The Great Vaseline™ Conspiracy of '06

[elliejose]

ROTFL!!!

I love it!

Hats off to you both Petroleum Sheik and Iowa Farmer!

[fredw]

It is minimally true. No, it will not cause cancer, aids,bubonic plague, athletes foot, and fingernail fungus. But when I worked in a hospital there was a case of an elderly woman that habitually put vaporrub (a petroleum based jelly product) up her nose for congestion problems (please note - this was a long term use, she was probably not in the best of resporitory shape, and she put it up her nose). But she did get a buildup in her lungs, enough to cause hospitalization (the stuff IS NOT good on the surfaces of the lungs).

[S. Claus]

What I find most disturbing is my good friend Charles' convenient ignoring of the facts.

Take his dismissive attitude towards the connection between arctic vaseline drilling and the rise in lipoid pneumonia in caribou.

Dear Young Francis,
I must agree with young Charles on this issue. I own and care for livestock, including reindeer and caribou, as part of my job. And I often use vaseline to keep their noses warm and moist during the harsh winters we have up here. And vaseline has been particularly useful during long trips I take with my reindeer late every year.

And in all my years of caring for caribou and reindeer with vaseline, not once have they had a case of lipoid pneumonia.

Oh, and sometimes, when Mrs. Claus is away and my little helpers are sleeping, I rub vaseline on the reindeers' butts and get busy! Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho! Oh, I've been naughty!

Now remember, children, I'm always watching, so please be nice to each other on this board.

S.Claus

[Another Caribou Rancher]

Dear Mr. Claus,

I also raise caribou (to supply five-star French restaurants in the Anchorage area) and I'm confused on this issue.

I have been using Ayr Gel, KY Jelly, and endangered whale blubber to lubricate my cariboozes' noses. I thought vaseline is not recommended for use with caribou because it can breakdown and deteriorate the leather on their headgear and harnesses...Am I wrong?

I didn't think vaseline was dangerous to the caribou themselves, but what I've read on this board has given me pause. I think, just to be on the safe side, caribou ranchers should stop using vaseline in caribou noses. Why take the risk when there are safe alternatives available?

Sean

[Aumigo]

Dear Mr. Claus,

I also raise caribou (to supply five-star French restaurants in the Anchorage area) and I'm confused on this issue.

I have been using Ayr Gel, KY Jelly, and endangered whale blubber to lubricate my cariboozes' noses. I thought vaseline is not recommended for use with caribou because it can breakdown and deteriorate the leather on their headgear and harnesses...Am I wrong?

I didn't think vaseline was dangerous to the caribou themselves, but what I've read on this board has given me pause. I think, just to be on the safe side, caribou ranchers should stop using vaseline in caribou noses. Why take the risk when there are safe alternatives available?

Sean

Great, another self-pontificating Caribou expert spreading false information about vaseline and livestock.

You are a complete IDIOT. NO ONE on this board has ever suggested, recommended, or implied that you should put vaseline in a Caribou's nose. ALL we have said is that a SMALL amount of vaseline placed on the OUTSIDE of the NARES is a perfectly safe method for lubricating a Caribou's nose.

It makes me very angry when MORONs like Another Caribou Rancher come on this board anonymously and post erroneous information about cariboos. And I believe it is my sole responsibility to respond to this and make sure that people have accurate information about the use of Vaseline and Caribous. I am just very very angry about this. I am so Angry. I am an angry angry angry angry Caribou-Vaseline-lover.

I'm ANGRY!

[Ayr Gel Stockholder]

I am an angry angry angry angry Caribou-Vaseline-lover.

A vaseline-free caribou in winter:


Vaseline-using caribou in winter:


You be the judge.

[Petroleum Sheik]

Official Corporate Announcement
-------------------------------------

Everybody, thank you very much for your interest in our products. We are now incorporating finely ground Purina Caribou Chow in our brand new line of Petroleum Jelly. This new line of caribou-friendly petroleum jelly will be marketed as "Caribou Friendly Petroleum Jelly". Our original line of petroleum jelly will tentatively be relabelled "Cari-Boo-Boo Jelly" pending further analysis from our newly formed Livestock and Consumer Research Department..

While our research department is still not certain that our new caribou-friendly petroleum jellies will result in fewer caribou deaths, we are confident this gesture will serve as an eco-friendly step in the right direction. Again, thank you for expressing interest in our petroleum product lines.

Sincerely,
The Great Petroleum Jelly Sheik
a.k.a. "Big Jelly Man in the Desert"



Pictured Above: Cari-Boo-Boo Jelly production unit number 57

[StillAnotherGuest]

Well, sooner or later, you're going to have to admit that the earth is round.

