Bed situation: Older married couples only

I found the Temperpedic mattress to be hot all year long; I couldn't tolerate it. I would wake up sweating, even in the summer, and it actually made my hip pain worse.

My husband and I have been sleeping in different rooms for about 10 years (been married almost 32). First, he was snoring so much it was unbearable. Now that we're both on cpap, that's not an issue. But I also toss and turn, and have RLS that bothers me on and off. I also wake up at any movement. He hasn't been happy with that situation, but---we had to sleep in the same bed when we visited relatives over Christmas and we both realized that nope, this doesn't work well if we want to get much sleep! He said he felt like he was trying to sleep on a roller coaster from all my moving around, and I kept waking up every time he moved, not to mention the horrendous noise HIS mask makes when it leaks! (He has a pressure of 19 and although leaks are usually in acceptable range, it still leaks and sounds like a a fog horn with gas! Better than the snoring, but still jolted me awake more than a couple of times!)

Pam

We don't qualify as "older" married couples--- only been married 40 years. However, have thought about this question a bit. I used to snore like a buzz saw-- even from very young age. As I mentioned in another post, the first night I was on CPAP my wife lie next to me wondering if I was dead or alive-- and decided to waite until morning to check on me (figured she would get at least one good night of sleep before checking it out). In the morning I asked her if the noise of the machine bothered her, she replied, "Compared to what? Your snoring!" She said she had the very best night's sleep in all the years we were married.

As for the cold air- it does bother her occasionally, she rolls with her back to me and back to sleep (perhaps pulls the covers up a bit). We sleep in a king-sized bed, so plenty of room for me to slide down in the bed, so the air misses her. I also have plenty of room to push any blankets I don't need (and can retrieve them if I chill a bit before morning.)

I use the Resp. OptiLife mask-- so air shoots straight out-- I have played around with the "bed board" concept, utilizing one pillow-- but felt isolated, so have recently just piled a thin lap-blanket in a pile just large enough to block most of the air and it seems to help a great deal when I am facing her.

Any king bed I am aware of has long-twin foundations, so the tossing and turning distractions are reduced a great deal. I do notice when my wife gets up early for work, but do not notice any tossing and turning (like we do on a queen bed in a hotel).

Tell the family to mind their own business if that is the route you need to take for your health (& enjoy the refreshment & renewal of extra time together when you feel rested). And, seriously, most people won't ask any questions if you are rested and enjoying one another more (now, that is something to look forward to).

letchworth

Yeah, I feel for you. I am running at 15lbs in my VPAP and it shoots a jet of air almost 3 feet. I've only been doing this since the end of December. I'm still getting used to the thing and rolling over on my left unless I'm positioned just right really gives her a gust. We've been married 30 years (since 19) and there is no way that we're giving that up. We've had a Queen size because nothing else will fit up the stairs or through the window. It's adequate, though now with the compressor I think that a king would be great.
My daughter just was married a couple years ago and got a SleepNumber bed. I helped them put it together and the way they get the different hard/soft numbers for each person is because the top mattress is made into two, so each person can have a different level of comfort (like having two beds pushed together) neither knows when the other gets up or goes to bed. So I would say if you want the best of all worlds, go with one of those units.
As for me, I have been a belly sleeper all my life and now everything has changed. I'm learning to sleep on my back and right side. I sleep terribly. Much worse than when I got this thing.. so I've gone from what they told me was a 98% to what I would consider 10%... So now I shouldn't ever die. Right?

I'm thoroughly reading and pondering each and every post, but if I don't happen to respond to yours, please don't be offended! It means I'm digesting the information!

letchworth wrote:We don't qualify as "older" married couples--- only been married 40 years.

lol, that qualifies in my book! I only mentioned "older" so newlyweds wouldn't respond to the thread and ask, "How could you even *think* of sleeping in separate beds?!" lol

letchworth wrote: However, have thought about this question a bit. I used to snore like a buzz saw-- even from very young age. As I mentioned in another post, the first night I was on CPAP my wife lie next to me wondering if I was dead or alive-- and decided to waite until morning to check on me (figured she would get at least one good night of sleep before checking it out).

All in Knots

Ruffinit wrote:Yeah, I feel for you. I am running at 15lbs in my VPAP and it shoots a jet of air almost 3 feet.

Projectile exhalation!

Ruffinit wrote: We've had a Queen size because nothing else will fit up the stairs or through the window.

Hmmm, you mentioned your daughter has a Sleep number bed. A king-size sleep number bed would fit up your stairs, right?

Ruffinit wrote: I sleep terribly. Much worse than when I got this thing..

Are you saying you're sleeping worse now that you have cpap? Wow, that's something that definitely needs to be changed!
I'm really tempted to look into a sleep number king size bed, but still haven't made up my mind.

Thanks again everyone for all the responses. Keep the ideas coming!

All in Knots

If I recall correctly the bottom "foundation" of the SleepNumber is one piece and we had purchased our new bed only about a year before they got theirs so I wasn't about to throw out a "new" bed for one of those. I'd have to look a bit closer on the construction of the foundation to see if it would fit though. After seeing the mechanics of the bed I fully understand how they've become so popular. If I would have known more about them before we bought our new bedset, I would probably have bought one of those.
Yes, I sleep terrible. None of the normal symptoms coincide with my diagnosis. I always slept great, very restful. Never fell asleep except when I was fully preparred to do so. Never get up during the night. Very physically active and a bodyfat at 7-10%. The only thing was since I we got married (19) my wife says that sometimes I stop breathing when sleeping and so the end of last year she had me take a sleep study. When they gave me the questionaire to fill out, there was nothing negative on it. They asked why I was there and I just pointed to her.... I'm on a VPAP Adapt SV. Seems that when the CPAP and BiPAP machines make you take a breath, it would shut me down completely. (CSA) So now here I am sleeping worse than I have in my life, but misery is healthy or so I'm told.

