Being used as a reason to not get a sleep study

There are other treatment options that are very effective, from positional therapy to oral appliances to surgery. It is flat wrong to suggest that every single person with apnea either use PAP or die. The disorder is much more nuanced that people seem to accept.

So perhaps instead of telling him he is going to die or have to use PAP, be more truthful and let him know there are a range of treatment options to explore if he happens to have apnea. It will just depend on how deep and wide his apnea is and what is causing it.

Maybe a picture of you in a coffin instead of wearing a mask would convince him. This is a killer if you don't address it. If you look back into your family history before sleep studies you'll probably make the connection of people who died from complications of sleep apnea.

In some ways, I can very much relate to how he feels about the possibility of having sleep apnea and having to start using a mask, hose and machine every night. I think that probably for most of us, we thought, "Horrors!!" when we got the diagnosis. In my case, at the time of diagnosis, I didn't know anyone who had it and used a CPAP machine. (I've since discovered that there are 3 family members - not blood related, but inlaws who have been on CPAP for years .. whoda thought!?) The difference for him is, he does know someone who uses one, and he's a young guy, full of vim and vigor, and possibly believing the invincibility myth as many young people (and others) do. So the thought of even getting the diagnosis is abhorant to him. I really can understand his thinking, especially if he's single. A big factor in my non-compliance was worrying how my husband would perceive me as a hose head! If I was not married, single and dating? Wow, that would REALLY put a crimp in your social life and sleep-overs! On the other hand, I don't condone his resistance to getting a diagnosis and treatment, but I can certainly empathize with where he's coming from.

In my case, I kept having choking incidents from saliva trickling down my windpipe. I'd wake up literally clawing the air for breath. This happened about four times over the period of one year. Finally I told my family doc about it. He immediately suspected sleep apnea and sent me for a sleep study. They discovered severe sleep apnea with 36 total AHI, and 50+ AHI in REM sleep. Do you think that would make me comply and take the treatment? NO. I got angry. I got attitude. I refused to even consider CPAP or even a mouth appliance. Walked out of that follow-up appointment in a huff. Wouldn't even read the detailed results, because I didn't want to hear the bad news. How do you spell d-e-n-i-a-l ??? I thought I had it all sorted out anyway. Thought I had it cured. About 2 weeks before my followup results appointment I got an adjustable bed and started sleeping positionally at a 30 degree angle. I told the doc this. It seemed to be working since I was feeling better. But the sleep doc said it wouldn't work indefinitely. I was angry he said that too. I was determined to ignore the treatment protocol because the last thing I wanted was to be hooked up to some machine every night with a mask and hose for the rest of my life ... no matter how it might help me.

Well, after about 8 months of the adjustable bed, my husband started to tell me that he'd hear me stop breathing in the night, and some nights I would be almost convulsing as I tried to get air into my lungs. I found also that I was waking up in the morning feeling like the walking dead. STILL I was resistant to going on CPAP!

It was about 10 months post-diagnosis, when one of my daughters came to me and said "Mom, don't take this the wrong way but I'm really concerned for your health. You really need to take this apnea problem seriously and go get proper treatment." She said she'd talked to friends about sleep apnea, and discovered that several of them or their parents have it and are on CPAP treatment. Then she spoke personally to them. They told her their lives had changed completely by being on the treatment, and that they were addicted to their machines (and to getting a good night's sleep).

I think that got me really thinking about it more seriously. The combination of having severe symptoms again that I couldn't ignore, and having your loved one come to you basically pleading for you to do something to help myself, those things made me stop and think. Then I read my results, saw how truly bad my diagnosis was, went online and researched the problem and how many other health issues untreated OSA can provoke ... and I realised that I had to do something about it.

So I went in and got treatment and am now fully compliant and feeling 100% better. But here's the point I'm trying to make with this long post (sorry). You can't force someone to take treatment. It simply won't stick. It has to reach a point where YOU are ready for treatment. That's the point that I had to get to before I would accept the sleep study results, bite the bullet and get treatment.

Maybe if enough people observe him sleeping and tell him that he stopped breathing over and over all night, like on a camping trip or at a cottage when everyone is in the same room, or whatever the circumstance, maybe his girlfriend sees this over and over, then eventually it might sink in that he needs to find out more about it. But unfortunately, he has to be willing, or it won't work.

What helped for me was knowing that other people were having success with the treatment. Hearing my daughter say the people she talked to were addicted to their CPAP machines ... they loved the treatment so much, it was so successful ... that made a huge psychological difference for me. AND also knowing that my daughter was so worried for my health.

Just things to consider and maybe talk to him about? I dunno, maybe if you sat down and went into some detail about how well you're doing from your treatment? Or show him via the internet how minimal some of the masks are? Maybe get one of his family members to talk to him ... just thoughts. I hope he does change his mind eventually.

Well, people continue to smoke, overeat, not exercise, do drugs, drink to excess, etc. Many people won't do their blood pressure or other meds. Why should we expect apnea to be any different?

Maybe we should be happy about CPAP. It's a lot easier than stopping drinking, smoking, drugs, overeating, etc.

It has a lot fewer side effects than other medical treatments, too.