opposite sex and cpap

[AdmiralCougar]

I agree with birdshell. My boyfriend is more focused on me wearing the mask than I am. When I'm not sleeping at his house, he calls each night before going to sleep to make sure that I haven't fallen asleep watching tv or reading without my mask. If the person that you're involved with really cares about you, he or she will be much more concerned with your health and safety than whether or not you have to sleep with a mask. No, it's not the most romantic thing (the mask), but it beats the alternative!

My only complaint in the sleeping-together department is that my boyfriend is so attentive to my sleep apnea issues that when we sleep together he wakes up several times during the night to check to make sure I'm okay - especially if he hears a leak or I make a strange sound. I'm the one who ends up feeling bad because I sleep much better with him, yet I know he gets a better night's sleep without me!

My husband works two jobs, his new job 40+ hours a week during the week and his second job 24+ hours on the weekend which his last week end is this coming labor day weekend thank goodness. He was only working the second job to keep health insurance till he was eligible for benefits at his new job, which was July only reason he's still working is this last weekend he made required hours to earn his Vacation pay. Anyway he works Days then on Friday he comes home and sleeps for a few hours and works Grave Friday comes home and sleeps then works graves Saturday comes home and sleeps a few hours then works the 3-11 shift. So Friday's I usually in the past I nap with him then get up for a few hours then Sleep some more till he gets home wakes me up then he joins me and I sleep till noon or 1 and let him sleep till like 4. Well this last Friday I decided not to nap with him because I was gonna try and sleep normally because week before my sleep seemed to fragmented. Then after it was to late he only had about another hour to an hour and a half I had become all depressed about how I couldn't just go and lay down without going and taking and turning the light on and messing with the machine and how it takes me a whole lot longer for me to fall asleep with the machine and I'd maybe actually get about 30 min of sleep, and I'd have to get up to take him to work (he doesn't drive) I didn't think I'd be able to drive after trying to sleep that little and having to get up. So I now I'm feeling crummy about not being to snuggle with the hubby, and I decide I'm gonna stay up all night so I can sleep his schedule. I stayed on here and another board I post on. I was using my laptop on a tray while sitting on the couch. Sometime during the night I leaned back to give my back a rest, and boom feel asleep. My husband comes home finding me that way and went off on me for like 10 min for not sleeping with the machine. Of course that nap I got on the couch was awful even woke with a headache, so I thought I'd already paid enough, and learned my lesson, but he went off again before he left for work Saturday night about making sure if I slept I slept with the machine... Boy guys can be pushy...

Christy

[Bookbear]

ZZZZZZ!!, don't conceal anything. If the situation arises (YOU! In the back! Stop snickering!!), a mask can come off real fast. (Yes, this IS the voice of experience talking.) I think its only fair to be up front with what your therapy entails, mask and all. Use what works for you, not what looks best or sounds best.

BTW, the same principle applies to shoes. WHY do you women torture yourselves with high heels? Your back certainly isn't going to thank you.

My 57 cents worth....

[scenestealer]

Now, I'll admit that I'm at least partially trying to convince MYSELF here, but...

Humans are still pretty much animals, and a big part of the mating ritual in the animal world is to find the healthiest, strongest mate. So while it's not great to have to admit some level of infirmary (ie: sleeping with a mask), it's far worse to be exhausted all the time, sickly, overweight, and have huge bags under your eyes and a brain that won't work right.

That, and a big part of why *I* likely don't meet as many women as I could - since meeting the RIGHT woman is kind of a numbers game, right? - is that I don't spend nearly as much time around friends and at public functions as I did when I had more energy. So therefore, as I get back my energy, and the exhaustion subsides, and I start feeling a little better about myself and my market value, and I start going out more, maybe it just comes naturally after that...

[Babette]

SceneStealer, if you're too tired for "regular" socializing, how you gonna keep up with SEX?

Work on the therapy. Get back into your old swing. Or take up a new swing. Then it will all come together. And if it still doesn't, quit listening to a middle aged broad on the internet and go surf the personals.

I suggest Craigslist, if for no other reason than it's FREE, and highly entertaining...

LOL,
Babs

[preemiern]

" f off then machine man"

I would have told her that my machine and hose were much better bed partners anyway-and they don't need batteries, which is what she will need plenty of from now on!!
oops!! did I say that?

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): hose

[Babette]

PREEMIE! And you a NICE GIRL!

