Sleeping with a partner who wears CPAP

[Denial Dave]

my wife loved my comfortgel blue FFM, she claimed it's diffuser did not put out a jet stream of air. But unfortunately, the mask did not work for me.

My quattro puts out a serious jet stream of air via the vent.

I bought her a cover / wrap made out of t-shirt fabric with a hoodie. The hoodie keeps the cool air from blowing on her neck when I am sleeping faced towards her.

If I recall correctly, I got it from old navy via their website

[McSleepy]

Does anyone know why the vent needs to be at the front of the mask? I'm dreaming of a mask with an exhaust hose connected to the main hose which sends the exhaust air out somewhere near the machine, and not on my arm, or against the pillow or blanket.

Keep Dreaming!

My motivation for wanting a mask like that is quite a bit stronger: since I can only sleep face-down, I'd end up blocking the exhaust (by pressing it against the pillow) and rebreathing the CO2-rich air, and... you can figure out the consequences. So, from day one I've had to modify my masks accordingly. In fact, just yesterday I modified my new mask. It's a Puritan Bennett Breeze Nasal Pillow mask that's the only one I've ever been able to make work (sleeping position + high pressures).

The modification is rather involved but is not too difficult. Because of the hassle, in the nearly 10 years I've been using CPAP, I've only had two masks, this new one was the third one. The way I do it now is I take a 3/4" OD (5/8" ID) vinyl clear hose and cut a 5" portion of it and split it in half longitudinally. Then, I cut small notches to go over the adjustment screw and fit it on top of the nasal CPAP hose. Then, and here's the ugly part (literally, not figuratively - it is ugly to look at), I wrap it with masking tape to insulate the air flow. What that does is exactly as stated above - it makes the air flow go not directly forward, in a fast, hissing, disturbing manner, but flow gently up around the hose, without barely making any noise. My face is sensitive to air blowing and with this, I don't feel anything. For me, of course, the most important feature is that it makes it impossible to block the vent. I also make some other modifications, like adding padding on the edge of the nasal pillow piece so that it rests comfortably on my upper lip (and not entirely on my nostrils).

This modification makes it possible for me to use it, but also makes it very quiet and comfortable, and keeps it sealed at pressures up to 20 cm (confirmed). It also does not blow any air towards my wife, which is also important.

McSleepy

[patrissimo]

This is called being a drama queen. The vast majority of cpap machines make much less noise then an air conditioner. And if all marriage means to you is arms wrapped around you at night he would be well rid off you, because your attitude will screw up his treatment to no end. You are healthy, you have the option to sleep in another room, you have nothing to whine about here because it is not all about you, it is about his life. "Dear, I am having a heart attack". "Oh, look I broke a nail, How am I going to be seen in public this way? This is a disaster." "Dear, I am having a heart attack"." I have to go out and get a manicure!!!"

This is totally unfair to OP. OP did not say "I am embarrassed by CPAP it looks weird". She said that CPAP is messing up her sleep. In other words, what she is suffering is exactly what all of us are putting hoses on our head to try to avoid. It's not something minor. It should be easier to treat that sleep apnea, but it's still something important.

Maybe you have a house with extra bedrooms that are equally quiet, and heated, and have extra mattresses, but how do you know that OP does? I toss and turn and I need room to do it, so sleeping on a couch messes up my sleep just as much as sleeping without CPAP and having untreated apnea.

[BlackSpinner]

This is totally unfair to OP. OP did not say "I am embarrassed by CPAP it looks weird". She said that CPAP is messing up her sleep. In other words, what she is suffering is exactly what all of us are putting hoses on our head to try to avoid. It's not something minor. It should be easier to treat that sleep apnea, but it's still something important.

Maybe you have a house with extra bedrooms that are equally quiet, and heated, and have extra mattresses, but how do you know that OP does? I toss and turn and I need room to do it, so sleeping on a couch messes up my sleep just as much as sleeping without CPAP and having untreated apnea.

Right and all she has to do is move to another room or buy ear plugs versus a having her health and actually survival dependent on using the mask every single night. If all it takes to sleep is to move over 12 feet it is a minor issue. Moving 12 feet is not equal to the potential of strokes, heart attacks diabetes, dementia and such.

Oh and I have slept on the couch many many times so my partner could sleep in spite of my snoring and I spent about 6 months sleeping on the couch here so I could look after my mother with dementia. An air mattress (which are quite comfortable) cost under $20.

[jencat824]

+++++what chunky frog said. You really do sound like a "ME, ME, ME " person with your comments. Give the guy a break, it takes time and EFFORT to get this therapy going. What would he do if the shoe was on the other foot, and it was YOU that had sleep apnea. Either get with the program and just love the guy for who and what he is....or ............
Tell him please, to ask any questions he needs to ask to get his therapy on the right track......there are no stupid questions here, we have all been there at one time or another and will answer any questions.

