SEVERE Apnea affecting mental functioning??? Please Help!

[worriedgirlfriend]

My boyfriend was diagnosed this month with SEVERE sleep apnea. I know that stopping breathing for 10 seconds or more, 30 times an hour is diagnosed as severe. He stopped breathing 212 (yes, two hundred and twelve) 10 second+ periods over two hours, so that is an average AHI of 106 times an hour. The doctor reviewing the results said it was one of the highest he has ever seen. So I think it's safe to say it is very, very severe.

We have been together almost two years and have lived together for a year. After my constant nagging and urging and booking appointments and dragging him tooth and nail to these appointments he has been diagnosed. Now I have to fight him on wearing his CPAP machine (other treatment options are also being explored due to severity)

Basically, he is a different person. I feel so bad saying this, but he has become incompetent. He can't seem to do anything right. Like, if I asked him to go pick up two apples from the store, I'll receive 3 phone calls trying to figure out how to get them and then he'll come home with bananas. Obviously this is a made up situation, but you get the picture. He is irresponsible and unreliable. It seems to be very difficult for him to do simple things, such as making an important phone call or running an errand. I'll have to nag (which turns into fighting) to get him to accomplish even the little things. It is frustrating, and I have become more of a mother than a girlfriend. I feel like he is my little brother instead of my boyfriend. I've lost the feelings of respecting him as a man.

This sounds terrible and I really do love him more than anything and I want that chemistry and passion back. We've lost it due to me feeling like I'm the man of the house, and the housewife. I want to feel like I have a man that is capable of taking care of things, of being my partner. I don't know if he has lost some mental functioning due to sleep apnea, or if this is how he really is and I didn't notice in the "honeymoon" phase? If it's the apnea, I will be supportive and deal with it because it obviously is not his fault and he definitely deserves nothing but support. But it is hard to be supportive and not resent him for his actions (or lack thereof) when I'm not sure if it is sleep apnea or...well... him?

I research the effects of obstructive sleep apnea constantly and there really isn't much information on the mental effects. I know it contributes to memory loss and concentration problems but this seems to be a whole different ball game. He is unorganized and all over the place all the time. He is late for everything, nothing ever goes smoothly, anything that can go wrong seems to. His intellectual level seems to have dropped a lot. I am now paying the bills, cleaning the house, constantly on him trying to make him deal with any responsibilities he has and when I can't get him to do them, doing them for him. I'm not happy with the relationship but if the sleep apnea is causing all of this we'll make it work. I just need to know. I feel terrible. He has a heart of gold, loves me to pieces and really does try hard...just can't seem to accomplish much. He is 28 years old and is not fat but weighs a lot due to muscle. (235lbs, 5"11)

Has anyone else found these kinds of things with their partner? Did it get better with treatment? How much did it change your spouse's personality? I'm sorry if this sounds silly, I'm new to this and am learning as much as I can to help in a short period of time. I never knew about sleep apnea before, and it took me a while to figure out this is what was wrong and fighting him to take the necessary steps to finally reach this diagnosis. I just need to know if it really can have these effects I think it does, mentally. Please give me insight so I can be the loving, wonderful girlfriend I was and not the resentful, nagging hag I've become. I need some light at the end of this tunnel! Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthier post and any advice will be greatly appreciated!!! And please don't judge me or think I'm being harsh, I'm just trying to figure this all out and see where everything stands.

[cflame1]

We don't have a lot of partners on here... but I'd recommend that you read DoriC's posts... keep in mind that her spouse is a senior... but it might give you a clue as to some of your questions.

memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=33357

[sickwithapnea17]

I'm having the same mental problems, memory loss and concentration problems and my AHI was only about 20. so I think it is probably because of the sleep apnea. I think green tea and ginseng may help but I still don't feel well even on bipap, but I'm really hoping that I can improve soon like in a week?
that is a terrible AHI maybe he needs to go to the ER and get some oxygen and an oxygen concentrator soon-
my levels were 73% O2 and it really affected my functioning terribly

[NightMonkey]

First the bad news, untreated sleep apnea does cause brain damage, dementia, and very likely causes a lot of what is being diagnosed as Alzheimer's.

