spouses

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:15 am

I realize to you I may sound selfish, however, I just came here looking for helpful suggestions, not being judged by others, I have had enough of that. I have done the sleep aids, the dr said dont do it anymore. I have done the earplugs, and I turn out the lights. It seems that when some cpap users get their equipment they forget about their partners, and just assume we will just have to live with it. While it takes time for you to get used to it takes time for us too. However everyone is different. and its apparently taking me longer. Last night I slept on the couch, I just found this site today and thought I could get some more helpful suggestions. Sorry if I have disturbed you.

wahooker · Post by **wahooker** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:22 am

I Hope you can get used to it.

When my wife had gestational diabetes, It was an inconvenience to me as well, because the diet of the whole family changed. However, I learned to live with it, because I knew of the benefit it would be to both my wife, and my twin sons she was carrying.

Many times, Medical conditions that one person has can be a headache for the whole family. But If you can find any way to tolerate it, it would be a good investment of your effort.

Offerocker · Post by **Offerocker** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:29 am

I've even been the one to leave the room!

Whatever is necessary...and that may vary from night to night.

We can only tell you what works FOR US!

You never know what someone says here just may help you; we don't know you as well as we know each other, and as you can tell, not many of us show our REAL pictures (except me).
We can be blunt and try to be honest with each other when we feel that's what's needed - and I think we've 99% learned the manner in which it was given...from others who truly do care,,,no strings, no expectations. Sort of take it or leave it. Try it on - if it fits, Great! If not, someone else will eventually provide us with a clue.

KimberlyinMN · Post by **KimberlyinMN** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:42 am

Spouse wrote:My husband is new with the mask. I cannot get used to him sleeping with a mask on so I leave the room and sleep in the guest room. Does any other spouses have this problem?

My husband can sleep through anything. He did say that he thinks the CPAP machine is much quieter than the white noise machine I used to use. How does your husband sleep? If he sleeps on his side, is he facing you? Can he sleep on the other side? If not, what if you guys switched sides? I sleep on my left side which thankfully faces away from my husband because then the air doesn't blow on him.

You are right that there is an adjustment period for everyone involved, although since I'm the CPAP-user, I'd have to say that it was hard for me to adjust than it was for my husband.

Like others have advised, you might want to try:

- sleeping mask (Seriously! If it bothers you to see your husband wearing the mask, this ought to help)

- ear plugs - the foam ones are quite comfortable

- white noise machine - This really helped me when I was living in an house that was on a big sugar beet farm. Those trucks, tractors, and whatnot didn't wake me one time during the night when I had the machine on. Only about $12 at Target.

Hmmm... I don't know what other suggestions to make other than making sure you are really tired when you go to bed so you can fall asleep faster. You could also try out his mask to see how weird it is to sleep with something stuck to your face with straps and a lot of air shooting in your mouth or nose and being hooked up to a machine with a six foot hose. I'm being totally serious. I think that might give you a better appreciation for the fact that you don't have to wear it. (Personally, I think I would be really hurt if my husband got up and left the room due to my having to wear the mask. Although since he didn't do this with my "wake the dead" snoring, I doubt anything else would make him do this.)

Kimberly

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CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): cpap machine, hose, CPAP

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:48 am

The noise you describe seems to be excessive. I only have experience with Remstars and a couple masks and have never found them to be that noisy unless something was wrong. Here are three sources of excess or unusual sound I have had experience with:
1) a rather harmonic whistling sound-generally due to water droplets in the hose or mask-especially if the droplets are near an exhaust port-they can be quite small and difficult to see. It is just best to assume if you have this sound-there is water somewhere in the system. Solution is to eliminate them. Hose covers to retain heat and prevent condensation may help-turning down the humidifier may help-easiest (but most expensive) is the heated Aussie hose.
2) leaks-check all areas where there are connections of one part to another; machine to humidifier, hose connections, hole in hose, mask leaks at face or connections, exhause port not working right. Run your hands over the entire hose and all connections to determine if there are leaks
3) something in front of the exhaust port-normally the exhausted air is pretty quiet but if the corner of a pillow or a blanket gets in front of it it will increase the noise level
Check out these things together so you get to know the system and can "fix" the problem if your husband is sleeping too soundly to wake up and do it himself. Give him the elbow to turn over when he is snoring or the air is blowing on you-snap his mask back in place if it has slipped-maybe he'll start to wake up and take care of the noises.
And yes watching the one you love with a mask on may dredge up feelings associated with him having a heart attack and the possibility of losing him-and be disturbing to experience. That can intensify the sound. My suggestion here is to stay with that, watch it, feel it, talk to him about it and have a good cry with him. If you two are not used to talking like this-it is surely time to start-get a third person involved if necessary. Maybe he is worried about it too.
After you do all that; take the Tylenol PM or get an Rx for something to sleep until you get used to it. To get used to the sounds and sights-and to be supportive-you do need to be there.
It would help to know the equipment your husband is using-join the forum-go to the profile-and select the right equipment-use a made up user name like most of the folks here and don't say where you live.
You don't say how involved your husband is in solving this problem-he does need to take care of business too.

kteague · Post by **kteague** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 11:24 am

