OT - help with sticky situation at work

[2flamingos]

How does one tell their boss that he needs meds for his ADHD; that many of the folks that work directly for/with her are getting to the point they dread meetings or other interaction with her; that his do as I say NOT as I do style of leadership is causing employees to lose respect for him; and that all of this is impacting the personal friendships that also exist beyond the working relationships.

I am at my wits end. We have worked together for 10+ years and been friends outside of work. But the personality/ADHD changes have become more than I can handle, so I keep the relationship work only and even then, as limited as possible. And heaven forbid I try to take the honest, direct approach. Tried that once or twice, and absolutely did not see or get what I was talking about.

I have upped my Lexapro and have xanax on hand for when it gets to be too much.

[chunkyfrog]

This looks like a problem that has no solution; try to see the humor(?); avoid contact as much as possible.
Start looking for a less stressful situation. You just can't "intervention" the person who can fire you.
Another, but probably not as effective:
Anonymous notes slid under the door of the Personnel office.--only if they are REALLY anonymous.

[xenablue]

There's really nothing you can do regarding your boss's medical condition. Whomever you report it to is bound by HIPAA and can get into serious trouble discussing an employee's medical issues with another employee - even their own superior.

You COULD discuss this person's behaviour however as it's affecting other employees, morale, production etc., but don't even BREATHE medical condition.

Do you actually know that this person has ADHD? I know you're also a friend of this person, and if she has actually mentioned this condition to you, perhaps that would be the only way to approach HER in a caring way about how her personality changes are affecting the workplace. If you do go this route, then do it out of work, when she's in a more stable state.

Hope this helps
Cheers,
xena

[kteague]

Wow, if I were still working I'd think you were talking about me! Before I admitted to how serious the changes were, my job performance presented a problem for all those who interacted with me, and some of them I did their evaluations. In the end there was no easy way evade the issues and relationships got really strained. Whether my issues were health related and merited special consideration or not, the fact remained that others were affected by my increasing ineptness. My sleep deprived brain was so scrambled it couldn't find the beginnings and ends of sentences to pair them so my ramblings often made no sense. When I couldn't find a thought I'd desperately try to fill in the blanks and it just made matters worse. It could have looked like severe ADHD, jumping subjects and not finishing things I started.

Without knowledge of your particular circumstances, just thinking it may not be in anyone's best interest to avoid this long term. Is she known to have ADHD and something has changed or is this a new behavior? To me that would make a difference how to handle it. In general I'd suggest finding non confrontational ways to be sure she is fully aware as incidences happen. The offender can be the last to know (or admit) the issues. If it becomes necessary to pursue it farther maybe don't initially approach it as causing a problem for others, but one of concern for her.

Hope it all works out in the smoothest way possible.

[ughwhatname]

I'm an HR Director and have worked in this field for 20+ years. My advice would be steer very much clear of telling someone they need meds, unless you happen to be their doctor. Better to talk about specific behaviors, and how those are affecting you specifically and the workplace generally. You can't really speak for others, nor do you want to appear to have been gossiping about her behind her back.

If this situation is such that you are medicating yourself to deal with it, please please please begin looking for other employment. If a solution can be realized that doesn't find you beyond your wit's end, it probably won't be a quick fix.

If you have a Human Resources or Personnel department available to you, you may want to go talk to the head of that department, but again, I would refrain from mentioning diagnoses.

Hope that helps.

How does one tell their boss that she needs meds for her ADHD; that many of the folks that work directly for/with her are getting to the point they dread meetings or other interaction with her; that her do as I say NOT as I do style of leadership is causing employees to lose respect for her; and that all of this is impacting the personal friendships that also exist beyond the working relationships.

I am at my wits end. We have worked together for 10+ years and been friends outside of work. But the personality/ADHD changes have become more than I can handle, so I keep the relationship work only and even then, as limited as possible. And heaven forbid I try to take the honest, direct approach. Tried that once or twice, and she absolutely did not see or get what I was talking about.

I have upped my Lexapro and have xanax on hand for when it gets to be too much.

[2flamingos]

He has not actually been dx with ADHD, but his bahaviors are consistant with others I know that have been dx with it. Going to HR would be difficult since we are both friends with the HR Director.

Seeking employment elsewhere is not a realistic options as I have too many years in the company to leave and not wait for retirement.