Lipid Pneumonia and Petroleum Jelly

At least this reference says that LP usually improves once you stop exposure, but this is the only one that is that optimistic. And of course, you have to stop. (Bold is mine.)

Lipoid Pneumonia

Lipoid pneumonia is a noninfectious, inflammatory lung disorder caused by the aspiration of mineral oil or other oily substances. It is most common in elderly patients and others with impaired swallowing. Whether or not swallowing is impaired, lipoid pneumonia can result from the use of petroleum jelly or other oily substances applied to the lips or nose to relieve chronic dryness or mineral oil taken by mouth for relief of constipation. The most common symptom is a chronic cough, which may be caused by coexisting lung disease rather than lipoid pneumonia; fever is uncommon. Often, the disease is discovered on a routine chest radiograph that shows a focal, dense infiltrate, usually in a lower lobe or in the right middle lobe...

The only specific therapy is avoidance of exposure to mineral oil and other lipid-containing agents. Lipoid pneumonia usually improves slowly after exposure to the agent is eliminated, though complete clearing of the infiltrate does not always occur.

Poll all you want there, Scooter, but you're whistling in the graveyard.
SAG

[Voice in the Wilderness]

People!!! Can't you see what's happening???!!

It stands out like the sore nose on your face!

Those with an agenda are trying to lead you down a path littered with caribou scat! Distracting you from the issue at hand!

Instead of worrying about the plight of a few ruminants, direct your attention upwards. To the sky!

Think about it.

Thousands upon thousands of nasal pillows users smearing on vaseline with reckless abandon -- EVERY NIGHT!!!

Thousands upon thousands of mask vents chugging out vaseline fumes from slickened, slathered snoots -- EVERY NIGHT!!!

And just where do you think those noxious fumes go?

Yes!!!!! They waft up to punch yet another pinprick in the ozone!!

Those heedless Aura users are the worst of all, mind...what with their fondness for vents pointing straight up!!!

Who cares if vaseline addicts don't care about themselves? Worse than that, they don't even care about the PLANET!!!

No planet = No caribou.

res ipsa loquitur

[Ayr Gel Stockholder]

It's all a terrible conspiracy!

Meet the top scientist in the R&D department for the so-called "caribou-friendly petroleum jelly":


Don't let this happen to you!

A boycott is our only hope.

[rested gal]

Well. I must say that the dire predicament of non-vaselined, chafed nosed caribou in winter brings a tear to my eye.

I take solace in this:

[StillAnotherGuest's Guest]

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/c ... /103/2/e19

In a majority of cases, Lipoid Pneumonia is a result of mineral oil given orally for medicinal purposes. Aspiration is the common mechanism, although it has been reported after rectal administration as a result of mineral oil embolization and from excessive use of lip balm.

http://www.residentandstaff.com/article.cfm?ID=208

Predisposing factors include an impaired swallowing mechanism secondary to neurologic and esophageal disorders, and the habitual use of different kinds of oils—mineral, animal, or, less common, the vegetable oils found in laxatives, mouth spray, nasal drops, oral lubricants, traditional folk remedies, or insecticides. Lipoid pneumonia is also an occupational hazard of fire eaters.

Lipoid pneumonia is a rare clinical entity. Whew, thank goodness for that at least.

http://www.answers.com/topic/chap-stick

Any given ChapStick may contain camphor, beeswax, menthol, petrolatum, and phenol. However, there are hundreds of variants of ChapStick, each with its own composition.

http://palimpsest.stanford.edu/don/dt/dt2482.html

Paraffin: A waxy crystalline substance that in the pure form is white, odorless and translucent and has the approximate chemical formula of C 20 H 42 (and above). It is obtained from petroleum by distillation.

And, don't forget to check under your beds at night before turning on that CPAP. You never know what might be lurking there just waiting to screw up your lungs!

[Being entertained]

Well. I must say that the dire predicament of non-vaselined, chafed nosed caribou in winter brings a tear to my eye.

I take solace in this:

LOL!
And R.G., you brought a tear to my eye! Now THAT's a classic!

[chdurie2]

I so heartily agree with Rested Gal's sign. Besides, animal vaseline is called Bag Balm. It also has lanolin and an antibiotic/anesthetic such as that found in Neosporin, and many people like Bag Balm better for themselves than either vaseline or neosporin. And it comes in a pretty tin. TI've had a tin in my medicine cabinet for ages. Think I'll try it with my cpap and on my cpap wound.

Caroline

[Well-meaning Alarmist]

Dear readers, do NOT be lulled into a false sense of security. For we can see, first hand, the ill-effects of excessive vaseline inhalation:

John Doe. Age 22:




John Doe. Age 23: