Husband not supportive

[kteague]

Okay, I know I'm stereotyping here, but there's gotta be some basis for all the jokes about men and their avoidance of dealing with medical issues. If your hubby is one of those, if he's not in tune with his issues, he's not likely to be in tune with yours. Yeah, give him the information. Yeah, give him the opportunity to be involved. He may actually surprise you. Or not. If it comes to a hard discussion, maybe tell him that while your improved well being will benefit him, this is not really about him. For him to understand, support, agree with, or help you would be lovely - every spouse's dream - but can not be mandated. All you can really require of him is that he respect your right to make your own health decisions, and it sounds like he is doing that already. I'm sure if he got the news he had a high PSA he'd want the same from you.

This is about you. Let the evidence speak for itself as you sleep better and feel better. And who knows, maybe he'll become a "believer".

Kathy

[SleepGuy]

I would just have him read the CNN report on the husband who got off for murdering his wife in his sleep, due to untreated OSA.

That might get his attention....

viewtopic/t46840/Murder-by-reason-of-OSA.html

[Babette]

Hey! That was MY idea!!!

LOL,
B.

I would just have him read the CNN report on the husband who got off for murdering his wife in his sleep, due to untreated OSA.

That might get his attention....

viewtopic/t46840/Murder-by-reason-of-OSA.html

[SleepGuy]

the best minds think alike babette!

[6PtStar]

the best minds think alike babette!

In that case we are ALL in serious trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jerry

[Babette]

TSK! He didn't say "the best minds think LIKE Babette"!

Get out of the sun Jerry, your brains are cooking.

LOL,
B.

[grandmma]

btesterman, I feel for you.

You've so much to learn and cope with, with the sleep apnea diagnosis, and CPAP therapy in the near future. Without knowing your husband, it is impossible to say from your writing what angle he's coming from. As previous posters have suggested, it could be denial due to concern for your health, or it could be just plain negativity and mean-spiritedness. I'd like to think the former.

But there seems to be a vain in some posts here of negativity towards him which is unfair and unattractive. And hey, I can be really quick to get in on the husband-bashing band wagon! In all likelihood he loves you, wants the best for you, but CPAP and apnea do seem heavy from the outside looking in. Once you're some months into therapy, all issues being resolved, and feeling much more energetic and rested, he'll understand.

Please keep posting, let us know how you are going, and how he feels. We'd all be interested to know, and offer support.

[mars]

after a mug of coffee I feel fine until around noon then I go through yawning and very drowsy spells. .

Hi Btesterman

Whilst you are waiting for your cpap machine it might be a good idea to check yourself out for alertness before driving, just to make sure you are alert enough to drive safely.

If you are not sure, it would be best not to drive; but if you must, the following might keep you alive

http://www.nonap.com.au/

The basic premise in dealing with denial is to create, or allow , circumstances in which the pain of reality is so great that it breaks through the defensiveness of denial. Maybe going with you to the Doctor, or helping you make your will, or you refusing to drive when too drowsy, or anything your imagination can come up with, or just daily life.

Begrudging support is better than no support. Keep him to his word. But regardless, you are in charge of your treatment, not him.

Good luck

Mars

[DoriC]

It is unfair to judge a spouse without knowing all the facts and personality involved. I would never have chosen to be the total caregiver for my husband's therapy. I would have loved to be able to stand on the sidelines just "supporting" him all the way but not having to be so involved. I do it because I love him and want him to have the best life possible, but that doesn't mean I'm not resentful and feel put upon sometimes. Not so much lately since we've gotten adjusted and I've seen the benefits of his therapy. Hopefully things will turn around for the better for you.

[btesterman]

Could we just end this? I'll deal with it. Thank you to all who could relate and offered support and those with legitimate constructive suggestions.

[DreamOn]

It is unfair to judge a spouse without knowing all the facts and personality involved.

You are absolutely right, DoriC. If only all spouses were as loving and supportive as you are. That is the way marriage should be -- give and take on both sides. I know it isn't always easy for you, but your husband is a very lucky man! And I sense that you feel equally blessed by his presence in your life. That's a beautiful thing.

Could we just end this? I'll deal with it. Thank you to all who could relate and offered support and those with legitimate constructive suggestions.

Everyone wishes you all the best, btesterman. You are always welcome here. I apologize if you found my earlier post less than helpful. I can see that it may have been received that way. Thank you for starting this thread. It is a topic that may be helpful to others, now and in the future.

It would be fantastic if your husband is willing to accompany you to your doctor's appointment, so he can learn more about sleep apnea.

I have only been using CPAP for a month now, but I have learned SO much from this forum. The people here have been very helpful. We really do try to support each other, as we're all here for the same reasons -- to learn more, work through any rough spots in treatment, and give back to others. Please let us know how you do with therapy. We care. I hope it really makes a difference in the way you feel.

Many blessings to you,

DreamOn

[btesterman]

To Dream on - I'm just very tired, anxious about what lies ahead and we have some other issues going on (I lost my teaching job and am just working part time, my husband lost his job last week....) so I guess I'm being overly sensitive. My husband is normally a caring man and treats me like a princess. He just really has issues with medical things. To every one fault he has I'm quite sure I have five so I just need to forgive and enjoy his strengths.

[DoriC]

btesterman, We're here for you whenever you need us.

DreamOn, thanks for the kind words.

[DreamOn]

To Dream on - I'm just very tired, anxious about what lies ahead and we have some other issues going on (I lost my teaching job and am just working part time, my husband lost his job last week....) so I guess I'm being overly sensitive. My husband is normally a caring man and treats me like a princess. He just really has issues with medical things. To every one fault he has I'm quite sure I have five so I just need to forgive and enjoy his strengths.

I don't think you were being overly sensitive. Some comments were a little harsh. I just sent you a private message.

[DreamOn]

DreamOn, thanks for the kind words.

I have read many of your comments on this forum, DoriC. You are one of my "CPAP heroes"! I admire your devotion and your generous nature.