Bed situation: Older married couples only

[secret agent girl]

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[allinknots]

For what it's worth:

Although it is true that some couples sleep in separate beds because they aren't getting along, other couples sleep in separate beds because they ARE getting along and it is important to them to keep it that way.

Some of the most in-love older couples I know sleep in separate beds in the same room. They consider sleeping in individual beds to be an act of love in that it allows each of them not to disturb the other's sleep. It has increased their intimacy. They have a good-night hug every evening and a good-morning hug every morning.

One of the best things for a long-lasting marriage is being two well-rested people.

If anyone raises an eyebrow at the two beds, all you have to say is: "We decided to have separate beds because we love each other too much to let mere tradition ruin our health and shorten our lives; we just love each other too much."

jeff

What a wonderful, thoughtful response. Thank you!

All in Knots

[allinknots]

I miss sleeping on a waterbed. The heater on our waterbed died a few years ago and I couldn't find a new one anywhere, so we bit the bullet and got a standard bed. I found out how hard it is to find a fitted sheet for a deep mattress; the only sheets I found that would fit are one model made by Serta (the mattress is made by Stearns & Foster). I started sleeping on a waterbed in 1977 and slept on one until about 2007 -- thirty years.

Earlier, someone posted that QVC sells sheets that fit deeper mattresses--they're called Northern Nights. Maybe those would fit?

All in Knots

[allinknots]

Oh no, that couldn't happen as Pat and I are too wide to fit through the doorframe at the sametime let alone with Buddy also fighting to be the first on the bed....someone might end up getting squashed. so I will just let your imigination go to work and have fun visualizing what it might look like......
SHE

Wow, SHE, now I'm disappointed. Oh well, it was worth a try.

All in Knots

[allinknots]

So all that being said, I have always slept soundly and restfully. In my first sleep study they said my quality of sleep was rated at 98%. Now how can you improve upon that ? There's no way that's possible especially with equipment strapped onto your face..

Just wondering: If you need really high pressure to prevent apneas, and you weren't getting that pressure when you were sleeping prior to APAP, then I'm trying to figure out how a test could show that your quality of sleep was 98%? Not saying you're not telling the truth---just wondering if the test data was incorrect. It's like the data is saying you had almost perfect sleep quality even though your body wasn't getting near enough air? So confused...

All in Knots

[allinknots]

Funny enough I was going to post EXACTLY the same problem today and then I noticed yours. We've been married for 35 years and it's taken me a long time to get the right mask/pressure set up etc., but the one thing I haven't sorted is the cold air blowing on my hubby. I purposely avoid sleeping on my right hand side as he sleeps to the right of me but some nights I just have to roll over to my right and although I try to shield him with the pillow etc., once I fall asleep things seem to move and he wakes up and then tries to rearrange the pillow to block off the air - all of which is very disruptive in the middle of the night!

I've actually been trying to think of some kind of small 'divider' I could make as I can't bear the thought of separate beds !! I might also look at the nasal pillows which blow air upwards as that seems to be a lot more practical.

Please let me know if you find anything that works for you !

Well right now we're doing the separate beds in separate rooms thing. But I always feel a twinge of sadness before I tuck in for the night when we're in separate rooms. I remember when we were dating and I was so anxious to get married and we could finally SLEEP together. And not just for s*x, but also to be able to sleep together. And this may sound silly, but I still like to cuddle especially if there's a bad thunderstorm. And when there's an occasional weird noise I hear in the house when I'm sleeping, I love to gently wake him (not sure he appreciates it!) and ask, "What is that noise?" He usually knows the answer even though he's half asleep. "Don't worry. It's an icicle that fell off the roof." or "Don't worry. It's the hot water pipes creaking?" "But why?" "They expand and contract due to the temperature. Go back to sleep." lol How else would I learn these things??

Right now, we're kind of leaning towards either a pair of extra long twins hooked together, or a Sleep number King bed. Please share with us if/when you make a decision!

All in Knots

[Babette]

[quote="allinknots"}Earlier, someone posted that QVC sells sheets that fit deeper mattresses--they're called Northern Nights. Maybe those would fit?

All in Knots[/quote]

Just a side note - the Northern Nights sheets do not hold up. My bottom sheet literally rotted away one night and I was left kicking tatters around. I read on their website that other people have had the same problem.

I bought some sheets from the Jacquelyn Smith collection at K-Mart and they are just as comfy as Northern Nights, and appear to be sturdier.

I think the resin the infuse those Northern Nights sheets with, to keep them "wrinkle free", makes them rot easier.

Also - the Kmart sheets are just as deep as the Northern Nights sheets. I think most new sheets are manufacturered deeper to fit over pillow top beds.

Cheers,
B.

[rayt435]

Right now, we're kind of leaning towards either a pair of extra long twins hooked together, or a Sleep number King bed. Please share with us if/when you make a decision!

I have a king size sleep number bed. It is nice that we can adjust the firmness seperately, my number was 65, my wifes was 35. We have had the bed for several years purchased after our water bed developed a catastrophic failure. We placed the sleep number system into our water bed frame.

