Attn: whiners, complainers, quitters

I too chose the "others' experiences" category, but once people venture too far down the "You don't understand, I can't do it" path, I say whack them with the 2x4 and drag them back into reality.

OldLincoln, the climber you're thinking of is Aaron Ralston. (Although I admire him for his bravery and ability to suck it up, I can't help but think "What was he doing out there by himself without letting anyone know where he was going?" [That's my Search and Rescue background speaking.])

Fortunately, we have all the experience, wisdom and honest answers (and wit and sarcasm! ) that we could ever need right here on the forum. We don't have to worry about being trapped alone under the weight of a problem that we can't handle. (We have someone to stand atop that boulder and holler down at us "Suck it up Sissy Boy!" )

-SWS wrote:Sometimes tough love is beneficial, when judiciously administered. Other times impatience on the part of veteran users and advisers is intolerant or even grumpy behavior thinly disguised as tough love.

I have to agree. People have a lot on their plate with sleep apnea and CPAP issues, and they're already having their issue dismissed or ignored by everyone else. Doctors who don't understand it or won't diagnose, friends who don't care, relatives who don't believe that sleep apnea is a problem, confusing machinery, profit-minded DMEs, whatever. They come here stressed and upset and what do they get? More dismissals in the form of advice like "You might as well make your funeral plans now" or "Whiners don't get sympathy".

I'm not saying that the really egregious examples of complaining or arguing should be tolerated, of course. But there is no need to discourage newbies who aren't at the same level of acceptance you are.

Since most everyone who has answered is an established user who gives advice, let me chime in. I'm not a whiner or complainer, but I have quit. Until I find a solution to my problems, I lurk here hoping to get answers from other questions that are asked (and I have). Why haven't I joined and asked my own questions? The title of this post is the answer. I don't respond well to tough love, and we all know there's at least three members here who love to hand it out. If I did ask a question, I'd get accused of denial and my response would probably get me banned. There's great advice here...RestedGal and kteague amaze me with their thoughtful, intelligent, compassionate posts. Others are helpful too. There doesn't have to be much negativity in a post to get the author flamed, though. Maybe I should be more thick-skinned...after all, this is all anonymous, why should I care? While I don't want to be called whiny,I know from experience how difficult this can be, and name-calling doesn't help. We're not all Carbonman.

you put that last selection in just for me didn't ya

Snoredog wrote:you put that last selection in just for me didn't ya

You paranoid, too? Heck, I thought he put that one in for ME.

Den

.

Must admit that when I see posts that are clearly angry or critical of cpap masks/machines as to why a poster wants to quit, I feel here is an attitude problem that we can't always fix. Only the poster can fix it. I mentally add such people to the likely quitter category.

BUT, anger can be a phase in the early stage of acceptance - hurling masks across the room & abusing the machine are still cries for help. My favorite line to those types of posts is to point out that the machine is really the person's guardian angel, maybe it takes a few choices to get the best angel, but the machine is doing nothing more than what the user is letting it do. Attacking the machine/mask is a shallow way of avoiding facing up to the challenge.

I do agree that tough love is needed for habitual complainers or those clearly not facing reality.

DSM

mth712 wrote:I thought of you Snoredog - feel better? I voted for the 2 x 4 because some of us are hard headed as can be. Repeated whacks are sometimes needed in my case. I also like to read other experiences while getting smacked upside the head by the toughlovers...

What I don't like is a someone with mild apnea and/or a pressure of 6 or so thinking they are special because they got the leak line straight as can be. Try doing that at 15+ and I know some can but don't see it very often. Try doing that at 15+ with cflex and an auto range as your mask is trying to take flight from your face. I have little pity for someone whining at a pressure of 6 - 8 cause I can't even breathe at that pressure it is so low. Also people who say they don't understand about complaints about machine noise or mask noise when they have a pressure under 10. Pump that baby up to 15+ and see how loud it is. Of course this comes from a person that couldn't understand all the complaints about those little blue lights. I understand a little better now because I have had some nights of not being able to fall asleep recently and funny how those little blue lights and everything else bothers you then...