Clearly I'm having a bad influence on you...

LOL,
B.

[lvwildcat]

My husband of 22 years is very supportive;I usually go to bed first and I've caught him checking up on me to make sure the mask is on. When I started on CPAP 2 years ago my 2 teenage sons were "mom's CPAP police". I feel very blessed!
It is much quieter in our bedroom these days;the CPAP hum is a welcome sound compared to my old snoring days!!!!

[Nodzy]

Having been apneoic since I was very young, despite not being diagnosed until just over six years ago, I’ve had many negative reactions from people concerning OSA. I can’t remember one positive reaction – like someone being thrilled that I was receiving vital, life-prolonging therapy.

Since going on therapy I have remained mostly alone, by choice. But I was alone by choice for some years before being started in therapy. Being trashed by extreme selfishness and arrogance suddenly unleashed from under the mask of pleasantness, that was what I knew as the other, was devastating.

I briefly tried other relationships several times while on therapy, but the “other” wasn’t right for me or me for them. Each one presented a negative reaction to me being in need of a breathing assist machine each night. Two seemed genuinely supportive, but apprehensive about having to endure me using it.

Occasionally, I would be hit with negative comments about time I spent cleaning and drying parts, reading about the condition, and looking at different brands and models of PAP units. They commented that I didn’t need that information since I had a doctor, RT and DME to handle the details.

Several that I was interested in would turn chilly or disappear after my health conditions were revealed. As though their health conditions weren’t to be a factor, or even spoken of except on rare occasions when they brought the topics up.

Too, I’m not into one-nighters, or what openly appear to be wild, brief flings. Temporary unions are not on my Needs List.

My conclusion is: It appears that I will remain single. Or maybe, possibly, someday meet a delicious female hose-head who might find me interesting, attractive and desirable. But then, I may not be really enthralled with her. Tolerance of the other or them tolerating me is not what I crave.

My deep sense of passion and devotion need totality of intense love and commitment. Sure, nothing is ever perfect in entirety. Though, what I crave in mating is far above what most people gladly settle for.

So… at least I have my pillows, and some occasional nice dreams.

Good luck to all of you unfulfilled hose-heads.

Nodzy

[sharon1965]

i have to say that i guess i've been naive in believing that xpap wouldn't have to be a deterrent to dating...these stories are appalling: prospective partners turning chilly or even disappearing after hearing about the machine? people thinking they have the right to comment on how much you need to know or how much you need to control your own therapy? fiancees turning out to be unsupportive of the therapy?!?! (good for you sleepingbeauty, you already know you're better off) i can't even get my head around some of this stuff

most of the folks who are already attached have expressed positive experiences in terms of support from their significant others, but even a few attached folks have found it to be a problem....i knew i was blessed and lucky before this adventure in hoseland began, but man, i guess i didn't know just how lucky i was...my husband continues to prove himself everyday, as he has throughout our 17 year marriage and where cpap is concerned he has been my strongest supporter...he wants me around! (not to mention, he's finally getting some rest, himself)

i can honestly say, without hesitation, that if i was single and looking, xpap would absolutely not interfere with my getting to know someone and certainly once the relationship had moved to another level, there is no way it would get between me and someone i chose to become romantically involved with (obviously, i mean that figuratively...not literally babs, you cheeky girl)

i guess what i'm trying to say is hang in there, folks, don't settle and be kind to yourself...these reactions certainly are telling, but not about you, about them...

[zorrro13]

Since going on therapy I have remained mostly alone, by choice. But I was alone by choice for some years before being started in therapy. Being trashed by extreme selfishness and arrogance suddenly unleashed from under the mask of pleasantness, that was what I knew as the other, was devastating.

Wow Nodsy you sure you didnt give that bottle of red a nudge before you wrote that? I read this bit 4 times and each time found a different meaning. awesome dude

[Nodzy]

Wow Nodsy you sure you didnt give that bottle of red a nudge before you wrote that? I read this bit 4 times and each time found a different meaning. awesome dude

LOLOL... Zorrro13,

Yeah, I sometimes tend to give the logic plenty of room to swim a bit before surfacing.

Nodzy

[Guest]

Nodzy, very eloquent! I can only point to your post and say "WHAT HE SAID!"

I tend to be pretty flippant about things in general - humour is MY coping mechanism. But I agree completely with your post.

