OT: Losing a Parent

Kiralynx,

My heart goes out to you. I just hope she doesn't suffer. After losing my baby boy Andrew last September, watching a week-old preemie die in my arms, I can only hope that your mom had a fulfilling life. I hope that you two were close and loved each other as best as you could.

I also lost my dad and my grandmother (my music mentor) in 2001. Circa 1993, he had a CPAP machine (even with a humidifier) but never got past the adjustment phase. He also had diabetes that he never took care of and it took his life. I now know that had he used his CPAP machine, he would have lived, even a little longer. Maybe long enough to see Andrew?

Unfortunately, I don't have any real sage advice or words of wisdom like the others (Carbonman also comes to mind), but I can only offer you my love and support.

I just now read the thread. K, my tears for you and your mom.

Kiralynx wrote:Went over to see Mom again this morning.

She was again mostly non-responsive, although she mumbled what I think was "Thank you," when I read some Psalms and the Book of Ruth to her.

It's that irrevocable line... although she's not really there, she's still there, and although I don't want her to suffer, I mourn for the inevitability of that final step, when she won't be there, ever again.

Inevitably, I remember my mother-in-law's passing. Even now, almost fifteen years after, I'll find myself thinking, "I must remember to tell Gene that...." and then I have to smile, and remember that she probably already knows. It'll be that way with Mom, I know.

Thanks to everyone who's sharing their stories with me. It does help.

Ah, there's something so comforting about some of those Psalms. How nice it is to hear of your reading them to her.

Mom is basically the same today.

The hospice nurse gave my Dad a pamphlet about the dying process. He's kind of feeling guilty at this point because some of the things he assumed were Mom's stubbornness were, in fact, the beginning of the process.

I'll be going over later to read to her, and talk with him.

Kira, hope you're taking care of yourself, you'll need to be strong.

I'm very, very sorry to hear about your mom. You are doing right by her in every way possible. And I hear what you say about being angry about the OSA part. My dad died from a massive heart attack. He was skinny his whole entire life, no pot belly, nothing, yet he had horrible OSA. He snored like a tractor that would of course go dead-silent every once in a while. My mom could not sleep in the same room as him because of his snoring, but every time he would go silent, she would rush over to his door to make sure he was okay and to get him to turn onto his side or stomach. Nobody, not once, suggested that he might have OSA, and I'm sure it was because he was skinny. We never had heard of OSA. Once I figured out that I had it, then I realized that my dad had had it too - but by then it was too late.

Kiralynx, I am just now catching up here and saw your post. My deep sympathies to you and your family. You have done the best you could in encouraging cpap use and warning of apnea and it's consequences. Please don't feel that you have failed in some way. You did what any loving daughter would do, and more.

I'm so sorry ! (It's not easy) - Lots of hugs and love!

Kiralynx, Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. It's been almost 3 years since I received the call that my mother was actively dying. I didn't receive my call soon enough in my mind. She died less than 30 minutes after I arrived. Hospice missed the signs the day previous or I would have stayed. She may not have been aware consciously due to the dementia but I'm sure deep down she would have known she was not alone. If you want to be there when your mother goes to join the angels tell the staff to call you immediately.
You've been a wonderful, caring daughter and I'm sure she appreciates you.
Roberta

Heyla, folks....

Mom passed away around 3 am.

She had been holding on... why, we don't know.

Last night, when I went to see her, I told her about the duck I was going to get to fix for Sunday dinner, because Dad had said he really missed the roasted duck from La Cuisine, the restaurant where they'd each had their 80th birthday parties, and where they often ate on Sundays. (It was destroyed in Hurricane Katrina.)

I told her that I had ordered the same turkeys we had last year, which we all enjoyed, and told her about all the dishes I planned to have with the turkeys, many of which were her favorites. And then I kissed her good-bye and told her that it was all right if she wanted to go home. That I loved her too much to ask her to stay.

Dad had been sleeping down by her, but apparently, she didn't want him there at the last. He, too, kissed her, before he went to bed last night, and told her it was all right to go home.

We've had a monitor on her so that Dad could hear if she needed anything. He said he heard her call out once about 3 am, and by the time he reached her side, she was gone.

And again, I can't stress how good the hospice folks have been -- Dad called me at once and then called the hospice people, and although I'm only three blocks away, by the time I threw on clothes and got over there, JoJo, Mom's nurse, was already there.

Mom looked very peaceful -- I know she's walking in a beautiful garden, and that she is, at last, free from pain. Dad's taking it pretty hard. Pink Lights and Prayers for him would be very much appreciated.

Kiralynx I am so sorry. I am very very sorry. You and your father have my deepest condolences and prayers.

Sending you and your family my condolences.


Den

Oh Kira, I'm so sorry for your loss.

My mom passed away three years ago. Of all the losses I've had, losing Mom was by far the most painful. Dad is finally doing better and involving himself in activities once again.

Please take good care and know that I'm thinking of you.

Margaret

Kira,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Kira,

My deepest condolences to you and your family. I am glad to hear that your mother passed peacefully.

Grieving is an individual journey in many ways, but please know that you have the support of your "virtual friends" here. Please take good care of yourself.

DreamOn