. Heck, there are so many other worse diagnoses you could have had. I know I'm grateful that my husband was diagnosed with a problem that could be treated with air and not some fatal disease. Keep us posted.

Yes, dear. Rant on. It is better to blow off steam where he can't hear it.
My hubby has shown his Y-chromosome-reduced mental capacity more than once (present company excepted.)
Fortunately, patience and reason has prevailed--he's not a COMPLETE ninny, thank goodness.

If I had $1 for every time I felt my husband was unsupportive... Course if I had to give back $1 every time I didn't notice he was supportive in other ways while focused on the ways he wasn't supportive...

Being sick and tired is not easy, I know. Being with someone who is sick and tired is not easy either, though.

Usually I'm the peacemaker here for spouses who are being difficult. In this case I'm having a hard time saying "Wait a while and things will get better." If you're not being over the top in describing your spouse's reactions, you may be in for a difficult time. This much insensitivity is pretty unusual according to what I've seen on this site - mostly it's just some mild grumbling. Well, all I can say is good luck with your treatment.

mzlaura1884 wrote:I am sorry if i offended anyone by airing my "dirty laundry" i was very hurt and betrayed still am. I was in utter shock that a man i have been married to for 6 years could say something so harsh to me. I mean especially with how much :ease: he was able to say it... "If you haven't died yet, i highly doubt you will" i am sure i got that some what wrong as it's hard for me to even re read what he said to me. For someone to tell you that this "machine" that is saving your life is a waste of money is beyond hurtful and makes me sick to even think he said that to me. You think of your spouse as a person that would be there for you regardless. He has not been involved in any of this with me. Actually the 1st night of the machine being at home i had just asked nicely if everyone including my kids not to touch the machine or put beverages near it especially opened ones.. i was afraid of something spilling and breaking it. Honest worry right? Well that night i went in my room to grab something as he was napping before work. I found a open bottle of beer right next to my $1500 machine to say i was mad would probably be an understatement but i had a talk with him i thought he understood and 2 days later he put a water bottle in the same spot. It's like he doesn't care and is just plain disrespectful. He actually asked me to figure out a different place to put my machine so he could continue to put his beer and water there... he said that is why i have a carry bag. Yes i have a carry bag but who wants to take apart their machine every night including dumping the water, unplugging stuff and put it away all so that he may have his 1 spot for beer in our bedroom.

I think you need to try to explain to your husband that untreated sleep apnea, as well as leading to immediate problems like daytime sleepiness, can do cumulative damage over years of non-treatment. The fact that a problem has not happened yet does not mean it won't happen in the future unless you continue your treatment.

The bedside table issue is something that should be solvable. I faced a similar problem living alone - my bedside table was full, and I didn't want to stop any of its current uses. I got a small plastic two-draw unit from Walmart, and tucked it in a corner behind the table - I have a deep headboard with storage, so there was space. The new unit is dedicated to the APAP. The blower sits on top, and supplies go in the drawers. I can reach the on-off button while lying in bed. My solution may not be exactly right for you, but you and your husband should be able to work out some plan, such as tables on each side of the bed, that provides separate beer space and CPAP space. Of course, until you get that solved the CPAP is much, much the more important.

Perhaps you could ask your husband to come to your next doctor's appointment so he can ask a trained medical professional why you need this therapy. My husband volunteered to come with me to hear the results of my sleep test, and has been an active part of my therapy ever since. He says he sleeps much better now that I don't snore! It might help to involve your husband more directly. But don't let his attitude keep you from doing what you have to in order to keep yourself healthy!

my wife and i go to every appointment together. if one of us has an appointment the other one goes with and goes in when they see the doc. when we both have appointments at the same time we both go in the room and are seen together.

i had cpap several years before my wife and she supported me whether i was using the old first generation remstar or not. then she got her machine, identical to my listed machine. now she knows why i had problems with the old machine and we understand our problems together.

greatunclebill wrote:my wife and i go to every appointment together. if one of us has an appointment the other one goes with and goes in when they see the doc. when we both have appointments at the same time we both go in the room and are seen together.

i had cpap several years before my wife and she supported me whether i was using the old first generation remstar or not. then she got her machine, identical to my listed machine. now she knows why i had problems with the old machine and we understand our problems together.

This is the sweetest story I've heard in a long time! Truly sweet. You are both very lucky. It's getting late but I'd still like to hope that I could experience that kind of love again. Thanks for sharing, Bill.

kaiasgram wrote:This is the sweetest story I've heard in a long time! Truly sweet. You are both very lucky. It's getting late but I'd still like to hope that I could experience that kind of love again. Thanks for sharing, Bill.

i have to add, we met in 1999 on a chat site called ICQ. we lived 100 miles apart in florida. since we met 13 years ago we haven't been apart longer than 12 hours in a row except for the month she had to go babysit her dad.

Also about still having events: it may take some time to get used to the therapy and dial it in so it's working properly. It's not like you get a mask and everything is magically better. Most of us have tweaked things for weeks or months (or longer) to get where we are.

Mostly ignorance makes it easy to dismiss things. He probably just doesn't understand what's really going on.

The usual medical stereotyping around sleep apnea doesn't help.

Xney wrote:Mostly ignorance makes it easy to dismiss things. He probably just doesn't understand what's really going on.

The usual medical stereotyping around sleep apnea doesn't help.

C'mon, Xney, you're making too much sense. Many of the folks here want to vent and read reality-style drama. They want to participate in group-think instead of offering constructive advice and support. Whatever.

I do agree with your point. Ignorance can cause people to be dismissive sometimes. Similar to Greatunc, I have been blessed with a VERY supportive wife. We do everything together, and we are always there for each other. We also make it a point to try to understand each other. Trust, mutual respect, and talking things through goes a long way in dispelling ignorance and hard feelings.