what would you do?I love my husband

Thanks, I too was told waking up after surgery that I had sleep apnea. I didn't even know at the time what sleep apnea was.
My husband has been there with me all the way,every dr. appointment and everything I've been through,so he knows how important it is.
He just will not admit that it could happen to him.
I've had a really hard time adjusting though so he probably wants no part of it. I can't say that I blame him,it's been a really hard road and I'm still struggling.
I will keep praying that he will change his mind before it's too late.
Thanks so much for your concern.

Julie wrote:I'm not sure if someone else has suggested this yet or not, but is there someone (another guy!) who he really respects and who isn''t afraid to talk straight to him (and that you can enlist for a 'confrontation')? Men never listen to their wives or mothers (at least not a lot) but may well pay attention to another man.

Hi sister

If you want to follow Julie's idea further, then this thread may help -

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=50674&p=466000#p466000

and you can PM me if you have any questions.

cheers

Mars

Stormynights wrote:Without cpap he yells in his sleep, snores, kicks, and flops around like a crazy man. With cpap he just lays over there as calm as can be.

Exactly how my wife describes me before and after CPAP.

Hi everyone,
thanks so much for all your responses and help. I have news this morning so I thought I would come back and give you an update.
I finally persuaded my husband to sleep with my old machine last night!!! He is still in denial but agreed to do it for me.
Here are his data readings:
AHI:7.8
AI:3.4
HI: 4.4
Leaks:0.54 L/S
Pressure:8.2
Now the miracle is, he slept 8 full hours without waking up!!!!!!
He always goes to the bathroom 2 or 3 times at night.
When I asked him if he felt good this morning,he said,'yeah'.
I asked, weren't you amazed when you slept 8 hours without waking up? he said,'yeah'.
Not a big talker,huh?
I will keep trying but he is not one to change his mind really fast,or admit that someone else might be right.
What really kills me is I asked him which mask he wanted to use and he said,'the big one', meaning the fitlife. Never having a mask on before he went to sleep and had no problem!
I have tried every mask almost since 2006 and still have problems!!!!
I really hope he will realize today how much better he feels and agree to have a sleep study done.

Great progress, sister!!! Hope he keeps going.

All I want to add is.... MEN!!!!

Sister, good progress . Don't you just want to kick him and say "I told you so!" men ! Sheesh!

Slept 8 hours with the mask on for the first time?!!! Wow!!

You just went from baby steps to a leap!

I'm glad to hear that you have made some progress so at least he now knows things can be improved.

From someone's that been there, tell him it is worth the efforts and not to let things go, they will deteriorate over time and he will not be aware this is happening as it does so slowly. Several years ago I was diagnosed with moderate sleep apnead but showed fairly good sleep quality, so I thought "so I snore, wife uses earplugs anyhow and I feel OK, why bother?" It also did not help that the sleep doc both my wife I saw at the time was a complete disaster, but I did nothing to take care of the apnea. Slowly, as my body was being starved of oxygen, I gained weight which makes the OSA worse and this vicious cycle started until finally just last December I was now diagnosed with severe sleep apnea after it started to very much affect my day to day life. My drivers license has been suspended as I am too high risk (more so than a drunk driver) for an accident, and will need to show compliance for at least 2 months before I can request to have it reinstated. I am now on CPAP but still experiencing numbers much higher than they should be but with the help of my RRT, and the lab when they get pushed a bit, we are narrowing down on optimal settings with the hopes that I do not need to be moved to BiPAP instead.

Tell your husband my story and tell him that sleep is much more important than he may know. As men we do tend to put health related things off until we are ready to "drop dead" so to speak; but that can actually happen from this. Tell him this affects you also, continually worrying about what may happen when he sleeps.

Best of luck and I do hope he listens and gets a full sleep study to determine what's best for him.

I just read this thread today. I am so happy he finally agreed to try CPAP. The oximeter saved me. I knew something was wrong but didn't want to go to the doctor and spend lots of money and time. Bought a recording oximeter and after one night of data was searching for a used APAP. Within 3 days I was on APAP. What convinced me was the oximetry report before APAP and during APAP, so try to get him to wear the oximeter while on CPAP. My low oxygen events going from 97 to 4. Time in the events from over 2 hours to only a few minutes. No longer waking in the middle of the night due to suffocation and wondering if I could catch my breath again. No more really painful headaches upon arising from sleep. No more feeling that someone placed cement blocks on my chest in the middle of the night. No more bathroom breaks in the middle of the night to shake off the suffocation feeling and to make sure I was still alive. All within a night or two of APAP treatment.

