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General Discussion on any topic relating to CPAP and/or Sleep Apnea.
new2
 
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Singles, XPAP obvious at night

Postby new2 on Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:07 am

or do you hide it until you get to know and trust your date?

I just can't seem to be open about my medical situation. I hide everything under the bed and on the "few" nights my potential partner has spent the night, I wait until he is fast asleep and pull out by Nasalaire II and extra long hose with the rest of my gear still under the bed so everything isn't medical looking if he wakes up. I try to wake first and sneak everything back under the bed before he gets up. No way I would ever risk him seeing me in a hybrid mask. No way, no how. I guess you could say I have a hang up about it. Mike Moran, a very loved and respected poster here, (he's sooo funny it's unbelievable) wears his xpap with such a healthy sense of humor. I wish I could be like him. If you do a search, u will find his postes about it with lots of humor to go with it.
Whenever I get down about being a single girl on xpap, I go back and read stuff from his book posted here. It never fails to cheer me up and put everything in perspective :wink:
I still keep my NA II for special nights (still too embarrassed for anyone to see me in my hybrid mask) :cry: I'll get over it when I find the right person. He's out there, I know it!

What do other singles do ? The ones still looking for that special someone or the ones that found someone and how you exposed your situation.....were you out of the closet right away?


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Sleepless in St. Louis
 
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Postby Sleepless in St. Louis on Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:45 am

I hear ya. But, you really only have 2 options in my opinion. You can prowl the malls for men who appear to have mask marks on their faces, (check for a wedding ring second) and go up to the ones you think are cute and ask them out. Your chances here are limited at best. :lol:

Or you can just be upfront with the person before it ever gets to the bedroom stage. Try to make it humorous to make it less scary at first. Then you have to explain how serious the condition is left untreated and the bad things that will happen to you without the mask. Speaking from experience and from a single guys perspective, if I was truly interested in someone, how they look when they are asleep would be very low on my list. If the person cannot accept something this important to your health and well being, tthen hey may not be someone you'd want to keep working on a relationship with?

I know it's hard, but I know I would not want something like this hidden from me. I'd wonder what else they were hiding once they came clean.

Just me though.


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bsil
 
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Postby bsil on Fri Jan 26, 2007 9:49 am

New2-
I understand your concern. I am no longer a young single; however, if your date ever goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he will see your mask while you are sleeping.

The bigger picture is, of course, IMHO, to get to know this person really well first, if this person is mature enough, then discuss the nature and impact of untreated OSA. If they are "turned off" by this, then, they would not have made a supportive mate anyway. Remember "in sickness and in health".
Our mask issues might be a great way to weed out the "bad ones".
Good Luck,
Barb

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Postby Guest on Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:01 am

I had the luck of getting my CPAP at almost the same time as the significant other. So I did not have to hide it, and yet I did. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing, and I did not use it much initially. Then one day, I mentioned it, and she said I don't understand why you are not using it more.

So, basically the "bubble machine" is part of the routine. It stops the snoring, and it puts the damper on falling asleep in each other arms. Although, I side sleep, so the GF can spoon me, it she wants.

You might make it part of the sleep over discussion, just like birth control... part of the no glove, no love. or to but a better phrase, Sleep with me, sleep with my CPAP. Hang that on the fridge, and see if that get's the discussion going ;)


downriverrose
 
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Postby downriverrose on Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:33 am

I totally understand how you feel. When I got my first CPAP I was a little embarrassed too. Instead of hiding it, however, I had fun with it. When I first received my mask, I put it on along with a motorcycle helmet and paraded around the house in front of my family and friends. I even allowed them to take pictures. They even called me Maverick from the movie Top Gun for a little while. It made the transition a lot easier. I have a new boyfriend now, and even though we haven't taken things to that level yet, I made it clear to him upfront that I have it, why I have it, and how much better I feel with it. I let him look at it and see me with it. He's used to the idea and even reminds me to use it, he can tell when I haven't used it in awhile by the way I look, feel, and act. You'd be surprised how well men can handle these things.


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Postby Guest on Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:07 am

I am married, but I think that I can relate...

Look at the positive side of this. If you need a machine, chances are that you snore real loud. While the sex may be great, it may drive a non snorer away. The machine will take care of that issue.

Also, do you really want to have sex with a person who can not accept who you are, warts and all...

Consider being Darth Vader... I'll say no more about this area ...

Good luck with whatever you decide...

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Linda3032
 
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Postby Linda3032 on Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:11 pm

Hey, you might check if there is a "support group" in your area. It might be the perfect place to meet the perfect man.

Click on this link to see if one is closeby:

http://www.cpaptalk.com/viewtopic/t1565 ... cator.html

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Goofproof
 
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Postby Goofproof on Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:33 pm

You haven't lived until you've been arrested at "Lincare", for trolling for dates, in the waiting room. :D Jim

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SleepingBeauty
 
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Postby SleepingBeauty on Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:43 pm

If the person cannot accept something this important to your health and well being, tthen hey may not be someone you'd want to keep working on a relationship with?


