Sex and the Single CPAP-er

allen476 · Post by **allen476** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:28 pm

sleepycarol wrote:Well you know what they say about us rednecks!!! And my two daughters did marry cousins -- you know the old saying about keeping it in the family. With you being so far away there probably isn't any chance you have any family ties with us and that just wouldn't be any fun!!

There is no other lovin' like lovin' your cousin

I could hook you up with my cousin. He comes to you with no job and 6 kids (by 4 different woman). He doesn't do anything extraordinary except waste oxygen and waste even more alcohol. His last employment let him go for hitting on the cashier while he flipped burgers. So he could cook if he isn't half in the bag. He is very good at anti-cleaning as well. His personal hygiene is far below top notch. In fact he bathes bi-monthly and always likes to smell "fresh" for that special someone.

Let me know, I'm sure he'll be ready to start anew. With this pedigree, he won't be on the market for long.

Allen

P.S. On the first date he is a little shy. If he shows you the episode of COPS he was on, that means he likes you.

Babette · Post by **Babette** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:41 pm

Dang Allen, you've just described about 8 of my ex-boyfriends! We're practially kinfolk! Hey, can we set him up with my stepsister? She's on her 4th divorce (should be final soon), 7 kids, no job, but somehow she keeps body and soul together. Helps she lives in Bumf*ck Egypt, where the rent's low... Not a drinker. Your brother doesn't mind converting to Mormon, does he?

Carol, are you now soliciting paid sex for your brother? Shoot, if I'd realized there was MONEY in it, I might have considered the deal...

And Banned - ANOTHER motel injury? Do tell us all about the LAST ONE!

LOL,
Babs

mangotango · Post by **mangotango** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:41 pm

This thread is hysterical I love it thanks guys I needed a laugh.

CUatX · Post by **CUatX** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:49 pm

Amen! This is better'n any of those late-nite TV shows -- including that comedy channel.

jules · Post by **jules** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:50 pm

mangotango wrote:This thread is hysterical I love it thanks guys I needed a laugh.

We aim to please - or should I say Babs does.

Banned - did Babs run out of quarters for the vibrating bed with you too?

sleepycarol · Post by **sleepycarol** » Wed May 28, 2008 7:59 pm

I want to know if Aunt Weezy is around?

Does she still have that property for sale?

Wonder if she needs any extra cash?

I am sure we can work something out with you Babs and Aunt Weezy?

Oh by the way your stepsis sounds like someone I know -- is she in the midwest?

sleepycarol · Post by **sleepycarol** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:10 pm

For those that don't know us very well --

please take these post in the good-natured way (ribbing) they are intended.

I do not intend to nor mean to offend anyone!!

I love to joke around and lighten things up. For many of us we have everyday issues that, if we let them, can sometimes be overwhelming. This is my attempt to lighten up and have some fun.

It is not meant to put anyone down, offend anyone, or downplay the importance of our therapy!! We are here mainly for the support of each other in our quest in dealing with our sleep issues. These lighthearted posts are to put some humour in our lives.

May everyone have some fun in their lives!!

jules · Post by **jules** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:15 pm

Last I heard Aunt Weeza was living on Den and Cindy's Ocean Front property in Wyoming and she was having lots of fun with her trojan laden lifeguard live in guy. She was enjoying the salt air and was loving her CPAP that came without a power cord.

Maybe ~SWS can let us know more of how she is doing.

At least Aunt Weeza did manage to catch a guy .......... Maybe she knows how to post on craigslist and get the email to work.

Speaking of which, I wonder how many takers Gumby had with her picture and ad she put on craigslist

-SWS · Post by **-SWS** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:18 pm

Better put my two cents in this thread before it gets even more out of hand:

Two cents deposited.... but not necessarily in one of them highly-popular vibrating beds! Them vibratin' beds sure musta made a come back.

P.S. Aunt Weeza has always been partial to coverin' her "boney ass"... She's stayin' an ocean away from Babs!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:21 pm

If you and your spouse both use a cpap and you wear each others mask
does this count as cross dressing?

don33taw · Post by **don33taw** » Wed May 28, 2008 8:24 pm

Well i have only had my machine about 2 months, BUT does head count?

goose · Post by **goose** » Wed May 28, 2008 10:39 pm

Now...how in the name of Jose Jimenez did I miss this one until now???

A two mask show reminds me of the picture of two kids with braces experimenting with kissing.....Anyone got needle nose pliers??

Babs, I'll have to get off my dead a** and get you some tie dye'd pants so you can be ready for that trip to the sleazy motel in Bremerton.....You'll be found in the dark, and if you hot wire the bed, it'll vibrate all night with no quarters -- twist the blue wire and the yellow wire together - but be careful**

** don't try this at home kids, we're trained professionals.......

Gee. Compared to some, my family is fairly normal. I feel depraved...uh, deprived.....

Sheesh.....
cheers
goose

alnhwrd · Post by **alnhwrd** » Thu May 29, 2008 1:16 am

Two hosers meet on a CPAP forum. Over time, they fall in love, even though the woman is married. The woman's husband is often gone overnight on business, so she picks a date that she knows her husband will be gone and she and her lover plan to meet for a wild night of passion. The man flies across country to meet his new love, and being proud of his 100% compliance, he of course brings his CPAP with him. She meets him at the airport and whisks him back to her home. Their passion is heightened by the special bond of CPAP that they both share. They spend hours making love before collapsing in sleep. Being good hosers, they both dutifully don their masks and gear before going off to sleep.

In the night they awaken, and knowing that the husband will return in a few hours, they shed their masks for a final, heartfelt round of passion. However in their haste they forgot they were both mouth breathers who had fastened their lips together with Polident strips. A few minutes of fervent kissing with a double portion of Polident on their lips locked their mouths together for the rest of the night. Her husband found them there the next morning.

That's why I'm a tape man.

CUatX · Post by **CUatX** » Thu May 29, 2008 6:26 am

don33taw wrote:Well i have only had my machine about 2 months, BUT does head count?

If you're doin' the givin', can we assume you're not a full-face mask user?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu May 29, 2008 9:07 am

In the immortal words of Napolean Dynamite: GOSH!

Yes, oral gratification counts.

No, my stepsister lives in Wyoming, in Den's backyard.

After surfing Craigslist for a few days, I'm over the urge to mate.

Going back to my quiet boring single life.
Babs

Mask