First and last night on BiPAP

Phil, your post makes me want to cry. My husband suffered 2 triple bypass surgeries and an aortic valve replacement in a span of 5yrs and that along with war-related injuries has left him quite disabled and debilitated. I am now the caregiver for his cpap therapy and grateful to be able to do it. He would do the same for me. It was "suggested" to him just before his first heart attack that he "might" benefit from a sleep study due to symptoms he displayed but once he saw the equipment involved he literally ran out of the DME office never to return and frankly, I ran out right behind him. After his 2nd heart attack followed by a much riskier 2nd surgery which left him with memory loss, oxygen deprivation,a host of other medical conditions, and barely able to function, he agreed to a sleep study almost 4yrs ago. Thankfully, he did not remember the earlier DME visit or the treatment involved...but I remembered and was disappointed in myself for not addressing his sleep disorder earlier which may have prevented his rapid decline. Although we can't undo the damage already done and he's had several hospitalizations for various emergencies, his quality of life has improved tremendously, he no longer sleeps all day,just a nap in the late morning, he now watches TV with me, reads, does puzzles,etc. His therapy is not really optimal even after all this time because he can't make mask and pressure adjustments himself or tell me what's working or not so I do a lot of guessing but he's now willing to cooperate and the generosity of this wonderful and experienced forum to reach out to me has made all things possible. I also made it my business to educate myself a bit by reading and asking questions. Please don't give up while you still have a chance to not do permanent damage and live a long, healthy life. Don't waste this opportunity! Life is beautiful especially if you come close to losing it!

no1texan wrote:Thanks to each of you for your support and time to reply to my questions. Unfortunately this will be my last post because last night was my first night with my BiPAP and my last. Am I giving up? Not really. I am facing facts and reality. There is a lot to learn when one first learns about having sleep apnea especially how to use the equipment, etc. and requires a commitment by the individual. This I am committed to. But if the support is not at home, then there is no way I can continue. Not only is there no support, her kinds of questions and actions are contrary and hinders a successful night's use of the equipment and a good night sleep. I can adjust to the equipment, I can ask questions on this forum and get great feedback but there is nothing I can do about lack of support at home. I wore the same equipment the night I had my testing and did fine-support by the techs was there. This same support is needed at home and if not, well... I wish all of you continued success.

Phil

Phil, your BiPAP compliance is solely dependant on whether YOU decide to abandon better health or pursue therapy after all. You have every right to feel disappointed, hurt, or even angry that your partner is not providing the support you would like...

But the fact of the matter is that we have had plenty of CPAP success stories despite lacking support from spouses and sleeping partners. Quit BiPAP if you feel you must. However, before you quit therapy, at least recognize that you and only you are responsible for quitting----and that you and only you are responsible for CPAP success. Good luck in making YOUR decision about what YOU will do----or not do---with YOUR health. Sleep well, my friend.

Perhaps if you told us more specifically what the questions and/or comments are we could give you specific things to say. But don't quit so soon. It's new for you and it's new for your partner. Adjusting takes time. If she sees you aren't quitting perhaps she'll be more willing to accpet. If she sees you quit, she'll have a sense of control over you. Never a good thing.

Why would you choose to stay with someone that is more concerned with their own comfort than their partner's health? Would you let her decide that you don't need heart surgery because she doesn't want to see a scar on your chest?

What you might want to do before giving up is to make her go to the doctor's office and have them explain the consequences of untreated sleep apnea.

If it is bothering her that much, move her in to a spare room. If she still can't handle it, show her the door.

Houston Sleep Apnea Support Group
http://westhoustonent.com/blog/?p=83

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American Sleep Apnea Association - A.W.A.K.E
http://sleepapnea.org/support/a.w.a.k.e ... texas.html
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Phil,

Perhaps you and your family members can start here to get the additional support you need.

-Chuck-

If anyone has looked at his profile this gentlemen is 72 years old.

Hey Phil, I have to start by saying that with regard to adjustment issues I'm not ahead of you in any way. I do want to say how sorry I am about the lack of support you're getting at home. I am single and live alone, and I can attest to how much harder and scarier it is to deal with the cpap experience (who said cpap is NOT invasive?) to say nothing of the diagnosis that started it all. It has been paralyzing for me and I have felt like giving up every single day with this.

