I thought i was okay with this diagnosis and i am just NOT!

I went into work tonight shopping. My co-worker started talking to me and i was talking to her about my sleep study. She is on my facebook page. I thought i had accepted my diagnosis of sleep apnea and having to wear a mask. I almost looked forward to it for the fact of feeling so much better than i do now with my fatigue, etc. Until i realized i really am not okay and broke down in tears talking to her. I am 28 years old and i have to sleep with a mask! I blame myself it i hadn't been depressed all these years and ate myself into obesity i wouldn't be in this position. Not only that but having to make my 33 year old rail thin husband understand when he doesn't and thinks this is me making up more health issues for myself. I am already on lifelong thyroid replacement therapy for my hypothyroidism.. even harder to accept when i have to tell my 7 and 5 year old daughter that mommy has to wear this really ugly mask to bed so i can breath better. I didn't quite say it was ugly to them but you get the idea. All i really wanted to say is i am sorry girls mommy was a dumbass and ate herself crazy until i looked like a hippo and my neck was fat enough to close my airway so i couldn't breath while sleeping.

I have lost 61lbs since April 2011. My face was the 1st place i lost this weight.. why am i still not breathing in my sleep. I am still quite fat but i would have hoped this would have gotten better or something. Then again this is my 1st sleep study ever i didn't have one when i was 61lbs heavier so in my own mind i keep saying to myself maybe it was severe before and now it's moderate.

Truth is since my diagnosis i have been having panic attacks thinking until i get my mask i am going to die in my sleep. I don't have a recliner to sleep in so being propped in my bed with a lot of pillows has been what i've been doing. I still gotta go through another week of this until my doctors appointment August 9th and then who knows when i will have my equipment. I am an idiot and will likely not know how to use it either. Maybe there is a manual for dummies on these cpap machines?

Only way i am getting through this:

1. This is LIKELY NOT lifelong when i lose more weight it should go away right?
2. Looking forward to feeling 100% better by using the cpap so tired of feeling tired, cranky, and depressed.

How did everyone else cope? I am sure if you got this far you must think i have lost my freakin mind

Hi, sounds like you're really having adjustment problems... just as we all have, though not to the same extent... but while I hope and believe you'll feel better about it all soon, it's important to face things because losing weight is unlikely to change them, though it has been done in the past. Certainly you may be able to use less pressure at some time, but even that's unpredictable, and the sad(der) part of it all is that whoever (your doctor?) made you believe that weight was the major factor in this is dead wrong... Many of us are normal or even underweight and always have been - there are different reasons for needing Cpap and weight is only one of them... plus it's important to realize that many now believe it's the OSA that caused the weight gain, not the other way around.

Your mask is not ugly, it's cool, like Darth Vader's, or Tom Cruise's in Top Gun, and you should pass that on to your children so they feel ok about the whole thing as well. A lot of people find they can joke about things in the bedroom and make up love fantasies that include equipment... just stop telling yourself it's all bad and maybe you'll even feel better. At least you're still here to rant about it, unlike some who never got far enough to try on a mask!

Be happy too that you'll be around for a long time, all things being equal... if wearing the mask is the worst thing you experience this year (or next) you're doing lots better than most of the world. Just give it some time.

You'll only have lost your mind if you reject help, not the other way around.

But right now I guess you feel crappy, so finish crying and get over it... it's not the end of the world and now that you'll be getting some sleep you might even feel motivated to take care of some other problems... it does happen!

You are not alone. Many of us have been right where you are now.
You can stop blaming yourself. Stress hormones created when you are being suffocated in your sleep will
give you cravings and weaken your resistance. I've been there, too.
I lost 8 pounds within the first 8 months of using CPAP--with NO other modifications to my diet, lifestyle, etc.
I also lost the headaches I had upon arising. Eventually I enjoyed more energy than I had in ages.
If the mask gives you feelings of anxiety, there are ways to deal with it, and many other masks to try.
And a spouse who seems uncooperative may be just as traumatized as you--just give him a little space for a while.
Again, I wish you welcome. Feel free to vent, or whine, whatever.
Many comforting shoulders hover over our keyboards.

