Help! I need help to get my husband to continue his treatmen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:36 am

My husband is 3 mos into his treatment. I would leave the room when he would put the mask on and turn on the machine, the noise, etc. He hates that I leave the room, so has decided to discontinue his treatment because he thinks its more important for me to be sleeping in the bed next to him that continuing his treatment. I obviously have disagreed with that. From what I have read here I believe his full face mask is leaking so they gave him the nasal II, and he doesnt like that. So we are at a stalemate. Any suggestions. I have told him of the health benefits, etc., even customers have told him of the health problems, etc. He says my leaving the room bothers his sleeping more, (which I dont believe). He likes the treatment, but knows that I dont like the noise, the mask, etc. so he has discontinued it. My leaving the room should be at issue not be at issue here. I work during the day also, and my getting a full nights sleep is just as important as his full nights sleep is. He would put the mask on and I would quietly leave the room, and go down on the couch. Leaving him to sleep there with his treatment. When he gets up in the morning he is angry with me that I slept on the couch. So he has chosen to discontinue the treatment! Any suggestions? Comments?

nomad · Post by **nomad** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:40 am

If it's the noise, foam ear plugs are cheap.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:46 am

Part of it is the noise, and I do have the foam earplugs. I have used them in the past to no avail. I have also bought a machine that makes noise to put on sort of like to drown out the noise. I have tried sleep aids, i wake up around 4am, then I go downstairs. I have even tried an eye mask and earplugs. I still wake up in the middle of the night and then go downstairs. So if I just leave the room in the beginning of the night, then I have a chance at a full nights sleep too. When we go to bed, we talk, chit chat, etc., then when he would roll over to go to sleep and put his mask on I would get up and leave the room. I didnt cut into our time together, etc.

Julie · Post by **Julie** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:48 am

Hi, I see a couple of issues - first of all your husband needs to get his treatment, mask, etc. sorted out so he's comfortable sleeping and the Cpap's effective. There are many types of masks out there, and if he's not happy with his DME, maybe his sleep MD could direct him to a more helpful place, or else you can do some research online into all the diff. types. Secondly, his machine should be whisper quiet and if it's not, that should be addressed as well.
I also think that you need to try and be a bit more understanding of what he's going through and, while I do realize you have to work, etc., I get the feeling there's more going on.. perhaps you feel uncomfortable about his wearing the mask and need to desensitize yourself a bit, realize that for him it could be a life and death situation, and not make him feel it's just a turn-off to you. He needs your support! Couldn't you work out some sort of arrangement whereby, once he's got a mask and machine that are as quiet as they should be, you could come back into the room, even if in a separate twin bed (as many people do) so he doesn't feel abandoned? He shouldn't be holding you hostage or blackmailing about the issue (childish!) by not using the machine, but at the same time both of you need to compromise a little for the benefit of both of you and his health. Maybe a talk with the family MD would help.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:50 am

Wow. Your husband's machine shouldn't be so noisy that it wakes you up. Do you know the brand and model of the machine and mask he is using?

Have you tried putting the machine on the floor? That makes it a lot quieter.

WORN_OUT@44 · Post by **WORN_OUT@44** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:54 am

I would also stop my therapy if my wife left the bed. We have been sleeping together for 25 years and I do not plan to change that now. If we could not come up with a way for her to stay in the bed with me CPAP would be out, even though she may become a widow much sooner or maybe a 24 hr care nurse after my stroke. I do not want her sleeping on the couch.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:55 am

Before he got the machine we spent a fortune and bought a king size air bed he would never switch to twin beds. The machine is a remstar M pro, it is on the floor. I think it is just in my mind, that wakes me up in the middle of the night. Not exactly sure it is the noise. I would go to bed with this on my mind and would be up inthe middle of the night. I dont feel like I am abandoning him. Like I said, we talk, chat, etc., then when he puts his mask on I go downstairs. I tried to make it like he didnt even notice.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:03 am

Anonymous wrote: I think it is just in my mind, that wakes me up in the middle of the night. Not exactly sure it is the noise. I would go to bed with this on my mind and would be up inthe middle of the night.

So are you saying you think you might be waking up because you are freaked out by the fact that you are laying next to your husband while he's wearing a mask hooked up to a machine? It's not the sound, it's the sight of him?

nomad · Post by **nomad** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:04 am

Anonymous wrote:Part of it is the noise, and I do have the foam earplugs. I have used them in the past to no avail. I have also bought a machine that makes noise to put on sort of like to drown out the noise. I have tried sleep aids, i wake up around 4am, then I go downstairs. I have even tried an eye mask and earplugs. I still wake up in the middle of the night and then go downstairs. So if I just leave the room in the beginning of the night, then I have a chance at a full nights sleep too. When we go to bed, we talk, chit chat, etc., then when he would roll over to go to sleep and put his mask on I would get up and leave the room. I didnt cut into our time together, etc.

It sounds like you're having some sleep issues that a medical professional should look at. As far as him getting upset about you leaving... I can totally see it. I would feel alienated if my wife got up and left me to sleep alone. It's comforting to have her there (all night). It would suck to wake up in the middle of the night or in the morning and be by yourself. If that was the way my wife acted towards my CPAP, I too would consider putting her before the treatment. It sounds like you're LETTING this drive a wedge between the two of you.

