dating....do i bother?

bostonlass · Post by **bostonlass** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 6:56 pm

I'm kind of depressed. I don't have my mask yet but I can't help thinking that I'm "done", dating wise. I mean seriously if I were married that would be one thing...my husband would just have to deal with sleeping with a woman with a mask on but how on earth can I expect anyone new to accept this part of me?

lvehko · Post by **lvehko** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:08 pm

I can kind of relate, in that lately I've been feeling pretty bummed that it's hard to snuggle seriously at night with my spouse. I'm having snuggle deprivation in a major way. I just don't feel particularly attractive or snuggle-worthy with this thing on my face...

So, no words of wisdom to pass on, just commiseration. "I feel your pain..."

Minerva

Rastaman · Post by **Rastaman** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:21 pm

If a man loves you he won't mind. Period.

You don't HAVE to share this part of your life with him until he really needs to know. Until after he's in love with you. If something like that drives a guy away, he's pretty shallow. Yes, many are shallow but do you really want one of them longer than a short-term situation anyway? Otherwise, I think you'll do just fine. You really only wear this life-saving apparatus a short time of the day (not majority). And it keeps you from snoring, which some do find unattractive so, it has it's pluses. Just imagine the whole world on one of these and then imagine them all in their underwear and all the fear goes right away. Hehe.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:24 pm

Good grief, who are you dating! I can't imagine rejecting a woman because of a cpap. It's easy to snuggle before sleeping and after awakening. Don't give up. Find the right guy and the cpap won't be an issue at all.

racefan · Post by **racefan** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:31 pm

Just tell him it keeps you from being very tired & VERY crabby the next day.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 7:48 pm

I mentioned this to my husband, and he said that he prefers me to have the machine and be able to at least sleep in the same bed!! as previously we were not due to my snoring and gasping for breathe - he also noted it would be pretty shallow if a guy didn't date you do to it, but really, what else can he say:)
he did say it was weird anyway when I brought home the equipment - as weird as it would be for anyone who doesn't know it or understand it - so education would be the way to go!! good luck -

unclebob · Post by **unclebob** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 9:43 pm

Hi bostonlass, you too minerva,

Not to worry. Just flaunt your PAP's. Include an "X" if you have to!

Bob F

snoozie_suzy · Post by **snoozie_suzy** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 9:44 pm

BostonLass~

I can understand your dilema, I am not married also. I ended something more serious a few months before I got diagnosed last fall, and haven't had to deal with Mr. Right meeting the mask yet. I pondered it briefly. But just briefly. Maybe its something about hitting the 30 year old mark, but I don't have those same insecurities like I did in my teens and early twenties. Actually I could look at this whole sleep apnea thing as a way to "weed out" the bad apples! I mean seriously, if anyone ever had a problem with a machine that keeps my breathing healthy, don't let the door hit him on the way out. My ex-boyfriend was embarrased before I knew he was a diabetic and that he had an insullin pump. My eyes welled up when he told me because I was sorry that he had stressed so much about telling me. It made me want to grab him and hug him so tight.

I know, it might be in some ways easier if someone is already married and has been through thick and thin together, and are used to each other, to adapt to this new sleep habit, but I know there are a lot of other very sensible people out there too. Keep your chin up. Besides, this way you'll get your beauty sleep so Mr. Right, will look right past this

Welcome to the board, hope things adjust well for you.

Suzy

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 9:53 pm

It's easy enough for all of us to say "don't worry", but it's got to be a real problem for a single person.

Hey, with luck you will meet a hose-head guy, and you both are just keeping it a secret until "the night".

My husband and I know how lucky we are to have found each other and never, ever have to go through the dating scene again. Dang, it was hard enough the first time around.

Hang in there, you will find the right mate.

Goofproof · Post by **Goofproof** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 9:54 pm

bostonlass wrote:I'm kind of depressed. I don't have my mask yet but I can't help thinking that I'm "done", dating wise. I mean seriously if I were married that would be one thing...my husband would just have to deal with sleeping with a woman with a mask on but how on earth can I expect anyone new to accept this part of me?

The mask and treatment is a very small part of who and what you are, as long as the rest shines, the shadows won't show up. Be yourself First, we all have things we would like to not have, it's how we deal with it that counts. Jim

Linda3032 · Post by **Linda3032** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 10:01 pm

Wow Jim, I never knew you had a sensitive side.

Oh ya, it's that new Queen in your cave. She probably smacked you upside your head with the club and knocked some sense into you. .

Good job, Queenie.

Goofproof · Post by **Goofproof** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 10:45 pm

Linda3032 wrote:Wow Jim, I never knew you had a sensitive side.

Oh ya, it's that new Queen in your cave. She probably smacked you upside your head with the club and knocked some sense into you. .

Good job, Queenie.

The Queen, She let me down last night, the pressure went up to the top I set it for and Snoring took over I think it was chasing that, new toys aren't all fun and games. The old F & P 431, went on a leaking spree. I'll have to tighten it up tonight, You don't think she just sucker punched me last night? AHI went from 0.0 to 1.7, not bad, but it was a shock! I thought I had found Heaven But I knew not to count on one nights data. Jim

scalkins · Post by **scalkins** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:04 pm

bostonlass wrote:I'm kind of depressed. I don't have my mask yet but I can't help thinking that I'm "done", dating wise. I mean seriously if I were married that would be one thing...my husband would just have to deal with sleeping with a woman with a mask on but how on earth can I expect anyone new to accept this part of me?

I can very much relate - at one point I was separated and the thought occurred to me about dating again and possible sleep-overs... I decided that it was a part of me as much as my grey hairs were, or the crows feet. I decided that the timing of the 'introduction' was important, and that I needed to feel confident in myself and who I was, for after all the cpap wasn't going away. When life throws us a curve ball, I believe it's all in how we react to it that determines the outcome. Hold your (masked) head high.

Darth Vader Look · Post by **Darth Vader Look** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:22 pm

Now come on girls , I thought the Vader Look was hot to you women Wasn't he rated in the top 100 men of 2005 up there with Brad, George, Tom and Matthew. I wouldn't be so shallow as to turn away from a girl because she uses an xPAP . Hell I got my wife to get one, well okay she needed one. I think you are limiting yourselfs because of this treatment when you should enshrine it. I really believe the man of your dreams is hiding behind your shame of treatment. Go forth and find him and may the xPAP be with you.

gulfpearl · Post by **gulfpearl** » Fri Jun 30, 2006 11:46 pm

Iam married so I do not have to worry about the dating scene. Even so there was an adjustment period for my husband. His biggest fear was there would be lack of intimacy. I explained to him the mask can come off faster than I can put it on for any intimacy. Like everyone else has stated if a man can't except your xpap then he is not worth having, better to find out sooner than later. Don't be afraid just be yourself.

dating....do i bother?

dating....do i bother?

Re: dating....do i bother?

Re: dating....do i bother?

Mask

Additional Comments: Started CPAP June 14, 2006, pressure set at 8.0