I couldn't agree with this more! If you don't use your machine, you could die. Plain and simple.

In my case, I'm engaged. My fiance seems to be having trouble with the whole CPAP thing. We are going snowshoeing with a group next month and he asked me if I was going to bring it. !?!?! That is a big red flag to me. It's not like we would be sleeping in one big room with others, we have our own room. I am seriously taking a hard look at this relationship and his inability to respect the fact that I have a medical condition is playing big here. He has had open heart surgery, has a major scar from it, yet it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I am beginning to think the CPAP machine might have saved me in more ways than one! :wink:

I think if you're comfortable enough to sleep with a man, you can be comfortable enough to discuss your medical equipment. If he runs....oh well! You don't really want a man like that anyway, do you?

Now, if I break this engagement and am back in the dating pool, remind me that I shouldn't feel awkward about the mask, okay?


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Sleepless in St. Louis
 
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Postby Sleepless in St. Louis on Fri Jan 26, 2007 4:01 pm

Our mask issues might be a great way to weed out the "bad ones".


Actually, this is brilliant. I think you can probably learn alot about a person by the way they react to something like this. Is the person selfish and more interested in themselves or do they really care out me and my well being. Show me a perfect person and I'll show you someone I probably would not get along with that well.

I used to "weed out the bad ones" by taking girls on a float trip. (We have a bunch of small rivers around STL that you can float on in a canoe). It is a pretty good indication of how well you can get along with someone. You have to work together to get from point A to point B. You have to go a day (gasp) without a shower and hair dryer. You sometimes run your date into the weeds on accident. How do they react to it? It's kind of the same thing when you break out the old xpap. How they react to it speaks volumes about the person's character, IMHO.

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Gerald
 
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Postby Gerald on Fri Jan 26, 2007 7:47 pm

When the special lady in my life realized that...... between snores......I wasn't breathing correctly......and that my blood pressure was out of control.....she became very urgent in her persuasion to get me to go to the doctor. She was widowed once.....and she is not interested in being widowed twice.

Every morning, we both check over the Encore print-out.......and she is my greatest supporter.

Every night, she goes to sleep with my arm around her......and that's the way she wants to keep it.

Gerald

Paul B
 
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Postby Paul B on Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:25 pm

Gerald,

A beautiful story. Keep it up. You've figured out that happiness is two people caring about each other, and watching out for each other's condition.

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leaveye
 
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Postby leaveye on Fri Jan 26, 2007 10:29 pm

Are you kidding? The first thing I do after... well, you know :oops:... is throw on the mask and tape my mouth shut. You see it's always been awkward for me to find a polite and cordial way of saying "please leave now, don't call or ask my name." That is until CPAP entered my life. Now, I just mask up and she's gone so fast that she leaves a hole in the air where she was standing.
Of course, every now and then, I'll have a girl get that look in her eye like I just did something incredibly erotic by masking up. It's those rare times that I'm the one who is running like hell--hose tape and all.


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bookwrm63
 
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Postby bookwrm63 on Sat Jan 27, 2007 2:57 pm

Goofproof wrote:You haven't lived until you've been arrested at "Lincare", for trolling for dates, in the waiting room. :D Jim


Do you have a story you'd like to share with us Jim??? hehehehe.. :lol:

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birdshell
 
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Postby birdshell on Sat Jan 27, 2007 5:14 pm

Being single, and having read about this issue before, here is my take on the subject:

We are lucky.

We are lucky in so many, many ways.

We are lucky that we can afford to have such wonderful ( :wink: ) equipment that saves us from many maladies.

We are lucky to have support systems, such as this forum and the people who contribute to this bulletin board.

We are lucky to have so many forms of xPAP available, that allow us to participate in our own treatment. (I cannot imagine what was available 5-10 years before, all of you longtime hoseheads.)

And, you are so lucky! The Nasalaire II (or any xPAP) is a wonderful screening system for finding a good partner. Sorting out the good fish in the sea from the predators is a tricky business, and you get to find out which fish do not smell badly right away!

We are afraid of the unknown, usually. Why not discuss it with this guy during the day, and explain how you look and your fear of his reaction. Then you may be able to show him yourself "en masque" and find out what he thinks.

There is a children's book called, "Ira Sleeps Over." It deals with this issue, as Ira is afraid to sleep without his teddy bear. When he is invited to a friend's house to spend the night, he finds that the friend ALSO sleeps with something.

So, that begs the question: what problem does this guy have that HE may be embarrassed to tell you? And why are you hiding your mask-wearing self from him and making it harder for HIM to tell YOU what his secret may be?

Lastly, check out the mask contest. It should give you a few ideas!

Click Here to Go to the Mask Contest Posting

Entries Start Monday, January 29, 2007
Be kinder than necessary; everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

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