OT: Time out and/or Duke it out thread

[Holden4th]

This thread is timely and I applaud Pugsy for starting it.

My mother taught me that good manners cost nothing and that people who don't use good manners have either not experienced them or just don't want to use them and sometimes both. Very sage advice and shown to be true so many times in my life.

I'm fortunate in that I have not been the subject of any attacks from any of the members of this forum. However, I have also watched personal attacks that appear to be pure enmity or an "I don't suffer fools gladly" approach. This reminds me of the words of that great 21st century philosopher, Dilbert and slightly amended by me.

"Never argue with fools/trolls/etc. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

I am new to this whole OSA thing and any information that can help improve my therapy is valuable. I am no longer a newbie but not yet an aficionado. All I ask is respect for where I am at. Should that apply to every other poster on this forum? I think so.

[esel]

Nice OT…

Hope is what keeps me going.

I am glad cpaptalk.com does exist.

The ugly is when it is meant to hurt the sad is when they no longer realize it hurts.

Thank you dear for bringing up the ugly.

But some humor is needed… If Mike Moron was not, and some of you… My crap cpap would long be dead many times. It still is a struggle and the feeling of being hooked up to an out sourced energy makes it worth, like hooked up to live in the last room of THE corridor.

Some critical statements and some sorts of proof, references are needed. There is to much wrong and misleading info on the www. For people long on CPAP or interested in it, it is easy to discard the misleading info specially related to one or the other avatar but not for newbies. A PR asking for proof is actually important.

Never trust things where your gut feeling tells you no.

And then, there are no stupid questions but lots of stupid answers. Naivety and curiosity is part of us.

[chunkyfrog]

I bet you mean Mike Moran. He was a treasure.
Put the name into the search box for many happy thoughts.

[Pugsy]

Forum member esel is from Switzerland...English isn't his first language so sometimes what he is trying to convey it a bit difficult to understand...but all in all I think he does a great job with the hardest language in the whole world to learn.

[Lucyhere]

Forum member esel is from Switzerland...English isn't his first language so sometimes what he is trying to convey it a bit difficult to understand...but all in all I think he does a great job with the hardest language in the whole world to learn.

I think most take the time to convey their thoughts in a manner we can understand. Many people outside of the US manage to find this forum, and if it's difficult to understand them, big deal. A person's spelling, punctuation, use of the English language, etc., should never be called into question. People don't come here to learn how to spell... they come because they are overwhelmed, have questions and need answers about sleep apnea.

[Pugsy]

Example...recent cpap cleaning thread where someone asked about using hydrogen peroxide.

As of right now 34 posts in that thread and I counted 13 posts that were pretty much nothing but poking at someone...including the last 2 which definitely were poking posts and no educational value whatever.
couple of them had decent information in them but also contained little digs and pokes.
The information given doesn't really have to be prefaced with a personal attack to make the information more important or more valid.

First page wasn't too bad..couple of little digs but the educational information given pretty much overshadowed the digs...page 2 things deteriorated quite a bit and mostly digs and name calling and very little educational information.

Page 3...4 posts and 2 were nothing but an obvious poke at someone.

I didn't get involved initially because the question was answered straight away and I had nothing new to add.

I didn't get involved with the sparring between PR and exiii because they both had valid points and while I didn't necessarily agree with all of exiii's points he did mention IMHO...and I feel everyone is entitled to their opinion...even if I think it is wrong or right.

I have great respect for PR and in fact consider him a friend...but sometimes the way he presents his thoughts makes me cringe. I have told him this in the past. This is nothing new between us. We've often chatted about it because often I think the very words he says...I just don't like to say them publicly because I don't think pointing out the shortcomings of someone's idea in that manner is a nice thing to do. It's kinda like having a best friend that sometimes does things you kinda wish they didn't do .. but you still value them as a person and a friend.
I also know he isn't going to change..he is who he is just like I am what I am and I know only too well that I am not loved by everyone.
When you poke him..he is going to respond in kind. He's not a troll...he doesn't say stuff just to start an argument but he will by damn try to finish it. I can't say as I would do anything different...just ask the people who poked at me and I poked back real hard.
His information is pretty much always spot on accurate...the way it gets presented sometimes overshadows the accuracy of his information.

While I really wish he would lose the "if you had any sense" type of preface to his comments...it's not for me to police him. He has a right to say it just as I have a right to say I wish he didn't. He may not realize it but it hurts me to read him talk like that because I just feel other peoples pain too much. I know I would be deeply hurt if someone talked to me like that so even if the receiver is stupid wrong and the error should be corrected...I don't see how saying things to hurt helps with fixing anything. There are other ways to correct an error than using little digs like that.
Part of the reason I left the forum last winter was that I simply got overwhelmed with other people's pain...let it get to me.
I tend to have too much empathy and can't distance myself from others pain. One of the very things that makes me good at what I do here is also something that causes me a lot of grief. I feel other people's pain too much.

So/but I won't try to change anyone...I just ask that if you guys and gals want to start poking each other (valid reason or not) that you don't derail a helping thread. Take it somewhere else...and I don't care where.
1/3 of that thread was trash with no redeeming educational value at all.
That's pretty sad.