I guess I'm screwed.

[xenablue]

Can you transfer to another department with a different boss?

I understand the resistance she probably put up when you tried to discuss this with her - there was a similar situation in my immediate family, which isn't as difficult as a work situation, but the "I have no idea what you could be talking about" is the same.

If all three of you are friends, then when I have a situation like I would go to the HR Director and say something like "I'm really worried about "Sue" - she seems really stressed and overworked and loses control at times - is there anything you think I could do to help her and take some of the load? She doesn't listen to me when she gets this way, so I thought you would have a suggestion".

If you throw the entire focus/fault off your boss, then it doesn't look like an attack or that you are trying to pry or get her into trouble - it's a genuine discussion between 2 of her friends to help.

Cheers,
xena

[Goofproof]

Workplaces all are sorce of conflict. I don't understand, she's got problems, but you are the one taking the meds to cope with her problems. Do your job, don't play games, hope the boat doesn't capsize, but learn to swim. Jim

[DavidCarolina]

Is there some kind of anonymous suggestion box to the higher ups? I mean that gets to her box, and remains absolutely confidential/anonymous. Even then be all about the good of the team rather than critical which would come off bad.

[archangle]

If that profile picture is actually you, better change it. You'd be amazed how often someone you know in the real world will recognize you. Or recognize your user name if it's something you use elsewhere.

[chunkyfrog]

Many of us list our profession in our profile.
That, too could be referenced. . .
Eek! I'm 'outed'!

[2flamingos]

Now I am paranoid! Changed my profile pic, changed my occupation, changed my interests, user name may or may not be a give away (found several others using it when I googled it).

We do not have a suggestion box, and my work experience is so specialized there is no other department I could transfer to. Others see the behaviors, but not to the extent I do because they do not have as much contact as I do.

I know that in many instances it is little things that get me - but the frequency of them, the apparent lack of concentration, and unreasonable expectation that I automatically know what and where she has jumped to before a conversation has finished really has me frustrated. I could give so many more examples, but it would not do any good.

I do appreciate all the suggestions and concern.

[chunkyfrog]

I had the worst boss for 16 years; kept my head down and paid my union dues.
Made it a point to use my vacation time when he was there--considered it wasted if he was gone, too.
It is the best job I've ever had, so I hung in there. Now he's gone--and I'm not.
Now it really IS the best job--EVER!
Hoping for you that she finds a better offer (or you do).
In the meantime, mostly OSA geeks on here--we are relatively scarce--
otherwise the charlatans wouldn't be so freakin' RICH!

[lazer]

Now I am paranoid! Changed my profile pic, changed my occupation, changed my interests, user name may or may not be a give away (found several others using it when I googled it).

We do not have a suggestion box, and my work experience is so specialized there is no other department I could transfer to. Others see the behaviors, but not to the extent I do because they do not have as much contact as I do.

I know that in many instances it is little things that get me - but the frequency of them, the apparent lack of concentration, and unreasonable expectation that I automatically know what and where she has jumped to before a conversation has finished really has me frustrated. I could give so many more examples, but it would not do any good.

I do appreciate all the suggestions and concern.

Lol! I like your new avatar. A few people on this board could use one of those pills.

[SMenasco]

In my opinion, after having spent 30 years in the corporate world, in both non-exempt and management positions, and having worked with and for a number of spastic losers, this thing is a ticking time bomb for you should you talk about this to anyone, especially people higher than you and/or this person. Higer-ups may think you're trying to undercut your supervisor and this person, as a defensive posture, will not admit/recognize the problem and will no longer trust you. And I think it would be a mistake to broach the subject with HR. Corporate drones are not necessarily there to help you. Be assured they will definitely give this a life. Their existence depends on bringing these problems and their solution to the attention of staff management, who then go to line management. Sooner or later, the problem will be known throughout the department/company (a topic like this is popular gossip) and the outcome may very well not be in your favor. I predict you will not be seen in a favorable light, regardless with whom this is dicussed. There is safety in numbers and you appear to be alone. My suggestion, as difficult as it may be, is to keep quiet and ride it out. If the situation is as bad as you say, it's only a matter of time. Avoid confrontations. The longer this goes on, the more others will become aware. Most of these types ultimately self destruct. Good luck.