Apnea and a partner that moves alot during sleep

[day for night]

I know this isn't exactly cpap related, but I figure someone over here may have dealt with this problem.

I have mild/moderate sleep apnea and, of course, get very subpar sleep. My wife moves a lot in her sleep, but sleeps great. However, she wakes me up all the time(literally every three for four minutes), leaving me completely fatigued. This is complete torture and is putting a great strain on our marriage.

Has anyone figured out a way to sleep with a partner that moves a lot? Sleeping with my wife is just as bad as dealing with apnea(the onetwo wife moving the bed/apnea punch is horrible). We tried a new simmons no movement bed, but that product is just not constructed very well. I won't waste money on another one.

Two single beds equal the same size as a king size bed. I was thinking that maybe two twin beds pushed together would allow us to sleep together without me feeling her all night movement. Anyone tried something like this?

Any other suggestions are completely welcome. Sleeping apart is not good for a marriage, but getting no sleep is worse.

[tater pie]

Haven't we all been through this problem at one time or another. The two twin beds put together might work. I don't know anybody who has done that. I went through the same thing about 4 years ago and finally moved to a separate bedroom. That has to be a personal choice. It may not work for some but I think it made things a whole lot better for us. Of course, we've been married over 30 years and a little thing like sleeping in separate beds isn't going to shake us. We've been through a lot worse but for some people, it's not an option. Possibly your wife may have some kind of sleep problem since she moves so much. Just because a person looks like they are in a state of sleep doesn't necessarily mean that they are resting. I'm not a sleep expert but it seems like a person shouldn't move around so much. Just a suggestion. How long have you been on cpap? If you haven't been on cpap very long then after a while you may sleep so well that you don't notice her constant movements. Hope things get better!

[Liam1965]

I have the same problem, Janet has RLS really bad sometimes. When it gets really bad, I'll move to the couch, or one of the kids' bedrooms (my kids only live with us part time, so part of the time their rooms are empty).

However, it does cause problems because Janet feels like I'm rejecting her when I move. Generally, I attribute the move to insomnia or depression and don't mention the RLS, both because all three are actually true, and because leaving out the part that actually directly relates to her is, I think, better for not making her feel like I'm rejecting any part of HER.

(I know she'd want to know if it was anything she could do anything about, but as it happens in her sleep, it's hard to classify as a problem she could "work on").

Liam, who has brought enough strife into Janet's life...

[meister]

I guess they are much more common than we all thought. I went to
see Abe Lincoln's house, and the tour guest said "Here is where Mrs.
Lincoln slept." Then I was in Viriginia and I heard the tour guide say
"Here is where Mrs. Washington slept". It sure makes it easier to have
a mistress when you have your own bedroom, unless you sneak down the
hall to the maid's room. Also, it is unbelievable in our society as to how
many people sleep with their dogs and cats. No wonder we can't sleep
with grand central station in the same bed. Our first dog constantly
wanted under the covers, by the foot of the bed. But then she would
get too warm, and she would want you to lift the covers so she could
come out and cool down. It wasn't long until she wanted under the
covers again. Now the dog and the wife enjoy their own bedroom. We
must be Republicans ...

[Liam1965]

(Ooooh, I'm gonna get myself in trouble for this one...)

We must be Republicans ...

Yeah, clearly, unwilling to provide anything for the poorer classes (your dog) even when it would ultimately make YOUR life easier as well.

Liam, who honestly is just kidding.

[rested gal]

Aw, Liam -- and there I thought you were gonna say, "Lie down with fleas..."

Just joking, too!!!

[Liam1965]

Hmmm, RG, yours was funnier.

Maybe you should take a crack at writing my next weekly humor column.

Liam, tired...

