Dating and the Single Cpap-er Redux

I'm now holding out a marriage proposal to James Skinner.

Why not? He needs better medical care, I have medical insurance, and two parents in the medical profession who have taught me to be a pit-bull when it comes to medical care, and what the heck else am I doing with my time?

No more dating non-cpapers.

LOL,
Babs - Rooster's new Plaything

You're back in the saddle..........you go girl!!

and PS...wanted to thank you for the thread on pursleep swaps...have
a swap in progress myself. Thanks!

That is more like my Babs!!

Hey does James know?

Are we invited to the wedding?

Hold your head up -- remember YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

Babs,

The guy is a coward if he hasn't at least kept the date. You don't want to date a coward.

Take a class in digital photography or painting or journalism at your local community college. Better yet, talk to the registrar's office and find out what age groups are registering for what classes. Heck, go in for a couple nursing classes. Whatever it takes. Even night classes. Consider joining a local chapter of Sierra Club if you like nature walks.

Somewhere in your community is a guy writing on the 'geekvillage.com' forum or the photojournalist forum about there being nobody in the same area about his age.

If I understand correctly, part of what you've been doing is writing about your point of view on a lot of stuff before even dating. While you should certainly be yourself, it might not hurt to leave some things for a dating partner to discover. Maybe you don't have to tell him everything before the first date.

Baring your soul in writing is a bit like clothes. Writing too much information may seem like deflecting real answers, sort of like wearing too much clothing. It may seem to say you have something to hide. Writing too many stark truths is like taking off all your clothing. Now they know everything about you and have no real sense of discovery. It may also make you appear too vulnerable. Writing a just few sensible and sensitive things is like just enough clothing to reveal interesting curves and may entice a desire for further discovery. There's nothing wrong with nervousness. Acknowledging that can help break the ice. Avoid seeming desperate by exuding self-confidence.

Sometimes less is more. That's true even on a date. Silence does not always have to be broken. Smiling and holding hands can say a lot too.



_

DreamDiver,

Thank you for a very thoughtful and helpful post!!!!!!

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head on many levels.

1) I think he was scared off by me, and you're right, I don't need no scared babies.

2) I think I scared him by being upfront that I thought he was interesting, that I found him attractive, and by inviting him out on a date. I don't think that is his comfort zone at all. I should have figured it out when he bailed on the first date, and insisted that he had to pay and we couldn't go dutch, as I had suggested. In looking back on our emails, I realize that he was only going to be comfortable with ideas that HE suggested - and that anything *I* suggested was being vetoed.

3) While I think he told me WAY MORE about himself than I told him about MYSELF, I do think I have that flaw IN SPADES, and told him more than I should have. I think I routinely overwhelm people with too much information. I'm the Queen of TMI. I think I'd like to retire that crown.

After I got home last night, he emailed me that he was disturbed by my reply to his earlier email, and that he wanted to call me and clarify why he couldn't make the date. (My reply to his email Tuesday AM explaining why he couldn't make our date that night said that I did understand, and that probably we should just keep our relationship to a cyber-pal status for now, and not pressure ourselves for a live meeting.)

I wrote him back that really it was okay, he didn't need to worry about me, and I was fine.

He called at 6 pm, as he said he would. But by that point, I was doing a slow burn and couldn't pick up the phone. I let it go to VM and then turned the phone off.

About 30 minutes later, I decided to vent my burn, and sent him an email telling him that I was sorry I'd frightened him, that was never my intention, but that I really could not listen to his excuses about it. That I really don't have the strength to listen to yet one more man tell me what a big scarey frightening dragon lady I am. I don't have the energy to keep re-assuring people that I don't bite.

It was a petty and childish email written out of hurt.

But, this AM, I don't regret it. I think that I am a very strong and forceful personality. If that frightens someone, I think they are better off getting out now, rather than getting deeper involved only to bail on me later on.

And, cynically, I feel like I've heard this once too often from men in my life. I think "If I always do what I've always done, I'll always get what I've always gotten."

If I'm this big scarey dyke bitch, maybe it's time for me to consider dating other big scarey dyke bitches.

Luckily, I've been invited to a Lesbian dance this weekend. I think I'll go.

Cheers,
Babs

Babs I'd date you in a heartbeat!!!!!!! Too bad I'm too many time zone and an ocean away. Oh yeah there's the BF too, but he's up for a 3 some (but not sure if he's up for a 3 some relationship).

I totally hear ya. I personally think: don't tone yourself down, be the lion that you are, and if they can't handle it from the beginning, they'll never handle it throughout the relationship. But that's just my opinion!

Whenever I've tried to be the docile little girl, it never worked. Actually it backfired as I got MORE wound up as time went by

Anyhoo, hugs and kisses

ps. i'm not a big scary dyke bitch.
But I am big. and scary. and half-dykey. and pretty bitchy. Hmmmmmm maybe I *am* one after all....

Anonymous wrote:DreamDiver,

Thank you for a very thoughtful and helpful post!!!!!!

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head on many levels.

1) I think he was scared off by me, and you're right, I don't need no scared babies.