Finally...there are a lot of personalities here on this forum and maybe you don't like the way one person talks for whatever reason (valid or not)...use the Foe button and just don't read what they write...and don't cheat and peek.
Trust me...if someone is being an ass...we don't need you pointing it out....we already know it.

Oh..don't think for one minute that PR is the only one who ever says hurtful stuff...in that thread there were 4 people involved who fed the fire so to speak...so it just wasn't PR and exiii.
And when you poke back with an obvious poke saying nothing else (last 2 posts in that thread are good/bad examples)...you are doing the very thing you blast him for doing.
Pot calling the kettle black...IMHO.

[amyfb]

I come here to learn and to share my experiences for however it might help others.

When I read a post that begins with by scolding, berating, belittling or chastising the writer of a post, I don't finish reading it, even it I might be missing something useful to know.
I prefer to get my education from someone who has a capacity for tolerating the gaps of information others might have.

My first day here a few weeks ago I spent a couple hours browsing the board and catching up on all kinds of stuff that is new to me. I was disappointed in the nasty tone used by some of the members. It was like being in third grade and watching the playground bullies duke it out.

[exiii]

I'm done going back to review these threads, but it seems that PR has gone back and revised at least some of his comments towards me to make them less snotty. Is that because he feels bad about how he's been treating people or because he's worried that he's being reviewed by members? Ah, whatever - I don't care at this point. Maybe it's the start of a change. Probably just temporary though.

I've never used a "foe" or ignore list in all the years I've been using discussion boards, and though this is the closest I've come to it, I'm not sure I want to start now. It sure confuses discussions when people do that.

[chunkyfrog]

I only inserted the correct spelling for Mike Moran's name--so others could do a search and enjoy his genius.

[klm49]

Glad to see this, Pugsy. We need to stop pissing in newbis's threads when they need help.

Yes, some certainly do!

Great idea Pugsy!

[Pugsy]

Well crap..hit reply and I see that there's some real spam in this thread that was at least hidden from public view..
Geez...I will be glad when this frigging election is over.

Oh well...to exiii...I didn't know PR had changed his comments...I didn't ask him to change them. My comments privately to him were more about future posts.
I am an eternal optimist and always look for the good in everyone. I can always hope that those people with short fuses will learn to temper their words and think first.

I have discovered that it is real easy to find the bad if you never look for the good.

[PEF]

I love the way Pugsy always stays focused on helping people, no matter what others have to say. Hopefully, we can all learn from her.

[avi123]

chalas (enough in Arabic)

[Pugsy]

It's not exactly so. Not long ago Pugsy used my advanced age to belittle me when I posted that she had almost zero knowledge in biology and or medicine. I could dig out those posts from 4 years ago.

Well...you did do a lot of poking me..it's not like I just out of the blue said what I said without provoking from you..and what was it I said?

Hmm.. I called you a grumpy old man...that was it. You were/are in your 80s...that qualifies for old in just about anyone's book and you sure as heck were grumpy. I think it was a fairly accurate description of you and it was actually said with love and in fun and not meanness and I didn't call you a senile old man who didn't know anything worth saying.
You on the other hand used to insult my intelligence often and insinuate stuff about my education (or mostly lack of) and you have no way of knowing my level of education or my training.
You insulted me quite often back in those days...I am not perfect... I am just like everyone else..poke me often enough and I will poke back.

And yes...if someone did it now...I would poke back but what I won't do is make a dozen posts in one thread poking back at one person. I will usually do one well thought out return poke and then I am done.

You've said some rather nasty things to me in the past...I haven't forgotten the pee thing picture either.
How about we just have a truce?

[exiii]

I started therapy just shy of a year ago and I joined this site within a few days of that. It took 10 months for me to get to a point that I felt comfortable enough in my therapy to help answer questions and relay my personal experience. I sure as hell wasn't going to ask a question here as a new user, because I saw the off-putting personalities (and I use that word specifically for what it implies) that were responding. I still haven't asked a question here. I started my first post with an observation and a joke that I very much related to having battled severe sleep deprivation, and I was made well aware that my joke was not welcomed. There are few jokes made here that don't involve belittling another member or new user.

My therapy is going fine. At this point I don't have a lot of questions. I don't need to over-analyze every random spike in my sleepyhead report. On my own, I eventually found great equipment by trying several items on in person, by browsing ALL of the web sites, and by spending a lot of money that I couldn't try out before-hand. I'm glad that I have insurance and a medical savings account that wasn't stressed this year.

Bottom line: I don't need to be here. I only joined the conversation of this forum because I wanted to share my successes and experiences with new users that were, as often as not, being ridiculed and chased out - as I first witnessed a year ago. But it's not worth it to me. I've been an active member in many awesome forum communities over the years - one jumping from site to site and interest to interest over the course of 15 years. But I've spent way too much time on this site the last few days and I've found that I really don't want to be associated with this site or the "cool kids" who have made it what it is. I'm not miserable, I don't need the company.

I'll continue to use this site as a reference as needed, along with the vast number of other information sources available online, but I don't want to live or pay taxes here.