Sharon - You ARE lucky!!!! And go hug your family and tell them that! At least you scored SOMEWHERE! God surely wouldn't stack ALL the cards against you!

I think, particularly past 40, it's too terrifying to say "I'm going to be alone the rest of my life." It's easier to just say "I'm in an alone phase right now." But if pushed to the wall, my basic assumption is that I will be alone the rest of my life. Not just because of CPAP, but that doesn't help. It's maybe 15th on my list of reaons why.

I think my major bit of anger about "growing old" is the lack of passion in relationships. Not JUST sex, but throughout the whole interaction. After 30, we're expected to grow up and "get real" - it's all sweat pants, pizza, and Must See TV. I can do that alone, thank you very much.

Cheers,
B.

[zorrro13]

Wow Nodsy you sure you didnt give that bottle of red a nudge before you wrote that? I read this bit 4 times and each time found a different meaning. awesome dude

LOLOL... Zorrro13,

Yeah, I sometimes tend to give the logic plenty of room to swim a bit before surfacing.

Nodzy

love your work ! lol

so far 2 definate threads emerging
1.Married diagnosed and lots of support (mostly)
2. Single a tad confused and insecure about prospects

osa tends to hit the middle aged hardest and if your single it can also be the hardest time to date let alone dragging along a mini vaccume cleaner with you. lets face it when your dating the machine thing can become an issue because your date isnt deeply emotionally involved when you tell her/him usually on the first or second date. Marriage on the other hand has a way deeper connection. Having said that I think most of the fears are imaginary but seem reall none the less. I better stop starting to sound like Nodsy lol

[Nodzy]

I tend to be pretty flippant about things in general - humour is MY coping mechanism. But I agree completely with your post.

Sharon - You ARE lucky!!!! And go hug your family and tell them that! At least you scored SOMEWHERE! God surely wouldn't stack ALL the cards against you!

I think, particularly past 40, it's too terrifying to say "I'm going to be alone the rest of my life." It's easier to just say "I'm in an alone phase right now." But if pushed to the wall, my basic assumption is that I will be alone the rest of my life. Not just because of CPAP, but that doesn't help. It's maybe 15th on my list of reaons why.

I think my major bit of anger about "growing old" is the lack of passion in relationships. Not JUST sex, but throughout the whole interaction. After 30, we're expected to grow up and "get real" - it's all sweat pants, pizza, and Must See TV. I can do that alone, thank you very much.

Babette,

Thank you. I certainly agree about the scary part you expressed. And humour being one coping mechanism, yes... that too. On the board I've really been tame, and not unleashed too much of my abstract chuckle food.

Passion? Many think it relates only to joined perspiration, deep breathing, wrinkled linens and deciding who pulls the covers and pillows back onto the bed. Thus far, I haven't been able to train my cats to dump, clean and refill their own litter box. I doubt I could train them for much else.

As I see it: Too few know what intense love and passion should be, can be... and fear anything that involves maximum closeness. "Superficial" seems to be the mode of most -- each partner being but a transition point, a stepping stone. Well, I'm not moss covered, don't want to be a hub for travelers and have a real disdain for footprints on me.

I don't have any answers. And usually when dealing with the opposite gender in anything even close to mating, all I get are more questions from answers they present to me. But, I haven't resorted to putting out two place settings for meals, and eating from both -- so I suppose I'm coping rather well.

Nodzy

[zzzzzz!!]

osa tends to hit the middle aged hardest and if your single it can also be the hardest time to date let alone dragging along a mini vaccume cleaner with you. lets face it when your dating the machine thing can become an issue because your date isnt deeply emotionally involved when you tell her/him usually on the first or second date. Marriage on the other hand has a way deeper connection. Having said that I think most of the fears are imaginary but seem reall none the less.

Well, marriage is supposed to be "for better or worse", which in the fine print includes CPAP. When I was married and my then-husband was diagnosed with OSA, it was a little strange at first but we got used to it. With dating, especially if it's just casual, you don't have that type of commitment so it's easy to be insecure, not knowing how your partner will react to your condition and the machine. I want people to see me for ME and not as handicapped by my medical conditions.

Personally, I think most of all I resent the lack of spontaneity in that I can't stay over at a friend's house without planning ahead and dragging my equipment along (not just talking about boyfriends here but any circumstance where you might want to stay over somewhere else, such as earlier this month after a girlfriend's party).