Now the good news,

He is 28 years old

,

it is unlikely a 28-year old has suffered significant brain damage. He most likely is suffering from severe sleep deprivation due to his sleep being interrupted every time he has an apnea.

Severe sleep deprivation can cause symptoms of dementia. The good news is that it is reversible - he just needs to get a good night's sleep regularly.

So he needs to make a firm commitment to using CPAP. At the same time he can explore other options. I recommend he have a thorough examination by an ENT experienced with sleep apnea. Enlarged tonsils and/or adenoids should be ruled out as a cause of his sleep apnea even though it is unlikely they are the cause.

You need to get recommendations from the members on the exact model of data-capable CPAP machines. If he already has a machine please post the model.

As you explore other options, please continue to post back here. There are options, which some doctors still use, that have made sleep apnea worse. There are members here with experience who can help in the decision-making process.

Of course he needs to use his CPAP! But if he refuses, make sure he does not sleep on his back. It is absolutely the worst position for obstructive sleep apnea. Sleep on the sides or stomach.

[jamiswolf]

Hi Worriedgirlfriend,
That guy is lucky to have you. Hang in there with him.

I have a question. With such poor functioning, are you sure there isn't something else going on? Has he been checked out by a neurologist, received blood tests to ensure no serious diseases or organ failure? You mentioned that he's very muscular...steroid use? I'm just brainstorming a bit...but my point is that just because he has been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea doesn't mean there isn't something else going on.
Jamis

[TalonNYC]

I'll echo the comments that you should seek professional help. If it is beyond just OSA, they will need treatment.

My own story is that I used to experience micro-sleep during meetings and con calls, where I'd be fine, and suddenly realize I hadn't heard the question that was just asked. Since starting therapy, that problem has disappeared. So if it IS just OSA, then help is possible, but please don't take that chance. Get some pro help, and don't give up.

[Mary Z]

He's lucky to have you. He needs a thorough physical. Start with his PCP. He also could use a visit to his sleep specialist, and perhaps a referal to a neurologist. This all sounds very serious. He also need to use his CPAP 100% of the time- this may require an ultimatum from you and some sleepless nights to be sure hs keeps the mask on.
Is he aware of the changes in his behavior? If not perhaps you could document exactly what is happening. You may need to take charge of the siruation and make sure he makes (or you) and keeps appropriate appointments. You may need to lay down the law.
Again, this sounds very serious in a 28 year old man. If he is not using his CPAP I would start there and give it some time (perhaps a month) to see any real improvement.
I don't usually recommend pulse oximeters, but one could tell you if his O2 levels are falling during the night.
I wish you luck, this is to important to ignore. Don't give up on him. He needs help and support.
Good luck, please keep us posted. I would be very interested in his progress.
Oh, one other thing I would look for is depression.

[BlackSpinner]

That was me before I got my machine. With in 2 weeks of constant use my personality changed around and I was handling complex software changes with little fear again.
Document on paper the changes for him in simple point form with a column of before and now. Use simple language like "I saw/heard this and now it is this" Keep your feelings out of it except to say"When you don't use your cpap I feel....." "When you do that I feel this" as finishing paragraph to show you care.

[NightMonkey]

My boyfriend was diagnosed this month with SEVERE sleep apnea. I know that stopping breathing for 10 seconds or more, 30 times an hour is diagnosed as severe. He stopped breathing 212 (yes, two hundred and twelve) 10 second+ periods over two hours, so that is an average AHI of 106 times an hour. The doctor reviewing the results said it was one of the highest he has ever seen.

Hey members, the friend had a sleep study - he has sleep apnea! A severe case which definitely will cause severe sleep deprivation - you know, severe sleep deprivation, - the kind that has been used to drive POWs insane.

He has spent a night in a sleep lab where they check for over 80 health problems and they found one health problem.

He is under a doctor's care and is exploring other options to CPAP.

Let's make it clear that his first priority is to start using CPAP every night, all night.

No use to worry WGF that he needs to run off and see another doctor or specialist at this point.

[Mary Z]

Good Points, NightMonkey and BlackSpinner- keep it simple. The severity of his symptoms alarmed me, but you make a good case for sleep deprivation.
He might be more amendable to just using his CPAP rather than a round of doc appointments.