What motivated me to get the oximeter in the first place? My wife sat down with me on the couch and told me that she thought I was depressed as I was spending less time with the children, couldn't get done with projects around the house (many started but none finished), lack of creativity, failing in my business (self employed), unmotivated to exercise, taking naps, falling asleep the instant I put my butt on the couch. A little like the time 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder which I had though I overcame after 3 yrs of drug treatment. I had finally made an appointment for late January with a psychiatrist to revisit my adult ADD. I was looking forward to another round of ritalin, caffeine and possibly 5-hr energy to get me out of the fog so that I can be productive. I read an article in the November 2010 issue of Men's Health about sleep apnea and matched up the symptoms. After a month of APAP I don't feel the same way and I'm going to cancel the appointment. Nothing like getting a good night's sleep.

What worked? One or more of ...
Wife sit-down chat? Showed me that she noticed an issue and that she cared.
Men's Health Magazine with sleep apnea article? Gave me a symptom list and alternative diagnosis to depression. It could happen to the most buff men, not that I'm buff or anything.
My kid's disappointment when I don't spend time with them? How sad is that?
Dropping income level? We'll be on the street soon.
Sleeping my life away? How is that working out for you?
Getting fatter? Got to get motivated to exercise.
Reading funeral memorials of a recent death of our kid's pediatrician (fell off the roof putting up lights in November)? How you can positively touch each person differently and in ways not so obvious to you.

I had to figure out how to diagnose my problem without seeing a doctor because I didn't want to spend the money, the time, all the testing, getting on my medical records, ending up on ADD meds again which are not bad at first but have long-term issues. Pulse oximetry was the answer after seeing the thing on my wife's finger after she had a brain tumor removed and reading that you get low ox from apnea. Then seeing that walgreens sells oximeters without prescription. Voila!

All the best.

Any chance making him think it was his idea? Men like to be right!

Here's my thought, having been just where you are now. That was a big step he took by hosing up "just for you" and he's probably at a crossroads right now, having to admit that maybe you were right(a man thing!) and that he maybe does feel a little better. I wouldn't get into too much conversation about it, just let him digest the whole situation and be as casual as possible, as if it's no big deal that he slept all night without waking. No rubbing it in!! The next night, I just got Mike's mask laid out on the night table and let him see me fill the humidifier as if it was something I did every night. When I left the room I peeked and saw him pick up the mask to examine it and look the machine over. I printed out some inspiring success stories here and left them lying around. I was helped tremendously by the experts on this forum and they held my hand all through it. They're still doing it, God bless them. We still had some difficult nights for awhile and some "drama" but he finally decided he needed to do this if he wanted his quality of life to improve. I wish you luck and keep us updated.

Hey, thanks to all of you!
I have good news again,last night my hubby asked me,'do you have a smaller mask,that big one wore good but my face is sore on one side'. I said,' yes I have a nasal mask,does that mean you want to sleep on the c-pap again tonight? Yes,he said, I like the fact that I didn't get up to the bathroom at all! Then he said he never moved all night and usually he is all over the bed all night,{he has restless leg syndrone'.
This morning we talked and he agreed to let me make him an appointment with my sleep dr!!!!!!!
He has an appointment for Jan.31st.
In the meantime I also called my friend over at the sleep center and she said if he agreed just let him continue on the c-pap until then. I gave her all his readings for last night.
Here they are:
AHI: 6.9
AI: 1.7
HI: 5.2
Leaks: 0.40L/S
Pressure: 7.8

Machine pressure is set on 9
2 nights in a row he has slept 8 full hours!
I have told him over and over how proud I am of him, that I just can't believe that he has done so well!
I think he already realizes how much better he feels,and wants more.
May GOD bless each and every one of you that has helped us along the way.I really didn't think it would be a very long road before my husband would come over to my way of thinking though cause he's really such a sweet guy.
Sometimes he just needs a little convincing.
Thanks again and to all of you and I hope you have a very good night!

Don't you love it when a plan comes together and everyone wins???

I'm very glad to hear that now he knows things can improve and he has an appointment coming up in a few weeks. As one of the male gender, I can say that we can tend to be a bit stubborn at times but once we realize that things can be different we usually will try. I'm quite sure that given a simple choice no one would simply wear a mask and be connected via a hose to a desktop leaf-blower but compared to the negative issues of sleep deprivation it is really not that bad. I've only been on CPAP for a week now but do see the benefits - I did not realize how bad I really was.

From here on things should be much easier for both of you; you won't have to worry as much, and he'll sleep better and return back to the man you married. At least this is how things are working out for myself and my wife.

Best of luck.

After my cpap therapy and feeling better, I was able to notice my husband sleeping. He showed signs of apnea. Even during the daytime he would fall asleep and anytime out of need.

I finally told him, making him roll over at night was worthless. I would stop that, but I was getting a hose attached to his face.

He is on day three of his prescribed therapy. Each day is a bit better. Now he is trying to find a good mask. It is nice I have a little supply of them for him to try out.