Ruffinit wrote:If I recall correctly the bottom "foundation" of the SleepNumber is one piece and we had purchased our new bed only about a year before they got theirs so I wasn't about to throw out a "new" bed for one of those.

I think you put the foundation together. You can see a video here
http://www.qvc.com/qic/qvcapp.aspx/view ... RRWidgetID
But I certainly understand not wanting to throw out a new bed!

Ruffinit wrote: So now here I am sleeping worse than I have in my life, but misery is healthy or so I'm told.

So I guess I'm not sure why you're sleeping worse. Do you think it's the mask or just being uncomfortable with all the cpap equipment?

All in Knots

My husband and I are still in the same queen-sized waterbed. We actually slept more frequently apart when I was suffering from fatigue, before I knew I had sleep apnea.

I sleep on my side and consciously try to make that the side where I face away from my husband. Sometimes I just can't get comfortable any other way than being on the side facing him, in which case I try not to be right on top of him and try to point my head and the exhaust in some benign direction. I asked my husband what he does if I aim the air at him and he says he fluffs a pillow or blanket in the way to protect himself. So far it's working.

I can't put a pillow or blanket immediately next to me or the air rebounds in my own face, which drives me nuts.

SleepingUgly wrote:We returned out Tempurpedic because it hurt my husband's back. We got a very firm Simmons that claims to reduce movement felt, and I do think it's better than a regular mattress (but not good enough for me). Compared to me, the Princess and the Pea is a heavy sleeper, so everything wakes me. Even him tugging on the sheet a little wakes me. My ideal situation would be two twins on wheels, next to each other, with each of us having our own blankets and mattress. I think they may even make something that bridges the gap. We could make the bed up with a duvet/bedspread that hides the fact that it's two separate beds. That would help with motion and blanket-tugging. It won't necessarily solve the air blowing problem that you have, although it would increase the distance over a queen size bed. It won't solve your husband's snoring, although if you're not a very light sleeper, white noise machines might help you (I have 3 going...).

BTW, our real estate agent told us "snore rooms" (or something like that) are now desirable. It's a room off/near the bedroom where one person goes to sleep when one person is snoring!

Just an FYI, Tempurpedic comes in levels of firmness, as does the Talatech latex I spoke of earlier. : ) I have a very firm Tempupedic and a medium in latex.

For what it's worth:

Although it is true that some couples sleep in separate beds because they aren't getting along, other couples sleep in separate beds because they ARE getting along and it is important to them to keep it that way.

Some of the most in-love older couples I know sleep in separate beds in the same room. They consider sleeping in individual beds to be an act of love in that it allows each of them not to disturb the other's sleep. It has increased their intimacy. They have a good-night hug every evening and a good-morning hug every morning.

One of the best things for a long-lasting marriage is being two well-rested people.

If anyone raises an eyebrow at the two beds, all you have to say is: "We decided to have separate beds because we love each other too much to let mere tradition ruin our health and shorten our lives; we just love each other too much."

jeff

Well, I usually face away from my wife. But there times when it most comfortable facing her. I've gotten so I just automatically bring the sheets over my face (like a veil) and that seems to work quite well.

I miss sleeping on a waterbed. The heater on our waterbed died a few years ago and I couldn't find a new one anywhere, so we bit the bullet and got a standard bed. I found out how hard it is to find a fitted sheet for a deep mattress; the only sheets I found that would fit are one model made by Serta (the mattress is made by Stearns & Foster). I started sleeping on a waterbed in 1977 and slept on one until about 2007 -- thirty years.

Oh no, that couldn't happen as Pat and I are too wide to fit through the doorframe at the sametime let alone with Buddy also fighting to be the first on the bed....someone might end up getting squashed. so I will just let your imigination go to work and have fun visualizing what it might look like......
SHE

Ruffinit wrote: So I guess I'm not sure why you're sleeping worse. Do you think it's the mask or just being uncomfortable with all the cpap equipment?

Well, basically it boils down to a few things. First off, it's the high pressure trying to force it's way down my nose and mouth which ends up to some extent in my stomach. Secondly I went through almost 2 dozen masks before I found one that didn't leak at pressure. Keeping it aligned so that it doesn't leak is difficult. Makes me feel like Alien is having it's way with me. It dries out my mouth, throat and nose even with the humidifier turned all the way up. Third, the problem with having equipment strapped to your face keeps you from moving around side to back to side without ending up like a cat in a ball of yarn.

So all that being said, I have always slept soundly and restfully. In my first sleep study they said my quality of sleep was rated at 98%. Now how can you improve upon that ? There's no way that's possible especially with equipment strapped onto your face..

Funny enough I was going to post EXACTLY the same problem today and then I noticed yours. We've been married for 35 years and it's taken me a long time to get the right mask/pressure set up etc., but the one thing I haven't sorted is the cold air blowing on my hubby. I purposely avoid sleeping on my right hand side as he sleeps to the right of me but some nights I just have to roll over to my right and although I try to shield him with the pillow etc., once I fall asleep things seem to move and he wakes up and then tries to rearrange the pillow to block off the air - all of which is very disruptive in the middle of the night!

I've actually been trying to think of some kind of small 'divider' I could make as I can't bear the thought of separate beds !! I might also look at the nasal pillows which blow air upwards as that seems to be a lot more practical.

Please let me know if you find anything that works for you !