Hosehead Humor

There's a full moon on the rise
And hoseheads all beneath night skies
Break the bonds of sanity
To weird or wild or kinky be!


O.K. poets! Get your mental juices running.......I can't stay too long, because my GD will be back soon, and for a seven year old she's a superb reader.......I don't want her to see what goes on here( especially from some folks!) Poor kid.......she has to share a room with me and the MACHINE tonight........

You asked for it so no groans please!

A little word association...

Remember when?
Someone said hose and you thought of watering the lawn
The first rate to your mind was the interest on your savings account
Snoring was thought merely an annoyance
Disorder was the condition of a house during a remodeling project
Masks were for Halloween
Rainouts cancelled baseball games
Someone said tube and you thought of inner tube rafting
Chatting was over coffee or the back fence
Tonsils and adenoids were the only expendable ENT parts
Humidifiers in the bedroom were for babies with colds
The only sleep clinic you knew of was called vacation, and...

Mouth taping was mentioned only in criminal reports!




Okay, how about some limericks.....

BEFORE:

A very long night lay ahead
As she tossed and turned in her bed
She used to feel better
A real go getter
Now she's a zombie instead

Oh, for a little shut-eye
Don't want to say I would die
Cause it really could be
If not viewed seriously
And that, my friend, is no lie

They call it a sleep disorder
For when I sleep I'm a snorter
I did not even know
I put on such a show
Till my kid became a reporter

DURING:

I've learned a new word - titrate
My snoring it should abate
They say I'll feel better
Become a jet setter
Once they determine my rate

What is my AHI?
I can only respond with a sigh
I don't know all this stuff
It's got me in a huff
Is all this just pie-in-the-sky?

To this machine I am wed
Not my plan for fun in the bed
Darth Vader's not hot
And hot mama I'm not
The rest is best left unsaid


AFTER:

Some sleep is better than none
At least I can now face the sun
As I beat the alarm
I realize there's no harm
Even though this is not very fun

Was that a burst of energy
I thought it could never be
I went for a walk
Stayed awake for a talk
What else... I guess we shall see

This whole mess had me seeing red
I once said I'd rather be dead
But to my chagrin
I'm alive once again
All because I've become a hosehead

Kteague~

Hysterical! are you a teacher or something? You came up with those poems a little to quickly and easily! I think I would be working on them all week long!

Suzy

Kteague.......that was superb!!........More, more, more, PLEASE? I'll be back later......when the young one goes home to Dad.......BTW.....The three of us occupied the bedroom quite amicably lasr nite......put on a nature sounds tape, turned fairly low. It semi- masked the sound of the cpap.....when the player shut off, there was just the sound of the machine, by now semi-familiar.......and a soundly sleeping child. She even slept in!

There was a young lady named Suzy
Often referred to as Snoozie
There in Massachsetts
She sits and she frets
Cause she's woozy and not even boozy

A good limerick she does enjoy
Though others they may annoy
She laughs at things silly
But we all know that really
She has gifts of her own to employ


Thanks for the compliment. Too bad I can't make a living playing!

kteague: What about the cpaper from Nantucket?

kteague...TOO FUNNY!!!

Rooster, you beat me to it!!

rooster wrote:kteague: What about the cpaper from Nantucket?

I bet Kteague could write one about Nantucket without being foul-mouthed! I have faith


Suzy

You folks made my day, I needed that perking up. Jim

What fun!

A rooster and bear online
Dared challenge the limericks of mine
So I took my Provigil
And thought with a giggle
They must be drinking some wine, for

There was a man from Nantucket
Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket
But his loud rythmic snores
Were the stuff of folklores
His doc gave him a hose and said "suck it"

The Nantucket guy turned cpaper
His family couldn't be happier
All that's heard in his home
Is a monotone drone
In the mornings he's looking quite dapper


Hey Suzy - you're gonna get me in trouble when I can't produce! Thanks for a chance at some laughs - best day I've had in a long time.

Oh, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, there's a real limit to my quick wit - what's that stand for?

OHHHHHHHH......What have I started?........But I love it, Kteague.......that last was, I think, the icing on the cake!

So..... don't worry you cannot produce
This thread I put here to seduce
From the serious things
To some wild imaginings
Some would say our poor brains have blown loose!

Come on, Snoozie_Suzy, you can do it! Free verse works too. It doesn't have to rhyme!

Snowbear - Okay, I'm obviously new at computer chat lingo. Just Googled it - glad you enjoyed Cpaper from Nantucket.

Gidgie - Hey, if I can't produce, looks like you'd have no problem covering for me.

Suzy - Gidgie's right. Free verse is less confining, and my usual style. Only time I've written limericks is here and in 2004 during the 17 year cicada invasion (those were real fun). Take your time and you can do it.

ROTFLMAO = rolling on the floor laughing my a@@ off