Any good CPAP jokes?

rpalmer · Post by **rpalmer** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:03 am

Buford walked into a doctor's office, and the receptionist asked him what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history, and told Buford to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Buford to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles."
The doctor asked, "Where?"
Buford replied, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"

rested gal · Post by **rested gal** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:57 am

Buford replied, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"

ROTFL!

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:45 pm

Last post on this subject before I go away:

Another poem by sir_cumference

Ode to my APAP Machine

Shall I compare thee to .. a vacuum cleaner in reverse?
Or maybe a robber as you’ve emptied my purse?
Sitting there burbling strapped to my nose,
Wheezing and hissing all so I can does
Tubing and headbands and silicon and gel,
Washing it out to make sure it don’t smell
Worrying about pressures, apnoeas, hypops
If I’ve set you so high will you blow off my socks?
All so I can sleep and rest in the night
Not swizzle and turn with my pillow hard fight!
To wake up refreshed like when I was younger
Not shattered half-dead round the kitchen to blunder.
And as you’re there waiting and watching me breathe
Are you laughing at me as for romance I grieve?
But now I’m awake I will put you away
To get on with my life for the rest of the day.

sir_cumference

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:41 pm

Do you see Sir Cumference's hidden talents emerging? Not only is he a stand-up comedian, but he's a poet, too! Multi-talented (and sweet). What a guy!!!!

Macishman · Post by **Macishman** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 1:49 pm

Q: What's a CPAP user's favorite movie?

A: Elephant Man

Q: Wha's a CPAP user's favorite rock song?

A: Under Pressure

A man walks into a bar with a Respironics CPAP set to 10 and the bartender looks up -- Stop breathing if you've heard this one...

WAFlowers · Post by **WAFlowers** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:09 pm

Macishman wrote:A man walks into a bar with a Respironics CPAP set to 10 and the bartender looks up -- Stop breathing if you've heard this one...

It's 4PM and this terrible joke finally got me out of my foul mood and laughing. Thank you!

OK, a man walks into a bar with a 420E set to 6/11 and says ...

.
.
.
(wait for it)
.
.
.

OW!

_________________

CPAPopedia Keywords Contained In This Post (Click For Definition): 420E, respironics, CPAP

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 12:40 pm

What do you call a holy CPAPer hose-support?

Hose-hanger!

What do you call a holy CPAPer hose-support in the loft?

Hose-hanger in the highest!

sir_cumference (no ordinary battery looks like him or last like him)

sir_cumference · Post by **sir_cumference** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 2:43 pm

Why wouldn’t the hose-head cross the road?

Because he didn’t like to work under pressure!

sir_cumference (lost in space!!)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 4:20 pm

sir_cumference,
Are the Knight who designed the "Round Table"

Now you know why I'm not logged in?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 7:51 am

What’s the difference between a CPAP machine and a teacher?

One puts you under pressure to sleep; the other puts you under pressure to stay awake!

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:51 am

Guest,

GOOD ONE !!!!

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:58 am

Well, here we go.This is along the lines of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists
From the home office in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota The Top Ten Alternative Uses for CPAP

10 - Leaf blower.
9 - Indoor kite flying.
8 - Blow out dust and dirt from computer keyboards.
7 - Attach to flagpole to keep flags flying on windless days.
6 - Blow up balloons for parties.
5 - Hair dryer.
4 - Inflate beach balls and rafts.
3 - Play wind chimes year round.
2 - Attach to rotating bubble wand and make bubbles like Lawrence Welk.

AND

1 - Poor man's Jacuzzi

Disclaimer:
No, I can't take credit for these...got them from the Internet.

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:17 am

I'm lovin this thread! Terry

"Knock, knock,"

"Hose there????"

well....that's as good as I could come up with! anybody laughing?????

Flower51 · Post by **Flower51** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:25 am

There was a hosehead from Nantucket

Who tried comfort curve and said "chuck it"

His leaks were a bear

His air hardly there

Till his nose fell upon

the Nasal Aire prong

And he loved it :

Terry

Sleepless on LI · Post by **Sleepless on LI** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:10 am

Terry,

Did you make these up? If so, great job. I literally laughed out loud on the first one. More, please?

Any good CPAP jokes?

The All Too Typical Visit to the Doctor