Help! I need help to get my husband to continue his treatmen

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:35 pm

deleted-trying to catch help before she leaves.

Help! · Post by **Help!** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:35 pm

I truly came here for help. I was searching the net for information on this issue and came upon this forum. As I have said, I read it for a while and then decided to post for some suggestions. I never meant for this to turn into what it has, I was only looking for some help. Im sorry to have bothered you. I only came to this forum only as my last straw. Because I have tried many of the suggestions you post you get angry at me. Because I may not necessarily agree completely with all of your posts, you get angry at me. I realize this is a medical condition, and that you didnt ask for it. It is also not a right of passage to discount what other people are going through on the sidelines. Yes, you are all going through it, so are we. You need to look on the other side of the field as well. This does not just effect you as the patient, like many other health conditions, its effects the people are the spouses, children, parents, siblings, etc. Sometimes, some of you need to think of not only yourselves, but of others. I will leave this forum now, and not come back because after this post I am sure I wont be welcome. Thank you all for your supportive, and sometimes rather dismissive posts. Goodbye, Help!

Help! · Post by **Help!** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:37 pm

Wow I had no idea someone else feels the same way I do? how do we pm people?

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:38 pm

In addition to reading this thread-READ THIS ONE TOO

viewtopic.php?t=13510&highlight=

I don't know if you are #1 a different person with the same issue, #2 the same person-looking for answers you like better, or #3 just a guest playing with the regulars on this forum.

If you are #1 or #2 you flat out need develop some insight. If you are #3-ask a question about vaseline.

BTW-Here is a technique for getting at what is troubling you. Try it..you said you were an attorney-you're intelligent enough to figure this one out. Set yourself up in a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Put your hand on the bible and swear to tell the truth-to yourself only and maybe later your husband. Start the questioning with, "Why do I leave the room?" Take the first answer that comes to mind. Maybe, for example, you answer yourself, "It's the mask." Then ask yoursef "Why does the mask bother me?" I don't know what your answers to yourself are going to be--the point is to keep questioning those answers until you get to an answer that hits you in the gut and the heart-and that is probably your answer. Then deal with the answer you have led yourself to. Then decide if a counselor will help. If you can't get through this above exercise-flat out you need to get help.

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:43 pm

Click on that envelope up in the right corner of the screen it will take to to the private message function. Spouse fortunately joined the forum as Spouse-so you can PM her. Good luck.

Offerocker · Post by **Offerocker** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:53 pm

krousseau wrote:Click on that envelope up in the right corner of the screen it will take to to the private message function. Spouse fortunately joined the forum as Spouse-so you can PM her. Good luck.

I am SOO proud of you!!!

btw. You haven't forgotten a thing, Krousseau!!!! ---I think you're getting BETTER!

KansasRT · Post by **KansasRT** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:54 pm

This really has nothing to do with sleep apnea, but it is sort of related so here we go. About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. All I had to listen to was how inconvenient it was for my husband. How difficult it was for him to have to deal with the kids when I was sick. How a week hospital stay seemed to be too long. He made a comment that all I really had was like a "cold" and it would get better.
Well, that immediately put me on the defensive and I did not want to hear anything he had to say. I was sorry life was not picture perfect, but I had the disease. All he had to do was put up with me. I can sort of relate to how your husband feels when you leave the bed. Wether or not he will admit it, it probably feels like you are abandoning him. He is the one who has the disease. Every one has to go through a grieving period of getting used to reality. I realize you need your sleep, but maybe you could try to put up with it for a week. One bad week is not a lot considering a marriage.
I know that this will get me slammed, but if he got his machine from a DME march in their office with his machine, mask, tubing, etc and you and your husband. See if the RT is any help to you. (If you are in Kansas you can come see me.) I have quite a few patients in the same boat. Your not alone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:02 pm

So from reading these last few posts, and acknowledging that she has come to this forum for help with a sleep apnea situation. Since she cant seem to get past the whole set up, like the noise, and the mask, and whatever else she cant get past. (that is what it seems like from reading it),Then we throw her away and get nasty even though she is asking for help, because she doesnt agree with or cant deal with the situation? It seems like she is saying that she knows her husband has this disease but we are saying hey get over it or get lost? Not fair. I dont think she has deserved some of these posts. She came here asking for help. There doesnt really seem to be the need for all the anger and defensive posts against her. I dont understand why all the anger and defensive posts. If it were sleep apnea or cancer, or any other sickness, just because a spouse has it, we should not be saying you have to get over it, you have to deal with it. I am sure its hard. Its hard for us. We hate the mask, etc., and some of us have to ease into it, well maybe thats what they/she/he has to do. Both of them should need to ease into it. If she has to maybe sleep on the couch 2 nights, sleep in the bed 2 nights, maybe there should be compromise all the way around, and we have no right or reason to get angry or defensive with her. Just my opinion, probably doesnt mean a whole lot.

Offerocker · Post by **Offerocker** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:42 pm

Anonymous wrote:So from reading these last few posts, and acknowledging that she has come to this forum for help with a sleep apnea situation. Since she cant seem to get past the whole set up, like the noise, and the mask, and whatever else she cant get past. (that is what it seems like from reading it),Then we throw her away and get nasty even though she is asking for help, because she doesnt agree with or cant deal with the situation? It seems like she is saying that she knows her husband has this disease but we are saying hey get over it or get lost? Not fair. I dont think she has deserved some of these posts. She came here asking for help. There doesnt really seem to be the need for all the anger and defensive posts against her. I dont understand why all the anger and defensive posts. If it were sleep apnea or cancer, or any other sickness, just because a spouse has it, we should not be saying you have to get over it, you have to deal with it. I am sure its hard. Its hard for us. We hate the mask, etc., and some of us have to ease into it, well maybe thats what they/she/he has to do. Both of them should need to ease into it. If she has to maybe sleep on the couch 2 nights, sleep in the bed 2 nights, maybe there should be compromise all the way around, and we have no right or reason to get angry or defensive with her. Just my opinion, probably doesnt mean a whole lot.

So from reading these last few posts,.....

You must read the entire 10 pages ( or so it seemed) in order to (hopefully) realize the "whole story", and know there was MUCH thought by many put into responses which were meant to HELP her. NONE of the suggestions seemed to help. So, then THIS MUST NOT BE THE PLACE that CAN help her. However, she must then seek out a PROFESSIONAL who is better trained to HELP her...if that is what she wants.

GUEST: WHAT HAVE YOU CONTRIBUTED TO HELPING THIS PERSON?????????????

Now for my last word on this subject: A bleeding heart is a beautiful PLANT.

Guest again · Post by **Guest again** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:52 pm

Anonymous wrote: I dont think she has deserved some of these posts. She came here asking for help. There doesnt really seem to be the need for all the anger and defensive posts against her. I dont understand why all the anger and defensive posts. If it were sleep apnea or cancer, or any other sickness, just because a spouse has it, we should not be saying you have to get over it, you have to deal with it. I am sure its hard. Its hard for us. We hate the mask, etc., and some of us have to ease into it, well maybe thats what they/she/he has to do. Both of them should need to ease into it. If she has to maybe sleep on the couch 2 nights, sleep in the bed 2 nights, maybe there should be compromise all the way around, and we have no right or reason to get angry or defensive with her. Just my opinion, probably doesnt mean a whole lot.

Compromise

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 4:58 pm

WHAT????? COMPROMISE??????

What a concept......

I’m always right...once I thought maaaybe I wasn’t...but I was wrong.

Is this Help! guest or another guest -ought to be giving out guest numbers so we could keep track of you all. Do hope it is Help! and can give us some insight into compromise-heaven knows we could all use it occasionally.

unclebob · Post by **unclebob** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:02 pm

This is actually a very neat thread. It's really too bad we did not hear from Guest/Help/Spouse 's husband.

Assuming the original poster is sincere, I think the thread sheds some light on the frustrations partners of hoseheads may face. Particularly in the early stages.

To take this a step further, maybe we should start a thread with partners of hoseheads giving their impressions "then and now" along with any tricks they used to adjust. I am sure this whole issue is of significant concern for new Apniacs and their partners.

If Guest/Help/Spouse is indeed sincere, then I do hope you stick around and keep us all updated. If you are not, then (as my old buddy Obie Wan once said) " May the couch be with you"

Wish you well.

Bob F

nomad · Post by **nomad** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:13 pm

This entire thread has become a moot point. Help! has left the building (but I'm sure she's still peeping in the window) and has vowed to never return (at least until she decides to post again as an anonymous GUEST). Is this the point where someone begs her to come back???

Things I've learned... you can't help those that ask for help then tell you you're wrong when you try... you can look at the sky and tell everyone it's a beautiful shade of blue, but there will be those that will argue about the specific shade of blue (or worse yet, will argue that in their reality, it's actually purple)... there's a Fruit Loop or two in every box of Cherrios... I am a VERY lucky man to have a wife that totally accepts me and my stupid, noisy, scary, emotionally draining CPAP.

OH THE DRAMA!!!

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:23 pm

The story was so similar to the post from Spouse a couple weeks ago-then the "Wow I had no idea someone else feels the same way I do?"-makes me suspect there is a copycat Guest.

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:45 pm

krousseau wrote:The story was so similar to the post from Spouse a couple weeks ago-then the "Wow I had no idea someone else feels the same way I do?"-makes me suspect there is a copycat Guest.

Kinda like Deja vu all over again? Seems to be an epidemic lately, although I have a feeling this sort of thing happens, in various way, a lot more than we can imagine.

What puzzles me is that she came here (at least) and asked for suggestions....and then didn't like what she heard. And, she claims to be an attorney? I thought they were masters at compromise. I'm sure this is like "there's three sides to every story.....his side, her side and the truth".

Some people can sleep together with this therapy and some can't. Couples just have to decide which way it's going to be and go on.

Den