But alas, we do not share the bed anymore. She could not handle my snoring and moved to another room. I then had the sleep study and resultant machine (has anyone had a sleep study without getting a machine?) and now no longer snore. But now her snoring bothers me. She claims it is not sleep apnea and refuses to do the study. So now for the sake of our sanity we use seperate rooms.

As to the sleep number it does what it says. We got ours before the memory foam. My wife sleeps on a regular mattress with a 2 inch memory pad. She, and I really like it. Given a choice between sleep number and memory foam today the memory foam would win hands down.

[Ruffinit]

Just wondering: If you need really high pressure to prevent apneas, and you weren't getting that pressure when you were sleeping prior to APAP, then I'm trying to figure out how a test could show that your quality of sleep was 98%? Not saying you're not telling the truth---just wondering if the test data was incorrect. It's like the data is saying you had almost perfect sleep quality even though your body wasn't getting near enough air? So confused...
All in Knots

Apparently the high pressure is to overcome the CSAs. The BiPAP and CPAP would trigger more of them, the VPAP goes to a high enough pressure and the technology of it is such that it squelches the CSAs. In looking at the machine it looks as though at least part of the time it's running in the 19-21 range.

The sleep study breaks down by the type of sleep you have during the night; % of sleep at REM, length of uninterupted sleep, length of sleep at REM etc, etc. I don't know, the tally is all in the report. The only problem that I had in the 8 hours of sleep (yep, I went right to sleep and stayed there) was that at one point I had a 20 second period in the early morning where my blood/oxygen level dropped to 83%. They even had me sleep on my back which I rarely do, but thats when I had the problems.

The doctors explained it to me in detail (which at the time went in one ear and out the other). Because I couldn't understand that even though I've always had a good sleep (and as I said before, none of the typical diagnosis points) they wanted to put me on this machine. I kept throwing that QoS number back at them. Apparently the blood/oxygen level is what they were concerned with because the apneas are cumulative through the night so in the mornings my oxygen level was low... Leading to heart problems, diabetes, blah blah blah... And I could die in my sleep (bummer). Okay fine .. Like I said earlier on, I would never have known. My wife says I have done the stop breathing thing since we were first married 30 years ago. I didn't know anything about it.

Last night was typical since I've had the machine though; wake up a dozen times to switch positions ensuring that my jet stream doesn'f hit the wife if I sleep on that side... Alarm goes off at 0530, take off the mask and fall into a very deep sleep for an hour. I live for that hour in the morning.

[allinknots]

Wow. So is this a situation where the cure is worse than the disease?
Wow. What does your sleep neurologist say about all of this? Have your blood pressure and your glucose level improved since being on xpap? (Not sure if they were problems for you anyways)

AiK

[Patrick A]

I guess I forgot to say the Northern Nights Sheets we have are flannel. We/I don't like the percale ones as they are cold in the winter time and it takes your body too much energy to heat them up in order to go to sleep. We have never had any trouble with the flannel ones in the summertime either.
She

[allinknots]

Just a side note - the Northern Nights sheets do not hold up. My bottom sheet literally rotted away one night and I was left kicking tatters around. I read on their website that other people have had the same problem.

I bought some sheets from the Jacquelyn Smith collection at K-Mart and they are just as comfy as Northern Nights, and appear to be sturdier.

I think the resin the infuse those Northern Nights sheets with, to keep them "wrinkle free", makes them rot easier.

Also - the Kmart sheets are just as deep as the Northern Nights sheets. I think most new sheets are manufacturered deeper to fit over pillow top beds.

Cheers,
B.

Wow, Babette, I didn't know that. Point noted--I'll look to buy the Jaclyn Smith Kmart sheets if/when? we get the King bed!

Thx,
AiK

[barry15]

We have been married for 36 years. We both have OSA - I have a CPAP machine and my wife has a dental appliance.

Our solution to the problems you describe was to go to separate bedrooms, when the kids moved out and we had the extra space. Before that, we had a king size bed, which was okay, but not as good (for us) as separate rooms. Our schedules are somewhat different, too, and that is a factor for us. My wife sleeps from about 10 PM to about 6 AM, and I sleep from about 1 AM to about 9 AM. Having separate rooms means we can each read when we go to bed and not disturb the other, and when she gets up in the morning, it doesn't disturb me.

We both would prefer to sleep in the same bed together, but the practical considerations of getting a good night's sleep are more important to us. I would urge you to not worry about what friends and family think about it, although I certainly understand your sensitivity about it. Sleeping in separate bedrooms or separate beds does not need to impact marital closeness.

Good luck with it, each couple has to work out the best solution for themselves, I think.

Barry

[allinknots]

Great answer Barry, thanks. Makes a whole lot of sense!

AiK

[Ruffinit]

Wow. So is this a situation where the cure is worse than the disease?
Wow. What does your sleep neurologist say about all of this? Have your blood pressure and your glucose level improved since being on xpap? (Not sure if they were problems for you anyways)
AiK

I can't answer that.. I have 2 daughters and a wife that want to keep me around for a while. That's why I'm in this. Just trying to get myself around it. I'm glad I wasn't diagnosed in my teens or twenties. I had 20 good years in the service and retire to this.. I'm physically active and in good shape. Ironic isn't it.

I've never had a problem with blood pressure or glucose levels.