[Emilia]

He is very lucky to have you by his side to guide and support him on this journey. You will encounter some resistance, I am sure....but remember it is the sleep deprivation and O2 deprivation that is causing most of that. Those of us who are 'better' now would be shocked to go back and read our first posts on this forum when we were first seeking help. Many posts are practically incoherent due to the effects of OSA on our minds. Once therapy begins in earnest, for most of us it is like someone has lifted a veil of cobwebs from our brains. The ability to think clearly, remember things, and function normally is nothing short of miraculous. Your partner's condition is quite severe, from what you've written. He needs to understand the chances he takes when he refuses to use the machine/mask.... I mean, really, a machine that provides AIR to stent open one's breathing passage so you can breathe at night..... versus...... having a stroke or heart attack and then either being dead or on tons of meds the rest of your life. Seems like an easy choice to me!

I posted this article the other day..... this study will be published soon, but the article gives a short overview: http://www.fitbrains.com/blog/2011/09/2 ... e2%80%99s/

Perhaps reading some other articles about OSA related accidents or deaths may wake him up..... or sharing the fact that Shaq is a cpap user. He did a promotional about his diagnosis for Harvard's sleep center. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JkiWvWn2aU BTW: it was his live-in partner who diagnosed him initially..... and he went for the study and now uses his machine every night. There are so many NFL players and other athletes who also use cpap.

If I could turn back the clock and be diagnosed at 28, my life would have been much different.... of that, I am sure. He is fortunate to be diagnosed at a young enough age to remedy this and regain his mind, life, and health. Best of luck to you both!!

[Resister]

He's probably experiencing the disbelief many of us did upon receiving our diagnosis. It may take time for him to adjust and realize how serious this is. Took me several months before I mustered enough courage to go back for a titration after my initial study.

[archangle]

Does he snore without CPAP? Sometimes, you can use that as leverage to get him to wear it.

Find out if there are specific problems with CPAP that are bothering him and post about it here. Find out what CPAP machine and mask type he's using. Sign up for an ID on this board and put it into your profile. See the link at the bottom of this post.

The mental fog from apnea usually gets better. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it takes a while.

[worriedgirfriend]

WOW!! Thank you all so much for your fast responses, you guys are the best! You have all put things in perspective, and now MY mental fog is starting to clear! Which is good, because I have to get us through this rough time. I'll try to respond to everyone's questions/concerns as best I can.


cflame1- Thank you so much, I will go find it right after this! Also, I know I may be a little out of place here, but it just seemed like the right place to go..


sickwithapnea17- Thank you, yes his AHI is extremely high so if you found it affected you in that way then I'm sure it is affecting him greatly as well. I feel bad for doubting him. I was going to check out the health food store today for some herbal teas that may help, but I have green tea here maybe I'll go make him some now! Do you make it at bedtime or drink it throughout the day? Does the caffeine have any negative effects? I hope you improve with your machine, it really does sound like it works wonders for people. Like anything it will take some getting used to (learning this the hard way at home too!)

Nightmonkey- It has seemed like dementia. I'm VERY relieved to hear nothing permanent has been done.... I couldn't really ask the doctor these kinds of things in front of him because I didn't want to embarrass or hurt my boyfriend. I don't think he has any idea how bad his mental capacity has become. He says he is committed to the machine, but I'm not sure. I got it for him 2 weeks BEFORE his sleep study because I was so worried something might happen while we were waiting. He used it about 3 nights/week. Now that he is diagnosed, and we know the severity of his situation, I'm thinking he will be more dedicated. He really has no choice, that is not up for debate anymore. I made him an appointment with the throat/nose specialist we saw before to book him to have his tonsils removed. They are larger than normal, I doubt it's the root of the problem, but can't hurt to get them out anyways.

jamiswolf- Aww, thank you. I'm really lucky to have him too! I have worried about that... but I'm really hoping and thinking this is it and trying to take it one step at a time. Otherwise I'm going to lose my sanity. If he isn't better after a month of sleeping religiously with his machine, then I'll start exploring other things (other than sleep apnea)... I did have him get a blood test done (his first time ever, don't think the nurse had seen such a big guy so scared of a little needle haha) and it came back normal. He has used steroids before, I think three or four "cycles" in his lifetime. I'm not into it, and now he just goes to the gym and drinks protein shakes like a normal person!