Well said

I once concluded that 15 CMs was the nominal threshold of passing from coping to struggling - leaks, aerophagia, noise, comfort. I used to believe that anyone having a machine that went over 15 was a true trooper. But, with my current machine, am somewhat surprised to see it regularly go to 20 CMs in short spells (1-4 mins) & me not even know other than to see it on the next day's data. Seeing that changed my mind about what pressures we can cope with but I am in little doubt about how hard it is if someone's baseline pressure (cpap or apa) starts at 15.

DSM

15?? Hell I thought it was nearly impossible to maintain normal breathing at 12

Anyway, I'm no longer a newbie, and yes maybe I have some whiney days and need that 2x4 whacked upside my head (hee hee), but I think that for the most part most posts get a combination of tough love AND bleeding heart compassion... and that's GOOD!

On the other hand I think that we should also realize that newbies who are really frustrated, completely uneducated (not necessarily through any fault of their own), and lacking in any real support mechanism - may construe even our nicest statements as harsh... just because of the world view they have at the time and their particular situation.

That said, I do agree that there are some whose attitutes will never change, but then again I think those are the types of people who cannot help themselves because they expect too much from the world and not enough of themselves... and compassion nor a 2x4 upside the head won't budge them from their stance.

my 2 cents, for whatever it's worth!

can i have about 5 16d nails in the end of my 2x4?
it takes all types to make the world go round. and at least we have this nice forum so we can wimper wine or whatever. i know the knowlege spread here is unparallelled. so many have been helped . so many have walked away.and then there's me.......

I have complained... about the DME.

I will never complain about the therapy. My first night at home using the machine when that pressure started my first thought was: "Wow... I am getting plenty of breathing air now... I am going to like this.".

I think because of this therapy I have my life back...

-I no longer want to have a nap mid-afternoon.
-I no longer feel sleepy after supper and end up sleeping on the recliner.
-I no longer feel drowsy during a long highway trip.
-I look forward to going to bed, putting on the mask and feeling that air... ahhhh!

I am so thankful to have had the guidance of the folks here to read and call upon during my start with this therapy. The information and guidance available here is invaluable.

robrdavis wrote:I too chose the "others' experiences" category, but once people venture too far down the "You don't understand, I can't do it" path, I say whack them with the 2x4 and drag them back into reality.

I agree with robrdavis, to a point. Some people need a 2x4, especially those who are unwilling to try from the get-go. Even then, 2x4's don't always work for those who are truly phobic. It can depend on circumstances. Phobic problems can sound like whining, when what they need is experience from others with similar phobias. Sometimes cow-tipping or a bag of hedgehogs is more appropriate than a 2x4.

You get to know forum members. People gain 'forum karma' when they have shown themselves to be a positive or entertaining force for others and/or are 'willing to try'. When these people 'whine' I generally pay attention. Everyone needs to vent sometime.

Just one question.......how much extra is it to be beat with the 2x4??

ANd will my Insurance cover that too????

sir_snores_alot wrote:Just one question.......how much extra is it to be beat with the 2x4??

ANd will my Insurance cover that too????

Sorry, you're posting in the wrong thread. Try THIS one: viewtopic/p308479/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=3 ... 81#p308281



DD you crack me UP!!

Thanks! everyone for your thoughts/comments/suggestions.

I knew that the value in this thread/poll would not be in the numbers,
it would be in the responses.....and I have not been dissappointed.
These replys are so rich in personality and character.
I have learned so much about the responders and about myself.
In so many ways, I am still trying to come to terms w/this whole thing.
I have been fortunate, because when it has really mattered, I have usually
been able to accept my immediate reality and act accordingly.
When I arrived here, I got a taste of that 2X4 from GumbyCT.
It snapped my head around and I have thanked him for it.

I formulated those options in the years of my CBT journey to and through
the gates of my hell. I, personally, received and delivered each of those
options many times. I watched others on their journey, receive and deliver
each of those options, many times. Each has it's own merit and value

robrdavis, you really nailed it for me, though.
I have that image of you standing on the boulder, when times are tough,
yelling down to me, "suck it up, Sissy Boy!"
I will.

.....and for "guest"

you are correct, NO one else is carbonman.

Maybe you could decide who you are.
Maybe you should be more thick-skinned.
....and when you make those decisions, register here....
and engage me..or...someone you trust...or....the entire forum.
I'm going to go out on a limb and predict, you won't regret it.


I will say it again, there is much more going on here than the
mechanics of blowing air up your nose.