After a night in the ER (unrelated to apnea) a few days ago, a supportive friend brought me home from the hospital and spent the night in my apartment while I got on the machine and tried to sleep. I can tell you that while I still felt (and feel) horrible, I definitely noticed feeling relief at having someone nearby. I know she could not do anything to actually make the cpap easier or to prevent apneas, yet her presence and empathy helpled settle my nerves some. We need connection and empathy to thrive and heal, that's how we humans are wired.

I hope your significant other can rise to the occasion and become an ally and supporter. Some lucky folks have partners/spouses who actually become educated team members, inventing little tricks and tips to make their loved one's life with cpap easier and less uncomfortable. They write in to this forum with questions on behalf of their loved ones. I would give anything to have a spouse/partner/teammate like that right now!

Whatever happens with your relationship, please keep focused on your number one priority, your health. In time you can evaluate or re-evaluate the relationship in light of what happened with this unwelcome turn of events in your health/life, but for now try to stay centered and call on ALL the trusted people in your life for support. Best wishes and stay on the forum!

squid13 wrote:If anyone has looked at his profile this gentlemen is 72 years old.

So? My granddad came to visit us in Canada at 84 with his new girlfriend, a young chick of 68.

I was just under the impression that the person was a lot younger, but then again who am I to say. I just started last year when I was 74.

Probably your spouse's non-support is driven by her being disturbed and sleep deprived by your using the machine, plus all that involves... in other words she's stressed out too (maybe complicated by her own health issues). I can see from your profile that you're probably not living on 'Tobacco Road', therefore I suggest you sleep in a separate room or area of the house for awhile (rent a roll-away bed if you have too), at least until you get your sleep issues under control.

Call it a trial sleeping space separation. Put your heads together after a few weeks, discuss things, keep her in the loop and most importantly ASK YOUR WIFE WHAT HER ISSUES ARE. Some of the advice on this site resembles "Ditch the B...h" Seriously members,I don't think that is very constructive at all. She is obviously suffering and in pain. Yeah, great advice guys: Get a divorce, rewrite your will or toss her out of the house. Dial back your angst, please.

No word from the OP.
have we been spoofed?

SirNoddinOff, that is very nice, balanced advice. We don't know what's going on with his wife/partner, and you make the very valid point that she too may need time and support to adjust. Loved ones are always affected by our health issues and just like we don't always have immediate grace and acceptance when we encounter big challenges, neither should we expect or demand our loved ones to. I hope Phil stays on the forum.

chunkyfrog wrote:No word from the OP.
have we been spoofed?

Doesn't matter -- he said it would be his last post so we may never know. I would rather have offered support and been spoofed than not to have done so when there was a real cry for help.

Sir NoddinOff wrote:Probably your spouse's non-support is is driven by her being disturbed and sleep deprived by your using the machine, plus all that involves... in other word's she's stressed out too (maybe complicated by her own health issues). I can see from your profile that you're probably not living on 'Tobacco Road', therefore I suggest you sleep in a separate room or area of the house for awhile (rent a roll-away bed if you have too), at least until you get your sleep issues under control.

Call it a trial living space separation. Put your heads together after a few weeks, discuss things, keep her in the loop and most importantly ASK YOUR WIFE WHAT HER ISSUES ARE. Some of the advice on this site resembles "Ditch the B...h" Seriously members,I don't think that is very constructive at all. She is obviously suffering and in pain. Yeah, great advice guys: Get a divorce, rewrite your will or toss her out of the house. Dial back your angst, please.

Sir, good advice and right on the mark! I can't even describe those first few months which really tested the strength of our long-term marriage,but we never thought of ending it. Never! The stress,anxiety and lack of sleep were unrelenting and we both required sleep medication for a few months. It was not pleasant to be around me! Poor me, poor me! We did decide to sleep in separate rooms but we have that worked out very well now. I hope Phil stays with it and I'll even welcome a PM from him or his spouse if that would help.

chunkyfrog wrote:No word from the OP.
have we been spoofed?

Chunky, say it ain't so! I've been working so hard!