Laura, facing health issues head on and addressing them seriously is a good thing, and that is what you are doing. Losing weight will help your overall health immensely if you are still obese or just overweight. Yes, some people can get off of CPAP if they lose enough weight, but not all. However, instead of worrying about the future, deal with the now. Work through your CPAP therapy. Hopefully it will make you feel better and more rested. Being on CPAP is far better than not being on it if you need it.

As for your kids, you may be surprised how they respond to your mask and machine. When my nine-year-old saw me with my mask on for the first time, he said, "AWESOME! You look just like Bane!" He thought that was just the coolest thing.

You already are moving in the right direction with your health, so just keep at it. Don't get down on yourself because of the past. You cannot change that. None of us can. Also at 28, your body is going to help you overcome most of your health issues. You have your youth on your side. Just take things one day at a time so that you don't feel so overwhelmed. You can get through this.

Bruce

Okay, first things first:

It will be okay. Yes, a lot of this is sleep deprivation talking, along with anger and depression at being diagnosed with an illness. It's all normal, and it's okay to vent. I think most -- if not all -- of us have been there.

That said, here are a few things that it might be helpful to work through.

1.) This is not your fault. Lots of rail-thin people have OSA, lots of fat people do not. You did not "do this" to yourself. This is a disease, just like any other. If you were diagnosed with anemia, or the flu, or a million other things, you wouldn't be angry at yourself, right? You'd just focus on how to get the best treatment you can. We are fortunate to live in a time where there is a very effective treatment for OSA, and it has much fewer side effects than medications.

2.) Your OSA might go away with weight loss, but it probably will not. Refer to the "lots of thin people have this" statement above. So do whatever it takes to take care of yourself, but it's going to be best to come to terms with this. Listen, people live brilliant lives with prosthetic limbs. All we have to do is wear a little mask when we sleep. All things considered, we're pretty damned lucky. And yes, many do think that OSA causes weight gain, not the other way around. Untreated OSA might have had an effect on your weight gain to being with.

3.) This is a personal request: for the sake of your children, please stop talking (and thinking!) about yourself using terms like "hippo". You are teaching them how to treat themselves one day, and they don't deserve that. More importantly, neither do you. No one deserves to be insulted and belittled, even by themselves. You have nothing to apologize to them for. All of us live in frail physical bodies, and they are prone to breaking down. We nurture them as best as we can, and grace is how we handle the process of doing it. The goal is to do this with compassion towards ourselves and others. Be kind to yourself, okay?

You're in my thoughts, and please know we are here to help.

mzlaura1884 wrote:Only way i am getting through this:

1. This is LIKELY NOT lifelong when i lose more weight it should go away right?
2. Looking forward to feeling 100% better by using the cpap so tired of feeling tired, cranky, and depressed.

I hate to burst your bubble, but for most obese and overweight people, losing weight is only a partial solution to OSA.

The correlation between obesity (and even just being overweight) and OSA is well established. But as the connections between OSA and obesity continue to be studied, the causation data is increasingly muddled.

Yes, for a certain number of overweight/obese OSA patients, it appears that the weight problems lead to the OSA, and if these folks are successful at both losing the weight and keeping it off for the rest of their lives, then their OSA is potentially cured outright or becomes minor enough where it is no longer a medical issue.

But increasing there is evidence that for another large group of overweight/obese OSA sufferers, the OSA came first and lead to metabolic changes which in turn lead to the weight gain. In other words, these folks were originally people of normal weight with undiagnosed OSA and only became overweight or obese after several years (or decades) of undiagnosed OSA. For this group of overweight/obese OSA patients losing the weight typically doesn't eliminate their apnea. Losing weight may reduce the severity a bit, but their "skinny" untreated AHI is likely to remain high enough to warrant treatment. Losing weight may make CPAP more tolerable because it may reduce the amount of CPAP pressure needed to properly manage the OSA. Of course these folks feel better and function better and sleep better if they manage to lose the weight. But they will still need a CPAP machine once they manage to get down to their desired and correct weight.