I agree with those who see the OP as a 'drama queen' & 'self-centered'. I've got a wonderful hubby who put up with MY CPAP issues for the last 12 yrs. He just started on CPAP end of Dec & if he has any issues, I will put up with all of them gladly. Since he started CPAP he has more energy & less bitchyness because he is NOT sleep deprived now. Your partner needs you now more than ever, so get on board or pack.
Jen

[kaiasgram]

imdreaming -- The American Sleep Apnea Association website forum has a section called "A Place For Spouses" where you may find support and practical suggestions. I don't know how helpful it will be as I don't spend time on that forum, but thought you might want to know about it if you haven't already come across it.

As kteague and Patrissimo both said, cpap definitely affects spouses and partners and your needs count too. I don't think you sound like a bad person, but I do think you sound like a very young person. If you love this man and cherish the relationship then I hope you and he can work out the challenges that cpap has presented. Because way bigger challenges are going to come along in any lifetime partnership. Best wishes.

[RogerSC]

As kteague and Patrissimo both said, cpap definitely affects spouses and partners and your needs count too. I don't think you sound like a bad person, but I do think you sound like a very young person. If you love this man and cherish the relationship then I hope you and he can work out the challenges that cpap has presented. Because way bigger challenges are going to come along in any lifetime partnership. Best wishes.

Hear, hear *smile*.

[ems]

The OP came here in the hopes of getting some helpful suggestions. She wants to stay with this man... why else would she have posted here. I agree that she sounds like a younger person... so let's suggest things to help her cope with situation. Bash her enough and she won't come back for the support she obviously needs.

When I was younger I too thought arms wrapped around me was the end all be all. I'm sure most of you will agree that it takes life experiences to realize there is more, much more.

So, let's encourage her... not jump on her and make her feel like a horrible person.

[chunkyfrog]

OK, probably shouldn't condemn a young person for being immature.

[jencat824]

OK, I admit I was harsh. Perhaps the The American Sleep Apnea Association website, "A Place For Spouses", suggested by kaiasgram is a good place to start looking for workable alternatives.

My gut reaction was based on the fact that my spouse has always supported by efforts, maybe he was inconvenienced by my OSA and never said anything. I have been on the hose so long I knew my hubby had OSA and never thought I'd get him to admit it and do anything about it. I was thrilled over the moon when he came to me and said he wanted a sleep test. Now we both are hoseheads, and I see such a change in him, I'm so happy, I'd support anything he needed to do to get this therapy working for him.

When I think about my post in answer to hers , I know I am looking at it from MY perspective, not the OP's. She is probably young and obviously wanting to figure out how to deal with this, since it is upsetting her sleep too. I hope the place for spouses can help her find way to work around this. I also hope she knows what a gift it is to have OSA diagnosed when you are young. He will hopefully be spared all the side effects of OSA and life a long & happy life with the OP, so I wish them both a happy ending to this problem.

Jen

[idamtnboy]

Partner and I are still in very early adjustment stages with CPAP. He hasn't found a set up that seems to work for him and since he started using it, I haven't had a decent night of sleep. If he had a solution that improved his sleep and health, I wouldn't mind that I'm sleeping in the living room for it. Since it doesn't work for him yet, it's hard not to feel like this (purposeless) evil machine has forced itself between us.

I am currently sleeping on a mattress in our living room due to the noise and exhaust keeping me up. I sincerely hope he gets a machine/mask setup that improves his life --- he has gone from a very high functioning person to someone with debilitating sleep issues. I won't be able to cohabit with him any longer if we don't figure something out though --- his sleep machine keeping me up is going to put my career at risk, which I can't have. If he finds a CPAP solution that really improves his sleep, we will likely need to move to a bigger house so we can have separate bedrooms. I think our relationship can survive that, but I also don't know that I want to marry a man who can't wrap his arms around me at night.

GROSS ALERT!!!

Remember, a lot of things we consider problems are just inconveniences. I'll say to you the same thing I told my daughter one time several years ago when she was complaining about the "problems" in her life. "Sometimes life hands you a shit sandwich, and you have no choice but to eat it!"

We empathize with you. Stick with it. Things will work out in the end, for the better for both of you. Trust us. We've been there, and we're still here.

[johnthomasmacdonald]

There are limits to what anyone should be expected to tolerate - no one should ever stoop so low as to - the horror! the horror! - sleeping with someone who wears a cpap mask - throw the bums out

[ems]

Idam and John... you both sound like the idiots you are!

I sleep with a mask also so what's the point?! This woman is attempting to adjust to sleeping with someone who needs and wears a mask. A little kind support wouldn't kill either of you.

Do you think either of you said something constructive? Gross alert is right on!

[lisacaice]

Wow

[ems]

"I feel like this (purposeless) evil machine has forced itself between us."


That's a hell of a statement to make and it says a lot about what this person thinks about her partners illness.

She doesn't understand her partner's illness. That is why she came here. She probably never even heard of sleep apnea!

So, the machine and the mask threaten her relationship, at least that's what she perceives.

Why are so many of you threatened by what she says... ? Good grief - you'd think it were you!