TalonNYC- He does that thing with questions too. What other avenues would you explore if you were me? I am trying not to get overwhelmed but I also don't want to put things off if there is something else wrong and have it go untreated.

Mary Z- I have laid down the law and am definitely the one booking and keeping appointments for him. If we didn't live together it scares me to think how long this may have gone undiagnosed. He did do the overnight sleep study, that's how they found out his AHI and other stats. (Which I will obtain a copy of for any additional information, such as his O2 levels) I definitely think he has become depressed, but it seems that is also a very direct symptom of apnea so hopefully that will clear up on its own... I can't blame him this whole process is even making me depressed so I can't imagine how he's feeling...

BlackSpinner- Thank you!!! Exactly what I needed to hear. I can't wait to see the changes in a few weeks. That is a good idea to document the changes, kind of reassurance to keep using the machine. I really wish I had videotaped him without it one night. I think that would have been enough to scare the crap out of him.

Nightmonkey- Thank you for clearing that up, sorry if I didn't make that clear for everyone. I wasn't aware they check for that many other problems at the sleep lab, do you know what kinds of things they look at? You're completely right, the machine is what I've made first priority. You're right again, no sense in trying to fix (possible) numerous problems half assed, mine as well deal with this 100% and see where we go from there. I'm pretty confident now that the apnea IS causing all of his problems, if others are experiencing the same things that have 1/5 of the apneas he has an hour. Poor guy I feel so bad for ever giving him a hard time these last few months.

Emilia- Thanks so much for the insight. It's amazing for me to hear how much the mental state can improve after treatment...yay! That is exactly what it seems like, his brain is covered with (very thick) cobwebs. I will check out your links, thank you. Also can't wait to tell him about Shaq and the NFL players, I think he is a little embarrassed of his machine, that should help build his confidence. I honestly think he looks adorable with it on! If they weren't so expensive, I'd get one too for a good nights sleep and to make him feel better. (Would the machine do harm to someone with no apnea?)

Resister- You're right, I don't know exactly what he's feeling right now or going through... I do try and talk to him about it but I think he's still a little shocked by it all, understandably, like you said. He'll come around. I'm being as supportive as I can emotionally, but I'm being very unrelenting when it comes to fixing this, because if I don't he probably will not wake up one day.

archangle- Oooooh boy. Does he snore. He could wake the entire neighbourhood with his snoring. Snoring, gasping, choking, you name it. Talking, yelling, even singing. He is one crazy sleeper. It's not the snoring that I use as leverage, before he got his machine I would force myself to stay awake till 6, 7 sometimes 8 in the morning because I was scared to fall asleep and not be there to shake him when he stops breathing. I also became sleep deprived by his apnea. It will be really unfair of him to not wear it now. I will definitely get a profile, I do have an ID worried_girlfriend for some reason it showed up with the _ and as a guest? Hmm not sure. But if you see a post with the same name, that's me.


Sorry this post was so long again, I just really appreciate everyone's responses and wanted to be able to answer everyone individually. Thank you all so much again.

I will go check out the machine and mask brand, and post it in a few minutes. I know the pressure of his machine is usually around 15 while he sleeps. It does go up and down though. He has been complaining of not being able to sleep with the mask (takes some getting used to), getting headaches in the morning (maybe not used to the oxygen? Should I raise the humidity?) and feeling weird/dizzy all day after using it. Any idea what could be causing this?

He will be using the machine and having his tonsils taken out soon. Has anyone tried the jaw surgery? He has a slightly receding chin, which I have read can be a contributing factor. The doctor mentioned possibly bringing his jaw forward with surgery, to open up more room for air flow. Anyone have that done? How did it work out?

[archangle]

I will definitely get a profile, I do have an ID worried_girlfriend for some reason it showed up with the _ and as a guest? Hmm not sure. But if you see a post with the same name, that's me.

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