In other words, the current scientific evidence points to two major causes of OSA:

1) Anatomical problems with the way the upper airway is put together. The airway is simply too narrow. The tongue is too large. The lower jaw is too receded. The upper palate is too long. The smooth muscles controlling the airway are simply too prone to excessive relaxation during sleep. A mallampati score score of 3 or 4. (Mallampati scores are used to quickly predict the ease of intubation.) Folks with these anatomical problems are at higher risk to develop sleep apnea regardless of their weight. And once a skinny person with one or more of these problems develops OSA, they are then at a much higher long term risk of significant weight gain due to changes in their metabolism caused by the untreated OSA. And once the weight is put on, it can be nigh impossible for these folks to lose the weight as long as their OSA remains untreated. For folks in this category, "losing weight" is not going to be a viable alternative to "using CPAP"---ever.

2) Excessive tissue around the upper airway, often due to being overweight/obese. As a person gains weight, their necks tend to get larger due to fatty tissue. This tissue of course presses against the upper airway and hence it increases the upper airway's tendency to collapse when the person is asleep. Notably, however, excessive tissue can also be associated with an excess of muscle tissue in the neck: Football players and (extreme) body builders are groups with much higher incidents of OSA than the population at large---even though they are also physically fit. Now if the main cause of a person's OSA is indeed fatty tissue in the neck, then losing the weight should help control, and potentially cure the OSA. But note that they have to keep the weight off long term. And as we age, those smooth muscles that control the patency of the upper airway become more flaccid and the OSA may come back anyway.

And of course for many overweight/obese OSA sufferers, the question of Which came first? is a chicken-and-egg question. And the sad truth is the answer to Which came first? The weight or the OSA? is largely irrelevant to actually solving their health problems because they're trapped in a negative feedback loop descending Escher's infinite stair case into more and more serious health problems as each condition aggravates the other:

..... more problems with weight lead to more problems with apnea which leads to more problems with weight ....
and
..... more problems with apnea lead to more problems with weight which leads to more problems with apnea ....

are flip sides of the same coin and in the end it doesn't really matter where this negative feedback loop started. To get better, the patient has to break the cycle somewhere. And to really get better they need to treat the OSA and lose the weight simultaneously. And treating the OSA requires CPAP. And losing the weight requires dieting and exercise. And neither is an easy task for someone who is both severely sleep deprived from OSA and trapped in an unhealthy lifestyle of bad diet and no exercise.

Your rail thin husband can have sleep apnea too. I do and I got mine when I was 112 lbs at 5'3" From pregnancy hormones and a small jaw.

This therapy is no different then wearing glasses, better, glasses don't help you lose weight and become energetic again. For many people depression is caused by OSA, which causes them to put on weight.

You are doing a great thing by accepting the therapy - your kids will have a mother who has energy and sparkle and is happy. And she is around for them, not buried in the ground. She won't put them in danger by falling asleep at the wheel either.

Tell you husband to suck it up and remember his marriage vows, either stand by you or get lost.

Some people get over their apnea when they lose weight, so keep at it. I'm sure losing weight will help your life in general even if it doesn't fix your apnea.

Unfortunately, there are quite a few skinny apneacs too, so you definitely need the CPAP until you find out you are cured by losing weight.

Doctors love to blame things on weight, smoking, lethargy, not going to the doctor and spending lots of money on drugs and tests, etc.

Apnea is a relatively "new" disease in terms of how aware the medical community is about it. We are still in the learning phase on apnea treatment. I think we are beginning to realize that apnea is not just for fatties as time goes on.

Re: dying before you get your machine.

Well, you've lived for years without CPAP. Apnea is usually the death of a thousand cuts. It does a little damage every night. Think of a night without CPAP like smoking another pack of cigarettes or adding an extra day of aging to your general health. It's not that likely that a week or two will make the difference between life and death.

