OT - Forum Etiquette Question

[Madalot]

I'm curious what most people here do in a situation like this.

Back over the summer, a newbie posted a question that other people here felt I might be able to help with. I looked at the thread, then sent the poster a PM. The person has never posted again and has not picked up the PM. It's been sitting in my Outbox since August.

At what point would you decide that they aren't coming back and delete the PM from the Outbox? I've had PM's sit in my outbox for weeks, then get picked up. But months????

[Hawthorne]

It could be that the OP does not know how PM works so may not get yours. I PM someone about a bed pillow months (maybe a year ago) about a bed pillow an it is still sitting in my outbox. The person was new to the forum too and has not been back much.

[Madalot]

I guess this happens sometimes. I hate to delete the message on the chance they come back to the forum and get it, but I also get aggravated seeing it in my Outbox all the time.

I guess I'll leave it there a bit longer and see if it gets picked up! Thanks.

[dtsm]

why don't you post on original thread the following message: "pls check for pm in your inbox".....maybe that will work

[Madalot]

why don't you post on original thread the following message: "pls check for pm in your inbox".....maybe that will work

I think I did. I think when I was contacted by someone asking me if I could help this woman, I posted a message saying to check her PM's. I have a suspicion that she's one that just came, asked a question, and for whatever reason, never came back.

[HoseCrusher]

I am not sure how this software works, but in other software deleting the PM from your out box does not delete it from the other persons in box. I would suggest deleting it and simply moving on. If the question was pressing I would think the other person would have done more to figure it out.

[Emilia]

Just a thought.... If you go to that user's profile, you can see if they ever posted anything else. If there is no activity other than the post you answered, I would assume that person has not returned as it would be odd to post once and never comment or post again. If it has been a long while, I'd delete it.

[Madalot]

I'm pretty sure that once you submit a PM, the recipient is notified via email that they have a PM. If you delete it BEFORE they pick it up, it's deleted. It's happened to me before where somebody sent me a PM, then decided to delete it, but I still knew about it. I've had cases where I changed my mind about sending a PM and the person wrote asking me why I sent a PM then deleted it!!

Yeah, I'll check her profile and if she hasn't been on at all since that time, I'll probably just delete the PM.

Thanks everyone!

[Madalot]

That's interesting -- the original thread was around August 21 or so. The OP posted ONCE. The profile indicates a visit to the forum around the middle of September -- Hmm...

[Jaylee]

Yes, if you send the PM and delete it before it gets read, they will not be able to get it. It will be in their inbox but when they click on it it will tell them that it has been deleted.

[mars]

I'm pretty sure that once you submit a PM, the recipient is notified via email that they have a PM.

Hi Madalot

Only if they have said yes to

Notify me on new private messages:

which is part of Edit Global Settings.

You also have to say "yes" to get a pop-up message.

cheers

Mars

[Madalot]

I'm pretty sure that once you submit a PM, the recipient is notified via email that they have a PM.

Hi Madalot

Only if they have said yes to

Notify me on new private messages:

which is part of Edit Global Settings.

You also have to say "yes" to get a pop-up message.

cheers

Mars

Valid point!! I had forgotten that you have to sign up to receive an email notification -- I do it automatically on a forum where I accept private messages.

[kteague]

I have a message in my outbox that has been there for almost 3 years. It wasn't for a one-time person, but a regular that I had many "conversations" with who was going thru some major life transitions including an international move. I choose to leave it there "just in case" she ever passes back thru here. More recently I had left a message sitting for several months, and found out later the person had been absent due to illness and did eventually return and retrieve the message.

I know when I was in the throes of sleep apnea and PLMD misery, I stumbled upon forums and posted thinking I'd return, but by the next day I hadn't a clue where I'd visited or what user name or password I'd selected. Was too brain fogged to even think about making the sites a favorite or writing them down.

Notifications is an option under the User Panel/Board Preferences/ Private Messages/Edit Global Settings. If one initially selects "No" they will not be notified. At one time I was being so deluged with Freecycle notifications that for a while didn't want notified of anything from anywhere. Not sure what this site defaults to when one signs up. And sometimes people change emails and thus lose notification capability.

Whether you let the message sit in your outbox or not is up to you. If you think it is important for them to read if they should ever wander back this way, leave it. If not, or if for any reason you want to delete it, go ahead. I wasn't aware how the deleted items show up (or don't show up). (Thanks Jaylee!) But if a person returns and sees a message but cannot retrieve it, seems logical that they could then PM you to ask about it if they are so inclined. Which then would make me even more comfortable deleting it from my outbox.

[kteague]

Ok, a bit late with my info. Great minds think alike (I suppose).

[larry63]

I'm curious what most people here do in a situation like this.

Back over the summer, a newbie posted a question that other people here felt I might be able to help with. I looked at the thread, then sent the poster a PM. The person has never posted again and has not picked up the PM. It's been sitting in my Outbox since August.

At what point would you decide that they aren't coming back and delete the PM from the Outbox? I've had PM's sit in my outbox for weeks, then get picked up. But months????

Well, I'm new here, so can't answer the question with regards to PM's.

But what I've seen so far, a few (not most) posters seem to follow two guidelines:

1) Offer general advice to the original poster without actually reading and/or answering the specific question they are asking.

2) If someone suggests that we shouldn't be changing our own pressures, or that we have no need to read our own data, send personal insults to
them and threaten to get them banned.

Well, I do understand that perhaps I joined the forum at a bad time, and also that a lot of posters (including me!!) have come across as perhaps less then friendly because we're just tired and grumpy, so we need to cut everyone some slack.

However, I do wish it were a bit friendly and forgiving, and I know that I've been guilty of appearing unfriendly and confrontational myself. I apologize for that.

I do hope however, that I will get everything sorter out with my therapy, and will eventually down the road be able to help others on this forum.

And guys and ladies, please try not to take this post as a rant. It is not. I'm just as a newcomer telling you so far what my impression of of this forum is like.

And as far my own postings, I _do_ understand the concept of _tought love_ and I do understand people's frustration at me.
Hopefully I'm getting better as time goes one.

OK way OT. Should I delete this post? Let me know and i will.