[photogal]

This is a very interesting thread. I applaud you all for being able to come out from behind the bedroom door.
Approximately 10 years ago, my husband & I decided to share different bedrooms.
I knew I had apnea at that point, just couldn't do anything about it. So I was having my usual arousals, and waking up exhausted. It seemed when I WAS getting some sleep, of course I'd be snoring, so I got the old elbow bit from the other side of the bed. If I wasn't waking from my apnea, I was being jolted awake. Add an extra trick my husband threw in, which was a habit of raising an arm or leg off the bed then letting it limply THUMP down, which caused an electrical shock to travel through every nerve in my body and make ME come off the mattress, it just wasn't working. After being jolted awake with the leg thump, I would lay there plotting whether I would kill him with a pillow over his face or poison in his food. He wasn't sleeping well because of my snoring, I sure as heck wasn't sleeping.
Seperate bedrooms have worked out great. I can have the light on and read myself to sleep now without disturbing him, and he can thump his arms and legs as much as his sweet little heart desires. He can even elbow the spare pillow, since he can't elbow (kick) ME around anymore.
All teasing aside, we love each other dearly and nothing is wrong in that department.
I can see where it would be a problem in younger marriages. Us old timers can handle it.

[rested gal]

Liam, a line from another favorite movie of mine (Amadeus)... "I wouldn't presume."

You have real talent. The funny things you come up with on a daily basis, let alone weekly....I couldn't begin to keep up!

You, meister, BuffaloAl, uncleBob and so many others - I've laughed many a time at some of the creatively humorous ways you all write.

Good medicine, or so I've heard.

[photogal]

Okay, Liam, you just insulated...er...insulted...this Republican! For that, you get to sleep with Hillary Clinton. LOLOLOLOL.

[Janelle]

Well, folks just didn't sleep together in the early days, except for early in the marriage when children were wanted. The richer you were, the less you slept together. And when you consider what most men and women wore to bed you can understand. Heck, they didn't even undress for procreative sex with their partners and once the wife was pregnant they slept in separate beds so the wife's delicate condition would not be compromised. Same thing when one was ill. When you also consider the problems with miscarriages and women being advised by their doctors not to have additional children, separate bedrooms were sometimes the only way (and a sturdy lock) to keep the husband from demanding his husbandly prerogatives!

And because procreation was the only reason for sex then, husbands often had mistresses to protect their wives from such unwanted attentions.

So, see, Liam, you should consider Janet's delicate condition and move to the other room. Just kidding. I know she is getting to the point where she is going to feel fat and unloved and she needs your assurance she is still gorgeous.

Seriously, Janet should seek a doctors advise for her RLS. I'm not sure she could take any kind of medication since she is pregnant but there might be some kind of vitamin or just a hot shower at night which would help relax her legs. She needs her sleep too, and I'm sure it's not as good as it could be.

And no more snide remarks about Republicans or I'll sic Hillary AND Chelsea on you!

[Liam1965]

Okay, Liam, you just insulated...er...insulted...this Republican! For that, you get to sleep with Hillary Clinton. LOLOLOLOL.

T'would serve Bill right.... but really, could my little transgression REALLY be THAT heinous?

Besides, I'd be afraid her... huevos would be larger than mine.

Liam, equally anti-democrat and anti-republican.

[Liam1965]

So, see, Liam, you should consider Janet's delicate condition and move to the other room. Just kidding. I know she is getting to the point where she is going to feel fat and unloved and she needs your assurance she is still gorgeous.

Ah. You didn't hear. About two months ago (about a week after I told everyone on here that we were expecting) we lost the ... I hate to say "Baby" because it really wasn't much bigger than a grain of rice at that point.

We're still trying, and by no means should you feel bad for not having known. (In fact, there's good reason to suspect we may be expecting yet again, although given what happened last time, I'm not going to announce it until indicators are more certain and until we pass the danger time of the first trimester).

Liam, still enjoying the trying, even if it doesn't result in a baby.

[Janelle]

Liam, very sorry to hear. I know this couldn't have helped your depression any either. Give Janet lots of hugs and cuddling, and we all hope for the best. A few kisses won't hurt either

[ballast949]

Fortunately, my wife sleeps like a log or she would have killed me long ago. She did have a habit of waking me because I was snoring (she used to kick me until I started kicking back.) I was the one who rolled around all night - not RLS, just my apnea waking me and me changing position thinking I was waking up because I was uncomfortable. Now I seldom change position more than a couple of times and my snoring is pretty much gone. Now if air escaping from my mask's cushions didn't sound like a herd of trumpeting elephants....

Two twin beds are the same width as a King size bed, but not the same length. But they do make longer twins than the standard twin. You could probably even leave a 6" gap between them instead of pushing them totally together, retaining the feeling of closeness without the disturbances.