Post
by jnk » Mon May 16, 2011 9:46 am
Thanks for posting, Jaylee. It helped others, and I hope that posting helped you, too.
I am sorry I missed being able to read your posts, but you have a right to delete whatever you wish, if it helps to do that.
M.D. expressed confusion, as I read those posts, and a wish for answers that could be helpful, seems to me. But I can see how the words could be painful to read, depending on frame of mind.
Why are some highly intelligent, loving, caring, wonderful people abused who then find it difficult to extricate themselves from the abuser? I have an opinion on that. I'm just opinionated that way.
I think some people are abused for the same reason that some banks are robbed and that some people with desired identities are often prime targets for identity thieves.
Some of the sweetest, kindest, most tender-hearted, loving, and wonderful people I've ever met are people who have survived, or are surviving, abuse.
Abusers seem to want to strip the dignity away from the people who have it, and they seem to want to hurt the people with hearts deep enough, and loving enough, and forgiving enough, to feel the hurt most profoundly over and over again.
It is many times particularly important to sufferers of abuse to see themselves as good people, just as it is for most people on the planet. And so they, like everyone else, tend to look to the people around them for reassurance about that, including, unfortunately, the abuser. Abusers know how to manipulate others' admirable traits to their own advantage, and do so, which, in my opinion, is what makes it so sinister and appalling.
The cycle of hurt and forgiveness can be addictive to everyone involved. Expecting a sufferer alone to be able to push away the abuser without support and reassurance from others is a lot like expecting a "Mother Teresa" or a "Gandhi" to be able to throw a good punch, I think. The politeness and restraint may be built in, which is a perfectly valid type of person to be.
Maybe the abused need help in a particular way from others, but ALL of us need help from others in some aspects of our lives, don't we?
Banks need help from the police when they are repeatedly robbed. People whose identities are under constant attack need help from experts to protect what others are trying to take. Similarly, people being hurt and manipulated need support from others to be able to protect themselves from it.
There is honor in helping people preserve their money, their identity, and their dignity whenever those things are under attack, in my opinion. I admire those who get that help, and I admire those who give it.
Just my 2 cents.
If Kathy wrote a book on it, I'd buy it, though. Just sayin'.
Last edited by
jnk on Mon May 16, 2011 11:12 am, edited 4 times in total.