2) I think I scared him by being upfront that I thought he was interesting, that I found him attractive, and by inviting him out on a date. I don't think that is his comfort zone at all. I should have figured it out when he bailed on the first date, and insisted that he had to pay and we couldn't go dutch, as I had suggested. In looking back on our emails, I realize that he was only going to be comfortable with ideas that HE suggested - and that anything *I* suggested was being vetoed.

3) While I think he told me WAY MORE about himself than I told him about MYSELF, I do think I have that flaw IN SPADES, and told him more than I should have. I think I routinely overwhelm people with too much information. I'm the Queen of TMI. I think I'd like to retire that crown.

After I got home last night, he emailed me that he was disturbed by my reply to his earlier email, and that he wanted to call me and clarify why he couldn't make the date. (My reply to his email Tuesday AM explaining why he couldn't make our date that night said that I did understand, and that probably we should just keep our relationship to a cyber-pal status for now, and not pressure ourselves for a live meeting.)

I wrote him back that really it was okay, he didn't need to worry about me, and I was fine.

He called at 6 pm, as he said he would. But by that point, I was doing a slow burn and couldn't pick up the phone. I let it go to VM and then turned the phone off.

About 30 minutes later, I decided to vent my burn, and sent him an email telling him that I was sorry I'd frightened him, that was never my intention, but that I really could not listen to his excuses about it. That I really don't have the strength to listen to yet one more man tell me what a big scarey frightening dragon lady I am. I don't have the energy to keep re-assuring people that I don't bite.

It was a petty and childish email written out of hurt.

But, this AM, I don't regret it. I think that I am a very strong and forceful personality. If that frightens someone, I think they are better off getting out now, rather than getting deeper involved only to bail on me later on.

And, cynically, I feel like I've heard this once too often from men in my life. I think "If I always do what I've always done, I'll always get what I've always gotten."

If I'm this big scarey dyke bitch, maybe it's time for me to consider dating other big scarey dyke bitches.

Luckily, I've been invited to a Lesbian dance this weekend. I think I'll go.

Cheers,
Babs

Don't change or have regrets for who you are ... you really are indeed a special one and anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve you.

Stay upbeat and work on your health, the good stuff will be there for you at the right time.

Babs,

Have a great cpap wedding...I mean dating....LOL.

Mckooi

Hey Echo - You up for a weekend in Amsterdam?

What happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam?

Just kidding.... I can't afford Amsterdam. Spokane might be my limit.

Thanks Echo and DreamStalker!!! I "feel" that you're both right. Toning down and playing "nice girl" games hasn't worked for me in the past. I just freak people out worse when the Dragon gets out. BTW, I'm a Scorpio/Dragon. In my horoscope, I KID YOU NOT, it says "When she is good, she is very very good, but when she is bad, she's HORRID!"

Theodora Lau. "You can look it up yourself!" in the immortal words of Susan Sarandon from "Bull Durham."

I like women. I just have never seriously dated one. Now don't EVEN get me started about three-somes, because you know I have stories that aren't in the least family-friendly....

Hey DS, PM me your wife's pic.... KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL,
Babs

DreamStalker wrote:

Babette wrote:...I am a very strong and forceful personality. If that frightens someone, I think they are better off getting out now, rather than getting deeper involved only to bail on me later on.

And, cynically, I feel like I've heard this once too often from men in my life. I think "If I always do what I've always done, I'll always get what I've always gotten."

If I'm this big scarey dyke bitch, maybe it's time for me to consider dating other big scarey dyke bitches.

Luckily, I've been invited to a Lesbian dance this weekend. I think I'll go.

Don't change or have regrets for who you are ... you really are indeed a special one and anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve you.

Stay upbeat and work on your health, the good stuff will be there for you at the right time.

Babs,

What Dreamstalker said.

Be yourself. No apologies necessary. A powerful woman demands the balance of a powerful partner. As to the lesbian dance, have fun. Be true to yourself and your dance partners. FYI: you might be surprised to find out how many guys out there are turned on by 'big scary dyke bitches'.

Oh honey, don't get me started on the submissive men who want me to be their big scarey dominatrix mommy!!!!

Where's the BALANCE? Where's the power SHARING???

I was thinking about this at 5 am when I woke up to worry about all the cr*p I have to get done for work.

My analogy is this: A teeter-totter. One can't go up without the other one agreeing to go down. But the beauty of it is, the one going down knows that when he/she gets there, he gets to push off with all his might to go back up again! Whee!!!

It's way more fun when you agree to share the ups and downs. When one person insists they have to be up - or down - all the time, it's a real snore.

So, that's my analogy for the day, boys and girls. Feel free to poke holes in my theorem.

Cheers,
Babs

Be yourself, don't change for anyone and the right one will come along. Hell, I've been with Patty for 13.5 years now and neither one of us can believe it. Our friends, and truth be told, we both wouldn't have believed you for a second if you told us when we got together it would have lasted this long.

The main thing is be yourself.

I carry a coin in my pocket that says, "To thine own self be true". Hard to practice, but it has worked when I worked it.

Just remember you are loved.


JeffH

You know, I'm getting the best replies from married men here.

Maybe I need to re-think my "No Married Men" policy.

Thanks guys!!!!
Babs