Dating and CPAP

[Jaylee]

Well it wasn't that difficult for me. I was a little worried at first, but it wasn't a big deal. He asked if I could spend the night. I told him that I had to sleep with a mask on. He knew what sleep apnea was already, so then he was just like, can you bring the machine over? And that was that. It helps that I am adorable in my mask. He doesn't find it to be a turn off, apparantly. It wasn't as big of a deal as I was expecting, but I agree not to tell too fast.

[Bookworm821]

You guys are all awesome!! I loved all your answers; thank you!

As I am not into "one night stands" this is definitely something that wouldn't come up until we had an exclusive, established "I love you" relationship. I know this is just my insecurities showing, but I just would hate for my potential date to invest a bunch of time and energy into a relationship if he couldn't handle my wearing a CPAP.

My ex husband had a machine, and the first night he got it, and put on his mask, he looked so funny it was all I could do not to laugh! I didn't though, because I knew it would make him feel bad. We all know the CPAP machine is funny looking and it is just "one more thing" that makes relationships in your 50s that much harder. But honestly, the first night he wore that CPAP I got the best night's sleep I'd had since we married. I know that it is worth it and necessary, but it's one more element that you're asking someone to get used to, and the thought it just daunting.

I agree with all of you, and those of you with supportive spouses, you are extremely fortunate.

[Kody]

But if a guy sat me down on the first or second date and had a totally serious, detailed conversation with me about his OSA, his struggles to breathe all night as he gasps for air, and tells me that he spends time every day downloading his data and scrutinizing it, and that he feels ugly in his gear and is worried it will be a turn off to me... Oy vey.

I suppose if he also told you he visits an internet web site religiously to discuss his issues with mask leakage, Aerophagia, blowing air through his tear ducts, morning headaches, and frequent night time urination, there wouldn't be a second or third date either?..

Yes I don't think discussing extreme symptoms right off the bat is the way to go either. If he's that interested in details he can google it when he gets home.

[SleepingUgly]

But if a guy sat me down on the first or second date and had a totally serious, detailed conversation with me about his OSA, his struggles to breathe all night as he gasps for air, and tells me that he spends time every day downloading his data and scrutinizing it, and that he feels ugly in his gear and is worried it will be a turn off to me... Oy vey.

I suppose if he also told you he visits an internet web site religiously to discuss his issues with mask leakage, Aerophagia, blowing air through his tear ducts, morning headaches, and frequent night time urination, there wouldn't be a second or third date either?..

No kidding. If some guy told me he spent as much time surfing this forum as I do, I would be thinking, "Get a life."

[LinkC]

If it's too early to discuss a minor medical inconvenience, then it's too early to consider sex. (God, I sound like my Mom!! Lol)

[Bookworm821]

If it's too early to discuss a minor medical inconvenience, then it's too early to consider sex. (God, I sound like my Mom!! Lol)

Haha I love this. And yes you're absolutely right. Of course this is just an imaginary guy at this point. Just looking forward to the future, if I ever find someone to date, and I have to explain why I sound like Darth Vader.

Oooh I know. I could troll Star Wars sites for dates!! Problem solved! LOL *cough cough gasp sputter*. I am a geek, but not quite THAT much of a geek! LOL

[RocketGirl]

I'm new here and not looked about on this topic, so I'm game... I'm married, not dating, but even then when starting out you have such thoughts, even with your spouse (mine is loving and very supportive in me not dying again).

However, that said, I think you pose an opportunity for an entrepreneurial spirit to market masks that become a source of "turn on" than "turn off". Imagine a Venetian mask, or something a bit more "S&M" or perhaps some would like to be Darth Vader more closely. Some people might REALLY like that, if you know what I mean Oh, ya.... GRIN.

Max, not to derail this thread, but I've wondered this too, especially about the utilitarian headgear. When I first started using the machine 3 months ago almost the first thing I did was make myself a new headgear (royal blue embellished with swarovski crystals) - not because I need it to look this way, but because it makes me grin (and that's all the reason I need ). And then I started wondering about headgear in general, especially for children for whom an attractive headgear might make a huge difference.

I think there's a market for this.

[Bookworm821]

And then I started wondering about headgear in general, especially for children for whom an attractive headgear might make a huge difference.

"Attractive headgear".... isn't that an oxymoron?!? Like "army intelligence," "found missing," "deafening silence," and my all-time favorite, "clearly confused"!!!

[archangle]

Tell him it's just the form of bondage gear you like to wear.

[chunkyfrog]

Funny, now that you remind me; when we are both all decked out and ready to sleep, I do feel a little kinky.

[Bookworm821]

Tell him it's just the form of bondage gear you like to wear.

LMAO!!!

[peterg]

could go for the drugs, its an advanced bong line.

or tell them if they don;t like it they'll need to keep you awake ... all...night...long somehow.

or conspiracy crowd (it filters out the chemtrails).

Ralien nuts - tell them your an alien and your just waiting for the atmosphere to be changed when the others arrive.

last b'bo was a <?> philiac (sex with sleeping people, not necrophila), and this was a counter device to keep him at bay while you slept.

Vampirists - scientists have recently discovered that latent Vampirism is triggered by sleep apnea, hence the night time thing, this is your antidote as you're a Vamp and youd rather suck air nowadays than blood. and how do they feel about that?


interesting thread (i hadnt seen this issue discussed in the 8 months or so Ive been here).

[rocklin]

I still like the Blue Velvet solution:

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=67800&start=15#p630713

The key is to own it.

Carpe Notcum.

[cowlypso]

I just told my guy about it on Saturday. My situation is kind of complicated, but his reaction was amusing.

He's a widower (lost his wife 3 months ago to cancer), and we weren't really officially dating yet (just made that move yesterday!). I mentioned that I'd had a really frustrating week spending a ton of time arguing with the doctor's office and the insurance company. That immediately got his interest, because he really doesn't want to get involved with somebody who's going to up and die on him again. So he asked me what it was, and I said it was an equipment warranty issue, so he asked what equipment.

I told him it was a CPAP machine, and he seemed a little put off. Then he told me about his experience 10 years ago, when he was in a Bible study at a man's house and the man's wife was just diagnosed with apnea. He said the machine was huge and they had to keep it out in the hallway and have like 20 feet of hose because otherwise it was too loud for them to sleep! (My, technology has come a long way since then!) I assured him that the machines now are much smaller and quieter. I also framed my OSA in terms of how it was waking me up at night, how tired I was before, and how much better I feel now.

Obviously, it didn't scare him off, as he asked me to start dating him yesterday. Of course, it will be a long time before he gets to see the machine in action. First he's got to marry me!

[jenn1270]

I'm a newby but this thread made me laugh.

After I got engaged to my husband several years ago we went on vacation. I didn't sleep the entire vacation and it wasn't because of adult recreational activities but all the snoring. It was horrible. I am a physician and figured out really quick what was going on. I told him he needed to get a sleep study or I wouldn't marry him. He actually made an appointment that week and had a CPAP machine and was up and running in 2 weeks. He felt better immediately and it was great for our relationship.

Fast forward 3 years.

Over the last few months, I started talking talking in my sleep really badly. No snoring but waking him up numerous times a night with moaning and groaning. This time he insisted I see the sleep doctor and had my sleep studies (both diagnostic and CPAP trial) this last week. Interestingly I had over 30 AHIs without snoring. Been on the CPAP now 3 days and haven't had any sleep talking.

So actually CPAP actually led to and then saved my marriage.

Jenn