I DO wish the #@#@$&$* doctors would get their act together and dispense the machines right away. I'm sure a lot of patients get cold feet and decide not to do CPAP while they're screwing around leaving the patient dangling before getting a machine. The biggest danger of CPAP is "noncompliance," i.e. quitting.

Your machine and mask will pretty quickly become part of your nighttime routine. It will be just another thing you have to do like using the bathroom. It isn't glamorous or fun, but a gals gotta do what she's gotta do.

Kids:

Kids are mean, but they probably don't really care about the mask as long as you don't make them feel bad about it.

I blame myself it i hadn't been depressed all these years and ate myself into obesity i wouldn't be in this position. Not only that but having to make my 33 year old rail thin husband understand when he doesn't and thinks this is me making up more health issues for myself. I am already on lifelong thyroid replacement therapy for my hypothyroidism.. even harder to accept when i have to tell my 7 and 5 year old daughter that mommy has to wear this really ugly mask to bed so i can breath better. I didn't quite say it was ugly to them but you get the idea. All i really wanted to say is i am sorry girls mommy was a dumbass and ate herself crazy until i looked like a hippo and my neck was fat enough to close my airway so i couldn't breath while sleeping.

I have lost 61lbs since April 2011. My face was the 1st place i lost this weight.. why am i still not breathing in my sleep. I am still quite fat but i would have hoped this would have gotten better or something. Then again this is my 1st sleep study ever i didn't have one when i was 61lbs heavier so in my own mind i keep saying to myself maybe it was severe before and now it's moderate.

Please quit blaming yourself for your OSA. It will drive you crazy.

Please read through my previous post: The causation relationship between OSA and obesity complex. For a large group of obese OSA patients, the OSA came first and the untreated OSA led to weight gain. For other obese OSA patients, the weight gain came first. In either case, beating yourself up about "eating yourself crazy until you looked like a hippo and your neck was fat enough to close your airway so you couldn't breath while sleeping" is counterproductive.

What is, is. And you accept it and you deal with it.

You have at least three serious health issues: The hypothyroidism (which is under control with meds?), the weight (which you are successfully dealing with if you've lost 61 pounds on a long term weight loss plan), and the OSA (which is not yet treated.) Since you are strong enough to deal with the hypothyroidism and dedicated enough to lose 61 pounds and fully intend on keeping up the hard work to lose more weight, you can find the strength within you to deal with the CPAP---if you quit blaming yourself for your OSA.

And you've come to the right place for advice, help, and understanding. We've all been newbies once. And many of us were frightened. And many of us were angry. And many of us were ashamed.

Some of us took to CPAP like ducks to water and started feeling better from Day 1. Others of us had very long and difficult adjustment periods. For many it takes a few weeks to a couple of months to start noticing a positive difference in our lives. For a few unlucky souls (like me) it takes 8-12 months before we're really feeling better. But we stick with it anyway because the alternative of untreated OSA is worse.

And I sincerely wish you turn out to be a duck. But if it doesn't work out that way, I'll give you whatever advice I can about making this crazy therapy work.

You should not feel alone with all of this! I am 25 years old and married with no kids! I also am overweight! I can't talk to my friends because all they say is aren't you too young for that? I feel very alone except for my husband who has been a rock in this.
First off, you being overweight did not cause your OSA! It does play a role in it but people fat and skinny have OSA. Losing weight will help but don't look at it as a cure.
Second, don't let anyone make you feel that this is somehow your fault. It's not! You didn't do anything wrong to have this disorder. Nothing you could have done would have stopped it. If there was something to stop it, everyone here would be waiting in line.
Third, being uncomfortable is normal. If your sleep study said you are positive you need treatment! If not for you for your family. They love you and want you around in their lives! I would suggest perhaps trying to feel comfortable with it. Wear it during daily routines or naps. At night use calming mechanisms, take a hot bath, use lavender oil or a candle to calm you, soothing music or sounds. Also you need to find a local support group! Somewhere you can vent and let out how you feel! That's the only way you will start to accept this and not be ashamed. We're all here for you as well!

