spouses

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:22 am

My husband is new with the mask. I cannot get used to him sleeping with a mask on so I leave the room and sleep in the guest room. Does any other spouses have this problem?

JCraig · Post by **JCraig** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:25 am

What about it is causing a problem for you? Better for him to be on xPAP than die or kill someone in a car crash though, right? ...

sleepyinsunnyvale · Post by **sleepyinsunnyvale** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:25 am

What can't you get used to? Is it noisy? Is it leaking and blowing air on you?

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:30 am

It is noisy with this loud hum, also it does blow air on me, finally, it freaks me out it looks like my husband is laying there with an oxygen mask on. So i quietly just leave the room. I cant stay there and sleep. Then he says that also disturbs his sleep beause I leave the room. So even if I go to bed before him and he comes up and puts the mask on, then the noise, etc., starts, then it wakes me up and I have to leave my own room. Anybody out there with suggestions?

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:49 am

I will take any suggestions any one has, I could really use some advice on this subject. Please dont be judgemental.

Sleepless in St. Louis · Post by **Sleepless in St. Louis** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:03 am

How about ear plugs and one of those sleeping masks? It's often hard for the mask wearer to get used to the new sleeping arrangements. So, it makes sense that it could take a spouse a while to adjust as well. Without being judgemental as you said, I think it comes down to a long term view of your your partner's health and the relationship. I think you'll get used to it if you give it time and have some patience.

Easier said than done, I know. It's usually the snoring that drives the bed partner out of the room.

Good luck.

Tim

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:23 am

Spouse wrote:It is noisy with this loud hum, also it does blow air on me, finally, it freaks me out it looks like my husband is laying there with an oxygen mask on. So i quietly just leave the room. I cant stay there and sleep. Then he says that also disturbs his sleep beause I leave the room. So even if I go to bed before him and he comes up and puts the mask on, then the noise, etc., starts, then it wakes me up and I have to leave my own room. Anybody out there with suggestions?

"Guest' to "Guest, I'm going to seem to be cruel, so grin & bear it

How long have you been married?
Do you remember why you got married?

You didn't say that you were "sleep deprived", but that you were "freaked out", are bothered by the noise and of the air blowing on you, and he wakes you up when he puts on the mask if you precede him to bed.

You also didn't like having to leave YOUR room.

Well, I cannot help you. You need to help your husband and yourself.

If you're a light sleeper, talk to your doctor about remedies, starting with non-medical, or a light-weight sleeping pill in necessary.

It's hard for me to understand how YOU can have the air blowing on YOU...ROLL OVER! Winter is coming on anyway.

HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THIS IN A POSITIVE MANNER WITH YOUR HUSBAND?
I rather doubt it, since you didn't mention any of his viewpoints.

My recommendation. Take 2 Advil PM, and GROW UP!

Turn out the light in your bedroom so you don't have to look at him.
Move over so you don't feel the air.
Use ear plugs so you don't hear the machine.

Thank him for doing what is necessary to live a longer, healthier life, then do your part. Do you really think he's enjoying it??

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:35 am

Thats the judgemental stuff I was talking about. Thanks for your opinion, unfortunately have heard all of that crap, did all of that crap. That post was no help. If you have no help to offer, I dont need your opinions. Thank you.

linda b · Post by **linda b** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:39 am

You might also try some white noise, such as a fan to provide a steady noise rather than irregular noises from your husband's machine. Can't help you with regard to seeing him in his mask except to echo what others have said -- that is that it is probably saving his life. It is VERY hard to be the wearer of that alien thing on our face. It would be even more difficult without our partner's support. Compliance with this therapy is extremely difficult, and your inability to support your husband could make it even more difficult for him. Do you know that untreated sleep apnea can lead to high blood pressure, heart problems, strokes?

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:42 am

I do know that it can cause all of that, and I do appreciate all of your inputs. However, i came here to get some suggestions from you or others dealing with what I am dealing with. I didnt come here to have to defend my position. All are entitled to their opinions and feelings. I realize the health issues it causes for him. Also what about the health issues its causing for me, i.e., lack of sleep, etc.

Spouse · Post by **Spouse** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:44 am

In the room we have the ceiling fan on everynight, and also the air conditioner with just the fan on lots of white noise.

wolftracker · Post by **wolftracker** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:45 am

because this has changed everybodies lives here ...

what would you like us to say...
all us married users have had our spouses have to get use
to the machine, the mask and the air.

it is a matter of life or death for us

you can try fans to help with the noise ... you can
try covers for the air ... you can try a sleep mask over
your eyes so you dont see him

his life depends on his using the machine ...

it depends on if you want to stay married, get divorced or
be a widow.... that is basically what it comes down to...

you dont like the air and you freak out looking at him

what else can we say ....

sorry you feel that way

.02

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:48 am

Spouse wrote:Thats the judgemental stuff I was talking about. Thanks for your opinion, unfortunately have heard all of that crap, did all of that crap. That post was no help. If you have no help to offer, I dont need your opinions. Thank you.

You made no mention of "judgemental stuff" in your 2 posts.
If you've heard it all before, you didn't say that you tried any of it.

Of course it was no help. You have to l i s t e n and WANT to work at making the situation better.

Why do you call it CRAP? Many people without this same situation DO wear earplugs to bed, DO turn out all of the lights, and some even sleep in separate beds in same room, or different rooms.

There's plenty of time for everything one needs to do prior to going to sleep.
Seems there's two people who need to sleep. So do whatever it takes. I don't think my suggestions were crap. I did think you SOUNDED selfish.

I'm glad to hear my husband breathing whenever I wake up because I KNOW he won't be here in another 5 years at the most. And I am the one wearing the stuff and trying to adjust to it myself. He's made it easy for me, instead of complaining, which doesn't help anyone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:58 am

Spouse wrote:I do know that it can cause all of that, and I do appreciate all of your inputs. However, i came here to get some suggestions from you or others dealing with what I am dealing with. I didnt come here to have to defend my position. All are entitled to their opinions and feelings. I realize the health issues it causes for him. Also what about the health issues its causing for me, i.e., lack of sleep, etc.

The suggestions provided have been good ones. If that's not good enough, then I would recommend a professional who can deal with your issues on a more personal level.
If you have to pay for advice, you may be more inclined to listen to it?

You are BEING defensive for no reason.
WE have to listen to the noise, get air blown on us, and don't dare look in the mirror. We can imagine how unnatractive we look. WE are experiencing the SAME things YOU are!!

We had to face facts, deal with them, and see the maturity in what we needed to do.

I'm sorry that you're unable to cope with this to date. Do what you can to get a good night's sleep. There's been many ideas & suggestions provided here; hope some help.

Offerocker · Post by **Offerocker** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:05 am

Spouse wrote:I do know that it can cause all of that, and I do appreciate all of your inputs. However, i came here to get some suggestions from you or others dealing with what I am dealing with. I didnt come here to have to defend my position. All are entitled to their opinions and feelings. I realize the health issues it causes for him. Also what about the health issues its causing for me, i.e., lack of sleep, etc.

You said: ...i came here to get some suggestions from you or others dealing with what I am dealing with...

Well, we're just living with it as best we can.

spouses

spouses

your probably in the wrong forum