Help! · Post by **Help!** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:19 am

I am not sure, and i am not going to say it is or its not. I am not trying to alienate him, and again, I realize his health and his sleep are important, but so is mine. I work all day as does him. There are no marriage problems with us, please dont think it is that. I also dont feel like I am "acting towards cpap" in any way that is bad for him. I quietly leave the room and leave him to sleep soundly. I am the one who wants him to continue his treatment, he is the one who wont. I dont feel like I am driving a wedge between us, and if it is happening it is certainly unintentional. That is why we spend time when we go to bed, talking, etc. I really dont know why it bothers him so much. As far as the sleep issues go he felt there were sleep issues too, talked me into going to the dr and going for a sleep test, I think he felt that if I needed cpap that would solve our problems. The sleep test didnt go so well, and the dr. felt I didnt need anything. So that didnt work. Possibly would have solved the problem but it didnt work out that way.

SelfSeeker · Post by **SelfSeeker** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:33 am

Many hugs to you.

First of all do not let your husband use emotional blackmall to prevent you from getting a good night sleep or making you feel guilty that you feel the need to leave the room and that you do it.

You may be more sensitive to noise then others. (I hear noises, even white noises, that others do not hear or can ignore.) You need your rest.

Somethimes to get a better night sleep when in pain or congested, I have slept on a recliner and my husband has fallen asleep by the TV and stayed on the comfy couch. Neither of us think much of it. If my husband does not want the noise of my XPAP, he can go to another room, I will not stop my treatment. I would not get upset. I would understand his need for sleep so he can function. Cuddling is nice, but we both need our sleep. I would not give the CPAP, my health is important.

Your husband should grow up and take control of his CPAP therapy. He should be here asking the questions wondering about the leaks and the noise. Sorry but I do beleive in being responsible for yourself.

But since you are hear as a concerned wife, I will give you some advice.

What causes the noise.

Is it the machine or something loose. Are other machines more quiet. (Would they be quiet enough for you.)

As for leaks, you can not fix those, your husband needs to get a mask fitted for himself. He needs to find an interface that is comfortable and does not leak, when he sleeps. That is part of his treatment not yours.

Edit: Have you ever thought that you have a bit of insomia that wakes you during the time that you are going downstairs, because you are having a problem falling back asleep? I have a problem of waking up in the early hours and taking a while to fall asleep, I wake up very often during the early hours. I will treat the OSA then work on the other problems.

SelfSeeker · Post by **SelfSeeker** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:04 am

What if one of you was very sick and any motion of the partner brought extra pain or naussa would you love your wife enough to let her try to get some rest, of if it was you and any movent caused pain or naussa to you, would you tell stay with me no matter what.

I guess seeing my parents doing this for other to help the other is what I am basing my feelings to. THey were married for 30 plus years until a death ended it.

WORN_OUT@44 wrote:I would also stop my therapy if my wife left the bed. We have been sleeping together for 25 years and I do not plan to change that now. If we could not come up with a way for her to stay in the bed with me CPAP would be out, even though she may become a widow much sooner or maybe a 24 hr care nurse after my stroke. I do not want her sleeping on the couch.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:19 am

Anonymous wrote:So are you saying you think you might be waking up because you are freaked out by the fact that you are laying next to your husband while he's wearing a mask hooked up to a machine? It's not the sound, it's the sight of him?

If that's what it is (not the noise) then I think there's a chance you'll eventually get used to it. Don't give up on the idea that it's possible to get past this.

WORN_OUT@44 wrote:If we could not come up with a way for her to stay in the bed with me CPAP would be out, even though she may become a widow much sooner or maybe a 24 hr care nurse after my stroke. I do not want her sleeping on the couch.

That's a good way to think of it. It is a lot easier getting used to seeing him sleeping with the mask than it would be to get used to being a widow or a caregiver for the rest of your life!

SelfSeeker wrote:What if one of you was very sick and any motion of the partner brought extra pain or naussa

Good point, SelfSeeker, but it doesn't seem that is the case here. It sounds like it's a psychological aversion and that's something that can be worked on. I'd recommend seeing a therapist for suggestions on how to deal with it. It can't hurt and it might help. Hang in there!

TXKajun · Post by **TXKajun** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:17 am

help, try taking a couple of Tylenol PM or similar sleep aids.

Take 2 and call me in the morning. j/k, but taking the sleep aids works like a champ, at least for me.

Good luck.

Kajun

Help! · Post by **Help!** » Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:45 pm

I have tried the sleep aid thing. While it worked sometimes, I did wake up sometimes during thie middle of the night, then went downstairs. I tried from the ambien to tylenol pm. Depending on the strength seemed to depend on how long I slept before i woke up and went downstairs. Then next day I would be groggy. Isnt it just better that I go downstairs and let him do his thing? I dont bother him, and want him to continue his therapy, I just go downstairs, and when he wakes up in the morning he comes down and then wakes me. I mean I hate sleeping on the couch almost feel like its my punishment but there is no other alternative.

Mask

Help! I need help to get my husband to continue his treatmen

Help! I need help to get my husband to continue his treatmen

Help husband to continue treatment