My husband is an a$$hole seriously!

[mzlaura1884]

So i've been on cpap therapy for a little over 3 weeks. It hasn't seemed to phase him and he seemed to not care i was wearing a mask. I got my kids on the bus this morning and decided to go back to bed so of course the mask was put back on.. a few hours later he tried waking me up in pure daylight and was just trying to ask me dumb questions and i didn't want to wake up so i ignored him HAHA

Well this afternoon he says to me... "ARE YOU GOING TO BE ON THIS THING FOREVER? IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY" OMGGGosh i wanted to backhand him seriously. Then i said i don't know yet if i will need it forever of course i said "hopefully not" I mean while yes cpap is helping me at the same who does admit they want to sleep with a mask on their face for the rest of their life.. even if there is a little possibility apnea can go away. He says again "YOU DON'T NEED THAT THING, DO YOU NEED IT BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID OF DYING IN YOUR SLEEP, IF YOU WERE GOING TO DIE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LONG TIME AGO" Wow just Wow. I then told him i think he needs one too because he snores pretty badly himself all though i know he would never ever even go for testing! I said so do you think someone who has heart meds shouldn't take them just because it's medication he says yes! He is of african decent born and raised and i honestly don't know if this has anything to do with his "beliefs of medicine" or if he is just an ass! I don't even know how to feel right now.. kind of ashamed to even post that my husband of 6 years said this to me! We have 1 child together and have been together "10 years"

[Dreamrobot]

all I can say mzlaura is you have my support and I'm pretty sure the support of the community here;
after all , we who suffer through apnea are the only ones who can fully understand how much this
affects our mental and physical health, not only to prevent heart problems,
stay strong, this is for your benefit and it will pay off,
take care,
Dreamrobot

[greatunclebill]

words can't describe what i'd like to do to adjust his attitude. i feel sorry for you being in this position with him. there may be some real tough choices down the road. my real concern is how will he treat you if you get seriously ill, bedridden or need alot of serious care. i don't think i'd want to trust my life in his hands.

[lazer]

Fart in his face and tell him if you don't use the mask, it will be more like a "solid" in his face!

wtf am I saying? It's late....

[SleepingUgly]

To give him the benefit of the doubt, is it possible that he's making light of his own fears? Perhaps he is worried that they put you on the machine because you could die in your sleep without it?

I think only you can answer if he's an A$$ in general. Everyone is an A$$ sometimes.

(This is the most generous I've been in ages, and it probably won't last long! )

[Xney]

This is a tool you can apply to his head to help him transition through this tough period.

[JohnO]

So i've been on cpap therapy for a little over 3 weeks.

I'm really sorry to hear your husband responded so selfishly.

It might be cultural. It might be fear. It might even be just a lack of knowledge of what sleep apnea is, what its long term impact is, and how really easy it is to resolve without surgery or a life of medicine!

Read through the Wiki entry and see if it something that he might read on his own time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obstructive_sleep_apnea

If not, maybe you could remember some of the main points so you are prepared to have a knowledge-based discussion with him, instead of just responding to his emotions.

Is he someone that would respond well to the sleep doc you see? Maybe you should bring him to your next appointment. Let the Doc explain that it -is- likely to be a life-long treatment. That way you aren't seen as "choosing" this treatment. Then, perhaps your husband won't blame you, but will instead blame the medical system.

My wife and I are so happy that we found a therapy that doesn't require surgery and doesn't require a life of popping pills! Breathing plain air is just no big deal. If he's concerned about intimacy -- well, there is no problem with taking the mask off while you are awake...

Good Luck!

[Airplaneman]

You have our support! My wife has been really kind to me on this and I could not imagine not giving her respect to any personal medical decisions or treatment she might choose to pursue. CPAP has improved my life in so many ways it would be cruel to suggest denying it to me. I could not imagine anyone who really cares trying to get me off of it. Hang in there and do it for yourself!
-Airplane

[YogaKitty]

Totally speechless here... Wow

[JohnBFisher]

Normally, I would ask "So, how do you really feel?"... But this time, I think I'll just go with "Need some help whacking him up the side of his head?"

Seriously, you sometimes need to just ignore the ignorant opinions of others. It's your life, not his - though he's probably too self centered to realize that. Do what's right for you and work toward regaining the best health that you can.

[TheRealMacGyver]

As a "newbie" I will say I have had a bit of a complex over the whole thing, BUT my wife has been very supportive, which has helped a lot. I can't imagine what you are going through with that sort of support, but you have my thoughts and prayers coming your way. Maybe he needs the help.

[Java]

I'm so sorry your husband is not supporting you. When I first got my CPAP about two weeks ago my husband went with me to the mandatory class before getting my titration machine. I asked him if my mask bothered him and he said, "Nope, it doesn't bother me at all." He has even gone and returned and picked up equipment for me, and he checks me while I am sleeping to see if I am "leaking" and he sometimes tries to read the pressure on my machine and gives me updates when I wake up. I am so thankful for him!! I hope your husband comes around, but in the meantime you have us here for you!

[jen4700]

Ask him one simple question, "Do you want to have more sex?" CPAP therapy will definitely do wonders for your sex drive!

[kteague]

I agree with those who have said that only you know if he is really a jerk or said the the things he said because he didn't know how to articulate what he was wanting to say in a healthier way. To be fair, it is clear he doesn't think you are in danger without the machine, so I'll give that to his credit, though he is indeed rude and unsupportive. In my head I imagine you having this conversation with him: I am disappointed, hurt and angry that rather than become informed and support me you've instead tried to make a difficult thing for me even more difficult because I see I'm doing it without your support. I hope you decide to rethink this because it is unsettling as your wife to know I can't count on your support.

Let that sit on his mind and heart for a while and see if he comes back with a different perspective. If not, shame on him.

[rosacer]

mzlaura

I'm sorry you lived such an experience but let me tell you, you don't need to feel ashamed at all. The one who would need to feel VERY ashamed is your husband.

Continue with your treatment, it is for your benefit and for your kid too. Maybe one day your husband will understand his wrong, but if it never happens you will still be the winner.

Not everyone out there is able to understand what we live and feel. Here you will find support and comprehension, don't give up.

All the best