I just got my equipment last week and i am still trying to adjust to this. Im 26 and I first had symptoms of apnea during my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. I just replied to say that your are definitely not alone in this or how you feel. I am trying to get over the shock myself.

Thanks all for the kind words. I thought my diagnosis in 2008 with being hypothyroid was bad enough and diagnoses keep coming i think i am honestly overwhelmed. As far as i knew OSA comes from being obese (at least that is what i thought) however my cousin was recently diagnosed with severe OSA literally 2 weeks ago, and is now on a mask. I was diagnosed a week ago. I honestly think my mom has it too undiagnosed. Apparently my 3 stages of sleep i had 8 incidents "mild" and during my 4th phases of sleep 28 incidents and my oxygen got as low as 82% the 2nd night on my mask they said i had 5 solid hours of sleep and i had 0 incidents so apparently the mask makes a huge difference. I just got to get used to this whole process.

Hello. I just want to chime in and say you are definitely not alone. I don't think others can understand what it is like to begin this journey so you have come to the right place to talk about it. I have just received my machine today and although I am really excited that I may be getting better soon I am still sad that I have this problem. I'm hoping for you that imporved sleep will help you see things differently and that life will look better once you can sleep. Keep posting here because I've found everyone to be very friendly and supportive.

mzlaura1884 wrote:Thanks all for the kind words. I thought my diagnosis in 2008 with being hypothyroid was bad enough and diagnoses keep coming i think i am honestly overwhelmed. As far as i knew OSA comes from being obese (at least that is what i thought) however my cousin was recently diagnosed with severe OSA literally 2 weeks ago, and is now on a mask. I was diagnosed a week ago. I honestly think my mom has it too undiagnosed. Apparently my 3 stages of sleep i had 8 incidents "mild" and during my 4th phases of sleep 28 incidents and my oxygen got as low as 82% the 2nd night on my mask they said i had 5 solid hours of sleep and i had 0 incidents so apparently the mask makes a huge difference. I just got to get used to this whole process.

If you're like me, you may have thought that your hypothyroidism was making you feel fatigued. Fighting chronic fatigue can be a real bear. I take Synthroid and Vitamin D3 each day myself, but that alone wasn't doing it for me. CPAP therapy offers you new hope for feeling better, so it's worth a try. This is a positive step for you. You will have good days and not-so-good days, but it looks as if CPAP therapy will benefit you. You're off to a good start!

brucifer wrote:

mzlaura1884 wrote:Thanks all for the kind words. I thought my diagnosis in 2008 with being hypothyroid was bad enough and diagnoses keep coming i think i am honestly overwhelmed. As far as i knew OSA comes from being obese (at least that is what i thought) however my cousin was recently diagnosed with severe OSA literally 2 weeks ago, and is now on a mask. I was diagnosed a week ago. I honestly think my mom has it too undiagnosed. Apparently my 3 stages of sleep i had 8 incidents "mild" and during my 4th phases of sleep 28 incidents and my oxygen got as low as 82% the 2nd night on my mask they said i had 5 solid hours of sleep and i had 0 incidents so apparently the mask makes a huge difference. I just got to get used to this whole process.

If you're like me, you may have thought that your hypothyroidism was making you feel fatigued. Fighting chronic fatigue can be a real bear. I take Synthroid and Vitamin D3 each day myself, but that alone wasn't doing it for me. CPAP therapy offers you new hope for feeling better, so it's worth a try. This is a positive step for you. You will have good days and not-so-good days, but it looks as if CPAP therapy will benefit you. You're off to a good start!

Yes very much so!!!! I made my doctor recheck my tsh to make sure it wasn't my hypothyroidism. I also am deficient in vitamin D so i take prescription 50,000 units a week. Not fun trying to figure out what is causing your fatigue.