Hi. Just had a chance to read thru the replies to your post. It was nice to "meet" you in the chatroom first and hear your heart instead of just a brief question on the board. The readers didn't have the benefit of hearing all your commendations of your husband and his work ethic and his commitment to the family and to you, nor how you encouraged him toward seeking diagnosis and treatment. Not that you should need to defend yourself just for wanting some sleep. Of all people, those with sleep disorders can understand the repercussions of not sleeping well. What I am suddenly re-aware of is how easy it is to form opinions with a scope wider than the facts those opinions are based upon. (I think I'm the queen of that.) I hope to stay mindful of that when answering future posts. Having your job performance compromised due to lack of sleep is serious business. Since you've tried since July to "get over it" and just adjust and you're still not sleeping, I do hope you can find a solution soon. Many mask-wearers here have someone sleeping in their bed, so hopefully they too can share how a light-sleeper spouse made the adjustment. And maybe there's even some suggestions already posted that you haven't tried. Best wishes on finding the sleep you need and deserve.
Kathy

tater pie · Post by **tater pie** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:44 pm

Maybe your husband needs to move to another room himself. I'm the hoser and that's what I did. My husband didn't want me to at first but the whole experience was wrecking his sleep and mine too so I made the move. I'm glad I did. As others have said, there is plenty of time to do whatever you want to do before you actually go to sleep and we both rest much better now. Of course, we've been married over 32 years so a little thing like cpap treatment isn't going to hurt our marriage. If you have to sleep in separate rooms, just be sure that you don't do it out of spite or anger or to get even at the other person. As we get older I find that many adjustments have to be made in order to accomodate each other but the loving and caring doesn't have to stop.

whatrdreamsmadeof · Post by **whatrdreamsmadeof** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:03 pm

Please don't stop asking for advice here, I have recently been chewed out here for having too many issues, but only by one person. I can imagine for some it may be frightening to see your loved one with these masks on. Perhaps you've lost a loved one on respiratory equipment or it just triggers a bad feeling. Try the sleep mask you can get at a beauty supply, it may help you. My grandchild is so afraid of my equipment, so I can avoid that. There is great advice here on the forum.......but one rotten apple does make you think twice before reaching in the barrel.. Good Luck. and I know you will sort this out.........Ellen

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:03 pm

I agree with "Tater Pie"......one of you needs to move into another bedroom.
It works for many of us, whether we (including spouses) like it or not, our health comes first and everything else on that list is below that.

That's not being judgemental.....just honest and frank.

Good luck,

Den

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 1:13 pm

whatrdreamsmadeof wrote:....I have recently been chewed out here for having too many issues, but only by one person.

Ellen,

Shame on them! Don't let it get you down. Sooner or later we ALL get to be the object of someone's DIS-affection.

One thing about this forum is that there's almost nothing that someone else hasn't experienced at some time or another. Keep posting......

Best wishes,

Den

salmon · Post by **salmon** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:12 pm

Wow, poor girl, you got hammered on this. Anyway, I have been on CPAP for a month, and my wife is freaked out by it and she is a physician. It is totally weird, even from my persepective, and I don't blame you for leaving the room.
It is like a freakshow, I wear a full face mask, and even sometimes wonder what the hell I am doing.
However, at the end of the day, it is just air blown through a mask that is very unattractive. It does feel good on this end though, and is worth it. I work at a firehall full time so I sleep there twice a week, and there are four of us out of forty that use a cpap, and I get razzed all the time about it. Try not to look at him with it on, and have the lights out when he puts it on. You will just have to try to ignore the noise. It is hard to get figured out how to get it fitting properly so it leaks, and is irritating I know.
Don't know what else to say, it is just one of those freaky things.
Life and death is a little extreme also, I think. Get a grip, whoever wrote that.

Salmon

krousseau · Post by **krousseau** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:28 pm

I think the other aspect in responding to this post is that it pushes a button about something I fear.
I certainly don't want to be "left" because of something I need to do for my health.
We've seen posts from singles about the fear that it will scare off a date, or when to bring it up when meeting someone new, etc.
If I don't recognize my own anxieties or past hurts I can respond before thinking things through.

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:37 pm

Your right Krousseau, the last thing I would have expected was for this to bother me this much. As I have said previous, I was the one who made the appointments for him, I was the one who pushed him to do this. Now, it seems I am the one paying for it. I have to leave the room. I have to leave my bed. Still, I am willing to do it. A little agrily I have to admit but still willing to do it. He gets mad, says I am distrupting his sleep leaving the room. I was in traffic the other day, at a red light, and fell asleep behind the wheel waiting for the traffic to move. Its not just a one sided thing. You are lucky you husband sleeps through everything. I wish I could. Even when I am tired, I am stressed out sleeping in another room over the whole thing.

Wulfman · Post by **Wulfman** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 2:51 pm

salmon wrote:Life and death is a little extreme also, I think. Get a grip, whoever wrote that.

Salmon

No it's not!!! Untreated apneas (OSA and CSA) IS extremely dangerous to a person's health. High blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, type 2 Diabetes, etc., etc. Would you think that "Russian Roulette" is just a game without any consequences? I doubt it! This may be a different "game", but the outcome can (and probably will) eventually be the same.

Here's a link from a thread that's still on the front page of the forum:

viewtopic/t13504/Sleep-Apnea-Linked-to-Stroke-Risk.html

You need to do some more reading.

Den

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 3:01 pm

Alright, look. It is a viable treatment that obviously has merit, I quite enjoy using it believe it or not. Feel very relaxed with it on, even makes me fall asleep, even though I am embarassed by my appearance with it on.

Spouse, I think you just have to let some time go by, and try to perservere. Just as he gets used to using it, you will get used to him using it.

How do you have over a thousand posts on this forum, anything else going in your lives?

I just wanted some advice on acne, and people are forming a political party over it.

Find a hobby.

salmon

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